Who's Online Now
22 registered members (Gavin Sinclair, 9ne, couchgrouch, Gerry, Brian Austin Whitney, ckiphen, Everett Adams, Gary E. Andrews, Douglas Murphy, 3 invisible), and 396 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Kevin Miller
Kevin Miller
Stanwood, WA -- USA
Posts: 331
Joined: December 2008
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Join the Fight (a feminist anthem)
by Gavin Sinclair. 11/24/20 06:49 PM
Want to know who is running your country?
by Gavin Sinclair. 11/24/20 06:40 PM
Iím just walking a little bit slow
by Leanne Marchand. 11/24/20 06:15 PM
Winter Night ( Rewrite 2)
by Leanne Marchand. 11/24/20 06:01 PM
This may help To Unite
by John Voorpostel. 11/24/20 05:56 PM
No, Yeah
by Leanne Marchand. 11/24/20 04:51 PM
The Bridge and The Willow
by Gerry. 11/24/20 03:52 PM
A new Graduate - Charlotte Wood
by MidniteBob. 11/24/20 03:36 PM
Getting a song to a major artist
by John Lawrence Schick. 11/24/20 02:43 PM
Tequila and Lime
by ckiphen. 11/24/20 01:04 PM
Once
by PaulCanuck. 11/24/20 12:47 PM
This is why Voter Fraud should concern BOTH R & D
by Sunset Poet. 11/24/20 11:18 AM
Fffing Diane. (Fffing rewrite)
by John Voorpostel. 11/24/20 11:16 AM
The quilt
by John Voorpostel. 11/24/20 11:04 AM
Facebook royalties
by Everett Adams. 11/24/20 08:43 AM
Au Revoir
by PaulCanuck. 11/24/20 07:32 AM
It's easier to close my mind
by IronKnee. 11/24/20 01:08 AM
Sweet Dreams-Travis/Mimmo/
steady-eddie

by IronKnee. 11/24/20 01:02 AM
Precognition In Music
by WilliamMahler. 11/23/20 09:23 PM
Alex Trebek
by Leanne Marchand. 11/23/20 08:48 PM
Something About Tomorrow
by WilliamMahler. 11/23/20 06:46 PM
Edit: ALL Corona Virus Post MUST Go Here
by niteshift. 11/23/20 06:22 PM
The Day That Music Really Did Die
by WilliamMahler. 11/23/20 06:21 PM
Moral of the Story - Charlotte Wood - Cover
by niteshift. 11/23/20 04:13 PM
My Door is Open. Deej & Travis collab
by Travis david. 11/23/20 03:15 PM
In America, We Got It Good
by WilliamMahler. 11/23/20 02:36 PM
Ingeborg, Patric Scott, TAK Theater Liechtenstein
by Gary E. Andrews. 11/23/20 01:47 PM
Merry Christmas To You
by WilliamMahler. 11/23/20 01:32 PM
She loves me she loves me not
by ckiphen. 11/23/20 01:22 PM
No More Room To Run
by E Swartz. 11/23/20 09:29 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,835
Travis david 11,998
Kevin Emmrich 10,850
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,931
glynda 8,679
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,909
couchgrouch 7,901
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,684
Mark Kaufman 6,586
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
ben willis 6,108
Lynn Orloff 5,788
niteshift 5,734
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,666
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,388
Roy Cooper 4,250
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,130
nightengale 4,096
MFB III 3,926
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,816
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,682
E Swartz 3,586
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
Fdemetrio 2,951
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,865
MidniteBob 2,732
Nelson 2,608
Sunset Poet 2,608
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,221
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,027
maccharles 1,989
DukeWill 1,988
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
GocartMoz 1,552
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,473
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Deej56 1,372
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Gerry 1,249
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
lane1777 1,200
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,172
Diane Ewing 1,158
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
IronKnee 1,035
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
90 dB 953
9ne 946
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
ant 771
teletwang 762
Andy K 747
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 734
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
JAPOV 694
Knute 686
Irwin 681
Lee Arten 678
Pat Hardy 663
Moosesong 662
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
ckiphen 595
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
R&M 539
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 512
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
Alek 358
papaG 353
Z - man 350
John K 348
JamesDF5 347
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 292
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
ktunes 285
mastrose 280
pammie 279
pd 277
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1169972 - 10/11/20 07:03 AM Streets are for walking down (Rewrite)  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,998
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,998
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
STREETS ARE FOR WALKING DOWN

V
Streets are for walking down not sleeping
A hero is a hero and for keeping
Not living off handouts, defriended
heart of a lion when he defended
C
Streets are for walking down, not dying
pain is pain, the streets are crying
What the hells going on, they're our
daughters and sons
fought our wars but their battles not done
B
Hands cupped around a coffee
looking old before his time
Thinking about the past
futures never on his mind
A tear for the pals left behind

V Streets are for walking down, what do I see
but for the grace of god this could be me
Proudly he wore medals on his chest
trained to be the best of the best. .

C

Outro
a soldier of convenience finally at rest


Last edited by Travis david; 10/13/20 12:24 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1169988 - 10/12/20 12:05 PM Re: Streets are for walking down [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,431
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 200 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 200 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,431
Conover, North Carolina, USA
I really like this, Travis.

A couple of minor things, I'd change:

"Streets are for walking down, not for dying" would be better as "Streets are for walking down, not dying." That keeps the same construction as the first line of V1, as well as the same rhythm.

I think you have a typo: "for the grace of god this could be me" should be "But for the grace of god this could be me."

I'm not sure about the final image of a man lying dead on the street with his medals pinned to his chest. The rest is real, gritty, relatable. This seems to veer off into melodrama. We've all seen what you describe in the earlier verses. It's what gives the song its power. This ending seems over the top and contrived, especially the medals pinned to his chest. Just my opinion. I have been known to be wrong smile

#1169989 - 10/12/20 02:03 PM Re: Streets are for walking down [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,998
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,998
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Gavin
Thanks for your thoughts on this I t does need a rewrite and your comments are valid.
I think maybe the ending could do with a rethink but I'd still prefer him to go with his boots on, so to speak
Thanks much appreciated
John

Last edited by Travis david; 10/12/20 02:32 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1169997 - 10/13/20 12:25 AM Re: Streets are for walking down [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,998
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,998
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks to Gavin for suggestions
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1170014 - 10/14/20 04:32 PM Re: Streets are for walking down [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 24
johnparagreen Offline
Casual Observer
johnparagreen  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 24
fife scotland
Hi, I like this as well,reminded me of what I saw on tv of people in tents in L A,
I think it would be stronger if was something like

Sidewalks are for walking on, not sleeping

all the best.john


please visit my soundclick page to hear songs recorded by musicians world wide

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=429802
#1170030 - 10/15/20 10:41 AM Re: Streets are for walking down [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,998
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,998
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Cheers John, there's a further rewrite planned!
Not seen you around for sometime, welcome back
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
WilliamMahler, Corina, Marina, johnparagreen, theodorekidd
21294 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics121,058
Posts1,139,229
Members21,294
Average Posts Daily45
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"A lot of people will tell you that preparation is what will make you successful. But I think that people misunderstand exactly what that means sometimes. The type of preparation you need most is the kind that allows you to instantly seize an opportunity, change your course based on a momentary circumstance, and grab hold of the totally unexpected when it happens, and allow it to take you for the ride of your life! That is the kind of preparation that can lead to the most enjoyable type of success." -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0