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#1169052 - 09/12/20 07:54 PM Broken Arrow Bridge  
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couchgrouch Online content
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https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal/broken-arrow-bridge-demo


Broken Arrow Bridge © 2010 Greg Shields, Robert George

Pam and Janet used to cry and squeeze their baby dolls
When their daddy started yelling in a haze of alcohol
When they heard their mama weeping and the whiskey bottles break
They’d sneak out through the window and out the backyard gate
Then they’d run out through the fur trees just as fast as they could go
Come out by the creek bed, hold hands and hide below

Broken arrow bridge
Under the eyes of angels watching from the ridge
Some things heal with time, others need God’s Will to shine
Some how he knew which was which
Under broken arrow bridge


Then one new year’s eve their daddy passed the point of no return
Making sure they stayed together wasn’t child welfare’s concern
Cause their mama went to heaven and their daddy went to jail
Though they lived in separate foster homes, they shared the same hell
Little Janet hugged her teddy fighting back the tears of grief
She’d hide under her blanket every night like her and Pam beneath

Broken arrow bridge
Under the eyes of angels watching from the ridge
Some things heal with time, others need God’s Will to shine
Somehow he knew which was which
Under broken arrow bridge


Janet came of age and tried to find her sister once again
She was sure that Pam had never seen their daddy in the pen
After many calls and letters on a chilly new year’s eve
She walked out through a graveyard, past the leaning stones and trees
Then she laid a rose where someone had already laid a wreath
And tears of joy overwhelmed her when she found Pam waiting there beneath

Broken arrow bridge
Under the eyes of an angel watching from the ridge
Some things heal with time, others need God’s Will to shine
Somehow he knew which was which
Under broken arrow bridge


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1169063 - 09/13/20 09:52 AM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
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Songbird52 Offline
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Awful sad, I'm cryin'. Good song.

I couldn't figure out the end. Did she find her sister in the graveyard dead or alive?

#1169067 - 09/13/20 12:39 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
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couchgrouch Online content
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Alive.

I'm pretty sure, haha. It's been a long time since I'd heard it. The wreath had been laid by Pam at their mother's grave.

I'm glad you liked it. smile


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1169075 - 09/13/20 02:54 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,682
beechnut79 Offline
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Villa Park IL
Very sad but good song. It takes a very creative person to created something like this. Wondering if this was inspired by a true story or pure fiction? Set in the namesake Oklahoma town?

#1169076 - 09/13/20 03:23 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
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couchgrouch Online content
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Fiction. And I'd never heard of the town. You want your title to be memorable.

Thanks beechnut. smile

Last edited by couchgrouch; 09/13/20 03:24 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1169077 - 09/13/20 03:38 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,892
Sunset Poet Online content
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Sunset Poet  Online Content
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Houston, Texas
Who is this song for?

#1169078 - 09/13/20 04:21 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 3,230
Fdemetrio Online content
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Fdemetrio  Online Content
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Its a short story and not a song. A good collaborator helped make it sound like a commercial tune, but if you hadnt pasted the lyrics on the page, doubtful anybody would make anything out of it.

Too verbose.

Kudos for making a short story that works, but this is dependent on the recording and performance.

The folks who depend on band in a box have to hear the difference a real musician and arranger makes.

On top its a rock pop track and a country folk lyric.

Good sounding recording there couchgrouch.

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 09/13/20 04:38 PM.
#1169084 - 09/13/20 04:56 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
John W. Selleck Offline
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NJ
Hi Robert,
You are verbose, something which all new songwriters believe is a big sin. What they have no clue about is, sometimes you need more than three words to make an image people can see. In my eyes, you are the best storyteller here. This is a very good song. I do agree with Polly that it sounds like she found her sister dead because that is how the line reads to me too. The simple fix would be to have Pam's name on the wreath.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
#1169085 - 09/13/20 05:06 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
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Posts: 7,959
couchgrouch Online content
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Sunset Poet...for everyone. I remember people liking it way back when. It was signed/pitched as I recall.

FD, it does sound like a commercial tune. It is a short story that works. And it is a good sounding track. I suspect all those reasons are why it was published.

A word about the rest.

I first heard Three Wooden Crosses on a car radio after hearing it was awesome. I was completely lost. I googled the lyric and it IS awesome.

Dylan brought a lyrical depth to songs in the early 60s. Those able to, keep pushing those limits.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1169086 - 09/13/20 05:13 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 3,230
Fdemetrio Online content
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Fdemetrio  Online Content
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Couch , its fine story telling. Without the track where is it?

And it's not to say lyrics don't matter, I mean how many people have a favorite song where the lyrics don't matter? Dance fans maybe.

But there are conflicts I hear with it. Published? By whom?

#1169088 - 09/13/20 05:17 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Oct 2017
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Fdemetrio Online content
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Fdemetrio  Online Content
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John w spare me please . if you were verbose you wouldn't be able to write like this.

" what they fail to realize". Biting tongue. As mom used to say, kill em with kindness.

You got some great lyrics there John...

#1169098 - 09/13/20 06:04 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Dave Rice (D) Offline
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Dave Rice (D)  Offline
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Posts: 7,831
Texas
Hi Robert and Greg:

A sad but memorable song. To me, in this one... the story is equally important as the melody. Congratulations on a great collaboration.

----Dave

#1169101 - 09/13/20 06:13 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 3,230
Fdemetrio Online content
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What do you know Dave? Lollll

If the lyric wasn't posted, the lyrics would have to shine through without being written. And I suspect not many comments would be on the lyric. How the words sound is always better than how they read

To test, I suggest couch post his next song without lyric and see how many comments are on the lyric. Aside from, how come you didn't post the lyric.

I think the chorus sounds good, cause broken arrow bridge sounds good, not sure I would know what the song was saying . not necessarily a must, many songs I have no idea what they are about and it doesn't matter.

But I realize this is a pitch and publishers don't like much mystery.


Last edited by Fdemetrio; 09/13/20 06:22 PM.
#1169109 - 09/13/20 07:26 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 180
Guy E. Trepanier Online content
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Quebec
Beautiful melody, great voice and fine arrangement.

The story could make a movie of the week and a video from the movie.

_ _ _
Have fun!

#1169110 - 09/13/20 07:42 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Dave Rice (D) Offline
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Dave Rice (D)  Offline
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Texas
Hi FD:

Knowledge is power... and thus, my power is diminished. In my youth our only source for music... in terms of affordability... was the AM Radio. No lyrics were to be found unless one happened to be so "enamoured" with the song first heard on the Uncle Dudley Show on KCMC... a quick trip to the Music Store could solve that little problem.

My thoughts about responses to songs posted here at Brian's Place are about the shyness of 90% of the participants... Lyrics or not. I also believe the melody is usually about 75% more important than the lyric... with a few exceptions... such as this one.

In today's world, God knows what Publishers, Producers, Labels and Artists are looking for... but then, most Artists do the whole schmeer, thus increasing profits and time for more songs not requiring much in the way of splits.

Throw in the Music Modernization Act and Streaming... then what do you have? A license to plunder.

Have a great week! ----Dave

#1169111 - 09/13/20 07:44 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
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couchgrouch Online content
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I'm not going to say who the pub is. I think that's a bad idea.
I'll bet Marc's heard of them. It's been ten years. It might be they were pitching it. The last thing they pitched was Fade to
Blonde.

Speaking of which.

Not everything I do is wordy.
Fade to Blonde, Carefree River, Let the Leaves Go Their Way, I Drink Therefore I Am.

Edited to remove unnecessary snark.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 09/13/20 08:48 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1169114 - 09/13/20 08:25 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 3,230
Fdemetrio Online content
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Fdemetrio  Online Content
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Well Dave, for me asking if the lyrics matter is akin to asking if the bass line matters. Its all part of the sum. Sometimes the bass goes boom,boom,boom, other times it does some really cool [naughty word removed] like a Paul Macca line.

I think we try to seperate it all, but pros know its all about serving whatever is trying to be done.

I love a band called The Ramones, I think they are brilliant at stinking...lol. If that's a thing, their lyrics do enough and were intenionally paired back to affect. Nobody does bad like The Ramones....

I also love Dylan's ballad in plain d, here the music and structure is enough to make you stop listening to music forever. Yet he manages to hook me, with his story and his delivery and I never feel lacking when I hear it, amazing how he achieved that.

I think the music attracts you like a pretty face, then the lyric is like getting inside that girls heart and learning she's more than just a pretty face.

But I now believe that performance, production , musicianship , recording all are a part, we hear songs, we don't read, or sell songs, we sell recordings and performances of songs.

William Shattner completely butchered many a Beatles song. And I haven't heard any cover of w Beatles song that was better than the Beatles, so there's something to be said for everything working together

Initially you need good lyrical hooks, and good individual lines in case the story gets lost.

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 09/13/20 08:31 PM.
#1169115 - 09/13/20 08:26 PM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
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Fdemetrio Online content
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That's fair enough Couch.

#1169128 - 09/14/20 08:22 AM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Feb 2005
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Dave Rice (D) Offline
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Dave Rice (D)  Offline
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Texas
Yawn!

#1169131 - 09/14/20 09:17 AM Re: Broken Arrow Bridge [Re: couchgrouch]  
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Fdemetrio Online content
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Well that's not nice calling this song a yawner Dave.

And I hate to interject a songwriting conversation...on the songwriting site.


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