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#1168186 08/20/20 09:52 PM
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JUST ANOTHER ERRAND
A break-up song about a final uneventful goodbye.
(a re-write from years ago)

https://soundcloud.com/sunset-poet-of-texas/just-another-errand


My first attempt to do a song by myself using software and a rhythm guitar. I ended up taking my guitar out of the mix.
There are some rough spots in the mix. Comments welcome.

BAND IN A BOX
Drums
bass
Some piano
Guitar

EZ KEYS
Most piano (with midi work)

STUDIO ONE 4 (plug-ins) and EZ KEYS
Strings
Chorus oohs and aahs.

VOCALS AND LEAD GUITAR
me at home using STUDIO ONE and a $200 mic
Using AMPIRE inside STUDIO ONE for lead


MELODYNE (sparingly)
I don't sing in tune but if I correct too much, I get squeaks and squelches



LYRICS
V1
Looked out my window, saw you opening my gate
Coming up my walk, like its just another day.
I open the door, you smile and then you say
I came here for what's left, then I'll be on my way.

Just another errand, Just another day

V2
I tossed my head back, stepped back from the door.
Glanced into the house, said "take whatever's yours."
As you walked by, I smelled the fragrance in your hair.
It reminded me of nights, lying close in our bed.

Just another errand, Just another day

V3
I guess to break the silence, you ask me how I've been.
As if I'm some acquaintance, who used to be a friend
The distance in your words dropped like dead leaves in fall..
If I can't say I love you, I don't want to talk at all

CH
I'm just another errand on just another day
Just another loose end, tied off and tucked away.
Just another errand, a detail gone astray
Soon to be a memory, soon to fade away

V4
I lay back on the sofa, pretend to watch TV.
You call out from my front door, "I got everything I need.
The door closes softly on this chapter in our lives
On a love I could have cherished until the end of time.

CH





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I really got touched by this & at this point in my life I really hate break-up songs...Tried to listen 2X, but couldn't bring myself to hear this story again. I had to shut it off before the VOX came in on the second listen.

To get out of the personal & to the professional aspect of this tune, your ending should be cleaner, & IMO is way too long. I think 5-8 seconds of music max and then resolve is plenty...

This one hit me in the gut


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
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Steve.

I appreciate the listen and greatly appreciate the advice. It's a work in progress and what you said makes good sense to me.
It is gratifying that it had an emotional impact on you, yet I'm sorry for whatever discomfort that it caused you.

Thanks Steve,

Martin

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Sunset

Love the story--very believable for many breakups--

I give you my little two cents worth:

I think it would be stronger with--------JUST ANOTHER ARROW STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART

Write on!

Mackie

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Marty:

I admire your voice and would encourage you to keep at it... as your primary vocal focus. Your story lines are always straight to the heart and taking on BIAB will pay dividends as you continue to make progress.

Yeah, what Steve said! Break up songs are sometimes difficult to "pull off" but wow, that voice of yours has a quality I'd "kill for." Kudos, my friend.

----Dave

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Originally Posted by Mackie H.
Sunset

Love the story--very believable for many breakups--

I give you my little two cents worth:

I think it would be stronger with--------JUST ANOTHER ARROW STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART

Write on!

Mackie


Thanks for listening and commenting Mackie. I like your suggestion but it's a little more poetic than I had in mind for this song.
The idea was to make this song sound commonplace, using idiomatic terms that someone might use in a very ordinary conversation.
In doing so, I hoped to keep the listener's focus on the singer's silent anguish. In being, "just another errand," the singer is contrasting his anguish with the indifference of the person who is running "just another errand."

As they say...the opposite of love is not hate. Hate is often thwarted love. The opposite of love is abject indifference.


Thanks again

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Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Marty:

I admire your voice and would encourage you to keep at it... as your primary vocal focus. Your story lines are always straight to the heart and taking on BIAB will pay dividends as you continue to make progress.

Yeah, what Steve said! Break up songs are sometimes difficult to "pull off" but wow, that voice of yours has a quality I'd "kill for." Kudos, my friend.

----Dave


Thanks Dave.

I came back and back at these vocals, trying different things, over the course of a month...and I still don't like them a lot. I'm okay with parts of the verses but I never really got what I was hoping for on the chorus. I couldn't make it pretty enough.

When I put the vocals in Melodyne and forced them all the way into tune, it sounded like I had intercepted an alien radio transmission. It is sobering to look at how out of tune I am on a graph.

Nonetheless, I always look forward to and appreciate your encouragement. Thanks again for this time. smile

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Good song
Good story and vocals


Ckiphen
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Originally Posted by ckiphen
Good song
Good story and vocals



Thank you Carroll. smile (sp?)

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Where in Texas do you live. Im in Huntsville


Ckiphen
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Houston.
Medical Center/Museum District.

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I lived in Spring about 6 years but I've had it with city life. Im out in the forest on the north end of lake conroe about 8 miles from Huntsville
Quiet.


Ckiphen
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Originally Posted by ckiphen
I lived in Spring about 6 years but I've had it with city life. Im out in the forest on the north end of lake conroe about 8 miles from Huntsville
Quiet.


We live four blocks from Hermann Park and really enjoy the park. This morning we drove over to Allen Parkway and walked from Sabine out to the police memorial and back along the bayou. We enjoy the city. We bought a lot over West of San Antonio and planned to retire there but ended up selling it, because we like Houston and at our age like being a mile from a major med center. To each his own.

I have an off road motorcycle that I take up to the national forest out your way occasionally. We'll have to get together. Maybe do a song together or something.

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really a nice song, I`m a big fan of emotional songs Lane



"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction,
one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Originally Posted by lane1777
really a nice song, I`m a big fan of emotional songs Lane


Thanks for saying so Lane. I believe that you are Mike Z's favorite writer on this forum. So praise from you is high praise. smile

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I like it. That laid back style of yours comes over well.
I would introduce some pauses in the song, maybe before the choruses so those drums don't get too monotonous.
Congrats on getting your first grip on biab.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

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Thanks for the comment and the advice Vic. smile
BIAB is fun.

Marty

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I remember this song from years ago and it's still one of my favorites. Pretty good for a first attempt to record your own. It's a big hill to climb doing it all yourself. There are a lot of MP3 artifacts in this making it hard to listen to carefully (it's a swirly sound all over the track). What were your MP3 settings? 128kbps will have a lot of artifacts and Soundcloud makes it worse. I suggest using 320kbps if you're not already.

Your voice is great and the production seems fine. On the re-write I'm curious why you felt it was needed. I thought the original "don't leave me lying" chorus was really good. It provide a nice break and change before the closing verse. Here the chorus is very similar to the verses.

..ant


My albums "Rhythms of Life" and "Out On The Road" are on Bandcamp, Spotify and Apple Music.
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ant

Your recall is astounding. Not just the song, but you remember the chorus that I took out? And some of the words? After years?!
That's more than I can remember. Your memory is an amazement.

It was...

"Dont get me lying.
Don't make me say that I'm just fine, that everything\s alright."


All I can remember about the feedback that I got on the 1st version was that some poster thought the events described were too mundane to write a song about.
The first chorus was prettier, but I took it out because it sounded like a refrain to me and I wanted to make it bigger. I may have failed at that. I re-did the chords to give the song more angst and make it easier for me to sing. And you're right. One of the things that I dont like about the new chorus is that it doesn't break out from the verse enough.

Regarding artifacts....
Everything that came out of EZ-KEYS and BIAB was good and clean sounding. The vocals that I added have the swirl. More in the chorus because I added "chorus" to an efx bus to try to thicken my voice. I backed the fader down on the chorus until it was barely perceptible but some of that swirl comes through anyway. I'm not through with the song and I'm gonna try to fix it on the next pass.

Thank you for your comment. I did not think that anyone on the planet paid enough attention to my songs to remember them 10 minutes after listening to them.
Your post made my day.

Thanks

Martin

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Martin,

What a beautiful song--absolutely loved it. Reminds me of some early 60's pop before the British Invasion. I like what Vic said to give the percussion more change-up as well. I really am hearing a harmony coming in at the next to last chorus--this in my opinion would give your song even more "build," as it already has that quality, but that would give the chorus even more power and resolve--JMO however. Wonderful write and performance!

steady-eddie

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Thanks Eddie.

For listening and the encouragement.
Will look at the drums on the re-work.

Regards

Martin

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For anyone interested...

I went back and added lead guitar to the final chorus for some extra grit and angst. My wife said that it did not work. So I took a vote amongst my new back up band, "THE PEACEFUL RIOT,"...and the vote was to leave it. I plugged straight into the DAW with a Telecaster and sampled AMPIRE. Pretty neat.

I also added a little female vocal to chorus via FIVERR and I tried to clean up the whirring sound in my vocals.

Any comments appreciated.

https://soundcloud.com/sunset-poet-of-texas/just-another-errand

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Hi Martin,
My first read and listen and I enjoyed all of it. I didn't hear the first version but I really like this one. Sad songs are a very good thing because we get it out. Thanks for sharing!


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes

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