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Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 13
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Joined: Jul 2020
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A lovely little country love song with my friend Mike https://soundcloud.com/chris-wood-88/hey-moonlightEnjoy “Hey Moonlight” When I listen with my heart I always find the answer For my feelings really know Just what I'm after Between the glow of fireflies Suddenly I realize CHORUS: Hey moonlight, Can you shine a little brighter? And pull the stars any closer So I can bring back the magic of love again Hey moonlight, Will you do me a favor? For I really need her And I don't want this night to ever, ever end How I fill up all my time On the one who owns my dreams And I could never deny The emotions that I feel Soon I’ll see the gift of her face As my pulse quickens its pace CHORUS BRIDGE: Now here she comes Walkin' my way I've silenced my cell phone But what do I say? Maybe I could use Some more help from you CHORUS OUT
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42
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Top 50 Poster
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42 |
Introductory Movement: About 7 seconds. Splendid! Just 'Enough' to serve that function and get us to the Verse Movement. I don't understand some Lines as sung. The words seem jammed together, losing their individual space to communicate. I'd slow it down, sing it like that to polish the execution, so enunciation is better when you bring it back to the desired tempo. Your first 'hit' on THE Hook/title is at about 28 seconds in. Splendid! Under the rule, "Don't bore us! Get to the Chorus!" That makes it memorable, if they can 'get' the storyline, the setup Exposition in the preceding Lyric.
"Hey Moonlight” (Verse I) When I listen with my heart (The word 'I' come out sounding like 'a'. You may lose the listener in Line 1.) I always find the answer For my feelings really know (Using 'For' is a poetic style, more for the written page than vocal delivery. It 'clutters' the Line a bit. It might 'sing' better without it.) Just what I'm after
Between the glow of fireflies ('Between' sounds like 'Butween', which confused me as I had to figure out that it wasn't 'But' something. Again, short Lines, very few words, you want the listener to get every one of them on first listen, to get 'hooked' into the storyline and stay hooked. Lose a word and a Line fails, and maybe a Verse fails, and they come 'unhooked', drifting off to other thoughts, not paying attention. There's something missing in enunciation of 'fireflies' too. I didn't get it the first time I heard it. In fact I don't think I got it on a second listen, maybe on a third, and only got it when I went then to read the Lyric.) Suddenly I realize (Enunciating the 'dd' in 'Suddenly' better might communicate the word better.)
(CHORUS) Hey Moonlight, (Memorable! One hearing and they'll never forget it. It's replaying in my head right now.) can you shine a little brighter, (Comma, sentence continues.) And pull the stars any closer, (Delete 'And' to unclutter the Line and communicate more succinctly.) so I can bring back the magic of love again? (Sentence ends here.) Hey Moonlight, Will you do me a favor? For I really need her ('For' again, cluttter.) And I don't want this night to ever, ever end (Delete 'And')
(Verse II) How I fill up all my time (Not easy to understand this Line.) On the one who owns my dreams (Or this one.) And I could never deny ('And?) The emotions that I feel (Separate 'The and 'e-motions'.)
Soon I’ll see the gift of her face As my pulse quickens its pace (Do you need 'As' to open this Line? Could it work better without it?)
(CHORUS)
(BRIDGE)
Now here she comes walkin' my way! I've silenced my cell phone ('I've' doesn't come through.) But what do I say? ('But' doesn't come through. Delete it.)
Maybe I could use ('Moonlight' I could use...) Some more help from you
CHORUS CODA (With eight 'hits' on THE Hook it is unforgettable. And you get it all done in two minutes thirty-two seconds, very 'radio friendly', short, leaving more time for commercial advertising that pays radio's bills.)
"Hey Moonlight”
(Verse I) When I listen with my heart I always find the answer. My feelings really know, just what I'm after (Pre-Chorus Lift) Between the glow of fireflies Suddenly I realize
(CHORUS) Hey Moonlight, can you shine a little brighter, pull the stars any closer, so I can bring back the magic of love again? Hey Moonlight, Will you do me a favor? I really need her! I don't want this night to ever, ever end!
(Verse II) How I fill up all my time On the one who owns my dreams I could never deny The emotions that I feel!
Soon I’ll see the gift of her face! My pulse quickens its pace!
(CHORUS) Hey Moonlight, can you shine a little brighter, pull the stars any closer, so I can bring back the magic of love again? Hey Moonlight, Will you do me a favor? I really need her! I don't want this night to ever, ever end!
(BRIDGE)
Now here she comes walkin' my way! I've silenced my cell phone. What do I say?
Moonlight I could use Some more help from you
CHORUS Hey Moonlight, can you shine a little brighter, pull the stars any closer, so I can bring back the magic of love again? Hey Moonlight, Will you do me a favor? I really need her! I don't want this night to ever, ever end!
(CODA) Hey Moonlight, can you shine a little brighter, pull the stars any closer, so I can bring back the magic of love again? Hey Moonlight!
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
CW,
I enjoyed your song, I think you could enhance the production a bit--it feels like there's a lot of reverb on the master post of the song giving the song a more distant vibe as if you were in a large club listening to a band on stage. I think you could warm this mix up a bit which would personalize the song more and draw the listener in a bit more. I do think the song has potential and you have a great start!
steady-eddie
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831 |
Hi again, Chris:
I listened, liked what I heard. It sounds "modern and fresh"... but to my ears, is not "country" (traditional) in its present form. Best of luck with it. You have a great voice.
----Dave
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26 |
I guess Dave is right that this doesn't sound like traditional country. It does sound like contemporary country though. In fact, it checks all the boxes, not just in it's "feel," but also its structure and length. You could pitch this.
That hook is a real earworm. Like Gary, I can hear it going around my head after I've listened. It'll probably stick with me all day.
I agree with Eddie that you could warm up the mix a little and give the vocals more presence. It might help with making out the lyrics, which are sometimes a little difficult to understand.
Great job!
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Chris,
I liked this tune a lot. Really nice hook on that chorus—executed really well with the harmonies just right—an ear worm hook that will get folks singing along. If I had only a suggestion it would to be think about the “i’ve silenced my cell phone” line, only because I think there’s an opportunity to say something more—though I get the intent behind it. But that’s a small nit—and a subjective one at that to be taken as such—the song works really well as is. Nicely done! Killer vocals as always.
All my best,
Deej
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