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DAY OF RECKONING. (Thanks for the suggestions and help given)
I'm digging deeper into your soul finding secrets that lay untold Some excavating into your past i'm striking the mother load at last
I'm turning pages of your life then seeing your whole appetite You've been burning candles at both ends then disposing of your best friends
Your day of reckoning bites your heels So let's see how it really feels To be outed to be disarmed for a life you believed was charmed Your day of reckoning your coming out echoes of what you thought it's all about smoke and mirrors cloak and dagger that affected voice, and swagger Comeuppance is an old adage Your new suitcase? To forget old baggage? C
Last edited by Travis david; 08/02/20 05:33 PM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Another poetic one, Travis. But, what is a "smoking mirror"?
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Hey John,
I think you should keep it "Burning candles at both ends" for consistent tense. Interesting and yes poetic. For Vic, a smoking mirror doesn't hide the truth, even if you smile.........I think that is a great line. I've used the "old mirror" image in a couple of my songs.
steady-eddie
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Typo should have read smoke and mirrors Vic
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Changed Ed Cheers. Thanks for the comments chaps John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Changed Ed Cheers. Thanks for the comments chaps John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Aha! I thought it could be that.
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Hi John, You paint some very nice pictures here. One line of Yoda speak you should find a way around: "you're silence won't forever last". Now I'm doing Bobbies line.
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Cheers John, you're right and I've changed that line Regards, thanks for your help John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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For some reason philosophical Lyrics don't 'work' for me. I'm not sure why.
This one is incomplete sentences. The 'actor', indicated by a 'pronoun', to do the 'action' of the 'verbs', is rather vague in being perceived 'in the Song', a Singer-Character. You stay 'On Theme' well, elucidating the many manifestations of a 'Day Of Reckoning'. The analysis comes to fruition in the Chorus, with your Title, and two 'hits' on it in each giving of the Chorus.
DAY OF RECKONING (The Singer-Character is rather anonymous, perhaps talking to himself, perhaps an anonymous narrator in generic philosophizing, not necessarily addressing another Character in the Storyline.)
(YOU'RE) Digging deeper into your soul, finding secrets that you'd hold. (Pronoun 'You'd' seems to address 'the collective you', not a character in the Song.) (YOU'RE) Excavating into your past, (Pronoun 'your' still rather abstract.) striking the motherload at last.
(YOU'RE) Turning pages in your life, seeing your whole appetite. (YOU'RE) Burning candles at both ends, disposing of your best friends.
(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning bites your heels! Let's see how it really feels, To be outed, to be disarmed, for a life you believed was charmed! (YOUR) Day Of Reckoning! Your coming out, echoes of what you thought it's all about! ('thought', past tense. 'think'? Present tense?)
(YOUR) Smoke and mirrors cloak and dagger, affected voice, and swagger. (Still an incomplete sentence; no verb.) Comeuppance is an old adage. New suitcase? Hide that old baggage?
(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning bites your heels! Let's see how it really feels, To be outed, to be disarmed, for a life you believed was charmed! (YOUR) Day Of Reckoning! Your coming out, (There's a pronoun! 'Your') echoes of what you thought it's all about!
DAY OF RECKONING (The Singer-Character could be 'in the Song', talking to someone else, with the pronoun 'I'm.)
(I'M) Digging deeper into your soul, finding secrets that you'd hold. (I'M) Excavating into your past, striking the motherload at last.
(I'M) Turning pages in your life, seeing your whole appetite. (YOU'RE) Burning candles at both ends, disposing of your best friends.
(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning bites your heels! Let's see how it really feels, To be outed, to be disarmed, for a life you believed was charmed! (YOUR) Day Of Reckoning! Your coming out, (There's a pronoun! 'Your') echoes of what you thought it's all about!
(YOUR) Smoke and mirrors cloak and dagger, affected voice, and swagger. (Still an incomplete sentence; no verb.) Comeuppance is an old adage. New suitcase? Hide that old baggage?
(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning bites your heels! Let's see how it really feels, To be outed, to be disarmed, for a life you believed was charmed! (YOUR) Day Of Reckoning! Your coming out, echoes of what you thought it's all about!
DAY OF RECKONING (The Singer-Character could be 'in the Song', philosophizing only to himself, with pronouns 'I'm' and 'my'.)
(I'M) Digging deeper into (MY) soul, finding secrets that I'd hold. (I'M) Excavating into (MY) past, striking the motherload at last.
(I'M) Turning pages in (MY) life, seeing MY whole appetite. (I'M) Burning candles at both ends, disposing of (MY) best friends.
(MY) Day Of Reckoning bites (MY) heels! (I'M SEEING) how it really feels, To be outed, to be disarmed, for a life (I) believed was charmed! (MY) Day Of Reckoning! (MY) coming out, echoes of what (I) thought it's all about!
(MY) Smoke and mirrors cloak and dagger, affected voice, and swagger. (Incomplete sentence; no verb. Might work at this point in Storyline. They have the concept by now.) Comeuppance is an old adage. New suitcase? Hide that old baggage? (These incomplete sentences, 'Comeuppance, New, Hide...', have the conversational style of the Accuser. Self-accuser or other. So that might work, again due to their late appearance when the listener surely 'gets' the story.)
(MY) Day Of Reckoning bites (MY) heels! Let's see how it really feels, To be outed, to be disarmed, for a life (I) believed was charmed! (MY) Day Of Reckoning! (MY) coming out, echoes of what (I) thought it's all about!
Perhaps it's my own 'addiction' to the Singer-Character, desiring someone in the Song whose persona and world I can see or occupy as they tell their story, that makes philosophical Songs not work for me. Sometimes a philosopher is pointing out things we don't want to see in ourselves. Sometimes a Lyric creates a Singer-Character who is not an admirable person. But perceiving them in their world is usually interesting enough to sustain interest, whereas an abstract philosophical Lyric may not be.
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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I've changed quite a few of the line Gary, maybe not all that you suggested but I thank you for your time and interest Regards John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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