Who's Online Now
10 members (Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, couchgrouch, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill), 4,088 guests, and 270 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
ShoutChat
Comment Guidelines: Do post respectful and insightful comments. Don't flame, hate, spam.
What's Going On
Does Billy Joel belong in top 10?
by Fdemetrio - 03/28/24 11:10 PM
It Is Done
by Sunset Poet - 03/28/24 07:44 PM
Music Industry Summit, Athens Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/28/24 06:14 PM
Can you save me from me
by VNORTH2 - 03/28/24 03:11 PM
As human as yo
by ckiphen - 03/28/24 09:55 AM
Fox News Reports Stunning Archeological Discovery.
by couchgrouch - 03/27/24 08:02 PM
Wasting My Time
by David Gill - 03/27/24 07:42 AM
Song available
by JAPOV - 03/26/24 03:38 PM
YELLIN AT CLOUDS
by David Gill - 03/26/24 03:20 PM
"Reliving" the great Lou Rawls!
by Brian Austin Whitney - 03/26/24 01:49 PM
::: The Best In My Life :::
by Bill Draper - 03/26/24 01:32 PM
The show must go on
by ckiphen - 03/26/24 09:06 AM
NYC Motel 1972
by rpirone - 03/26/24 12:43 AM
usic Industry Summitt
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 11:32 PM
The Rant Arena
by JAPOV - 03/25/24 07:39 PM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Lancaster Festival, Lancaster, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 10:51 AM
Wasting my time
by Rob B. - 03/25/24 03:45 AM
Tom Waits.. What's he building
by Fdemetrio - 03/25/24 12:09 AM
Rick Beato, bad lyrics
by Fdemetrio - 03/24/24 11:23 PM
Inspirational Videos Post Them Here
by Sunset Poet - 03/24/24 11:27 AM
Used to take a Genius to Mix
by Fdemetrio - 03/23/24 11:00 AM
She’s missing but she ain’t missing him
by ckiphen - 03/23/24 08:44 AM
"Broken Places"
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/22/24 07:45 PM
All You Are Is A Lie
by Sunset Poet - 03/22/24 06:55 PM
Pour Choices
by Gavin Sinclair - 03/22/24 05:29 PM
Billy's 30 year overdue song.
by Fdemetrio - 03/22/24 01:30 PM
Make my dreams come true
by ckiphen - 03/22/24 10:51 AM
Top Posters
Calvin 19,857
Travis david 12,264
Kevin Emmrich 10,941
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 9,003
glynda 8,683
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
couchgrouch 8,160
Colin Ward 7,911
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,916
Mark Kaufman 6,589
ben willis 6,114
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Fdemetrio 4,990
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,670
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,389
Roy Cooper 4,271
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,195
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,171
MFB III 4,143
Sunset Poet 4,126
nightengale 4,096
E Swartz 3,985
JAPOV 3,973
beechnut79 3,878
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,845
Dan Sullivan 3,710
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
Nigel Quin 2,891
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
MidniteBob 2,761
Nelson 2,616
Tom Tracy 2,558
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,246
Wendy D 2,235
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
maccharles 2,134
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,041
DukeWill 2,002
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,652
Noel Downs 1,633
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
GocartMoz 1,559
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,481
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,409
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
Deej56 1,385
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,294
lane1777 1,280
Gerry 1,280
DakLander 1,265
IronKnee 1,262
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
Glen King 1,214
VNORTH2 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,174
Diane Ewing 1,162
ckiphen 1,120
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
9ne 1,035
David Gill 1,032
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
90 dB 964
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
ant 798
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
bennash 763
teletwang 762
Andy K 750
Andy Kemp 749
tbryson 737
Jackie444 731
Irwin 720
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Pat Hardy 692
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Moosesong 668
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
R&M 614
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 590
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 513
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
Rob L 439
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Alek 386
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Ann_F 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
ddreuter 371
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Rob B. 364
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Z - man 350
JamesDF5 348
John K 348
Jaden 344
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
Char 286
ktunes 285
Top Likes Received
JAPOV 86
VNORTH2 45
bennash 38
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate Thread
#1167196 07/31/20 03:42 PM
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
DAY OF RECKONING. (Thanks for the suggestions and help given)

I'm digging deeper into your soul
finding secrets that lay untold
Some excavating into your past
i'm striking the mother load at last

I'm turning pages of your life
then seeing your whole appetite
You've been burning candles at both ends
then disposing of your best friends

Your day of reckoning bites your heels
So let's see how it really feels
To be outed to be disarmed
for a life you believed was charmed
Your day of reckoning your coming out
echoes of what you thought it's all about

smoke and mirrors cloak and dagger
that affected voice, and swagger
Comeuppance is an old adage
Your new suitcase? To forget old baggage?
C

Last edited by Travis david; 08/02/20 05:33 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Another poetic one, Travis.
But, what is a "smoking mirror"?


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985
Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985
Likes: 22
Hey John,

I think you should keep it "Burning candles at both ends" for consistent tense. Interesting and yes poetic. For Vic, a smoking mirror doesn't hide the truth, even if you smile.........I think that is a great line. I've used the "old mirror" image in a couple of my songs.

steady-eddie

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Typo should have read smoke and mirrors Vic


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Changed Ed
Cheers. Thanks for the comments chaps
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Changed Ed
Cheers. Thanks for the comments chaps
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Aha! I thought it could be that.


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
Hi John,
You paint some very nice pictures here. One line of Yoda speak you should find a way around: "you're silence won't forever last". Now I'm doing Bobbies line.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Cheers John, you're right and I've changed that line
Regards, thanks for your help
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668
Likes: 42
Top 50 Poster
Online Content
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668
Likes: 42
For some reason philosophical Lyrics don't 'work' for me. I'm not sure why.

This one is incomplete sentences. The 'actor', indicated by a 'pronoun', to do the 'action' of the 'verbs', is rather vague in being perceived 'in the Song', a Singer-Character.
You stay 'On Theme' well, elucidating the many manifestations of a 'Day Of Reckoning'. The analysis comes to fruition in the Chorus, with your Title, and two 'hits' on it in each giving of the Chorus.


DAY OF RECKONING (The Singer-Character is rather anonymous, perhaps talking to himself, perhaps an anonymous narrator in generic philosophizing, not necessarily addressing another Character in the Storyline.)

(YOU'RE) Digging deeper into your soul,
finding secrets that you'd hold. (Pronoun 'You'd' seems to address 'the collective you', not a character in the Song.)
(YOU'RE) Excavating into your past, (Pronoun 'your' still rather abstract.)
striking the motherload at last.

(YOU'RE) Turning pages in your life,
seeing your whole appetite.
(YOU'RE) Burning candles at both ends,
disposing of your best friends.

(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning bites your heels!
Let's see how it really feels,
To be outed, to be disarmed,
for a life you believed was charmed!
(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning! Your coming out,
echoes of what you thought it's all about! ('thought', past tense. 'think'? Present tense?)

(YOUR) Smoke and mirrors cloak and dagger,
affected voice, and swagger. (Still an incomplete sentence; no verb.)
Comeuppance is an old adage.
New suitcase? Hide that old baggage?

(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning bites your heels!
Let's see how it really feels,
To be outed, to be disarmed,
for a life you believed was charmed!
(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning! Your coming out, (There's a pronoun! 'Your')
echoes of what you thought it's all about!


DAY OF RECKONING (The Singer-Character could be 'in the Song', talking to someone else, with the pronoun 'I'm.)

(I'M) Digging deeper into your soul,
finding secrets that you'd hold.
(I'M) Excavating into your past,
striking the motherload at last.

(I'M) Turning pages in your life,
seeing your whole appetite.
(YOU'RE) Burning candles at both ends,
disposing of your best friends.

(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning bites your heels!
Let's see how it really feels,
To be outed, to be disarmed,
for a life you believed was charmed!
(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning! Your coming out, (There's a pronoun! 'Your')
echoes of what you thought it's all about!

(YOUR) Smoke and mirrors cloak and dagger,
affected voice, and swagger. (Still an incomplete sentence; no verb.)
Comeuppance is an old adage.
New suitcase? Hide that old baggage?

(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning bites your heels!
Let's see how it really feels,
To be outed, to be disarmed,
for a life you believed was charmed!
(YOUR) Day Of Reckoning! Your coming out,
echoes of what you thought it's all about!


DAY OF RECKONING (The Singer-Character could be 'in the Song', philosophizing only to himself, with pronouns 'I'm' and 'my'.)

(I'M) Digging deeper into (MY) soul,
finding secrets that I'd hold.
(I'M) Excavating into (MY) past,
striking the motherload at last.

(I'M) Turning pages in (MY) life,
seeing MY whole appetite.
(I'M) Burning candles at both ends,
disposing of (MY) best friends.

(MY) Day Of Reckoning bites (MY) heels!
(I'M SEEING) how it really feels,
To be outed, to be disarmed,
for a life (I) believed was charmed!
(MY) Day Of Reckoning! (MY) coming out,
echoes of what (I) thought it's all about!

(MY) Smoke and mirrors cloak and dagger,
affected voice, and swagger. (Incomplete sentence; no verb. Might work at this point in Storyline. They have the concept by now.)
Comeuppance is an old adage.
New suitcase? Hide that old baggage? (These incomplete sentences, 'Comeuppance, New, Hide...', have the conversational style of the Accuser. Self-accuser or other. So that might work, again due to their late appearance when the listener surely 'gets' the story.)

(MY) Day Of Reckoning bites (MY) heels!
Let's see how it really feels,
To be outed, to be disarmed,
for a life (I) believed was charmed!
(MY) Day Of Reckoning! (MY) coming out,
echoes of what (I) thought it's all about!

Perhaps it's my own 'addiction' to the Singer-Character, desiring someone in the Song whose persona and world I can see or occupy as they tell their story, that makes philosophical Songs not work for me.
Sometimes a philosopher is pointing out things we don't want to see in ourselves.
Sometimes a Lyric creates a Singer-Character who is not an admirable person.
But perceiving them in their world is usually interesting enough to sustain interest, whereas an abstract philosophical Lyric may not be.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
OP Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
I've changed quite a few of the line Gary, maybe not all that you suggested but I thank you for your time and interest
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

Link Copied to Clipboard
Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
chriscastle, yasir252, cathennashira, Samwise, HappySousa
21,470 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
warriorgirl (2024)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5