Who's Online Now
5 members (couchgrouch, rpirone, Guy E. Trepanier, Gavin Sinclair, 1 invisible), 928 guests, and 249 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
ShoutChat
Comment Guidelines: Do post respectful and insightful comments. Don't flame, hate, spam.
What's Going On
Fox News Reports Stunning Archeological Discovery.
by couchgrouch - 03/27/24 08:02 PM
Wasting My Time
by David Gill - 03/27/24 07:42 AM
Can you save me from me
by David Gill - 03/26/24 07:16 PM
Song available
by JAPOV - 03/26/24 03:38 PM
YELLIN AT CLOUDS
by David Gill - 03/26/24 03:20 PM
"Reliving" the great Lou Rawls!
by Brian Austin Whitney - 03/26/24 01:49 PM
::: The Best In My Life :::
by Bill Draper - 03/26/24 01:32 PM
The show must go on
by ckiphen - 03/26/24 09:06 AM
NYC Motel 1972
by rpirone - 03/26/24 12:43 AM
usic Industry Summitt
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 11:32 PM
The Rant Arena
by JAPOV - 03/25/24 07:39 PM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Lancaster Festival, Lancaster, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 10:51 AM
Wasting my time
by Rob B. - 03/25/24 03:45 AM
Tom Waits.. What's he building
by Fdemetrio - 03/25/24 12:09 AM
Rick Beato, bad lyrics
by Fdemetrio - 03/24/24 11:23 PM
Inspirational Videos Post Them Here
by Sunset Poet - 03/24/24 11:27 AM
Used to take a Genius to Mix
by Fdemetrio - 03/23/24 11:00 AM
"Broken Places"
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/22/24 07:45 PM
All You Are Is A Lie
by Sunset Poet - 03/22/24 06:55 PM
Pour Choices
by Gavin Sinclair - 03/22/24 05:29 PM
Billy's 30 year overdue song.
by Fdemetrio - 03/22/24 01:30 PM
Make my dreams come true
by ckiphen - 03/22/24 10:51 AM
Stuck Here At The Light
by David Gill - 03/21/24 10:40 AM
Because Easter bunny...
by David Gill - 03/21/24 09:44 AM
"I Miss You, Baby"
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/21/24 08:39 AM
"I Miss You, Baby"
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/21/24 08:39 AM
Top Posters
Calvin 19,857
Travis david 12,264
Kevin Emmrich 10,941
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 9,003
glynda 8,683
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
couchgrouch 8,160
Colin Ward 7,911
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,916
Mark Kaufman 6,589
ben willis 6,114
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Fdemetrio 4,989
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,670
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,389
Roy Cooper 4,271
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,195
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,171
MFB III 4,143
Sunset Poet 4,125
nightengale 4,096
E Swartz 3,985
JAPOV 3,973
beechnut79 3,878
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,845
Dan Sullivan 3,710
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
Nigel Quin 2,891
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
MidniteBob 2,761
Nelson 2,616
Tom Tracy 2,558
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,246
Wendy D 2,235
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
maccharles 2,134
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,041
DukeWill 2,002
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,652
Noel Downs 1,633
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
GocartMoz 1,559
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,481
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,409
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
Deej56 1,385
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,294
lane1777 1,280
Gerry 1,280
DakLander 1,265
IronKnee 1,262
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
Glen King 1,214
VNORTH2 1,210
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,174
Diane Ewing 1,162
ckiphen 1,118
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
9ne 1,035
David Gill 1,031
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
90 dB 964
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
ant 798
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
bennash 763
teletwang 762
Andy K 750
Andy Kemp 749
tbryson 737
Jackie444 731
Irwin 720
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Pat Hardy 692
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Moosesong 668
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
R&M 614
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 590
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 513
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
Rob L 439
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Alek 386
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Ann_F 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
ddreuter 371
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Rob B. 364
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Z - man 350
JamesDF5 348
John K 348
Jaden 344
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
Char 286
ktunes 285
Top Likes Received
JAPOV 86
VNORTH2 45
bennash 38
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate Thread
#1166071 07/01/20 11:04 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
It seems that some of the Rose lyric was confusing to our American readers so I did a quick rewrite.
I realise though, I can never please everyone.
https://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold/rose

Rose ©2020 Vic Arnold
V1
It was a cry in the dark for assistance
and my hand grabbed a gun from the drawer
footsteps ran off in the distance
but a body lay still on the floor
V2
To the jury my story was devious
and I sure was no angel before
My motive, they claimed, was insurance
but I don't give a damn anymore
Ch.
Dark clouds may rain down
but the sun wears the crown
and paints up the sky 'til she glows
This isn't the day today but who knows?
Maybe tomorrow I will find my Rose.
Yes! Maybe tomorrow I will find my Rose.
V3
Some days go quicker than others
Doors sometimes open, then close
But between this rock and a hard place
there's always room for a rose
V4
I'm certain that fate holds the answer
What goes around, comes back around
and in the old forever after,
surely, what's lost will be found
Ch.
Inst.
Br.
My heart is pounding. It's time to go,
and it seems a long walk
down this cold corridoor
I hear a voice praying. My mind's in repose
but my eyes are open to look for my Rose.
Ch.


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160
Likes: 5
C
Top 25 Poster
Online Content
Top 25 Poster
C
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160
Likes: 5
It wasn't just the confusion, it was clumsily phrased and structured. It still is.

Just say this:

I came home and found my Rose
With a lifeless look in her eyes
Now, here I am on deathrow
Because I had no alibi

Chorus

2nd vs

Talk about how much you miss Rose but you'll see her soon.


Bridge


Although I'm near my final repose
Forever's seed is in the soul of my Rose


Tighten up that chorus.


There you have it.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
Hello Coach
The write both this and the first song was 99% Vic's
He kindly gave me a credit for the name Rose.
Although I'd like to comment on your suggestion:
I'm sure Vic will be grateful for all help but if this is a British lyric, which going by the confusion of the word PREVIOUS seems to indicate. The suggestion is flawed as their isn't a death penalty or for that matter a death row in the UK
John

I came home and found my Rose
With a lifeless look in her eyes
Now, here I am on deathrow
Because I had no alibi


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160
Likes: 5
C
Top 25 Poster
Online Content
Top 25 Poster
C
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160
Likes: 5
From the lyric, I thought he was on deathrow. "The long walk down the corridor".

Unless, he's in a daycare center, substitute "prison" for "deathrow" and do something different with the bridge. Deathrow makes for a better song. There's no arc, otherwise, no act three.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
T
Top 10 Poster
Offline
Top 10 Poster
T
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264
Likes: 4
The corridor and praying of course indicate this. If so I retract my comment
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Couch.
Thanks again for the suggestion but it seems like all tell and no show and also a little trite.
Maybe we should just agree to differ.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
J
Top 500 Poster
Offline
Top 500 Poster
J
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
just an idea if you are aiming at the yanks Vic

It was a cry in the dark for assistance
and my hand grabbed a hold of my torch
footsteps ran off in the distance
but a body lay still on the porch

maybe they say flashlight though and wouldn't get it either, but they are big on porch
all the best,john


please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Hi John.
That would assume he'd battered the girl to death with his torch thereby throwing more doubt on his plea of causing accidental death by a shot in the dark.
Thanks anyway.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
J
Top 500 Poster
Offline
Top 500 Poster
J
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
no prob Vic,I misunderstood, I didn't realise the cause of death (was from his gun,)I thought he was innocent, now I'd send him down,hehe
all the best,john


please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
John.
He heard the cry so he grabbed the gun and fired. He hit the wife instead of the assailant.
Her life was insured so the law said he killed her for the insurance money.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
J
Top 500 Poster
Offline
Top 500 Poster
J
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
ah right he was lying about the footsteps he heard I thought he/she was the culprit
very confusing Vic,
yep string him up,
all the best.john


please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035
Likes: 2
9ne Offline
Top 500 Poster
Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035
Likes: 2
Vic when I read the first 2 verses:

It was a cry in the dark for assistance
and my hand grabbed a gun from the drawer
footsteps ran off in the distance
but a body lay still on the floor

To the jury my story was devious
and I sure was no angel before
My motive, they claimed, was insurance
but I don't give a damn anymore

...I assumed he heard his mate was in trouble and grabbed a gun to get the intruder. I thought; how can they try him; ballistics would show it's not his gun that was shot! From your answers I obviously got wrong end of stick...



Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Haha! John.
What makes you think he was lying about the footsteps?

He hears the cry, grabs the gun and shoots, hears footsteps running away and sees the body of his wife.
So he's shot his wife by mistake and the assailant gets away.

I realise the story isn't straight forward but it isn't meant to be. Who enjoys a mystery that's straight forward?
All the pieces of the puzzle are there but they have to be placed in the right order.

I hope that makes it less confusing.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Thanks for having a listen 9ne.
It seems I stirred up a fair bit of confusion here.
Strange, because before I posted on this site I sent the song and lyric to two friends of mine, one English and one American.
I asked them if it made sense and they both said it did. I know it's possible to make a case there for the emperors new clothes but that's what they said and still maintain.
Maybe, songwriters think things differently.

You are right in thinking he grabbed his gun to shoot the intruder but in the darkness he shot Rose instead so it was his gun.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
Offline
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Hi Vic,

Travis should be mad because you killed off his innocent little rose. It never had a chance. Other than this clear injustice perpetrated upon Travis and his rose...

I loved your song! Even if everyone has a little bit of a different interpretation of the exact events, it still doesn't change anything -- listeners know that it's a man who feels he's been wrongly accused, and is sent to prison and we feel for him with all that entails. That's the takeaway and the exact details don't really matter. All listeners will think that their particular interpretation of how he ended up in prison is the correct interpretation. We have the advantage of being able to pick the brain of the song's creator, but most listeners don't have that luxury.

For instance, I know that Rose is the name of his wife, but to me, the rose is a metaphor for hope. The song works either way for me. The particulars didn't even matter to me because I was caught up in his current plight.

Also, I see the ending as him having died and is walking along in the afterlife, looking for Rose (his wife) or the rose, representing hope. I also see it as death row. Both work.

Cool song!

Lisa

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Well now Lisa. Isn't it great to see your smiling face and hear some encouraging words.
Thank you for your take which is just about all I could ask.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,989
Likes: 15
F
Top 50 Poster
Offline
Top 50 Poster
F
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,989
Likes: 15
Yeah it has a vibe of that Irish song Grace. My take was a he was wrongly accused of murder, and he's in prison serving life or a long time and hopes to see her again .

I thought this was one of your better pieces of music too Vic. nice arrangement, I think when you do your own lyric and song it comes more naturally, collabing is hard.

I like your 6/8 feel, and one pet peeve of mine is lyrical nits that don't take into consideration that the nit can not be used without changing the melody and music and sometimes feel, lol


Last edited by Fdemetrio; 07/02/20 10:43 PM.
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
Top 200 Poster
Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
I, for one, much prefer a lyric that is not straight forward, but rather one that is open to multiple interpretations and makes you think. I'm not sure if that is what you were after Vic, but if so, you succeeded. The comments above prove that. To me, that is not a bad thing, but rather a good thing. Of course, that would depend though on whether you are telling a true story. My guess is though that this is not based upon a true story. Am I correct on that? I am curious though of one thing. I find this lyric interesting, having been written by someone from the UK. Being an American, and thereby being subject to vast amounts of guns, I always envied those in the UK, due to what I believe is a scarcity of firearms there. Do many citizens of the UK own firearms to keep for their own protection in the household?

In any event, enjoyed the song a lot, both lyrically and musically.

Dave

Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
Top 200 Poster
Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
I just read through the comments on the first version of this song. Having done so, I learned this story takes place in America. My inquiry above is now explained. smile

Dave

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Fdem.
Thanks for that.
I just looked up Grace. A bit of a tearjerker and Irish Rebel song.
Yes, collaborating is hard if the other half isn't flexible. Luckily Travis is. Sometimes like in this one, he lets me rewrite the whole thing.

Lyrical nits are to be expected but some can be frustrating at times.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,989
Likes: 15
F
Top 50 Poster
Offline
Top 50 Poster
F
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,989
Likes: 15
Grace is a beautful song, but the one I was thinking of actually was fields of athenry where's he's singing from prison.

I meant with collabing its harder when the lyric person writes first, cause they think I'm terms of meter and how it looks not how it sounds. And your forced into a melody naturally because of the rhythm they provide in words. some are worse and don't have any rhythm when writing either which makes it double hard.

But melody and meter are not the same thing . Meter is expected to be consistent melody is expected to change even half way through a line.

I say let the melody writers do what they do best and let the words be added in, unless you're do I g both at same time.


Last edited by Fdemetrio; 07/03/20 02:04 PM.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Strange you should mention The Fields of Athenry. It's always been popular in my neck of the woods which is quite close to Ireland.
I used to gig locally with a fella who sung it all the time so I almost got sick of it. :-)

With lyrics it's difficult if the writer doesn't have basic musical knowledge so you have to communicate in other ways like: "it's a bit like 'Blowing in the wind'" or "Same speed and style of 'Ghost of Tom Joad'".
Also "I have to lose half those words because the melody won't let them all in.
Generally, I glance at a lyric to get the tone of where it's going or could go and ignore the structure for the reason you described. That it would influence my melody.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,989
Likes: 15
F
Top 50 Poster
Offline
Top 50 Poster
F
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,989
Likes: 15
I normally don't do well with collabs. I think it's cause the people here are usually on different wave lengths in what they listen to than me.

But I think there's only so much good melody you can get from a lyric written down, melody comes out and I have to try to find a way to catch it and not get in its way with the lyric.

I do lyrics only to try to keep it flowing, but usually don't do anything with them

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 07/03/20 02:59 PM.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
I understand that very well.
If I'm asked I have to say straight off that they must let me run with it.
That's why I don't get too many asking. :-)
I've had one or two pull out half way through. Can't help it.
I can't do demos to client specification either. Some can, and make a living at it but usually the demo is pretty bland and generic like a painting by numbers.

As John Prine said, "That's the way the world goes round".

Last edited by Vicarn; 07/04/20 07:24 AM.

It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,125
Likes: 29
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,125
Likes: 29
I liked the song.
A lot of popular songs on the radio dont make perfect sense to me so looking closely at the lyric is not a fixation for me
Ultimately, they arent technical writing but a three minute +/- emotional sequence of music, thoughts and feelings that deliver a message of some kind.

I think that this song gets that done well enough.

Martin


Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385
Likes: 1
D
Top 200 Poster
Offline
Top 200 Poster
D
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385
Likes: 1
Vic

Well, I’m a bit late to the game on this one . . . both threads, LOL! First off, the song as a whole is well done. It’s engaging throughout, and in the end that’s all that matters. As for the lyrics, to me the first two verses were just fine . . . and actually I like the original line using “previous”, but your change works too. Yes, as a non-Brit, the use of “previous” was unusual, but it was clear what was meant. And I like the mystery of the first verse . . . though maybe a clearer reveal in the bridge? Maybe, but as you correctly note, you can’t please everyone . . and this one works well in a whole lot of ways.

By the by, some lovely lines here, Vic. “But between this rock and a hard place, there’s always room for a rose”. That’s sweet.

Good stuff, gents. Be proud of it!

My best to you,

Deej

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Couldn't put it better myself, Martin.
"An emotional sequence of music, thoughts and feelings."

Thanks,
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Thanks Deej.
I reluctantly gave in over "previous" as it was set in America so the deed is done on that.
Thank you for "getting it", though.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
Hi Vic,
It's always amazing how many different takes you can get on one song. For me I thought the burglar shot/killed the wife and the hubby shot at him and missed, but still got the blame. And yes, it feels like he is on death row and taking the long walk.
Overall, I really like it, and it suits your voice very well.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,989
Likes: 15
F
Top 50 Poster
Offline
Top 50 Poster
F
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,989
Likes: 15
I'm a fan of lyrics and think they do matter, but they serve different roles in different songs.

Critiques are based on common sense things that are easily fixed. I mean if somebody says "I don't understand this line" any idiot can change the line to something that makes sense. Does the song suddenly become great?

The concept, the hook and how well the lyric gets married to the music is the artistic part, sometimes it's the sound of the words. the other things are clerical nits.

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 07/04/20 11:27 PM.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Hi there John.
Haven't seen you around for a while. Welcome back.
Thanks for the comments and you are right in your analysis.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
DAVE GCM
My apologies.
I thought I had responded to your comment.
Yes, I too prefer a lyric to be a less straight forward and needing a think.

Re the firearms thing: Ordinary citizens do not keep firearms for protection.
Below is a summary of criteria for UK Firearms Certificates.


When it comes to possessing a firearm in the UK, one of the biggest differences with gun laws around much of the world is that simply having a license does not allow you to carry it as you please. In the UK, you need a license to possess the firearm in question. You will also need to transport it from place-to-place, such as gun ranges and storage location. It will need to be proven that you need your rifle on a regular basis for the purposes of work, sports or leisure.

Firearms Certificate Applications

You can apply for a firearms certificate in the UK on the GOV.UK website. You will need to state what type of gun and ammunition you want to use on your application. This needs to be very specific. You’ll need to provide more than a generic group such as .22 rifle with ammunition. Furthermore, you should state where you are going to keep your guns and ammunition. It is a part of the possession criteria, which requires you to store the firearm appropriately and safely.

Your form must include four identical passport photographs of yourself. You will also need to specify two people who can act as your referees. These people must be British residents, have known you for at least two years and be of good character.

It must also be noted that the referees cannot be a family member. They also cannot be registered firearms dealers, employed by the police or your area’s Police and Crime Commissioner (PCC). You will also need to give permission for the police to approach your GP to make sure you are sound of mind and health.

To obtain your certificate, the police who will be carrying out the checks and verification need to be satisfied that:
•You can be trusted with a firearm and are not prohibited from possessing one for any reason
•The reason you have given for purchasing or possessing a firearm is good enough
•Your possession of the firearm or ammunition will not be a danger to public safety or peace
•You do not have a criminal record

Shotgun Certificates in the UK

As with any other gun in the UK, you will not be able to purchase a shotgun or any ammunition without a shotgun certificate. The ‘good reasons’ for having a shotgun are the same as those which are detailed above to do with firearms. If you are asked, you can simply say that you want to take part in shooting sports.


Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
I agree, Fdemetrio.
As long as the lyric doesn't get boring with too many cliches and bland statements that stand out like: "let me hold you in my loving arms and know the magic of your charms".

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,473
Top 200 Poster
Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,473
Vic, this worked for me. Love the feel and your light touch on the production.
The story may not have been clear to some but the feeling was strong to me. And to me that is waaaaaaay better than an air tight lyric and some uninspired melody.
Good work,
Tom

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Thanks Tom.
That's good to hear.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985
Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985
Likes: 22
Vic,

Beautiful song, beautiful lyrics, beautiful arrangement, & beautiful heartfelt vocals!

steady-eddie

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 9,649
Top 20 Poster
Offline
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 9,649
Originally Posted by Lisa Gundling
Hi Vic,

Travis should be mad because you killed off his innocent little rose. It never had a chance. Other than this clear injustice perpetrated upon Travis and his rose...

I loved your song! Even if everyone has a little bit of a different interpretation of the exact events, it still doesn't change anything -- listeners know that it's a man who feels he's been wrongly accused, and is sent to prison and we feel for him with all that entails. That's the takeaway and the exact details don't really matter. All listeners will think that their particular interpretation of how he ended up in prison is the correct interpretation. We have the advantage of being able to pick the brain of the song's creator, but most listeners don't have that luxury.

For instance, I know that Rose is the name of his wife, but to me, the rose is a metaphor for hope. The song works either way for me. The particulars didn't even matter to me because I was caught up in his current plight.

Also, I see the ending as him having died and is walking along in the afterlife, looking for Rose (his wife) or the rose, representing hope. I also see it as death row. Both work.

Cool song!

Lisa




Hi Vic ...

I fully concur with Lisa. Sometimes details aren't as significant as they are at other times. I find that on occasions, it doesn't hurt to allow the listener to fill in the details so they can let the song to speak to them individually. Ambiguity isn't always a bad thing in music. i enjoyed my listen very much.

Wishing you the very best. Be safe ...

Alan

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Hi Ed!
Good to see you back.
Thanks for the generous comment.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Thank you Alan.
I'm glad you appreciate it and my motives.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171
Likes: 8
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171
Likes: 8
WOW,

This song attracted some old JPF friends!! I had to bump it because I LOVED IT, what a wonderful song for the imagination, great singing and wonderful melody, I was caught up in it and that chorus write is dreamy friend....I could listen to you sing all day long............

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Thanks Tammy.
Very sweet of you to say.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262
Likes: 19
Top 200 Poster
Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262
Likes: 19
Great storytelling, Vic......great imigary. Love the whole production.
Beautiful performance.
Great stuff!!
-Tom

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Hi Tom.
Thanks for the appreciation.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985
Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985
Likes: 22
Vic,

I liked it the last time I heard it, not sure if I ever heard the original to compare however. I still like it, as the song lyrics wreak with "tragedy." The melody and arrangement compliment your theme. For me a song like this needs to have "folksy" lyrics, not necessarily perfection in grammar or articulation--now leave it alone!

steady-eddie

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
Vicarn Offline OP
Top 40 Poster
OP Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
I shan't touch it again Ed. I promise.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold


Link Copied to Clipboard
Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
chriscastle, yasir252, cathennashira, Samwise, HappySousa
21,470 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums117
Topics125,714
Posts1,160,942
Members21,470
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
There are no members with birthdays on this day.
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5