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#1165775 - 06/22/20 07:56 PM Watching From The Sidelines  
Joined: Feb 2013
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Just kind of finished this one today. Still considering some backing vocals, but nothings coming to me. Appreciate any thoughts you may have on song. Hope everyone is staying safe.

WATCHING FROM THE SIDELINES

Music & Lyrics by David S. Becker
(c)2020 David S. Becker Music
All Rights Reserved
Produced, Arranged & Performed by David S. Becker

https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/watching-from-the-sidelines

INTRO
VERSE 1

Iím watching from the sidelines
Every evening after five
Remote in hand, I click on play
My boy becomes alive

He scored the winning goal again
From 1,000 miles away
Iíve got this tape to capture time
I watch it every day

CHORUS
And Oh, Iím watching from the sidelines
I saw him ride, his very first bike
In a picture in the mail
And why, am I watching from the sidelines
A missed first step, his very first words
Are memories I canít
Share

SOLO
BRIDGE

I wasnít there when he was born
Donít see his face on Christmas morn
Or tuck him in most any night
Or teach him how to fly a kite
Thereís just a video
I watch when Iíve got time
To reminisce

VERSE 2
Watching from the sidelines
Iím stationed far away
Iíve made my choice to protect whatís right
In hopes of better days

I love my boy, I love my wife
There with me in my mind
I talk with them as I watch his tape
And peace will come in time

CHORUS

Last edited by GocartMoz; 06/22/20 08:03 PM.
#1165785 - 06/23/20 12:40 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Two Singers Offline
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Dave ...

Just started listening and I'm immediately blown away by the opposing guitars in the opening ... superb. Still listening ....

There are those guitars again from 1:33 to 2:06. Excellent choice!

A very topical song for the times ... something other than the virus stuff. As a disabled Vietnam Vet, I can put myself in your subject's psyche. yeah, I'm old - 73. I appreciate this song very much. Some say to never use your title in the verses, but I think there are many instances when it is not only okay to do so, but can also strengthen the message, particularly in such emotional songs. the only thing that I noticed ... it's really so insignificant in the bigger picture, I'm not sure i should even mention it ... but in a couple of places the words were a wee bit rushed. But ut certainly did not take away from my enjoyment of the song. And kudos on this mix! Really nice!

Best to you ...

Alan

#1165789 - 06/23/20 05:45 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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PaulCanuck Offline
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Hi David
This has an excellent hook/title and paints a good lyrical picture off what this guy is feeling.
I like the guitars as well and your vocal is strong as usual. One minor nit is the reference to watching a "tape". That kinda dates the song - maybe use "vid" instead?

Good job on this one!
Paul

#1165796 - 06/23/20 09:46 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Steve Altonian Online content
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With the TITLE I thought for sure it was a song about today's World situation & you would be watching everything : "Sitting on the sidelines"...

Heavy tune about making choices in life & missing out on your children growing up...

Though you went with a Soldier, this applies to so many choices...Good & bad...

Tough subject, but real life. Respect to those who "Sit on the sidelines" protecting our Country. They give up many family aspects that they can never get back...

Poignant tune, yet sad in so many ways as well...


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1165805 - 06/23/20 11:02 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Dave Rice (D) Offline
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Another Dave Becker gem!

I agree with the comments before me... and yes, it is good enough to lead a viewer/listener into a thought provoking movie. It is good enough to be the title song for an album... and could "chart" as a single... exactly as it is. Thanks for sharing this one with us... and the guitar work is so impressive.

Best wishes for success if you decide to "pitch it."

----Dave

#1165816 - 06/23/20 03:18 PM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Songbird52 Offline
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I like how we don't find out until the end why you're watching from the sidelines. It builds suspense and emotion.

The music is good and fits with the sad/emotional but patriotic theme.

#1165824 - 06/23/20 05:24 PM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Fdemetrio Offline
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Terrific mood set and awesome guitar solo very dissonant like the subject.

Yeah there's a lot of ambivalence in the lyric, it could go alot of different ways. I mean ,watching from the sidelines can mean many different things.

I thought it could have been a domestic situation, the father is too busy or exhausted in his life to think that the kid needs attention.

In this case the singer is overseas. It works but I wonder if they listener is zoomed in. If they don't know all the lyrics they probably aren't anyway.

Very emotional and usually strong production and performance

#1165830 - 06/23/20 07:32 PM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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lane1777 Offline
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south of the mason,dixon line
really like the guitar work in this Dave, great story line, "what hurts the most...excellent music. Lane


"Some have a need to chisel in stone, All have a need to be heard" Vincent
#1165835 - 06/24/20 08:29 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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UK
Love the idea, sounds and mix, Dave.

I feel you could take out some of the "tape" references and "watching" lines as you already established you're watching a recording in the first verse.
Maybe say something like:

He scored the winning goal that day
From 1,000 miles away
I see it all unfolding
time and time again

BRIDGE
I wasnít there when he was born
Donít see his face on Christmas morn
Or tuck him in most any night
Or teach him how to fly a kite
Thereís just these moments
I relive when Iíve got time
To reminisce

I love my boy, I love my wife
There with me in my mind
I talk with them and dream along
that peace will come in time

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1165854 - 06/24/20 04:40 PM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,510
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Posts: 1,510
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Another winner, Dave. Something a bit different because you usually make us laugh, but folks who can do that well can usually make us cry too.
Like everyone else, I love the guitar.
I would dump the word tape and replace it with video. You'd think replacing a 1 syllable word with 3 syllables might be problematic, but it's not.
I see what Vic is saying, but I'm not sure I agree. The image of him sitting there watching the video again and again is what makes it so poignant, at least in my view.

I didn't make the military association until the word "stationed." If you wanted to make this clearer earlier, you might be able to do so by changing "Remote in hand, I click on play" to something like "Take off my helmet, click on play" or "Alone in the barracks, I click on play" or something. Just thinking out loud here.

#1165870 - 06/25/20 08:22 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: Two Singers]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,552
GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Originally Posted by Two Singers
Dave ...

Just started listening and I'm immediately blown away by the opposing guitars in the opening ... superb. Still listening ....

There are those guitars again from 1:33 to 2:06. Excellent choice!

A very topical song for the times ... something other than the virus stuff. As a disabled Vietnam Vet, I can put myself in your subject's psyche. yeah, I'm old - 73. I appreciate this song very much. Some say to never use your title in the verses, but I think there are many instances when it is not only okay to do so, but can also strengthen the message, particularly in such emotional songs. the only thing that I noticed ... it's really so insignificant in the bigger picture, I'm not sure i should even mention it ... but in a couple of places the words were a wee bit rushed. But ut certainly did not take away from my enjoyment of the song. And kudos on this mix! Really nice!

Best to you ...

Alan



Alan,

Thx much for the listen and comments. It is greatly appreciated.

#1165871 - 06/25/20 08:26 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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Originally Posted by PaulCanuck
Hi David
This has an excellent hook/title and paints a good lyrical picture off what this guy is feeling.
I like the guitars as well and your vocal is strong as usual. One minor nit is the reference to watching a "tape". That kinda dates the song - maybe use "vid" instead?

Good job on this one!
Paul


Hey Paul,

Thx for giving this a spin. I thought about the "tape" issue as I was writing. It clearly dates it, but nothing else was coming to me. Other people have Id'd the same issue. I need to think about this one. Some good ideas. There is another internal inconsistency in the lyric (to my mind) that bothers me, but since it hasn't been commented on yet, I may let it go. We shall see. Thx again.

Dave

#1165872 - 06/25/20 08:27 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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Originally Posted by Steve Altonian
With the TITLE I thought for sure it was a song about today's World situation & you would be watching everything : "Sitting on the sidelines"...

Heavy tune about making choices in life & missing out on your children growing up...

Though you went with a Soldier, this applies to so many choices...Good & bad...

Tough subject, but real life. Respect to those who "Sit on the sidelines" protecting our Country. They give up many family aspects that they can never get back...

Poignant tune, yet sad in so many ways as well...



Thx much for the listen Steve. It is always appreciated.

Dave

#1165873 - 06/25/20 08:28 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: Dave Rice (D)]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Another Dave Becker gem!

I agree with the comments before me... and yes, it is good enough to lead a viewer/listener into a thought provoking movie. It is good enough to be the title song for an album... and could "chart" as a single... exactly as it is. Thanks for sharing this one with us... and the guitar work is so impressive.

Best wishes for success if you decide to "pitch it."

----Dave


Thx as always Dave. Appreciated your input and glad you liked.

Dave

#1165875 - 06/25/20 08:32 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: Songbird52]  
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Originally Posted by Songbird52
I like how we don't find out until the end why you're watching from the sidelines. It builds suspense and emotion.

The music is good and fits with the sad/emotional but patriotic theme.


Thank you Songbird. Appreciate your comments. Truth be told, I didn't find out until the end why he was" watching from the sidelines" either. I had a lot of theories in my head as I was writing the tune. Divorce, Prison Ö. military didn't hit me until later. Ha Ha. I wanted to write a song about not being in your kids lives (not autobiographical) and this angle became a last minute idea. I was literally at the end, when I wanted to disclose the "Why" before it came to me.

Dave.

Last edited by GocartMoz; 06/26/20 08:53 AM.
#1165955 - 06/27/20 03:06 PM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Dave,

Alan nailed it with regard to those guitars in the opening, and later on. A sad tune, but wonderful delivered, performed and sung. I, too, like that youíve saved the ďwhyĒ until the end. It keeps the listener, or at least me, engaged, wanting to understand more. Love the addition of that acoustic rhythm guitar in the bridgeóvery nice. I agree you can probably drop that last reference to ďthe tapeĒ in the last verse. But itís also fine as is.

Great work, Dave. Among your best, no doubt.

All my best,

Deej

#1165968 - 06/27/20 08:28 PM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Tom Franz  Offline
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Wow David very emotional song, and beautifully recorded.
Bridge is awesome.
Tom

#1166134 - 07/03/20 09:02 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
Terrific mood set and awesome guitar solo very dissonant like the subject.

Yeah there's a lot of ambivalence in the lyric, it could go alot of different ways. I mean ,watching from the sidelines can mean many different things.

I thought it could have been a domestic situation, the father is too busy or exhausted in his life to think that the kid needs attention.

In this case the singer is overseas. It works but I wonder if they listener is zoomed in. If they don't know all the lyrics they probably aren't anyway.

Very emotional and usually strong production and performance


Thx much for the comments. They are always appreciated.

Dave

#1166135 - 07/03/20 09:03 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: lane1777]  
Joined: Feb 2013
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Originally Posted by lane1777
really like the guitar work in this Dave, great story line, "what hurts the most...excellent music. Lane


Thx much Lane. Always appreciate the listen and comments..

Dave

#1166136 - 07/03/20 09:05 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: Vicarn]  
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Originally Posted by Vicarn
Love the idea, sounds and mix, Dave.

I feel you could take out some of the "tape" references and "watching" lines as you already established you're watching a recording in the first verse.
Maybe say something like:

He scored the winning goal that day
From 1,000 miles away
I see it all unfolding
time and time again

BRIDGE
I wasn’t there when he was born
Don’t see his face on Christmas morn
Or tuck him in most any night
Or teach him how to fly a kite
There’s just these moments
I relive when I’ve got time
To reminisce

I love my boy, I love my wife
There with me in my mind
I talk with them and dream along
that peace will come in time

Vic


Excellent suggestions Vic. I am going to try to address some harmonies and backing vocals this weekend. Will consider your suggestion, as well. Always appreciate your thoughts.

Dave

#1166137 - 07/03/20 09:07 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
Another winner, Dave. Something a bit different because you usually make us laugh, but folks who can do that well can usually make us cry too.
Like everyone else, I love the guitar.
I would dump the word tape and replace it with video. You'd think replacing a 1 syllable word with 3 syllables might be problematic, but it's not.
I see what Vic is saying, but I'm not sure I agree. The image of him sitting there watching the video again and again is what makes it so poignant, at least in my view.

I didn't make the military association until the word "stationed." If you wanted to make this clearer earlier, you might be able to do so by changing "Remote in hand, I click on play" to something like "Take off my helmet, click on play" or "Alone in the barracks, I click on play" or something. Just thinking out loud here.


Thx much Gavin. Good suggestion on "video". I will give this some thought over the weekend for sure. Always appreciate the input.

Dave

#1166138 - 07/03/20 09:08 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: Deej56]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Originally Posted by Deej56
Dave,

Alan nailed it with regard to those guitars in the opening, and later on. A sad tune, but wonderful delivered, performed and sung. I, too, like that you’ve saved the “why” until the end. It keeps the listener, or at least me, engaged, wanting to understand more. Love the addition of that acoustic rhythm guitar in the bridge—very nice. I agree you can probably drop that last reference to “the tape” in the last verse. But it’s also fine as is.

Great work, Dave. Among your best, no doubt.

All my best,

Deej


Thx much for the input Deej Ö Always appreciated.

Dave

#1166139 - 07/03/20 09:08 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: Tom Franz]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Originally Posted by Tom Franz
Wow David very emotional song, and beautifully recorded.
Bridge is awesome.
Tom


Thx much Tom. Always appreciate the input.

Dave

#1166157 - 07/03/20 05:26 PM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Sunset Poet Online content
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Sunset Poet  Online Content
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Houston, Texas
Liked it Dave.

One negative to my ear was what I thought was the over usage of "from the sidelines." I heard that so many times that the song seemed to lack a climactic moment for me.

Last edited by Martin Lide; 07/03/20 05:26 PM.
#1166233 - 07/04/20 10:15 PM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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John W. Selleck Offline
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John W. Selleck  Offline
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NJ
Hi David,
Very well written and performed. There are so many unsung heroes out there who give up so much and aren't appreciated by many, Thanks for giving them a voice.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
#1166244 - 07/05/20 02:18 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Dave
Great idea, imagery and all round song, sad in many ways and poignant
Best of luck with it
Jihn


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1166361 - 07/07/20 09:38 PM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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E Swartz Online content
E Swartz  Online Content

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Ohio
Hey Dave,

Lots of great music and lyrics going on here for sure. It's not a melody that grabs you musically at first, yet its definitely very cool. I also think "maybe" your first line in vs 1 shouldn't use the "watching from the sidelines" refrain--save it for the chorus-- (let the listener feel the story first which will allow that analogy more power and make more sense immediately as "literally," you'd love to be on those sidelines watching him play.). But I do like it reinforced in the latter verse as the analogy is by then well understood. This song has a Chapinesk feel for me.

Love the arrangement, and a great concept. Another nice write for you for sure! Just a few polishing thoughts and opinions--use/lose.

steady-eddie

#1166368 - 07/08/20 02:15 AM Re: Watching From The Sidelines [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Roy Cooper Offline
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I really like where this song goes Dave, but do feel it needs some lyrical tuning... Just IMO and I could be way of base.

God Bless

Roy

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 07/10/20 11:04 PM.

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