Who's Online Now
21 registered members (couchgrouch, ckiphen, DanielSimons, Everett Adams, Gary E. Andrews, 9ne, chazma2, Guy E. Trepanier, DonnieWitt, 2 invisible), and 279 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Diane Hurst
Diane Hurst
Washington state
Posts: 107
Joined: July 2011
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Mom-n-Dad are crazy
by JAPOV. 01/27/21 07:20 PM
Wild side of a Woman
by lane1777. 01/27/21 05:39 PM
Gone Commando
by couchgrouch. 01/27/21 04:04 PM
Catching Tears
by lane1777. 01/27/21 01:00 PM
Someone
by lane1777. 01/27/21 12:53 PM
Love like that
by Ricky Layne. 01/27/21 10:22 AM
"Love Kills" Streaming Valentines Event Feb. 13, 2
by Gary E. Andrews. 01/27/21 09:22 AM
Copyright control ?
by Stanj3. 01/27/21 06:49 AM
Your Mistake
by lane1777. 01/26/21 08:58 PM
It Is Done
by E Swartz. 01/26/21 05:35 PM
Your Aura Glows
by Ricky Layne. 01/26/21 03:12 PM
Answer Me
by DanielSimons. 01/26/21 01:39 PM
Acquiring A Thick Skin…
by Gary E. Andrews. 01/26/21 12:33 PM
Valentines Day
by JAPOV. 01/26/21 11:26 AM
Spring Cleaning...
by JAPOV. 01/26/21 11:20 AM
so much left to say
by ckiphen. 01/26/21 10:47 AM
Whiskey Rose of another color
by JAPOV. 01/25/21 08:41 PM
Housekeeping...
by JAPOV. 01/25/21 07:57 PM
It is what it is but I want what it was
by ckiphen. 01/25/21 04:56 PM
Cancel Me
by JAPOV. 01/25/21 04:32 PM
Songwriter Scam Alert
by Sunset Poet. 01/25/21 12:19 PM
Bridge pins
by E Swartz. 01/25/21 11:56 AM
La Mesa, Michael J. Dwyer, Busking Jan. 26, 2021
by Gary E. Andrews. 01/25/21 11:14 AM
My Soul is Burning--light rock
by E Swartz. 01/25/21 09:28 AM
LOVES me, LOVES me not. Vic
by Vicarn. 01/25/21 08:34 AM
Strawberries
by JAPOV. 01/25/21 07:39 AM
Stars Die Too
by IronKnee. 01/25/21 12:23 AM
The Ditty Bop Bar-n-Grill
by IronKnee. 01/25/21 12:15 AM
Country songs needed
by Gary E. Andrews. 01/24/21 08:01 PM
Living a lie
by JAPOV. 01/24/21 07:17 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,839
Travis david 12,065
Kevin Emmrich 10,938
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,931
glynda 8,679
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
couchgrouch 7,941
Colin Ward 7,909
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,733
Mark Kaufman 6,588
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
ben willis 6,108
Lynn Orloff 5,788
niteshift 5,760
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,666
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,389
Roy Cooper 4,261
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,130
nightengale 4,096
MFB III 3,929
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,816
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,682
E Swartz 3,643
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Fdemetrio 3,054
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,865
Sunset Poet 2,781
MidniteBob 2,760
Nelson 2,608
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,225
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,027
maccharles 2,000
DukeWill 1,988
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,652
Noel Downs 1,633
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
GocartMoz 1,552
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,473
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Deej56 1,372
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Gerry 1,255
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
lane1777 1,230
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,172
Diane Ewing 1,158
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
IronKnee 1,064
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
9ne 1,008
argo 986
peaden 984
90 dB 964
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
JAPOV 850
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
ant 783
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
Andy K 747
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 734
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Irwin 681
Lee Arten 678
Moosesong 667
Pat Hardy 665
ckiphen 663
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
R&M 587
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 512
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
Alek 358
papaG 353
Z - man 350
JamesDF5 348
John K 348
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 292
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
ktunes 285
mastrose 280
pammie 279
pd 277
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1165183 - 06/08/20 02:37 PM Brave Face  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
PaulCanuck Offline
Serious Contributor
PaulCanuck  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
Just piano/vocal on this one - does it work?
Any comments welcome smile


Brave Face

When I go to bed in the evenin'
And the darkness fills the room
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds"
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do

'Cause when you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

I put a brave face on in the morning
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say

When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

So I'll put my brave face on in the morning
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say..

#1165184 - 06/08/20 03:11 PM Re: Brave Face [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 10,893
John Voorpostel Offline
Top 10 Poster
John Voorpostel  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 10,893
Works for me Paul...melody, piano, vocals, lyric...a complete song in my books


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

iAccountant --- Info L inc --- Taxboard
#1165189 - 06/08/20 07:52 PM Re: Brave Face [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,987
Gary E. Andrews Online content
Gary E. Andrews  Online Content

Top 200 Poster

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,987
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
(Verse I)

When I go to bed in the evenin' (Sounds like you sing 'go DO bed'. Enunciating 'to' more deliberately might be better.)
And the darkness fills the room (Do you need 'And' to open this Line?)
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

(Verse II)

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds" ('the' wounds is abstract. Can the Singer-Character 'own' it with 'your wounds'?)
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do (Can you delete 'But'? The word 'if' needs more enunciation. You seem to deliver the end of this Line as if it doesn't matter if they get the words or not. It matters.)

(Chorus?)

'Cause when you lose someone so precious (Can you delete 'Cause'?)
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

(This third Stanza, above, is in the place where I would expect the Chorus. It has it's own Melody, is four Lines as opposed to the three-Line Verses preceding it.
But it seems to do more 'exposition' of the storyline, as expected in a Verse, and THE Hook, the title, isn't in it.
The first 'hit' on THE Hook is in a Verse III, below. It doesn't seem to be emphasized in position and Melody as THE gist of the storyline, the main idea of the Song.)

(Verse III)(This might work better as Verse I, opening the Song with THE Hook.)

I put a Brave Face on in the morning (Again, 'a Brave Face' is abstract. Owning it, 'my Brave Face' seems stronger.)
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say (Delete 'And'?)

(Instrumental Bridge here seems out of place. The function of a Bridge is to break Repetition with Change, enabling a final giving of a Chorus. It usually follows a second giving of the Chorus, eliminating the need for a Verse III.)
(Flipping the Lines, as below, might be stronger. The words "When you lose someone...", Repeated, seem to emphasize that idea.)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

(Verse IV)

So I'll put my Brave Face on in the morning (Delete 'So'?)
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say.. (Delete 'And'?)

(You only 'hit' THE Hook, "Brave Face", twice. Three is about minimum to drive that idea home as THE Hook, the main idea. The second 'hit' comes way at the end. I think I would remember those words, but position and the two-hit Structure are risky in that regard, memorability.)

A REWRITE:

(Verse I)

I put my Brave Face on in the morning
People talk to it all day
If they notice anything wrong they just don't say.

(Verse II)

When I go to bed in the evening
the darkness fills the room
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

(Chorus)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

(Verse III)

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal your wounds"
It's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do

(Chorus)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

(Instrumental Bridge, if time allows, if still needed.)

(Coda)

I put my Brave Face on in the morning
Let people talk to it all day
If they notice anything wrong I hope they don't say


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1165191 - 06/08/20 10:03 PM Re: Brave Face [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 767
Steve Altonian Online content
Top 500 Poster
Steve Altonian  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 767
Los Angeles, California
Originally Posted by PaulCanuck
Just piano/vocal on this one - does it work?
Any comments welcome smile


Brave Face

When I go to bed in the evenin'
And the darkness fills the room
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds"
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do

'Cause when you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

I put a brave face on in the morning
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say

When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

So I'll put my brave face on in the morning
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say..


How did you get Jackson Brown to play the Piano on your Demo??? Sounds like you've listened to the LOAD OUT/STAY a few times brother....

LOVE IT & any Jackson Browne type Piano tune


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1165203 - 06/09/20 09:29 AM Re: Brave Face [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Dave Rice (D) Offline
Top 30 Poster
Dave Rice (D)  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Texas
Morning, Paul:

Great write. Like the others, I enjoyed the piano backing but thought you were "at the top of your vocal range" in places. Didn't keep me from really loving what you've done... and yes, the piano backing alone works well.

Best of luck with this... and in all your music. We are so lucky to have so many budding "stars" here at JPF.

----Dave

#1165207 - 06/09/20 12:24 PM Re: Brave Face [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,733
Vicarn Online content
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Online Content
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,733
UK
Hi Paul.
Maybe Dave has a point about the vocal. Maybe dropping the key a tone would ease the straining on certain words.
I have a similar problem with low notes now.
Nice song nevertheless.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1165209 - 06/09/20 12:36 PM Re: Brave Face [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
PaulCanuck Offline
Serious Contributor
PaulCanuck  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by John Voorpostel
Works for me Paul...melody, piano, vocals, lyric...a complete song in my books


Hi John - thanks for that - nice to see you here smile

Gary - thanks for the detailed review - a few notes on your comments below:

Originally Posted by Gary E. Andrews
(Verse I)

When I go to bed in the evenin' (Sounds like you sing 'go DO bed'. Enunciating 'to' more deliberately might be better.) good catch I'll fix that
And the darkness fills the room (Do you need 'And' to open this Line?) yes - it defines the melody
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

(Verse II)

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds" ('the' wounds is abstract. Can the Singer-Character 'own' it with 'your wounds'?) - maybe but 'the' is easier to sing here
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do (Can you delete 'But'? The word 'if' needs more enunciation. You seem to deliver the end of this Line as if it doesn't matter if they get the words or not. It matters.) - "but" serves a purpose lyrically to me

(Chorus?)

'Cause when you lose someone so precious (Can you delete 'Cause'?) - nope - it carries the melody line
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

(This third Stanza, above, is in the place where I would expect the Chorus. It has it's own Melody, is four Lines as opposed to the three-Line Verses preceding it.
But it seems to do more 'exposition' of the storyline, as expected in a Verse, and THE Hook, the title, isn't in it.
The first 'hit' on THE Hook is in a Verse III, below. It doesn't seem to be emphasized in position and Melody as THE gist of the storyline, the main idea of the Song.)

(Verse III)(This might work better as Verse I, opening the Song with THE Hook.)

- this is a AABA(BA) structure - there is no chorus. The underplaying of the hook is intentional - repeating it would cheapen the song IMO. The protagonist here hopes people don't recognize he is in pain - thus he sings "I hope they don't say". Seems to me he wouldn't be the type to over-emphasize the fact that he was putting on a brave face. I'm probably wrong. but I like to "serve the song" and this isn't a hooky song - at least lyrically smile

I put a Brave Face on in the morning (Again, 'a Brave Face' is abstract. Owning it, 'my Brave Face' seems stronger.) - I'm OK with 'a' here - it changes to "my" in the last stanza to keep interest
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say (Delete 'And'?) - 'And' carries the melody

(Instrumental Bridge here seems out of place. The function of a Bridge is to break Repetition with Change, enabling a final giving of a Chorus. It usually follows a second giving of the Chorus, eliminating the need for a Verse III.)
(Flipping the Lines, as below, might be stronger. The words "When you lose someone...", Repeated, seem to emphasize that idea.)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

- This isn't an "instrumental bridge" - it's a solo played over a verse progression. I suggest you have a look at AABA song structures - they really are quite popular smile

(Verse IV)

So I'll put my Brave Face on in the morning (Delete 'So'?) - it serves a lyrical purpose
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say.. (Delete 'And'?) - carries the melody

(You only 'hit' THE Hook, "Brave Face", twice. Three is about minimum to drive that idea home as THE Hook, the main idea. The second 'hit' comes way at the end. I think I would remember those words, but position and the two-hit Structure are risky in that regard, memorability.)

- I'm OK with just two repeats of the title. Rules are made to be broken! smile

Seriously though Gary, I appreciate you taking the time and I hope I've explained my logic, twisted as it might be smile



#1165210 - 06/09/20 12:41 PM Re: Brave Face [Re: Vicarn]  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
PaulCanuck Offline
Serious Contributor
PaulCanuck  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by Steve Altonian

How did you get Jackson Brown to play the Piano on your Demo??? Sounds like you've listened to the LOAD OUT/STAY a few times brother....

LOVE IT & any Jackson Browne type Piano tune


Haha - I love Jackson Brown so I'll take that comment any day. Thanks for listening Steve smile


Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Morning, Paul:

Great write. Like the others, I enjoyed the piano backing but thought you were "at the top of your vocal range" in places. Didn't keep me from really loving what you've done... and yes, the piano backing alone works well.

Best of luck with this... and in all your music. We are so lucky to have so many budding "stars" here at JPF.

----Dave


cheers Dave - well I'm a bit too old to be budding anything smile Good point on the vocal - I often get that comment when I sing high - time to start paying attention to it!

Originally Posted by Vicarn
Hi Paul.
Maybe Dave has a point about the vocal. Maybe dropping the key a tone would ease the straining on certain words.
I have a similar problem with low notes now.
Nice song nevertheless.

Vic


Thanks Vic - always good to get your feedback.

Cheers
Paul

#1165221 - 06/09/20 06:56 PM Re: Brave Face [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,372
Deej56 Offline
Top 200 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,372
Paul,

Yeah, definitely a Jackson Browne feel to this—piano is nicely done. I agree with others that playing this even a half step down will make that vocal resonate a bit more on those higher notes. But it’s a solid vocal, as always.

I’m wondering whether on that last line of the second verse ending with “ . . . if that’s going to do,” you might sing the “do” a note higher—the slight variation on melody might be a nice shift into the chorus and add some variation from the other verses. That’s actually where I thought you were going to go with it on first listen—though the second/third time around, I’m undecided on that. Regardless, it's nothing more than an artistic preference and a really minor one at that--just mentioning for what its worth nontheless.

Like the simple arrangement. I think it’s pretty compelling as is.

All the best,

Deej

#1165273 - 06/11/20 10:39 AM Re: Brave Face [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
PaulCanuck Offline
Serious Contributor
PaulCanuck  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
Thanks Deej

You know, that line "if that's gonna do" has always felt like a placeholder and you're right to mention it as being out-of-place.
So I'm changing it to "if that's really true". Makes more sense now - but took a while to reveal itself to me smile

Thanks for the kind words - and pointing out that nit smile
Paul

#1165414 - 06/14/20 03:32 PM Re: Brave Face [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,172
summeoyo Offline
Top 500 Poster
summeoyo  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,172
Harrisburg, PA, USA
It's kind of an odd structure. But I've written a few with those odd structures myself. This works because it moves. Most people have had to put on the brave face after a breakup. Like Steve, I wanted to start singing: "Oh won't you stay...ay... ay just a little bit longer,

Summeoyo

#1165516 - 06/17/20 06:23 AM Re: Brave Face [Re: summeoyo]  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
PaulCanuck Offline
Serious Contributor
PaulCanuck  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by summeoyo
It's kind of an odd structure. But I've written a few with those odd structures myself. This works because it moves. Most people have had to put on the brave face after a breakup. Like Steve, I wanted to start singing: "Oh won't you stay...ay... ay just a little bit longer,

Summeoyo

Thanks Summeoyo - I was thinking this guys partner passed away - but I guess break-up works too smile
Thanks for listening and taking the time to comment smile

Paul


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
andrealim199320, PerformanceManagemen, MarieHardway, dabbywang1201, WarpCanada
21316 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics121,307
Posts1,141,199
Members21,316
Average Posts Daily22
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"Even if it appears you have lost, you can still win by maintaining your integrity, your civility and your humanity" -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Ronald W Borchard JR (56), roymccoy (84)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0