Just piano/vocal on this one - does it work?
Any comments welcome


Brave Face

When I go to bed in the evenin'
And the darkness fills the room
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds"
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do

'Cause when you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

I put a brave face on in the morning
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say

When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

So I'll put my brave face on in the morning
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say..

Works for me Paul...melody, piano, vocals, lyric...a complete song in my books

(Verse I)

When I go to bed in the evenin' (Sounds like you sing 'go DO bed'. Enunciating 'to' more deliberately might be better.)
And the darkness fills the room (Do you need 'And' to open this Line?)
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

(Verse II)

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds" ('the' wounds is abstract. Can the Singer-Character 'own' it with 'your wounds'?)
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do (Can you delete 'But'? The word 'if' needs more enunciation. You seem to deliver the end of this Line as if it doesn't matter if they get the words or not. It matters.)

(Chorus?)

'Cause when you lose someone so precious (Can you delete 'Cause'?)
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

(This third Stanza, above, is in the place where I would expect the Chorus. It has it's own Melody, is four Lines as opposed to the three-Line Verses preceding it.
But it seems to do more 'exposition' of the storyline, as expected in a Verse, and THE Hook, the title, isn't in it.
The first 'hit' on THE Hook is in a Verse III, below. It doesn't seem to be emphasized in position and Melody as THE gist of the storyline, the main idea of the Song.)

(Verse III)(This might work better as Verse I, opening the Song with THE Hook.)

I put a Brave Face on in the morning (Again, 'a Brave Face' is abstract. Owning it, 'my Brave Face' seems stronger.)
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say (Delete 'And'?)

(Instrumental Bridge here seems out of place. The function of a Bridge is to break Repetition with Change, enabling a final giving of a Chorus. It usually follows a second giving of the Chorus, eliminating the need for a Verse III.)
(Flipping the Lines, as below, might be stronger. The words "When you lose someone...", Repeated, seem to emphasize that idea.)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

(Verse IV)

So I'll put my Brave Face on in the morning (Delete 'So'?)
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say.. (Delete 'And'?)

(You only 'hit' THE Hook, "Brave Face", twice. Three is about minimum to drive that idea home as THE Hook, the main idea. The second 'hit' comes way at the end. I think I would remember those words, but position and the two-hit Structure are risky in that regard, memorability.)

A REWRITE:

(Verse I)

I put my Brave Face on in the morning
People talk to it all day
If they notice anything wrong they just don't say.

(Verse II)

When I go to bed in the evening
the darkness fills the room
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

(Chorus)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

(Verse III)

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal your wounds"
It's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do

(Chorus)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

(Instrumental Bridge, if time allows, if still needed.)

(Coda)

I put my Brave Face on in the morning
Let people talk to it all day
If they notice anything wrong I hope they don't say

How did you get Jackson Brown to play the Piano on your Demo??? Sounds like you've listened to the LOAD OUT/STAY a few times brother....

LOVE IT & any Jackson Browne type Piano tune

Morning, Paul:

Great write. Like the others, I enjoyed the piano backing but thought you were "at the top of your vocal range" in places. Didn't keep me from really loving what you've done... and yes, the piano backing alone works well.

Best of luck with this... and in all your music. We are so lucky to have so many budding "stars" here at JPF.

----Dave

Hi Paul.
Maybe Dave has a point about the vocal. Maybe dropping the key a tone would ease the straining on certain words.
I have a similar problem with low notes now.
Nice song nevertheless.

Vic

Hi John - thanks for that - nice to see you here

Gary - thanks for the detailed review - a few notes on your comments below:

Haha - I love Jackson Brown so I'll take that comment any day. Thanks for listening Steve




cheers Dave - well I'm a bit too old to be budding anything Good point on the vocal - I often get that comment when I sing high - time to start paying attention to it!



Thanks Vic - always good to get your feedback.

Cheers
Paul

Paul,

Yeah, definitely a Jackson Browne feel to this—piano is nicely done. I agree with others that playing this even a half step down will make that vocal resonate a bit more on those higher notes. But it’s a solid vocal, as always.

I’m wondering whether on that last line of the second verse ending with “ . . . if that’s going to do,” you might sing the “do” a note higher—the slight variation on melody might be a nice shift into the chorus and add some variation from the other verses. That’s actually where I thought you were going to go with it on first listen—though the second/third time around, I’m undecided on that. Regardless, it's nothing more than an artistic preference and a really minor one at that--just mentioning for what its worth nontheless.

Like the simple arrangement. I think it’s pretty compelling as is.

All the best,

Deej

Thanks Deej

You know, that line "if that's gonna do" has always felt like a placeholder and you're right to mention it as being out-of-place.
So I'm changing it to "if that's really true". Makes more sense now - but took a while to reveal itself to me

Thanks for the kind words - and pointing out that nit
Paul

It's kind of an odd structure. But I've written a few with those odd structures myself. This works because it moves. Most people have had to put on the brave face after a breakup. Like Steve, I wanted to start singing: "Oh won't you stay...ay... ay just a little bit longer,

Summeoyo

Thanks Summeoyo - I was thinking this guys partner passed away - but I guess break-up works too
Thanks for listening and taking the time to comment

Paul