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#1164914 - 06/01/20 03:32 PM "Cry of the Young"  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 649
Steve Altonian Online content
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Steve Altonian  Online Content
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Los Angeles, California
VIDEO IS DONE

"Cry of the Young" VIDEO

(c)1997 Steve Altonian

On a cold hard city night
Thereís kids at play playing with guns & knives
Someones child dies

Battle lines are being drawn
City streets blast out the sound of war
Someone pays the cost

When you look around you can see the cry of the young
Lives are over before they ever get to start
If you listen really hard you hear the cry of the young

Things arenít how they used to be
In a land of locked doors & broken dreams
Someones mother cries

Heading down a one-way road
In search of something that they canít find at home
Someones babyís lost

When you look around you can see the cry of the young
Lives are over before they ever get to start
If you listen really hard you hear the cry of the young


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1164924 - 06/02/20 09:27 AM Re: Cry of the Young [Re: Steve Altonian]  
Joined: Nov 2010
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Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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UK
Should work. Maybe with the full band just coming in on the chorus.
It'll be interesting to hear the final.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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#1164939 - 06/02/20 11:00 PM Re: Cry of the Young [Re: Steve Altonian]  
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Posts: 4,104
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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New Hampshire
Very relatable song, I can see the relevance to today.
I really like the phrasing of it, my only suggestion would be in this line
"Battle lines are being drawn"
I would try to vocally emphasize "being" but try to stress "drawn".
I enjoyed it and what it says.

Tammy


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Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1164956 - 06/03/20 11:44 AM Re: Cry of the Young [Re: Vicarn]  
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Steve Altonian Online content
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Steve Altonian  Online Content
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Los Angeles, California
Originally Posted by Vicarn
Should work. Maybe with the full band just coming in on the chorus.
It'll be interesting to hear the final.

Vic



Yeah, I was gonna come in there, but the intimate first CHORUS is an interesting spin on the tune...I would lose that element I did not have on the original

I can't do both....LOL


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1164968 - 06/03/20 03:43 PM Re: Cry of the Young [Re: Steve Altonian]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,288
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Steve,

This works really well as is. I think Vic has the right of it, that the chorus needs just a bit more thickness and lift--but not much. For me, the drums in the second half of the song feel a little bit busy for the song, but that may come out in the wash as you add more--just something to think about as you move forward with it.. Definitely something worth working on, and Iíll look forward to hearing the fuller version.

Best regards,

Deej

#1164983 - 06/03/20 07:18 PM Re: Cry of the Young [Re: Steve Altonian]  
Joined: Sep 2007
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Steve Altonian Online content
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Steve Altonian  Online Content
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Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1164984 - 06/03/20 07:23 PM Re: Cry of the Young [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Sep 2007
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Steve Altonian Online content
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Steve Altonian  Online Content
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Los Angeles, California
Originally Posted by Deej56
Steve,

For me, the drums in the second half of the song feel a little bit busy for the song

Best regards,

Deej


OBSERVANT....Totally changed drums and bass..


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1165341 - 06/13/20 04:37 AM Re: Cry of the Young [Re: Steve Altonian]  
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,003
IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
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Hawaii
Hi Steve.............very relevant and relatable. Good production. Good performances....................my only nit is that there is no rhyming in the lyric. Now, it's here where I do stick to rules.
Good luck...........you have a winner!


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