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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559 |
Somehow a Covid Inspiration got merged with a Phobia inspiration. Together they make a fine mess. Thanks for your time and thoughts. PhobamaniaMusic & Lyrics by David S. Becker Performed, Produced & Arranged by David S. Becker (c)2020 David S. Becker Music All Rights Reserved https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/phobomaniaVerse 1Inside these walls are creeping in I can’t tell what day comes next I’ve got to charge my phone again Or I’ll miss another text I haven’t seen a human being And my T.V’s on the blink The wireless crapped out again And my house it friggin’ stinks My daddy always told me Son to go with the flow But daddy wasn’t couped up In this made of wood fish bowl My hair is long and stringy And my butt it needs supplies The stench it is quite ghastly I doubt you’ll sympathize Pre-Chorus I’m Autophobic, Nosophobic, Thanatophobic, Phobaphobic Someone call a shrink before I freak I’m plagued with hypochondria A bit of Pathophobia My brain could really use a giant tweak ChorusIt’s Phobamania night and day The droplets are flying free Just stay your distance and walk away I’m scared of you scaring me Verse 2I can’t go see a movie Since the Rona’s back in town I’m tired of these scrambled eggs But the Greasy Spoon’s shut down I’ll disinfect and disinfect And disinfect some more I’ll disinfect ’til the cows come home The Rona’s at my door I’m terrified of everything From Fox to NBC Disney is the devil’s spawn The mouse’s soul ain’t free I’m scared of having parties I’m scared I’m all alone I’m scared of every breath you take Within a 6 foot zone Pre-Chorus Chorus Solo Chorus
Last edited by GocartMoz; 05/24/20 08:08 AM.
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2 |
Love your guitar! Unfortunately there's little melody and no hooks to support it. -Mike
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,989 Likes: 15
Top 50 Poster
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Top 50 Poster
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,989 Likes: 15 |
Can't assume he's going for a hit record here 9e.
Gm, It sounds like a rap...ish, rock thing, I think your vocal style makes the verses not work, right. But I hear what the intent is. Some of the melody in the rap part is off pitch. And some of the word choices don't lend itself to that style.
It's a genre bender, funk, rap, rock, hard to make all the elements work.
But make no mistake, this is a talented guy. Sounds great as usual
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26 |
I like this a lot. Really clever lyrics. It takes a particular kind of talent to write a song that is basically one long complaint and make the listener smile rather than think you're whiny. I think the melody suits it, although the chorus maybe starts off a bit flat. I think something as simple as putting the stress on the first word "It's" instead of "Pho-" might help a little with that.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Hi Dave Lyrics are great. Funny too. I'm wondering if the arrangement and vocal style may be a little too complicated and distract from the lyric a little. Maybe simplify instrumentals and vocal so you are almost but not quite speaking it. Not sure. Clever piece of writing though.
Vic
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171 Likes: 8
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171 Likes: 8 |
Dave,
What a fun write and how relatable!! Love the phobias you added in. I like the melody, I wonder if the vocal should be turned down a touch, it seemed a bit loud, but I have the worst for speakers....I really enjoyed it and it put a smile on my face!!
Tammy
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1 |
Typical GOCARTMOZ
Love the lyrics, the rhyme scheme & delivery. This is your style all day long my friend & no one, no one, can do what you do my friend..
Keep bringing your music to the world...
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 211 Likes: 2
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 211 Likes: 2 |
Hi Dave Nice little rocker - totally suited to the times. Funny I've been working on a lyric called "Everyone's a Germaphobe" Love the guitar licks in the intro and the lyrics though I thought the chorus could have been simpler and more memorable lyrics-wise. But it's a tiny nit on a quality song Hope you washed your hands after you played this one. Paul
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Dave,
I agree it’s a terrific write, and disagree about it not having sufficient melody . . . I think there’s enough distinction in the prosody and rhythm between the verse, pre-chorus and chorus to carry the song along. And, of course, those lyrics keep the listener’s interest and help carry the song. Like the harmonic guitar solos. If there was one additional suggestion I would have it would be to add some backing vocals to the chorus, particularly on that first line . . . and the ending is a bit too quick for me.
But subjective nits aside, this is good stuff, Dave. Excellent work!
Hope all is well in your world,
Deej
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262 Likes: 19
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262 Likes: 19 |
Hey there Dave..........pay no mind to the doubters. This is a clever and fun listen. I've listened to everyone's music from all over the boards, and this is as good as any of the good. But I don't think you need to hear this from me. I'm sure, by now, you get it.....everyone has an opinion ;-) Really good stuff...... -Tom
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