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#1162150 - 03/11/20 12:15 AM A Burning Sun  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Hi, all:

In the past year or so, I've collaborated on a few songs with Christian Devienne, who resides in France and who I think puts together some terrific music . . . but this is the first time I'm posting one of our collaborations here on JPF. It's actually the fifth song I've done with Christian, but only the second where I've written the lyrics to accompany his composition.

Christian creates a lot of wonderful blues and jazz flavored tunes, as well as an assortment of ballads . . . but looking to take a vacation from ballads, I had asked him to send me something a bit more upbeat. He sent me the music to this tune, and I penned the lyrics and tried my best to sing it true. I thought it was worth sharing here, and I hope you enjoy it. As always, your comments and suggestions are much appreciated.

My best to you all,

Deej

Here's the song:

A BURNING SUN

And here are the lyrics:

Devil shadow on the ground:
Used to be I used to own this town,
broke every heart that love would dare my way.
Cruised through endless loverís arms
with a wild smile and cool, cool charmó
They knew it but they loved me all the same.

Then she walked in with those supple hips,
fire blue eyes and red hot lipsó
Lord, that woman scorched my very tongue.
She lit me up like rocket fuel,
then left me here a melted fool,
boiled down to the nothing and no one . . .
In a burning sun.

Itís funny how the things you do,
in the end, they fall back on youó
I see it now, but still it donít seem fair.
I tried to put things back the way they were,
find a cooler place from a still hot her,
but next to her no other love compares.

So I drown all sense of what it means
in tequila shots and Jimmy Beamó
anything to keep me feeling numb.
In the midst of all this misery,
Iím not the man I used to be,
stuck here growing old and dying young . . .
in a burning sun.

(Cool, boy . . . get a grip,
walk it back . . . get over this;
cool, boy . . . make it right,
grab some shade . . . get her gone tonight.)


But it donít matter how hard I try,
I canít get that girl out of my mind.
Devil woman, tell me what youíve done!
Iíve lost the power to erase
the memory of her temptress faceó
a vision in my head I canít outrun . . .
itís a burning sun.
Yeah, sheís a burning sun.

(c)2020 Christian Devienne/DJ Lekich

#1162156 - 03/11/20 10:33 AM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
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Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Dave and Christian
Initially I was dazzled by the sun on the link, a good start!. I really enjoyed this one and noticed its in the Rock category which is interesting as I also could imagine Waylon Jennings doing this one, even though you have a dislike fir country Dave.
Great sound, I hope it shines further for you two
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1162167 - 03/11/20 08:29 PM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
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niteshift Online content
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Fiji
Hey Deej,

Great write and a well delivered tune.

Small nit ? The vocal track is fine, but sounds a little thin. A notch up on the mid EQ and a ramp up on the vocal compression would give it more presence.

Rock on !

cheers, niteshift

#1162177 - 03/12/20 02:26 PM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,428
Vicarn Online content
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UK
Good one Deej.
Yes, maybe fatten up the vocal a bit.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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#1162188 - 03/14/20 12:11 AM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
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Deej56 Offline
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Travis, niteshift, and Vic:

Thanks for the listen, kind comments and feedback. Christian is handling the yeomanís chore on the mix, but Iíll relay the suggestion regarding the vocal tweak. Glad everything else seemed to work for you.

Stay well all of you!

Deej

#1162367 - 03/24/20 03:15 PM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,618
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Texas
Hi Deej and Christian:

An exceptional collaboration. Welcome to JPF, Christian... let's hope we hear more from you soon... and Deej is the perfect guy to introduce you to us. I liked everything I heard and believe it has real commercial potential somewhere out there in the music world.

All the best, ----Dave

#1162371 - 03/24/20 10:47 PM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,084
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Conover, North Carolina, USA
Oh yeah! Love this. Have you thought of some background oohs in the chorus? That could add some oomph more than just fattening the vocals in my opinion.

#1162402 - 03/26/20 12:33 AM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
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Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Dave and Gavin,

Thanks for stopping in. Christian puts together some wonderful music . . . I should really get around to posting a few of the other things I've done with him. But I'm glad you liked this one.

Gavin, actually I never thought about laying in back up vocals on this one, and I'm not sure why. But you're right, it would bring a whole layer of depth to that chorus that may be missing. Something I'll have to think about revisiting. Your comment is spot on--the song would be the better for it. Thanks.

Hope both of you are safe and healthy in these troubled times!

My best to each of you,

Deej

#1162438 - 03/27/20 11:43 AM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
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ckiphen Offline
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- Select One - houston, texas...
Great job! killer song.

#1162500 - 03/28/20 05:20 PM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Nov 2011
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E Swartz Offline
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E Swartz  Offline
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Ohio
Hey Deej,

This is a killer melody and great lyrics too. I like your performance too. For me this is a classic Southern Rock vibe song which was the birth of Country Rock IMO. No nits with the production, but I thought it might be worth exploring making your song's title more powerful and relatable to the lyrics. My thought/idea is establish in the first verse "she's like a burning sun." In the next verse use "like a burning sun." For me, "In the Burning Sun" doesn't express the song's theme as well--let that title be a "metaphor," not a place.......I know you state in the last verse she's a burning sun, we need that earlier--but JMO. Use/lose/explore.

Great song Deej, I really like it!

steady-eddie

#1162539 - 03/29/20 07:37 PM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
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IronKnee Offline
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Hawaii
Hey there Deej....this has a smokin' Allman Bros. mood to it. Great flow and a great write.
And it was mentioned that Waylon could have nailed this one......I agree. This appeals to all the country rockers in the room.
Good stuff!
-Tom

#1162559 - 03/30/20 09:57 AM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Dec 2006
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ant Offline
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ant  Offline
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California
Nice tune, I like the build on the chorus. Strong lyrics overall but it seems a few lines could be stronger or at least more unique/clear.

>They knew it but they loved me all the same.

Wanted something stronger than "they knew it"? They hated me? They knew I lied? They called me cruel?

>find a cooler place from a still hot her

"still hot her" was a little suprising but "next to her" comes in the next line and it felt like it shoudl be one or the other, not both.

great job!

..ant


Stream my album "Out On The Road" at Spotify, Soundcloud and Apple Music.
#1162915 - 04/09/20 01:55 AM Re: A Burning Sun [Re: Deej56]  
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Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Carroll, Eddie, Tom and ant:

Thanks for the listens and suggestions. Much appreciated.

Eddie: The more I listen to this song, the more I think you have the right of it. I have saved "She's a burning sun" to the end, but I think it's better that I use that the first time, for the reasons you've stated. If I get around to re-doing this one, I'll make that change.

ant: Some good food for thought. On the first point, I'm somewhat limited given the syllables I have to work with . . . your alternatives are overall better descriptions, but not sure they fit within the space I have. That's somewhat why I landed where I did. But it's still worth exploring to see if there's a better option. I was also worried about "still hot her" immediately preceding "next to her"--using "her" too closely together twice. But I was comfortable the two lines embodied different thoughts, so that they worked despite that. But maybe worth revisiting again. Thanks for the very thoughtful comments.


My best to all of you,

Deej


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