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#1162196 - 03/14/20 11:22 AM Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration)  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Offline
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Hi, all:

I stumbled across Carroll's lyrics for "Crimson Red" in the L3 Forum and really liked them. Carroll was gracious enough to let me give it a whirl . . . and here's the end result. As you likely note, we've changed the name of the song from the original lyric to "Lay Me Down," which seemed a more appropriate title given the song hangs heavy on the repetition of that phrase. Hope you all enjoy it. Feedback and suggestions, as always, are welcome.

Regards to you all,

Deej

Here's the song:

LAY ME DOWN

Here are the lyrics:

The sun bled like a wounded beast
lying down to die;
surrendering to the night,
to stars and the candlelight.
Iíll sail until this ship goes down
into the stormy sea;
and resolutely close my eyes
while God and I make peace.

Lay me down; lay me down
upon this burning bed.
Lay me down, lay me down
on sheets of crimson red.

Please kiss my lips just one more time;
sing me your lullaby.
Hush, sweet lover, please donít cry,
just let me say goodbye.
Letís have no regrets, no sorrow,
no more tears tonight.
Transgressions not withstanding,
Iíve made a mess of my life.

Lay me down; lay me down
upon this burning bed.
Lay me down, lay me down
on sheets of crimson red.

Iíve let you down;
shattered your dreamsó
I broke your heart,
itís such a tragedy.
Painted my part:
itís my work of art.

Lay me down; lay me down
upon this burning bed.
Lay me down, lay me down
on sheets of crimson red.

(c)2020 Carroll Kiphen/DJ Lekich

#1162200 - 03/14/20 02:09 PM Re: Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration) [Re: Deej56]  
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Vicarn Online content
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You have a way with melodies Deej.
The only suggs I can make is to lift the vocal vol in the chorus a tad as it's getting lost in parts there.
Also the general instruments maybe need some of the mud equing out.

Great.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1162202 - 03/14/20 04:54 PM Re: Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration) [Re: Deej56]  
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Really enjoyed this, Deej. Your voice has that elusive combination of power and vulnerability that really puts this across.

I think I get what Vic is saying about the chorus. My ear expected it to rise on the last word of the first and third lines.

Great lyric from Carroll too.

#1162204 - 03/14/20 05:30 PM Re: Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration) [Re: Deej56]  
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ckiphen Offline
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- Select One - houston, texas...
I appreciate the positive feedback. Thanks once again to Deej.

#1162208 - 03/14/20 07:36 PM Re: Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration) [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Apr 2008
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Guy E. Trepanier Offline
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Guy E. Trepanier  Offline
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Posts: 97
Quebec
Well written and well done.

Have fun!


K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple and Singable
Soundclick: Songs buy Guy E. Trepanier
#1162209 - 03/14/20 09:06 PM Re: Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration) [Re: Deej56]  
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Deej56 Offline
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Vic, Gavin and Guy:

Thanks so much for the listen. Every once in a while I stumble across a lyric on L3 that jumps at me--I picked up the guitar and the melody just clicked. Funny how that happens--how sometimes you work forever to get something to flow, to no avail, and other times it just comes. So I was glad (and relieved) that Carroll was up for the collaboration.

Good comments on the mix. Getting that vocal to sit just perfectly throughout the song . . . well, that's always a balancing act. I don't disagree it needs to come up a bit, particularly in the second, and more so, the third chorus, where things pick up a bit.

Gavin, I never thought about going up on the first and third lines of the chorus . . . maybe because it was "lay me down" rather than "lay me up", lol smile , but I bet if it was the latter, that's where I might have gone. Definitely something to think about regardless.

Vic, not sure what I can do about the "mud equing out" . . . I think I know what your hearing; and it's something I've struggled with on a few songs as I've tried to up my production game (e.g., for me, my song "Rising From the Dead" has a similar challenge). I get each track to sound just how I want it on its own, but in the aggregate, it's not always as crystal as I would like. It's something I've got to keep working on as I keep trying to improve my mixing skills. In this song, I really wanted to make sure that the harder "rock" guitar resounded in the chorus to take that up a notch--perhaps that added to it and maybe it would help to dial back the distortion on that track? . . . Dunno.

But hopefully it worked well enough. It seems I can never get it just the way I want it, and that can get frustrating . . . but then I have to remind myself it's a learning process, and that, at least I hope, I've made strides. Baby steps and perseverance!

My best to all of you,

Deej

Last edited by Deej56; 03/14/20 09:06 PM.
#1162214 - 03/15/20 08:17 AM Re: Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration) [Re: Deej56]  
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ckiphen Offline
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- Select One - houston, texas...
You made a fan out of me!

#1162221 - 03/15/20 10:58 AM Re: Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration) [Re: Deej56]  
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Deej, the reason it flowed so naturally is that's how Carroll writes his lyrics, with the musician in mind. That's why folks like to collaborate with him. This one turned out great.

#1162337 - 03/23/20 04:43 PM Re: Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration) [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Thanks again, Gavin . . . appreciate the support!

#1162365 - 03/24/20 03:06 PM Re: Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration) [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Feb 2005
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Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Texas
Enjoyed my listen, Carroll and Deej:

Glad to see you two doing a collaboration. I still owe him one but sent him a first take. For those who don't know Carroll, he and Barry Butler often did some excellent collaborations. His writing style is excellent and he is very easy to work with. If I have any "nits" to send his way, I would tell him to "stand your ground" when you don't agree with the melody or changes. Constructive criticism works both ways and talented lyricists are rare indeed.
What I guess I'm saying is: He is sometimes too nice for his own good... and that is a compliment.

Thanks for your part in this Deej. Very nice work all 'round!

All my best to both of you. ----Dave

#1162401 - 03/26/20 12:27 AM Re: Lay Me Down (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration) [Re: Dave Rice]  
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Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Thanks very much, Mr. Rice--so glad you liked it. Hope all is well your way down South.

Best regards,

Deej


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