JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum STILL WATERS. Vic

This one came to me while I was waiting a response to an email for a different lyric.
Written and recorded in 2 days.
Strange how these thoughts come along.
Vic

https://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold/still-waters

Still waters © 2020 Vic Arnold
Ch.
Look before you leap into still waters
All you hear is never what you see
Moms and daddies, lock up your daughters
Still waters run deep
V1
What smells bad ain't always rotten
Been around and seen a thing or two
Before you jump best check what's on the bottom
Look out for a lone shark on the loose
Ch.
V2
Still waters hide their secrets
you can't always see the truth
Still waters hide their weakness
Sometimes you gotta look for clues
Ch.
Inst.
Br.
Pictures in your mind. All the lies you'll find.
Will take you down. Take you down.
Ch.

I really like this, Vic. If I had a nit to pick, it would be the familiar one that the verse and chorus are very similar. On the other hand, the beat here gives the song a strong forward momentum, which a radically different chorus might break, so I'm kind of conflicted. If I take off my critic's hat and just listen, I really enjoy it, so I guess that settles that internal argument

I think you were right to switch verses 1 and 2 in the recording.

Not so sure about this line: "Look out for a lone shark on the loose." Firstly, if you are just listening, you will hear loan shark. Obviously one would be well advised to beware of these guys, but that's a different song LOL. Secondly, a shark belongs in the ocean, which you wouldn't associate with still waters.

Also, the first line of that verse seems to me to have it backwards. It's saying that what looks bad or dangerous might not always be so. That makes sense, but it seems to run contrary to the message in the rest of the song - that the dangerous might look harmless - or at least not fit with it. How about something like this?

Don't have to smell bad to be rotten
Look at the teeth and not the smile
Before you jump best check what's on the bottom
Look out for that crocodile

I like your description at SoundCloud, "Moody song advising caution." That would make an intriguing song title in itself.

You start with your Chorus, an unusual Structure that often works very well. Songwriters don't think of it and deliberately do it. Songs can be examined to rewrite to start with a Chorus if it is determined that Structure works. It doesn't necessarily work with every Song.

The Lyric strikes me as philosophical. Philosophical perspective can come off as abstract.
I don't get a sense of the Singer-Character as being in the story. The 'voice' seems to be an anonymous 'narrator' of general philosophy, as opposed to a Character telling a personal experience.

I flipped some Lines around to experiment, and put the Singer-Character in with pronouns, the 'actor' to do the 'action' of the verbs, to see how it changes the story. It makes the Singer assume the dangerous persona of the Singer-Character, but your real character and image might be able to overcome that. If not, I'll lock up my daughters.

Still waters © 2020 Vic Arnold
Chorus
Moms and Dads, lock up your daughters
All I SAY is never what you see
I look before I leap into Still Waters
Still Waters run deep

VI
MY Still Waters CAN hide ALL MY secrets
You can't always TELL MY LIES FROM truth
Still Waters ARE MY PLACE TO hide MY weakness
WHEN I SMILE you SHOULD look for clues

Moms and Dads, lock up your daughters
All I SAY is never what you see
I Look before I leap into Still Waters
Still Waters run deep

VII
(I've) been around. I've seen a thing or two
Before I jump I check what's on the bottom
I'M ON THE lookout for a shark on the loose
What smells GOOD MAY STILL BE rotten

Moms and Dads, lock up your daughters
All I SAY is never what you see
I Look before I leap into Still Waters
Still Waters run deep

Instrumental Bridge
Lyrical Bridge
Pictures in your mind. All MY lies you'll find.
Will take you down. Take you down.

Moms and Dads, lock up your daughters
All I SAY is never what you see
I Look before I leap into Still Waters
Still Waters run deep
Still Waters run deep.

Hi Kevin.
Thanks for looking at this one and your interesting comments.
Not sure how you think the verse and chorus are similar. They are chorded differently and have different melodies. In what sense do you think them similar? Do you mean rhythm?

Re the lone/loan shark line, as you say, either variety is workable.
"Still Waters" is of course like other phrases in the song, a metaphor so either kind of shark can exist there.
When Buddy sang "Raining in my heart" did anyone question the idea that the heart isn't open to meteorological elements?

I like your "teeth" line, btw.

Hey Vic. I just mean that they sound very similar. I get that the chords are different, and I wouldn't expect the rhythm itself to change, as in the beat, but the line length and cadence doesn't change much. The chorus doesn't "pop." I'm not saying it has to in this kind of song - just explaining what I meant.

Thanks Gavin.
I get what you are saying but are you mixing up the chorus with the verse?
I would agree that the "verse" doesn't "pop" but I'm ok with that.

Vic

Hi Gary.
Thank you for taking the time.

You are right about the philosophical nature of the narrator in this.
I don't think anyone would like to sing it in first person.

Vic

Hi Vic
Great intro sets the scene nicely.
Gritty vocals and I like the guitar licks throughout.
As far as suggs, I too heard "loan shark" and at nearly 4 mins I think a bridge, break or solo is needed to add some interest.
But that's a personal pref I guess.
Nice work
Paul

Thanks for looking in and for the comment, Paul.
There is actually a bridge and solo in there.

Vic

Hell Vic leave it alone, sounds good. I like the lead guitar in this, most the time I never hear enough....Lane

Thanks, Lane.
On balance I probably will keep it as is.
Sometimes I fiddle too much with songs and they lose something in the process.

Glad you approve.

Vic

My apologies Vic - just listened again and of course there's a solo and a bridge!
And they're good ones too
This one is a grower.
I've really got to pay more attention...
Paul

HI Paul.
At least you commented.
For a moment I thought I'd put out a different track. Thanks again.

Vic

you know?...I have found that to be true too.

Well done.
I especiallly like the rhythm and the sound of the guitar.

Nota: In the Movie "Almost Famous" with Billy Grudup the name of the band is "Still Waters."

Have fun!

Thanks Guy.
Not seen that one. Do you think they stole my title? :-)

Vic

Vic,

This has a little of a Tom Petty feel to it . . . Your mix as alway is top notch. I might have brought that lead vocal a bit more forward . . . just a tad. But it’s really stellar as is. Great job, Vic. Always admire what you do on the drums. They always pop and sit well.

Good stuff,

Deej

Hi Deej.
Thank you. Your comments are encouraging. It's all in the EQ.

Vic

Well what can I say..i'm still your biggest fan..loved it all around...gonna go listen again.. Totally love love love it..

glyn

Haha! Glad you like it Glyn.
Thank you.

Vic

Hey Vic I am always amazed when songs freight train their way into my brain and in little time they bring me tracks that I cherish. Your song is a great example of ualit answering the need to write something special. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you Matt for your kind comment.
Not sure what ualit means though.

Vic