13 members (Bill Draper, Fdemetrio, JAPOV, couchgrouch, ckiphen, Gary E. Andrews, Gavin Sinclair, Guy E. Trepanier, 3 invisible),
1,218
guests, and
743
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/05/24 01:49 PM
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
This one came to me while I was waiting a response to an email for a different lyric. Written and recorded in 2 days. Strange how these thoughts come along. Vic https://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold/still-watersStill waters © 2020 Vic Arnold Ch. Look before you leap into still waters All you hear is never what you see Moms and daddies, lock up your daughters Still waters run deep V1 What smells bad ain't always rotten Been around and seen a thing or two Before you jump best check what's on the bottom Look out for a lone shark on the loose Ch. V2 Still waters hide their secrets you can't always see the truth Still waters hide their weakness Sometimes you gotta look for clues Ch. Inst. Br. Pictures in your mind. All the lies you'll find. Will take you down. Take you down. Ch.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,144 Likes: 26
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,144 Likes: 26 |
I really like this, Vic. If I had a nit to pick, it would be the familiar one that the verse and chorus are very similar. On the other hand, the beat here gives the song a strong forward momentum, which a radically different chorus might break, so I'm kind of conflicted. If I take off my critic's hat and just listen, I really enjoy it, so I guess that settles that internal argument I think you were right to switch verses 1 and 2 in the recording. Not so sure about this line: "Look out for a lone shark on the loose." Firstly, if you are just listening, you will hear loan shark. Obviously one would be well advised to beware of these guys, but that's a different song LOL. Secondly, a shark belongs in the ocean, which you wouldn't associate with still waters. Also, the first line of that verse seems to me to have it backwards. It's saying that what looks bad or dangerous might not always be so. That makes sense, but it seems to run contrary to the message in the rest of the song - that the dangerous might look harmless - or at least not fit with it. How about something like this? Don't have to smell bad to be rotten Look at the teeth and not the smile Before you jump best check what's on the bottom Look out for that crocodile I like your description at SoundCloud, "Moody song advising caution." That would make an intriguing song title in itself.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,695 Likes: 43
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,695 Likes: 43 |
You start with your Chorus, an unusual Structure that often works very well. Songwriters don't think of it and deliberately do it. Songs can be examined to rewrite to start with a Chorus if it is determined that Structure works. It doesn't necessarily work with every Song.
The Lyric strikes me as philosophical. Philosophical perspective can come off as abstract. I don't get a sense of the Singer-Character as being in the story. The 'voice' seems to be an anonymous 'narrator' of general philosophy, as opposed to a Character telling a personal experience.
I flipped some Lines around to experiment, and put the Singer-Character in with pronouns, the 'actor' to do the 'action' of the verbs, to see how it changes the story. It makes the Singer assume the dangerous persona of the Singer-Character, but your real character and image might be able to overcome that. If not, I'll lock up my daughters.
Still waters © 2020 Vic Arnold Chorus Moms and Dads, lock up your daughters All I SAY is never what you see I look before I leap into Still Waters Still Waters run deep
VI MY Still Waters CAN hide ALL MY secrets You can't always TELL MY LIES FROM truth Still Waters ARE MY PLACE TO hide MY weakness WHEN I SMILE you SHOULD look for clues
Moms and Dads, lock up your daughters All I SAY is never what you see I Look before I leap into Still Waters Still Waters run deep
VII (I've) been around. I've seen a thing or two Before I jump I check what's on the bottom I'M ON THE lookout for a shark on the loose What smells GOOD MAY STILL BE rotten
Moms and Dads, lock up your daughters All I SAY is never what you see I Look before I leap into Still Waters Still Waters run deep
Instrumental Bridge Lyrical Bridge Pictures in your mind. All MY lies you'll find. Will take you down. Take you down.
Moms and Dads, lock up your daughters All I SAY is never what you see I Look before I leap into Still Waters Still Waters run deep Still Waters run deep.
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Hi Kevin. Thanks for looking at this one and your interesting comments. Not sure how you think the verse and chorus are similar. They are chorded differently and have different melodies. In what sense do you think them similar? Do you mean rhythm?
Re the lone/loan shark line, as you say, either variety is workable. "Still Waters" is of course like other phrases in the song, a metaphor so either kind of shark can exist there. When Buddy sang "Raining in my heart" did anyone question the idea that the heart isn't open to meteorological elements?
I like your "teeth" line, btw.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,144 Likes: 26
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,144 Likes: 26 |
Hey Vic. I just mean that they sound very similar. I get that the chords are different, and I wouldn't expect the rhythm itself to change, as in the beat, but the line length and cadence doesn't change much. The chorus doesn't "pop." I'm not saying it has to in this kind of song - just explaining what I meant.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thanks Gavin. I get what you are saying but are you mixing up the chorus with the verse? I would agree that the "verse" doesn't "pop" but I'm ok with that.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Hi Gary. Thank you for taking the time.
You are right about the philosophical nature of the narrator in this. I don't think anyone would like to sing it in first person.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 211 Likes: 2
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 211 Likes: 2 |
Hi Vic Great intro sets the scene nicely. Gritty vocals and I like the guitar licks throughout. As far as suggs, I too heard "loan shark" and at nearly 4 mins I think a bridge, break or solo is needed to add some interest. But that's a personal pref I guess. Nice work Paul
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thanks for looking in and for the comment, Paul. There is actually a bridge and solo in there.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3 |
Hell Vic leave it alone, sounds good. I like the lead guitar in this, most the time I never hear enough....Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thanks, Lane. On balance I probably will keep it as is. Sometimes I fiddle too much with songs and they lose something in the process.
Glad you approve.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 211 Likes: 2
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 211 Likes: 2 |
Thanks for looking in and for the comment, Paul. There is actually a bridge and solo in there.
Vic My apologies Vic - just listened again and of course there's a solo and a bridge! And they're good ones too This one is a grower. I've really got to pay more attention... Paul
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
HI Paul. At least you commented. For a moment I thought I'd put out a different track. Thanks again.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3 |
Thanks, Lane. On balance I probably will keep it as is. Sometimes I fiddle too much with songs and they lose something in the process.
Glad you approve.
Vic you know?...I have found that to be true too.
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 238 Likes: 11
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 238 Likes: 11 |
Well done. I especiallly like the rhythm and the sound of the guitar.
Nota: In the Movie "Almost Famous" with Billy Grudup the name of the band is "Still Waters."
Have fun!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thanks Guy. Not seen that one. Do you think they stole my title? :-)
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Vic,
This has a little of a Tom Petty feel to it . . . Your mix as alway is top notch. I might have brought that lead vocal a bit more forward . . . just a tad. But it’s really stellar as is. Great job, Vic. Always admire what you do on the drums. They always pop and sit well.
Good stuff,
Deej
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Hi Deej. Thank you. Your comments are encouraging. It's all in the EQ.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,683
Top 20 Poster
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,683 |
Well what can I say..i'm still your biggest fan..loved it all around...gonna go listen again.. Totally love love love it..
glyn
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Haha! Glad you like it Glyn. Thank you.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,143 Likes: 6
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,143 Likes: 6 |
Hey Vic I am always amazed when songs freight train their way into my brain and in little time they bring me tracks that I cherish. Your song is a great example of ualit answering the need to write something special. Thanks for sharing.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
OP
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Thank you Matt for your kind comment. Not sure what ualit means though.
Vic
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,750
Posts1,161,264
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"When will we all, as artists, creators and facilitators learn that the so-called experts in our lives are nothing more than someone who has stepped forward and called themselves an expert?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|