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#1161824 - 02/25/20 10:02 PM PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 77
CTthomas Offline
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Work in progress!

PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES

1st verse:
Iím telling you now that Iím leaving
You say that you donít understand
So Iíll tell you again what Iím needing
If you ever hope to keep this woman

Chorus:
Send me flowers sing love songs in my ear
Broken promises are all I hear
I need rainbows shining way up in the sky
If you love love love me tell me why
But please donít tell me lies
Please donít tell me lies

2nd: verse:
You say that Iím all that youíre needing
And Iíve given every part of me I can
But it seems its your friends youíre always seeing
Hereís my song have them sing it with you then

Chorus:
Send me flowers sing love songs in my ear
Broken promises are all I hear
I need rainbows shining way up in the sky
If you love love love me tell me why
But please donít tell me lies
Please donít tell me lies

c.Craig Kuchler 2020

#1161925 - 02/27/20 07:14 AM Re: PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,096
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Eugene, Or USA
I like what you got here Craig

A line that doesn't resonate to much with me is v2 line 4. It might just be me.

Geneva

#1161939 - 02/27/20 11:32 AM Re: PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Sep 2019
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CTthomas Offline
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Thanks Geneva. Love your stuff. Listen to it often. Thanks for your input. Means a lot coming from a woman since this has been written by a guy. Enjoy Oregon and the fishing. Thanks again.

#1161941 - 02/27/20 02:01 PM Re: PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,776
Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
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Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
I think you need some 'Hard Rhyme', Verse I Line 2, 'understand', for example Rhymed in VI Line 4.
Rhyme is an element of Rhythm, and memorability.
The Singer-Character seems to be female. So, "If you ever hope to be my man" fits easily in as Line 4.

Chorus Line 2 could be deleted, simplifying the Stanza by that much, leaving only the Singer-Characters 'setup' to deliver her main complaint, "Please Don't Tell Me Lies".
I'd delete 'But' in the first delivery of that Line. It's a connector word we use as we write, connecting ideas from Line to Line. 'But' listeners don't need it. They get the connection without the word. It unclutters the Line in the mouth of the Singer by that much, which can be significant. Little things matter.
Lots of Hard Rhyme in the Chorus, 'ear/hear, sky/why, lies'.

Verse II Line 2, delete 'And', another connector word, and an extra syllable/note to sing. Line 3, another 'But', extra syll./note.

PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES c.2020 by Craig Kuchler

Verse I:
Iím telling you now that Iím leaving
You say that you donít understand
So Iíll tell you again what Iím needing
If you ever hope to be my man

Chorus:
Send me flowers!
Sing love songs in my ear!
I need rainbows shining way up in the sky!
Please Donít Tell Me Lies
Please Donít Tell Me Lies

Verse 2:
You tell me Iím all that youíre needing
Iíve given every part of me I can
It seems its your friends youíre always seeing
Hereís my song. Have them sing it with you then

Chorus:
Send me flowers!
Sing love songs in my ear!
I need rainbows shining way up in the sky!
Please Donít Tell Me Lies
Please Donít Tell Me Lies

c.Craig Kuchler 2020

You have Verse/Chorus, Verse/Chorus. Depending on your Melody perhaps it is complete. How long does it take to execute? Introductory Movement, Verse/Chorus, Verse/Chorus, Coda (final Musical Movement).
You may find an Instrumental Bridge, or a Lyrical Bridge, a brief Stanza with its own Melody, pivotal ideas if Lyrical, to break the Repetition, renewing listener interest, and enabling a final giving of the Chorus.
Or, you may find a Verse III that completes the story in a satisfactory way. Does the Love-Interest Character see the error of his ways and give the Singer-Character what she's asking for? Does she move on, leaving as she said in VI Line 1, a strong, survivor? And then a final giving of the Chorus/Coda to end?
Possibilities.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1161945 - 02/27/20 02:59 PM Re: PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 77
CTthomas Offline
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Thanks For the excellent ideas. I especially like your ideas for another verse to finish with her moving on or being a survivor. Also maybe his finding a way to fix things and make it work. Youíve put a lot of thought in this and I appreciate that. Iím a beginner with lots to learn.

Last edited by CTthomas; 02/27/20 03:00 PM.
#1161982 - 02/29/20 07:11 AM Re: PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,776
Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
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Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
I woke up thinking about why I wanted to delete that 'Broken promises' Line from the Chorus.
It's a Rhyme-Line so an element of strength in the memorability of it.
I realized it was because it was more fitting for the 'complaint' department of the Verse, and was going against the positive 'vibe' the Singer-Character moves to in the other Lines of the Chorus.
Chorus:
Send me flowers sing love songs in my ear
Broken promises are all I hear
I need rainbows shining way up in the sky
If you love love love me tell me why
But please donít tell me lies
Please donít tell me lies

A more positive Line might be:

Chorus:
Send me flowers sing love songs in my ear
You know the kind of thing I love to hear
I need rainbows shining way up in the sky
If you love love love me tell me why
But please donít tell me lies
Please donít tell me lies

That made me think the 'love' idea was the stronger one, instead of the 'lies', and this flip of Lines occurred to me, which changes the title:
Chorus:
Send me flowers! Sing love songs in my ear!
You know the kind of thing I love to hear!
I need rainbows shining way up in the sky!
Please donít tell me lies.
If you Love! Love! Love Me, Tell Me Why!

That ends the Chorus on that positive concept the Singer-Character has turned to in the Chorus, after the Verse complaints, which can leave the possibility for the Love-Interest Character to pull his head out of his... in a Verse III or Bridge, and give her what she's asking for to keep the relationship alive.
You might even Repeat it, giving you two 'hits' on THE Hook/title, "If you Love! Love! Love Me (Tell Me Why!)", per giving of the Chorus, possibly for a strong six, driving it home as the main idea.

Chorus:
Send me flowers! Sing love songs in my ear!
You know the kind of thing I love to hear!
I need rainbows shining way up in the sky!
Please donít tell me lies.
If you Love! Love! Love Me Tell Me Why!
If you Love! Love! Love Me Tell Me Why!

A female Point-Of-View, for a female Singer-Character, and artist, makes this very appealing. Play through it and see what you think.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1161987 - 02/29/20 12:32 PM Re: PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 375
ckiphen Online content
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- Select One - houston, texas...
Good lyric. I like it.

#1162014 - 03/01/20 05:37 PM Re: PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Sep 2019
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CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Posts: 77
Thanks again Gary for your input. Iím so amazed at your knowledge. Love your ideas and especially your final Chorus work. Would have to change the melody and metering. Could be doable.

#1162015 - 03/01/20 05:39 PM Re: PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 77
CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Posts: 77
Thanks ckiphen.!!

Last edited by CTthomas; 03/01/20 05:39 PM.
#1162041 - 03/03/20 11:26 AM Re: PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,580
beechnut79 Offline
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beechnut79  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,580
Villa Park IL
I feel this is a good lyric. Songs from a woman't point of view have been done before, perhaps the most well-know being John Prine's "Angel from Montgomery" which has been covered by many female artists from Bonnie Raitt to Tanya Tucker.

Lyric illustrates perfectly the potential for experiencing difficulties in some relationships. And usually it seems from miscommunications or misunderstandings. A few years ago I wrote a lyric titled "When You Forget to Remember", which illustrates the syndrome many guys (and probably a few gals as well) have about forgetting birthdays and other significant occasions which can get one in trouble in most situations. This coming from one who has never married in his lifetime. Am now 75 but still I will never say never, because very often we end up doing just what we say we're never going to do. Good luck with this piece.

#1162047 - 03/03/20 01:14 PM Re: PLEASE DONíT TELL ME LIES [Re: beechnut79]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 77
CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Posts: 77
Beechnut-would love to see your lyrics to ďWhen you forget to remember.Ē I love the title and Iím sure the lyrics will be incredible. Thanks for your input.


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