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Hi all - I haven't been very active lately on the site - This is a new song I had help with on the production end which has brought a different sound to my music - Not sure what to think about it yet but wondering what you thought about it. Any comments on the arrangement/production would be helpful - Jane K



Sometimes (You Gotta Go Home)


Wandering
Aimlessly
Sifting through the debris
Clinging
To memories
Is the only future you see
Running
Like lightning
There isn’t time to think
You hold on firmly
To what you believe

Chorus

Sometimes you gotta go home
Wherever that may be
Sometimes you need the comfort
Of your friends and family

Sometimes you gotta go home
It’s the only place to go
When your stuck out in the cold
Sometimes you gotta go home

Your walking
A tightrope
No one ever see’s
They think
Your winning
You live with your deceit
You take
All your losses
And wish to be set free
Hoping
To rest
And find some inner peace

Repeat chorus


Grab what you go
Even if it’s all you have
Better to be safe
With what you know


Repeat Chorus


Words/Music
Copyright 2020 Jane Karwoski





Last edited by JaneK; 04/03/20 10:02 PM.
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Hi Jane
The song sounds pleasant enough but I think the phrasing needs smoothing out.
For instance: rather than jumping from one line to another (Your walking ...... a tightrope & They think ...... you're winning etc.)
you could smooth the lines over by say "You're walking on a tightrope", or "You're walking a tight..rope".

Nothing wrong with having what you have for an effect occasionally but if you do it to often it sounds like you forgot to come in on the right beat.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

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Hi Vic,

I agree the vocals and the phrasing do not line up with the music but it was done through the internet. It's just a BIAB backing track that was made around my vocal - I should have resung it again before the final production - or what I am thinking is there should be more color to the arrangement - it is just blah! Thanks for listening and I appreciate your suggestions.

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I think both yourself and Vic have it right Jane
But I really like the lyric it is well thought through and with a take or two you'll have a great song, keep at it!
Regards
John

Last edited by Travis david; 02/17/20 04:31 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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The arrangement can be improved for sure in the final production but the main thing is to get the phrasing right.
I like the lightness of the vocal. You need to sing and record it with the music a few times 'til you "feel" it all blending together. That's all it needs before the final musical embellishments.

Vic



It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

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Hi Jane,

I agree with what has already been said, but have a request. When I hear this song, honestly I hear it as a simple acoustic strummer. I would love to hear this with just an easy going strum on the acoustic. I don't think it needs a full production. It doesn't strike me as the kind of song that needs that. I love the lyric and the melody. For whatever reason, the drumming seems out of place to me. The less production on this, the better imo.

Dave

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Hi Vic, John and Dave,

I wish I could change it. Unfortunately, this is the final version not a draft.

I don't have the stems. - I paid someone to do this for me (it is mixed and mastered already) so I can't change it without paying for the changes - I do have a no vocals version I could mess with but it would be hard to get it to sound right when I try to mix it together (I think). A simple acoustic guitar would have worked with this type of song.

I don't have Mike Z's production skills on my songs so I am screwed!

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Hi Jane:

You've been missed around here. I believe this song would "sell" in today's Nashville. It seems to be beat driven... and that is most of what I hear coming out of the Labels there, these days. I loved the lyric and message of the song. From only my first listen, I believe the vocal needs to be "lifted" a bit above the music.

Depending upon your plan for marketing your songs, I'm assuming you have no desire for "stardom" because it is such a treacherous road... but would prefer to make some change from having others do "covers" of your work. If that is so, don't spend alot of time or money on making changes. Just use an "editing software package" on your PC (Many are "free") and raise the volume on each line or verse a few percentage points. Remember, if a big name artist is drawn to (or forced to) record your song... they are going to add their own stylistic flair to it... as suits their particular style. Don't be discouraged. It has potential.

Wishing you the best out there in the Valley. I spent a little time down south of there in Santa Clarita years ago. Beautiful, earthquake prone region... but like your song... Home kept calling me.

----Dave

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JaneK Offline OP
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Hi Dave,

Good to hear from you again - Thanks so much for listening and commenting on the song. Seems like songs are never done even when you hire someone these days. And it is always the producer's vision of the song instead of your own when you pay someone to help you but it didn't cost me an arm and a leg so what can I expect. I have decided to keep my spare change and use it for BIAB and try to learn myself (if that is possible!) I am actually beginning to enjoy working with Pro Tools so who knows BIAB might be fun to learn.

Ah, Santa Clarita over the good old grapevine - Yes, Beautiful but pricey!

Jane

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Where's the song? The link says it's been removed.


Regards,


Bob

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JaneK Offline OP
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Sorry Bob - I put the song on "private" and didn't change the link on the original post. Thanks for trying to listen.

Jane

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Jane.
I sent you a PM

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

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Jane,

I don't usually critique the work of others; as an amateur myself I find it difficult to criticize someone else. I will say the song has potential. Some prosody adjustments would help, I think.

As for the backing, I would advise you to follow your own thought:

"I have decided to keep my spare change and use it for BIAB and try to learn myself (if that is possible!) I am actually beginning to enjoy working with Pro Tools so who knows BIAB might be fun to learn."

BIAB is a great writing tool. Highly recommended.


Regards,

Bob

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JaneK Offline OP
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Hi Vic,

Got your PM's
You should be getting an email from me soon might not be till tonight - I am in "no man's land" right now.

Hi Bob

Glad the link worked now - I am going to get some help with this song from Vic, which I so need because I would like to see this song reach it's full potential. I will be purchasing BIAB soon.

Jane

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PG Music has sales from time to time. They can be found at:

https://www.pgmusic.com/bbwin.packages.htm


Regards,

Bob

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Hey Jane,

It's a cute tune. I especially like the harmonies. smile

As already stated, yes the prosody is a bit out, but can easily be fixed by sliding the vocal time line.

It's almost there and with a tidy up, will work well.

cheers, niteshift

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Jane,

I read the lyrics first and came away quite impressed. It’s a really good write. Production-wise, I thought it was pretty good actually. Maybe some artistic differences to debate, but musically the bed sounds solid to me. Maybe some fine tuning on the vocal (not the singing, but the prosody and mix) to better align with it—but it’s not far off, truly . . . at least not to my ears. You’re in good hands with, Vic.

I’d definitely encourage you to explore BIAB. It took me a while to get there and to get a basic handle on it once I did (though I'm tech challenged, LOL!). But the software really is pretty easy to use, and you’ve got resources here to help. And BIAB has a great website with lots of FAQs and tutorials.

For me, it was well worth the investment, which is pretty modest for the basic packages--even for the all in price compared to a demo. The biggest challenge of doing this stuff on your own won’t be BIAB itself, but the mixing of the instrumental and vocal tracks (typically done in your DAW) to get everything to blend and work together. At least it is for me, LOL!

Good luck with it . . . and I’ll look forward to hearing this again.

Regards,

Deej

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I Gotta Go Home
(Consider 'I', instead of 'You', getting the Singer-Character in the Song, speaking First-Person, telling her own story, her personal experience, as opposed to an anonymous narrator speaking generic philosophy to the collective 'you'.
You get it done in 2:51. Short Songs work.)

"Sometimes I Gotta Go Home"
Words/Music
Copyright 2020 Jane Karwoski

(Verse I)
(I'm) wandering,
Aimlessly,
Sifting through debris!
Clinging, (enunciate clearly)
To memories.
(It's) the only future (I) see!
Running,
Like lightning.
There isn’t time to think!
(I) hold on firmly
To what (I) believe!

(Chorus)
Sometimes I Gotta Go Home
Wherever that may be!
Sometimes I need the comfort
Of friends and family!
Sometimes I Gotta Go Home!
It’s the only place to go,
When I'm stuck out in the cold! (your/you're)
Sometimes I've got to...I've Gotta Go Home.

(Verse II)
I'm out walking,
A tightrope,
No one ever sees!
They think,
I'm winning.
I live with my deceit!
I take,
my losses!
I wish to be set free!
Hoping to rest (there)
To find inner peace!

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)
(I) Grab what I've got
Even if it’s all I have
Better to be safe
With what I know

(Repeat Chorus)

(Cathy Heller Reinstein of www.catchthemoonmusic.com recommends giving a producer some reference tracks to demonstrate the kind of 'feel' you're going for, as opposed to just letting them run with it. Seems like sound advice. TAXI does that when seeking Songs/music for its customers.)


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Very good!.
Nice melody.
Good structure.

I agree with Gary about I instead of You.

Have fun!

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Thanks for the link Bob - I am sold on BIAB. I will probably go cheap at first just in case I get too overwhelmed.

It will take me a long time to get to the place that you guys are at. You're all so good at it I never knew you used it.

Thank you Deej for listen and the feedback. It is so nice of Vic to help me.

Niteshift - Phrasing and Prosody is my problem when vocalizing the lyrics - I am more of a melody person. I appreciate your support - thank you so much.

Gary - That's a good idea about making the song more personal - I will see what Vic comes up with - he is going to sing it. I am always open to change as I am just learning to be a songwriter. Thank you for your suggestions.

Guy - Thanks for the listen and comments. I am having fun now that I am back on the site again!

This is what I love about JP folks - how you are all willing to help a newbie like me get better at what they love to do.

Jane

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Hi Jane - link didn't work for me today.. frown

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JaneK Offline OP
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Hi Paul,

Thanks for trying to listen - I took it off soundcloud to work on it.

Jane


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