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#1140479 - 05/03/18 02:20 PM Cheap Rooms  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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columbus ohio
Hello, everybody, good to be back after several years break. Thus is my newest lyric.

V1
I've slept in cheap rooms
With no sheets and no bibles
I've dabbled with demons
That passed for disciples
I've wallowed in self doubt
And Mexican beer
I followed some white lines
Till I broke down here

V2
I don't have a road map
Or itinerary
There's only so much
An old man can carry
The engine stops running
The wheels stops turning
Then you start mourning
The daylight you're burning

Chorus:
This road has a shoulder
It's letting me cry on
Since there's not a soul here
That I can rely on
If wishes were horses
This fool would be ridin
Till I found another cheap room I can hide in

V3
The trash on the sidewalk
Is telling a story
Of pissed away dreams
And unrealized glory
It blows down the alley
And rests in the corner
And it keeps me wonderin
What I was born for

Vs 4
If all I keep finding
Are walls to impede me
And blows from the hand
That had promised to feed me
I might as well walk back
The way that I came
And see if somebody
remembers my name

Chorus:
This road has a shoulder
It's letting me cry on
Since there's not a soul here
That I can rely on
If wishes were horses
This fool would be ridin
Till I found another cheap room I can hide in

Vs 5
My suitcase is empty
My soul's wearing thinner
There's regrets for breakfast
And road dust for dinner
I'm too broke for whiskey
And too dry for cryin
Maybe I'll find
A cheap room I can die in


There are no more new frontiers..
We have got to make it here
#1140480 - 05/03/18 02:24 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,740
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Hi ruby, welcome back. This is absolutely outstanding. You should be proud. Meter, imagery, rhymes, development, everything. Well done. smile

Last edited by couchgrouch; 05/03/18 02:25 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1140481 - 05/03/18 02:30 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,801
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Ruby
Good lyric well written for a suggestion I'd drop the two THE's in verse 2 and on the last line perhaps the other THE and try about or even 'bout
Cheers
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1140482 - 05/03/18 02:52 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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Posts: 113
columbus ohio
Hi Robert! Good to see you again! Thank you so much for your kind words!


There are no more new frontiers..
We have got to make it here
#1140483 - 05/03/18 02:53 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2009
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rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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columbus ohio
Thanks Travis, I will consider that!


There are no more new frontiers..
We have got to make it here
#1140951 - 05/21/18 12:32 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 30
fallendiva Offline
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fallendiva  Offline
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Posts: 30
Riverside, CA, USA
Wowsa! Great figurative language! It's a bleak story, but well done. The last lunch punches a pretty big wallop, so I wonder if just repeating the line "a cheap room I can hide in" instead would be more subtle and less overwhelming. Keep it up and keep posting - I'll be looking!!

#1141056 - 05/25/18 11:06 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,580
beechnut79 Offline
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beechnut79  Offline
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Villa Park IL
At one time there were a boatload of cheap rooms in many of our large cities but a vast number have been wiped out by both urban gentrification and public stigma. With the vast homeless problem I would think this would be the right time to revive the idea but developers seem to have a huge fetish for large single family homes. This could be a good anthem for those involved in fair and affordable housing activism.

#1145084 - 10/02/18 01:15 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 1,441
Chuck Crowe Offline
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Chuck Crowe  Offline
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Livingston, TX
Nice! smile

-Chuck

#1145085 - 10/02/18 06:48 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,428
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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UK
I love this lyric.
The chorus reads like the verse but that's no problem with a melody change.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1145106 - 10/02/18 03:44 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,580
beechnut79 Offline
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beechnut79  Offline
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Villa Park IL
The title grabbed me without even reading the whole thing. I myself have lived in cheap rooms most of my life mostly by my own choice so I can afford to do some other things in life. My current landlady just passed away a week ago today. Don't know yet what is going to happen but hope I don't have to make a move until after the winter has passed. I would very much like to see alternative housing such as rooming houses come back around, as it would alleviate much of the homeless program. This is an issue nobody seems to really want to address for one reason or another. Maybe your song can be put to use for this purpose.

#1145350 - 10/13/18 12:51 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,250
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 1,250
Rubysshoes,

Not sure how I missed this the first time around, but this is a killer lyric. Really, really well done. When do we get to hear it? I'll look forward to the day.

All the best,

Deej

#1145359 - 10/13/18 08:57 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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Posts: 113
columbus ohio
Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions! I've done a little rewriting on the last verse which I'll post later.. there was a conflict between the no crying in that verse and the crying in the chorus. I've been very ill with severe diverticulitis and had two surgeries since I posted this, but I'm recovering now and hope to be more active here again. Thanks again and talk to you soon!


There are no more new frontiers..
We have got to make it here
#1145972 - 11/07/18 04:01 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,505
Moker Jarrett Offline
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Moker Jarrett  Offline
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,505
jacksonville, fl
Hi Ruby,
Hope you are on the mend, and posting great lyrics like this again!
It's full of great lines.

#1146118 - 11/13/18 08:31 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,618
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,618
Texas
Hi Ruby:

Welcome home. Interesting title and a pretty lengthy lyric... but you "weave" a captivating tale and I look forward to hearing the final version in the form of a song. I used to see Roger Miller at the old Nashville Airport and I mention it because this reminds me a bit of "Trailers for sale or rent... rooms to let, fifty cents..." which he performed so well.

Best wishes for success, ----Dave

#1161704 - 02/21/20 01:41 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,250
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 1,250
Hi, Ruby and all:

First off, Ruby, I hope all is well health-wise . . . we lose track of time and how fast it passes--it seems to me this lyric was so recent and yet your last post was almost a year and a half ago. And yet it speaks to the power of what you've written that I remembered it tonight and wondered why I never heard it set to music. It's among the best lyrics I've seen posted here in my time on JPF--deserving of a melody. I'm hoping someone takes it up . . . it needs to be heard.

Anyway, there are some wonderful lines to us writers to focus on and learn from . . . those first two lines in the chorus, for instance: the play on "shoulder". And the contrast of "regrets for breakfast" and "road dust for dinner". Very creative and resonating stuff.

Anyway, I hope you are out there Ruby and well. This is a beautiful bit of writing. Just wanted to give it a bump.

My best to you,

Deej

#1161709 - 02/21/20 10:19 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
columbus ohio
Hi!

Wow, it was a thrill to see this email this morning. I was in the middle of a pretty serious illness at that time, had 3 surgeries. I am on the mend now, and writing like my head is on fire. Cheap Rooms busted through a very long block. I have some cognitive issues left over from surgery so I had forgotten I even posted it here!
I have started a band called HillbillySwitch. We are in a fledgling state at the moment, but Cheap Room is on our set list. We haven't recorded her yet. But I do have an acapella version on video which I will share later today, and post some other newbies as well. Thanks for giving my brain a poke! I'll be back to annoy everybody 😁


There are no more new frontiers..
We have got to make it here
#1161710 - 02/21/20 10:21 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
columbus ohio
Oh and Deej...
I have seen some lyrics here that knocked me to the ground. Thank you for your kind, kind words. I am very proud of all my babies, but Cheap Rooms is special because it started me out on the path I'm on now. I'm humbled by your praise.


There are no more new frontiers..
We have got to make it here
#1161714 - 02/21/20 11:52 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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columbus ohio
@deej56, I have posted a rough acapella video in the video forum 😊


There are no more new frontiers..
We have got to make it here
#1161716 - 02/21/20 12:05 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,084
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Conover, North Carolina, USA
I love this lyric, Ruby. Do you have a recording of the song?

#1161727 - 02/21/20 11:11 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2009
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columbus ohio
I posted an acapella version in the video forum 🙂


There are no more new frontiers..
We have got to make it here
#1161826 - 02/25/20 10:20 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Sep 2019
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CTthomas Online content
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Second song of yours Iíve read tonight. I love what you have done to both of them. Your lyrics are very well done and will inspire me to work harder. Iím going to listen to your acapella version. Keep on inspiring us.


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