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#1161346 - 02/03/20 10:14 PM Reborn To Run  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,462
GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
My first of 2020. Thx for giving it a spin and offering some feedback if you can ...

Reborn To Run
(c)2020 David S. Becker Music
Music & Lyrics by David S. Becker
Produced, Arranged & Performed by David S. Becker
All Rights Reserved

https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/reborn-to-run


INTRO
VERSE 1

I felt my soul explode
As the needle hit the groove
Spinning round and round
My feet became unglued
I remember when I heard that sound
A crashing sonic boom
And not before too long
I'm dancing round the room

PRE-CHORUS
(I think he's finally found
What he's looking for)

CHORUS
(He's been reborn to run
His robotic days are done
The stirring in his soul looms large
His boredom's overcome)

VERSE 2
I heard a story told
And the seeds well they were sewn
A blast of energy
And it cut me to the bone
I remember that my heart it raced
With a pulsing, jarring drone
A chaotic panoply of words and sounds and tone

PRE-CHORUS
CHORUS

BRIDGE
At times I'm feeling high
At times I'm filled with lows
A dissonance subsides
Behold the afterglow
A harmony so pure
A sad beloved refrain
A soothing melody
Can wash away the pain

INSTRUMENTAL
PRE-CHORUS
CHORUS

#1161354 - 02/04/20 11:57 AM Re: Reborn To Run [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 997
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Conover, North Carolina, USA
This rocks. Love the melody, the performance and the production.

Do you think it might be even better if you changed up the bridge a little? It's different from the verse but feels very similar. Maybe vary the line length and see where that takes you? Something like this. Just thinking out loud - it's great as it is.

Feeling high
Then feeling low
Dissonance gives way
To the afterglow
A harmony so pure
A sad beloved refrain
A soothing melody
Goodbye pain

#1161355 - 02/04/20 12:12 PM Re: Reborn To Run [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,596
Gary E. Andrews Online content
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Gary E. Andrews  Online Content
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Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Great production, guitar work. Some good Structural timing, short Introductory Movement, hit THE Hook within first 60 seconds, memorable contrast between Verse and Chorus.
Your title, THE Hook, the main idea of a Song, is misplaced, or simply not supported by Structural Repetition.
The other Lines in your Chorus are obscure, abstract ideas that aren't clearly enunciated when I hear them, and hard to comprehend as I read them as being meaningful to the "Reborn To Run" concept.
A Repeat of the "Reborn To Run" Line to end the Chorus could be very effective. That would give you two 'hits' on THE Hook per giving of the Chorus.
Reading, there's some confusion of the 'I', First-Person Singer-Character, and the 'he', a reference to someone else by that Singer-Character as being the one who is 'reborn'.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1161363 - 02/04/20 05:18 PM Re: Reborn To Run [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,870
Fdemetrio Offline
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Fdemetrio  Offline
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With that title, you BETTER deliver.... lol

Id say you have. Your verses are great, sound, guitars.

Looking at the critiques, I think what your going for is to not be predictable where the song is going, which is a good thing.

I think you have to listen to it several times to get used to it, which is probably a good thing too.

You have a garage pop feel in the verses, a steeley dan pre chorus, and a metal or grunge chorus.

Like all the nuances going on, You got some brilliant ideas, for commercial purposes, it might help to keep them unified, but As I listen a few times, Im liking it more and more

Excellent sound and musicality...

#1161382 - 02/05/20 01:09 AM Re: Reborn To Run [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,195
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Dave,

Love when you post a tune . . . I know I’ll always hear something fresh and compelling. Not a disappointment here. Is it me or is there a Bowie feel to this one on your vocals, particularly on that pre-chorus (yeah, which also has a Steely Dan vibe to it).

The production hits all the right notes (no pun intended!). The changes throughout worked just fine for me, as does the bridge, moving into that nice guitar solo. I get what Gavin is suggesting regarding the bridge, but I wouldn’t change anything.

Love the abrupt finish—cool ending.

Great stuff, Dave!

All my best,

Deej

#1161389 - 02/05/20 10:11 AM Re: Reborn To Run [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,340
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Posts: 6,340
UK
Certainly moves along, Dave.
A tribute to rock.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1161397 - 02/05/20 04:53 PM Re: Reborn To Run [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,543
Dave Rice Offline
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Dave Rice  Offline
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Posts: 7,543
Texas
Enjoyed my listen, Dave:

You never disappoint. Best of luck with it.

----Dave

#1161433 - 02/06/20 05:14 PM Re: Reborn To Run [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,462
GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,462
Florida
@Gavin … Thx much for the thoughts. Definitely some things to think about. I appreciate the spin.

@Gary … Thx for the spin as well. I had actually thought about ending the chorus with the title, as well. Maybe I should rethink it. Appreciate all your comments. Food for thought.

@Fdem … I definitely intended on mixing genres in the various parts of the song - especially making the chorus a bit harder edged than I normally do. Honestly, I don't hear the Steely Dan influence in the PC, but as I am a big Dan fan, I appreciate the comment.

DeeJay … THx, as always for the listen. Not sure I hear the Bowie in this either, but also a Bowie fan (early Bowie), so I appreciate the comparison. Funny enough, my band is opening fot a Bowie tribute band at a Regatta outdoor event here locally. I intend to stay and listen to the main act and get my Bowie fix.

@Vic … thx much for the listen. Always enjoy your thoughts.

@Dave - thx as well for stopping by and giving this a spin. Always appreciated.

Dave

#1161477 - 02/08/20 02:20 PM Re: Reborn To Run [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,603
Nelson Offline
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Nelson  Offline
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Posts: 2,603
Baltimore, MD
Outstanding Dave.
Really enjoy your guitar work throughout and you have a sweet over all mix going on here.

What drum program did you use?

#1161501 - 02/10/20 11:32 AM Re: Reborn To Run [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,462
GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Thx much for the listen Nelson. Much appreciated! The drums were programmed with Logic x and it’s’ internal drummer software

Dave


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