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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
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My first of 2020. Thx for giving it a spin and offering some feedback if you can ... Reborn To Run(c)2020 David S. Becker Music Music & Lyrics by David S. Becker Produced, Arranged & Performed by David S. Becker All Rights Reserved https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/reborn-to-run INTRO VERSE 1I felt my soul explode As the needle hit the groove Spinning round and round My feet became unglued I remember when I heard that sound A crashing sonic boom And not before too long I'm dancing round the room PRE-CHORUS(I think he's finally found What he's looking for) CHORUS(He's been reborn to run His robotic days are done The stirring in his soul looms large His boredom's overcome) VERSE 2I heard a story told And the seeds well they were sewn A blast of energy And it cut me to the bone I remember that my heart it raced With a pulsing, jarring drone A chaotic panoply of words and sounds and tone PRE-CHORUS CHORUSBRIDGEAt times I'm feeling high At times I'm filled with lows A dissonance subsides Behold the afterglow A harmony so pure A sad beloved refrain A soothing melody Can wash away the pain INSTRUMENTAL PRE-CHORUS CHORUS
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26
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Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26 |
This rocks. Love the melody, the performance and the production.
Do you think it might be even better if you changed up the bridge a little? It's different from the verse but feels very similar. Maybe vary the line length and see where that takes you? Something like this. Just thinking out loud - it's great as it is.
Feeling high Then feeling low Dissonance gives way To the afterglow A harmony so pure A sad beloved refrain A soothing melody Goodbye pain
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42 |
Great production, guitar work. Some good Structural timing, short Introductory Movement, hit THE Hook within first 60 seconds, memorable contrast between Verse and Chorus. Your title, THE Hook, the main idea of a Song, is misplaced, or simply not supported by Structural Repetition. The other Lines in your Chorus are obscure, abstract ideas that aren't clearly enunciated when I hear them, and hard to comprehend as I read them as being meaningful to the "Reborn To Run" concept. A Repeat of the "Reborn To Run" Line to end the Chorus could be very effective. That would give you two 'hits' on THE Hook per giving of the Chorus. Reading, there's some confusion of the 'I', First-Person Singer-Character, and the 'he', a reference to someone else by that Singer-Character as being the one who is 'reborn'.
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,990 Likes: 15
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Joined: Oct 2017
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With that title, you BETTER deliver.... lol
Id say you have. Your verses are great, sound, guitars.
Looking at the critiques, I think what your going for is to not be predictable where the song is going, which is a good thing.
I think you have to listen to it several times to get used to it, which is probably a good thing too.
You have a garage pop feel in the verses, a steeley dan pre chorus, and a metal or grunge chorus.
Like all the nuances going on, You got some brilliant ideas, for commercial purposes, it might help to keep them unified, but As I listen a few times, Im liking it more and more
Excellent sound and musicality...
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Dave,
Love when you post a tune . . . I know I’ll always hear something fresh and compelling. Not a disappointment here. Is it me or is there a Bowie feel to this one on your vocals, particularly on that pre-chorus (yeah, which also has a Steely Dan vibe to it).
The production hits all the right notes (no pun intended!). The changes throughout worked just fine for me, as does the bridge, moving into that nice guitar solo. I get what Gavin is suggesting regarding the bridge, but I wouldn’t change anything.
Love the abrupt finish—cool ending.
Great stuff, Dave!
All my best,
Deej
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Certainly moves along, Dave. A tribute to rock.
Vic
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
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Enjoyed my listen, Dave:
You never disappoint. Best of luck with it.
----Dave
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
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OP
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@Gavin … Thx much for the thoughts. Definitely some things to think about. I appreciate the spin.
@Gary … Thx for the spin as well. I had actually thought about ending the chorus with the title, as well. Maybe I should rethink it. Appreciate all your comments. Food for thought.
@Fdem … I definitely intended on mixing genres in the various parts of the song - especially making the chorus a bit harder edged than I normally do. Honestly, I don't hear the Steely Dan influence in the PC, but as I am a big Dan fan, I appreciate the comment.
DeeJay … THx, as always for the listen. Not sure I hear the Bowie in this either, but also a Bowie fan (early Bowie), so I appreciate the comparison. Funny enough, my band is opening fot a Bowie tribute band at a Regatta outdoor event here locally. I intend to stay and listen to the main act and get my Bowie fix.
@Vic … thx much for the listen. Always enjoy your thoughts.
@Dave - thx as well for stopping by and giving this a spin. Always appreciated.
Dave
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
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Outstanding Dave. Really enjoy your guitar work throughout and you have a sweet over all mix going on here.
What drum program did you use?
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
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Thx much for the listen Nelson. Much appreciated! The drums were programmed with Logic x and it’s’ internal drummer software
Dave
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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