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#1160992 - 01/25/20 01:52 PM The Future is Rosie  
Joined: Oct 2017
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Fdemetrio Offline
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Fdemetrio  Offline
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Country...I think, its been folk and pop before too

I Remember I couldnt get the feel I wanted with the frickon ToonTrack piano, the verses to bouncy, but it serves as a decent demo
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13981232

Juan sittin on the fire escape
listenin to a Prince tape
through a flea market player he bought for 5 bucks
he's takin in the havoc
of rush hour traffic
just eatin some popcorn
damnin his luck
only one things different than the typical day
he see's the lovely Rosie comin his way

and the future is Rosie
there's a reason to smile
and angel moved in here
shes gonna live here for a while
like a drunk in a Bowery
who just found a key
push open the door
the future is Rosie

She's headin for the clothesline
laundry smellin so fine
spreadin nothin but sunshine
on the brick of this hood

and he thinks "life is worth livin
cause the signal shes been givin"
tells him somethins lying out there
and that somethins lookin good

still only one thing's different than the typical day
the two of them forgot about yesterday

and the future is Rosie
there's a reason to smile
and angel moved in here
shes gonna live here for a while
like a drunk in a Bowery
who just found a key
push open the door
the future is Rosie

Now, he's makin plans to get his GED
with Rosie on his side
there's no tellin what could be

and the future is Rosie
there's a reason to smile
and angel moved in here
shes gonna live here for a while
like a drunk in a Bowery
who just found a key
push open the door
the future is Rosie

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 01/25/20 01:52 PM.
#1161132 - 01/28/20 07:29 PM Re: The Future is Rosie [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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Fdemetrio Offline
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Fdemetrio  Offline
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bump, lookin for feedback on this.. as a song not neccessarly as a track.

#1161190 - 01/30/20 08:08 AM Re: The Future is Rosie [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,739
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK

Just one or two minor suggestion Fd
I haven't a clue what GED is so I skipped over it
John

Juan sittin on the fire escape
listenin to a Prince tape
through His flea market player bought for 5 bucks
he's takin in the havoc
of rush hour traffic
just eatin some popcorn
damnin his luck
only one things different than the typical day
he see's the lovely Rosie comin his way


THE future is Rosie
there's a reason to smile
AN angel moved in here
gonna live here for a while
like a drunk in a Bowery
who'S just found a key
pushED open A door
NOW THE future is Rosie

MONDAYS WASH DAY
laundry smellin so fine
spreadin nothin but sunshine
on the brick of this hood

NOW he thinks "lifeS worth livin
FROM signaLS shes givin"
tells him somethins lying out there
and that somethins lookin good

BUT THERE'S ONE different FROM A typical day
AS the two of them forgot about yesterday.

C

Now, he's makin plans to get his GED
with Rosie on his side
there's no tellin what could be

C


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1161191 - 01/30/20 08:09 AM Re: The Future is Rosie [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,739
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,739
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Just one or two minor suggestion Fd
I haven't a clue what GED is so I skipped over it
John

Juan sittin on the fire escape
listenin to a Prince tape
through His flea market player bought for 5 bucks
he's takin in the havoc
of rush hour traffic
just eatin some popcorn
damnin his luck
only one things different than the typical day
he see's the lovely Rosie comin his way


THE future is Rosie
there's a reason to smile
AN angel moved in here
gonna live here for a while
like a drunk in a Bowery
who'S just found a key
pushED open A door
NOW THE future is Rosie

MONDAYS WASH DAY
laundry smellin so fine
spreadin nothin but sunshine
on the brick of this hood

NOW he thinks "lifeS worth livin
FROM signaLS shes givin"
tells him somethins lying out there
and that somethins lookin good

BUT THERE'S ONE differeENCE FROM A typical day
AS the two of them forgot about yesterday.

C

Now, he's makin plans to get his GED
with Rosie on his side
there's no tellin what could be

C

Last edited by Travis david; 01/30/20 08:10 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1161196 - 01/30/20 08:28 AM Re: The Future is Rosie [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,346
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,346
UK
You have a good way with lyrics and arrangement.

Just two things. Is that line meant to be "like a drunk in a brewery"?
Also, that piano is very busy in the parts where your singing. Maybe find a loop with held chords there or take the vol down a couple of db.

Good one.
Vic


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#1161199 - 01/30/20 08:36 AM Re: The Future is Rosie [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,739
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
I too was uncertain about Brewary or Bowery?


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1161204 - 01/30/20 10:42 AM Re: The Future is Rosie [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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Fdemetrio Offline
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Hi guys thanks for the comments. it should read drunk IN the Bowery. Bowery is a part of New York, which is a classic spot for whino's and hobos and homeless to walk around aimlessly.

Bowery is more of a symbol here than the place, as it doesnt have to be New York.

Point is, imagine a bum walking around, not knowing where his next meal or bottle of booze is coming from, or where he's gonna sleep, and suddenly finds a key, that opens up a door to a new life. Thats how this guy feels when he sees Rosie.

Hi Vic, yeah im not happy with the arrangement, I stopped at drums and piano because I knew I wasn't getting the feel i wanted out of it. good enough rough demo.

Travis GED is a high school equivalent. He's trying to get out of the hood because Rosie inspires him....

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 01/30/20 10:43 AM.
#1161381 - 02/05/20 01:00 AM Re: The Future is Rosie [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,195
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 1,195
Fdemetrio,

First off, a great title/hook. Totally catches the eye and makes it a must listen. Really like the piano, Springsteen like feel; lovely melody and solid vocal. And the production touches are nuanced and engaging. I actually think the arrangement is pretty solid.

Lyrically, a few nits . . . at least for me, recognizing it’s all somewhat subjective . . . but for what it’s worth . . . The “just eating some popcorn” line for me doesn’t work. I get where you are going with it, but the lines preceding and following aren’t consistent with that feel (if in fact I am getting what you intended). “Havoc,” “traffic,” and “damning his luck” doesn’t seem to jibe with “eating some popcorn” (which suggests he's sitting back enjoying what's going on). I think an opportunity to change that line, and as it isn’t dependent on rhyme scheme, you have some lattitude to do so.

I like the imagery and the rhyme scheme of the second verse, but I’m wondering if the line “on the brick of this hood” works. First, in “hood” I think you mean the slang “the hood,” but there’s really nothing that sets that up, so on first listen I thought you mean the hood of a car, which of course makes no sense. I’d opt to replace “of this hood” (three syllables) with “neighborhood” (also three syllables, so it shouldn’t mess with the pace and feel of the melody), and then precede that with something like “through the streets of our neighborhood”. Though I think you can do better than “the streets”. I do like the idea of “our” neighborhood though, as it establishes a connection between the singer and Rosie through community.

Very, very good song—one of my favorites from you. My suggestions above are just that. It stands very solid as is, but offering up a different perspective in spots for you to think about. I always find it helpful even if to validate my thought process on a tune. So in that spirit, I hope the above it useful to some degree.

All my best,

Deej

#1161393 - 02/05/20 12:49 PM Re: The Future is Rosie [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,872
Fdemetrio Offline
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Fdemetrio  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,872
Originally Posted by Deej56
Fdemetrio,

First off, a great title/hook. Totally catches the eye and makes it a must listen. Really like the piano, Springsteen like feel; lovely melody and solid vocal. And the production touches are nuanced and engaging. I actually think the arrangement is pretty solid.

Lyrically, a few nits . . . at least for me, recognizing it’s all somewhat subjective . . . but for what it’s worth . . . The “just eating some popcorn” line for me doesn’t work. I get where you are going with it, but the lines preceding and following aren’t consistent with that feel (if in fact I am getting what you intended). “Havoc,” “traffic,” and “damning his luck” doesn’t seem to jibe with “eating some popcorn” (which suggests he's sitting back enjoying what's going on). I think an opportunity to change that line, and as it isn’t dependent on rhyme scheme, you have some lattitude to do so.

I like the imagery and the rhyme scheme of the second verse, but I’m wondering if the line “on the brick of this hood” works. First, in “hood” I think you mean the slang “the hood,” but there’s really nothing that sets that up, so on first listen I thought you mean the hood of a car, which of course makes no sense. I’d opt to replace “of this hood” (three syllables) with “neighborhood” (also three syllables, so it shouldn’t mess with the pace and feel of the melody), and then precede that with something like “through the streets of our neighborhood”. Though I think you can do better than “the streets”. I do like the idea of “our” neighborhood though, as it establishes a connection between the singer and Rosie through community.

Very, very good song—one of my favorites from you. My suggestions above are just that. It stands very solid as is, but offering up a different perspective in spots for you to think about. I always find it helpful even if to validate my thought process on a tune. So in that spirit, I hope the above it useful to some degree.

All my best,

Deej


Thanks Dee. I see your nits, could be room for improvement. As I see it's setting the scene of where Juan lives, how humdrum and boring his life is, with not alot of hope. Sitting on a fire escape watching the cars go by, while eating popcorn is what he does to fill his time. I guess it does depend what your vision of where he is. They say to leave some room for the listener to decide for themselves instead of trying to paint it exactly... but
I think the "hood" is established, who sits on a fire escape in the suburbs? Popcorn... a cheap snack, we eat when bored too...

I was envisioning it from the pov of two people living in apartment complex..I see this one spot often and start wondering who is thinking what as they walk around.

Who does the laundry on a clothesline any more but poorer people? needing a GED equivalent tells you that hes not very qualified to do much, which is probably why he's living there in the first place.

I think it works, but I could try to tweak it a bit. Thanks for the nice comments and good ears!

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 02/05/20 12:50 PM.

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