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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/04/24 12:47 PM
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Brand new ink, written in about 20 minutes from a hook, sorta, out of a book I am reading by Dean Koontz. The line was "The stars were just legend" but I liked the legend idea so here it is:
Her Heart Is Just a Legend
Her heart is just a legend No one knows the source Rumored to be hooded Riding a pale horse It doesn't match her beauty Light and full of grace All innocent and joyful Of evil not a trace
Her heart is just a legend--------} Chorus She's broken many men Deceived by the outside They always let her in Be careful of her love It comes at quite a cost Her heart is just a legend Your soul will soon be lost
4 Bar Turnaround
I saw her across the room Admirers all around A small voice deep inside Soon they'll be hell-bound I hardly ever hear it But now I'll take it's word Warned away from danger A startled little bird
Her heart is just a legend--------} Chorus She's broken many men Deceived by the outside They always let her in Be careful of her love It comes at quite a cost Her heart is just a legend Your soul will soon be lost
8 Bar Instrumental Break
Her heart is just a legend--------} Chorus She's broken many men Deceived by the outside They always let her in Be careful of her love It comes at quite a cost Her heart is just a legend Your soul will soon be lost
Her heart is just a legend Your soul will soon be lost
Copyright 2019 John W Selleck BMI
Last edited by John W. Selleck; 01/16/20 07:32 PM. Reason: lyric change.
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i like this John,those women were always the one you wanted most.Mike
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Hi Mike, Thank you. Great to hear from you. And yes, guys go for dangerous women just like women love bad men.
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Feel like the message comes across in the chorus but not necessarily in the verse. Since the lines don't actually have a subject, the reader has to fill them in to be clear which direction you're going. Think about it like adding the subject to each of the statements:
Her heart is just a legend that no one knows the source Her heart is rumored to be hooded, riding a dark horse Her heart doesn't match her beauty Her heart is light and full of grace Her heart is all innocent and joyful Her heart - of evil not a trace
Not suggesting these as a way to reword, just how the meaning can come across the way its worded now. Think about how to reword to get the intent of the last three lines clear: She appears light and full of grace She appears innocent and joyful But of a heart there is no trace.
Last edited by Marty Helly; 11/22/19 05:16 PM.
Marty my home Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again!
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Hi Marty, Thanks for the visit and the suggestions. I have a co-writer working on the music for this right now So I won't be changing much. I assume people can get the subject from the original line. The subject of the second line is the legend, the3rd/4th her heart. The 5th-8th lines are the same about her beauty not matching her evil heart. I know you shouldn't have to explain songs and if I get more feedback saying they didn't get it I will take a closer look. The other thing I keep to, very closely, is meter, and sometimes to keep meter, you have to fit the words to that pattern and still keep the meaning. This one meters pretty well. Thanks again.
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Joined: Mar 2010
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Hi John,
Glad to see some of the original people on this site still,lol. Been away for awhile myself. I'm lookikng forward to the music. I think most everyone can relate to the song--at one point or another we have all known that girl you're talking about. Or the other way around. Very well done. Take care, Roger
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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