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#1160431 - 01/08/20 05:56 PM Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song  
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 16
Adam_of_the_Universe Offline
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Adam_of_the_Universe  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 16
Lawrence, Kansas

Hey, friends! I wanted to share my latest work with you all to see what kind of wisdom and ideas you might offer that I can take with me when I go back into the studio with it in a few weeks. I already have some thoughts on things I might change, but I wanted to share as-is to see if you all pick up on the same things. Let me know what you think and, as always, thanks for listening! You are appreciated.

P.S. This song hasn't been released yet, and the Soundcloud link I'm sharing is set to 'private.' This is my first time trying this, so please let me know if you have any trouble accessing the song.

Escape to the Cosmos - Demo 1


Escape to the Cosmos by Adam Astra

The city at night is a lovely sight
But the lights can strain your eyes
I know of a grove off a dark country road
Why don’t we go for a ride?

We’ll slip away when the daylight fades
And the stars begin to shine
The clouds have all cleared, and the moon’s not too bright
We’ll escape to the cosmos tonight.

Far from the bars, the streetlights and cars
We'll lay our blankets down,
Trace the constellations from our bed in the weeds
And share all the wonders we've found

We’ll slip away when the daylight fades
And the stars begin to shine
With galaxies and gods all goin round in our flight
We’ll escape to the cosmos tonight.    

The fireflies flash,
The meteors dash
All across the impossible sky

[instrumental break]

We’ll slip away when the daylight fades
And the stars begin to shine.
In this brilliant darkness, our vision's set right.
We’ll escape to the cosmos tonight. 

#1160437 - 01/08/20 08:40 PM Re: Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Jun 2019
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JAPOV Offline
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JAPOV  Offline
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This reminds me of a trip I took to "freaky peak"... a place up in the mountains near San Gorgonio, CA... with some friends, an 8" refractor telescope, no clouds and no moon! The stars looked as big as dimes smile

Has anyone ever said you sound like John Denver?

Last edited by JAPOV; 01/08/20 08:50 PM.
#1160440 - 01/08/20 11:05 PM Re: Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,926
MFB III Offline
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MFB III  Offline
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ohio
Love the intro, superb lead in and then your vocals bring the story to life. Sounds like a fascinating trip we all should consider. It shows us our true scale on the grand scheme of things. I loved it. And hey if you sound like John Denver that's a good thing, we could use another John denver. Just don't go taking any hang-Gliders up at night to study the stars even closer...LOL-Write on-Right ON!!!!

#1160441 - 01/08/20 11:38 PM Re: Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,805
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Damn, that's great. The lyric structure is tight and so is the meter, resulting in a memorable melody. Good ideas, vocal, everything. A pleasure to listen to. smile


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1160470 - 01/09/20 03:30 PM Re: Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 16
Adam_of_the_Universe Offline
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Adam_of_the_Universe  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 16
Lawrence, Kansas
Thanks for the kind words, friends! I've had people tell me I sound like Donovan and Jim Croce, and now I'll add John Denver to the list. All great songwriters, so all taken as a compliment smile

Anyone see any room for improvement? I'm always open to constructive criticism. At the moment I'm trying to improve the harmony sections (maybe I better not try to sing my own harmony parts) and puzzling over what kind of further arrangement/instrumentation might best serve the song.

#1160474 - 01/09/20 04:46 PM Re: Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Oct 2017
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Fdemetrio Offline
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Fdemetrio  Offline
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I dont think the meter has anything to do with it, actually. Couchgrouch seems to be a fan of yours, I think this is pretty good.

Ways to improve it? Perhaps a little bit less robotic delivery... guitar playing/singing.

I think it depends what your purpose and goal is. To have a good song, I think you accomplished that, having it recorded by another artist, it could probably use some
changing. It sounds a like a very familiar melody to many folk songs so it might blend in too much with the thousands of other similar types of songs.

I enjoyed listening to it, if you are the artist, it's yours and it seems to work.

It's a great hook/title

keep em comin!


Last edited by Fdemetrio; 01/09/20 04:52 PM.
#1160484 - 01/09/20 09:25 PM Re: Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 16
Adam_of_the_Universe Offline
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Adam_of_the_Universe  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 16
Lawrence, Kansas
Fdemetrio,

I appreciate the kind words and honest feedback. At this point I'm mostly interested in developing the song in the studio and seeing how far I can go with it. Writing for other artists is something I've yet to pursue, but I'm open to the idea. My small output up until now is probably too personal and idiosyncratic to be very marketable in that way. We'll see what the future holds. Thanks again for weighing in.

One of my resolutions this year is to be more active on the forums here, so looking forward to hearing more from you all!

#1160486 - 01/10/20 12:12 AM Re: Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 563
JAPOV Offline
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JAPOV  Offline
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This may just be a matter of taste... but I think if you take out some of the mid-lows (100-150) and add a little high end (5000?) your nylon string guitar will sound less "boxy". Your vocals are nice and clear as they are. You could also try mixing up your fingerpicking pattern every 4 bars for some variety smile

#1160495 - 01/10/20 08:54 PM Re: Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 16
Adam_of_the_Universe Offline
Casual Observer
Adam_of_the_Universe  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 16
Lawrence, Kansas
JAPOV,

I'll keep your suggestions in mind moving forward. I agree that the guitar sound could be improved. I'm getting better at mixing, but still a lot to learn there (including when to call in a pro, haha).

#1160502 - 01/11/20 03:10 PM Re: Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,767
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,767
Texas
Hi Adam:

Sorry I'm late. You have a vocal that reaches somewhere into the past... like Croce or Denver... but different. I always want to be encouraging and believe you have the "right stuff" to move up the ladder. The guitar picking was not exactly what the song needs... but for a rough demo... it gets the point across.

Looking forward to hearing what you do with the studio version, hopefully, with more backing.

Best wishes for success... and more importantly... happiness! ----Dave

#1160504 - 01/11/20 03:20 PM Re: Escape to the Cosmos - Original Song [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 123
PaulCanuck Offline
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PaulCanuck  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 123
Hello Adam and welcome.
I liked it - I love waltzes and this one flows nicely.
Vocals are good and so is the hook.
Sounds like you are looping the guitar pattern which gives it a mechanical vibe - might want to do that in real time to make it a bit more organic..

Good song!
Paul


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