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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,126 Likes: 29
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I was going to put this in the "Success Story" section of JPF, but it's not truly that so I posted it here. It is a personal accomplishment that was very enjoyable to get done. BETRAYAL is the audio short story that I did with Mike Zaneski over the last couple of years. I put it up on Soundcloud as an EP. Below is a link if anyone would like to listen. Warning...beginning to end, it is about 40 minutes. https://soundcloud.com/sunset-poet-of-texas/sets/betrayal-a-story-in-songs
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26
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I've already listened, as you know. One of the highlights of my JPF experience.
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,973 Likes: 85
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I just got back home and had a late dinner... So, I’m just bumping this up as a reminder to listen tomorrow lol
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Joined: Jun 2011
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A great concept Martin. I've listened to part of it today and will get back to it this week. Happy New Year and congratulations on a splendid project Regards John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Gavin, Japov and John
Thanks for stopping by and Happy 2020 to you.
Martin
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42
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This is quite listenable. The narrative story creates the Singer-Character and Love-Interest Character quite vividly. Creating that reality more fully enables a Songwriter to conceive realistic conversational story-telling from realistic conceptions of the thoughts that might occur to the Characters. The Songs then illustrate cogent thoughts, main ideas of the conflict, delivered in coherent conversational story-telling. The musical treatments are clean and simply sophisticated, whoever the players/singers are. The Songs are varied in Structure, strong on THE Hook/title/main idea. The less-than happy ending is acceptable, given the situation. The whole idea is the relationship they had was betrayed, discovered not to have the value they thought it did, from their opposite perspectives, and post-betrayal realizations, and betrayal of such strategic nature can never be restored; only forgiven. I think there was mention of "...a baby girl..." in "Gone By Dawn", but never again in the telling of the tale. That complication of a third life affected by betrayal would need to be addressed. I have a Song with kids in it, where the main characters are settling last matters of a relationship, and expressed regret that they were 'in there'. My friend, Songwriter Laura Wood simply said, "Take them out." I did and the Song worked as story without that emotional reality needing to be in it. I'm listening again and enjoying it again. Well done Martin.
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,126 Likes: 29
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This is quite listenable. The narrative story creates the Singer-Character and Love-Interest Character quite vividly. Creating that reality more fully enables a Songwriter to conceive realistic conversational story-telling from realistic conceptions of the thoughts that might occur to the Characters. The Songs then illustrate cogent thoughts, main ideas of the conflict, delivered in coherent conversational story-telling. The musical treatments are clean and simply sophisticated, whoever the players/singers are. The Songs are varied in Structure, strong on THE Hook/title/main idea. The less-than happy ending is acceptable, given the situation. The whole idea is the relationship they had was betrayed, discovered not to have the value they thought it did, from their opposite perspectives, and post-betrayal realizations, and betrayal of such strategic nature can never be restored; only forgiven. I think there was mention of "...a baby girl..." in "Gone By Dawn", but never again in the telling of the tale. That complication of a third life affected by betrayal would need to be addressed. I have a Song with kids in it, where the main characters are settling last matters of a relationship, and expressed regret that they were 'in there'. My friend, Songwriter Laura Wood simply said, "Take them out." I did and the Song worked as story without that emotional reality needing to be in it. I'm listening again and enjoying it again. Well done Martin. Gary...Wow....you nailed the song. You even addressed the one loose end (baby girl) that I kept going back and forth on whether or not to keep in. I kept it in because I thought that it made Gone By Dawn more impactual as a stand alone song. Now that it is finished, I agree with you and think that I should have taken it out. The song is a hobby and finished and I probably wont redo it again, but I truly appreciate your comments and level of understanding. All of your comments reflect exactly what I had in mind when I wrote the story. Thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts. It was gratifying to read what you wrote. Sincere regards and Happy New Year. Ps The musicians were; me on lead vocals, rhythm guitar and lead guitar in ONE NIGHT STOLE FOREVER. NashvilleTrax.com supplied a piano solo track to TIME NashvilleTrax.com supplied a lead fills track done by Brent Mason to GONE BY DAWN. Michael Zaneski was absolutely and remarkably....everything else. , instrumentation, backing vocals, mixing, production, etc
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
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Beautiful work Martin. I was quite spellbound by it.
Vic
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Thank you Vic. Much appreciated.
Martin
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Joined: Jun 2019
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Oh, I remember these... The country concept album! For me, the narration was a bit like watching a dvd with commentary... Yea, it told the back story and filled in some blanks, but after the narration the song seemed a bit redundant. Which made me think... I wonder if you could "preface" each song in real time as a companion listener instead of just telling the story? That way you can "lead" the narrative by asking questions that the song will answer.... Does that make sense? Then you can comment about each song both before and after in a more conversational way
Last edited by JAPOV; 01/02/20 02:21 PM.
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Oh, I remember these... The country concept album! For me, the narration was a bit like watching a dvd with commentary... Yea, it told the back story and filled in some blanks, but after the narration the song seemed a bit redundant. Which made me think... I wonder if you could "preface" each song in real time as a companion listener instead of just telling the story? That way you can "lead" the narrative by asking questions that the song will answer.... Does that make sense? Then you can comment about each song both before and after in a more conversational way Thanks for listening JAPOV I dont really envision the song story the way that you describe. It's a story about honest emotions being told in a straightforward way. If a listener is not grabbled by what the young man and woman are thinking and feeling as expressed in the songs and narrations, then I don't think that I can entice them further by creating suspense. The song story is just not for some listeners, probably most...and maybe not for yourself. Whatever suspense there is, is in the relatability and wondering whether the couple will ultimately reconcile. Nonetheless...thank you for taking the time to consider the story and offer some feedback. Martin
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
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Martin,
I’m a big fan of the songs. Congrats on putting this all together. An accomplishment to be very proud of!
Hope all is well in your world!
Deej
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Martin,
I’m a big fan of the songs. Congrats on putting this all together. An accomplishment to be very proud of!
Hope all is well in your world!
Deej
Thanks DJ Happy 2020.
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895
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Very Cool Martin. Congratulations on finishing your project and in such grand style. Well done.
Ricki
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Very Cool Martin. Congratulations on finishing your project and in such grand style. Well done.
Ricki Thanks Ricky. Happy New Year.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
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Hi Martin and Mike by default:
I know this had to be a "Herculean" task... and many of us are not capable of staying "on track" for this long... but you accomplished the "mission" with real imaginative artistry and a sad, but all too real story line.
Well done and best wishes for success... and more to come.
----Dave
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Hi Martin and Mike by default:
I know this had to be a "Herculean" task... and many of us are not capable of staying "on track" for this long... but you accomplished the "mission" with real imaginative artistry and a sad, but all too real story line.
Well done and best wishes for success... and more to come.
----Dave Thank you Sir Dave. Your encouragement is unfailing and appreciated. Martin
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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