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#1159325 - 12/05/19 09:43 PM Uphill Both Ways  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 99
John W Selleck Offline
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John W Selleck  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 99
While writing a comment in the shout box, I ended up with this hook. Hope it works for ya.

Uphill Both Ways

I remember when my last love fell apart
It felt like forever gluein' pieces of my heart
I thought the hurt would never end
I wouldn't chance the pain to try again
But distance from the damage let me go
To a place where again I let love show

Don't care if I'm fallin'-------} Chorus
Into love or out
Sometimes is seems
I just want to shout
Why is this so hard
A struggle every day
Like my Daddy said
It's uphill... Both ways

With chestnut hair and eyes an emerald green
The most interesting woman I had seen
Came floating through the crowd in front of me
My heart was beating saying set me free
I thought I couldn't find the words to say
And all at once I'm back into the fray

Don't care if I'm fallin'-------} Chorus
Into love or out
Sometimes is seems
I just want to shout
Why is this so hard
A struggle every day
Like my Daddy said
It's uphill... Both ways

She said hello and much to my surprise
I said it back and looked into her eyes
She said this won't ever be easy for you
To win my love there's lots you need to do
There's many ways for you to go astray
I said I'm used to goin' uphill every day

Don't care if I'm fallin'-------} Chorus
Into love or out
Sometimes is seems
I just want to shout
Why is this so hard
A struggle every day
Like my Daddy said
It's uphill... Both ways

Instrumental Break 8 Bars

Don't care ifI'mr fallin'-------} Chorus
Into love or out
Sometimes is seems
I just want to shout
Why is this so hard
A struggle every day
Like my Daddy said
It's uphill... Both ways
Uphill... Both... Ways

Copyright 12/2019 John W Selleck BMI

#1159787 - 12/19/19 12:46 PM Re: Uphill Both Ways [Re: John W Selleck]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,789
Gary E. Andrews Offline
Gary E. Andrews  Offline

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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,789
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Verses serve the function of exposition, exposing the storyline, the set-up for the Chorus and the main point of a Song. There seems to be a lot of exposition here, maybe too much, keeping them waiting too long to get to the point. The Chorus is long too, so overall time becomes a concern. If you sing it, how long does it take to execute? That might tell you if it's too long.

I always want the pronoun, the 'I' to be the 'actor' for the 'action' of the verb.

Don't care if I'm fallin'...

Or:

I don't care if I'm fallin'...

The 'shout' Rhyme seems like a Grab-A-Rhyme, Rhyming for the sake of Rhyme, without adding much to the storyline.
I run through the alphabet searching for other Rhymes that might be meaningful in the storyline. About, bout, clout, doubt, too early in the relationship to talk about your gout, house - a Near-Rhyme, joust, lout, mouth - ooo! That could work. pout, rout, south, tout.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1159804 - 12/19/19 07:13 PM Re: Uphill Both Ways [Re: John W Selleck]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,009
John W. Selleck Online content
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John W. Selleck  Online Content
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,009
NJ
Hi Gary,
Thanks again for your interest and comments. Like you I have been at this a while and understand the basics. Most lyrics I've seen leave many people wondering "Where is the meat to this story". I have been asked many times, please explain why he/she feels this way. One of the only lyricists I have seen that tells it all is Couch Grouch. I love his style so I am always working to make my mine more descriptive, within time constraints. I will sing this through on an MP3 and see where it comes out, if too long I will adjust as needed to 3:00 to 3:30. I will look at the "Shout" and may rewrite both lines there. Thanks again.
New Chorus:
Don't care if your fallin'-------} Chorus
Into love or out
Sometimes I wonder
What's it all about
Why is this so hard
A struggle every day
Like my Daddy said
It's uphill... Both ways


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
#1162259 - 03/18/20 01:21 PM Re: Uphill Both Ways [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 86
CTthomas Online content
Serious Contributor
CTthomas  Online Content
Serious Contributor

Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 86
John. I like the new chorus.

#1162375 - 03/25/20 10:28 AM Re: Uphill Both Ways [Re: John W Selleck]  
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,027
Marty Helly Offline
Marty Helly  Offline

Top 200 Poster

Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,027
Florence, MA, USA
Feel like you've got four perfect lines to the hook in the second half of the chorus.
The rest doesn't read/sing in my head well.
But those four lines are gold.


Marty my home

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again!
#1162435 - 03/27/20 11:36 AM Re: Uphill Both Ways [Re: John W Selleck]  
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 436
ckiphen Online content
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ckiphen  Online Content
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 436
- Select One - huntsville, te...
I like the chorus.


Ckiphen
#1163456 - 04/20/20 06:48 PM Re: Uphill Both Ways [Re: John W Selleck]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,172
summeoyo Offline
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summeoyo  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,172
Harrisburg, PA, USA
I like the story-line and the Up Hill Both Ways theme. I'm with Gary and Marty on their comments.I'd recommend losing the" I don't care" part of the chorus. It makes the singer seem callous. A general statement like "It doesn't matter" would be a safer line. I don't get what "I just want to shout" adds to the chorus. Length is a concern here also. Why not convert V3 to a bridge as it brings a resolution to a decision to allow oneself to go "uphill" by falling in love again? Lose the instrumental and last chorus to get it down to a time length that the pros want.

Summeoyo


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