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Soldiers Field © 2019 vaughan/Arnold Rewrite 2 V: The sun is rising o'er the meadow as I walk the hallowed ground Trees have grown to cast their shadows and the lark sings a pleasing sound V: Much greener grass than I remember The pastures lush where wounds have healed Morning dew on flowers so tender But this for me is Soldiers Field C: If this soil one day reveals the misery that it conceals of a hundred years ago many tears will flow for the young men of all nations when to Soldiers Field they go Inst: V: I walk alone here night and day I stand beside you as you greave my soul can't find no place to lay except upon this Soldiers Field C: Outro: I am that whisper on the breeze and the rustling of the leaves So here's to those who plant the seeds Here we lie on Soldiers Field ____________________________________ SOLDIERS Field ( 1st rewrite Vic, collab Travis/Vic) V: The sun was rising o'er the meadow as I walked the hallowed ground Trees had grown to cast their shadows and the lark sings a pleasing sound V: Much greener grass than I remember The pastures lush where wounds have healed Morning dew on flowers so tender But this for me is Soldiers Field C: If this soil one day reveals the misery that it conceals of one hundred years ago many tears will surely flow for the young men of all nations when to Soldiers Field they go Inst: V: I walk alone here night and day I stand beside you as you greave my soul can't find no place to lay except upon this Soldiers Field C: Outro: I am that whisper on the breeze and the rustling of the leaves So here's to those who plant the seeds
__________________________________________ SOLDIERS Field ( first draft) V The sun was rising, as I walked the meadow the moon that hung casting its long shadows Had disappeared, now a new days begun as a goldfinch sings, its pleasing song
V The grass is greener than I remember sun lights morning dew on flowers so slender The pastures lush where old wounds have healed But will forever bare the name Soldiers Field C If the soil beneath one day reveals the misery that its concealed Of one hundred years ago OCEANS of tears will flow Over young men of all mations Soldiers Field could not let go V I walk alone through night and through the day my soul can't find no peace so here I stay I might stand beside you as you greive I'm that whisper on the breeze, rustling of the leaves
B The glorious dead planted those seeds
C
Last edited by Travis david; 11/27/19 12:26 PM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Hi Travis, This sings very well. I might change a word or two for flow but the funny this is I found myself singing this with an Irish accent ala "Danny Boy"! Imagine that!
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Cheers John I have it has a folk ballad, an Irish one is fine by me Regards John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Very poetic John. Reads well as 1914-'18 war poem. Would also work well as a folk song with a simple treatment and maybe the odd spoken line.
Vic
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Thanks Vic Yes a spoken part would worh very well, folk song yes, mandolin intro perhaps? Ta John
Last edited by Travis david; 11/24/19 10:08 AM.
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Some nice sentiments there Travis. I think I would put it all in the present tense, rather than shift tenses after the first verse. Also, if this is supposed to be a First and/or Second World War song, I would find a different title. Soldier Field is where the Chicago Bears play football. Or you could change a few words and it could actually be about the Chicago Bears Just kidding, obviously. I think this could the basis of a good song.
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Hi Gavin Thanks for looking and your suggestions. I used to be a boxing fan, Soldiers Field was venue of a big world title fight featuring one of my heroes, Jack Dempsey so I thought it might work on this lyric. The 100 years refers to WW1 so it was a matter of past and presentcheers Jihn
Last edited by Travis david; 11/25/19 04:55 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Thanks Calvin for the read through John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Morning, Travis:
This has so much merit and I enjoyed the comments from so many JPF stalwarts. It is something worthy of spending more time to develop it to it's full potential. Nice work, my friend. Good to see you here again.
----Dave
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Hi Dave Hope you are well? No not been around much lately with one thing and another. Vic has done a rewrite which is tighter and we're going for as a completed song. All the best and thanks for the read and comments John
Last edited by Travis david; 11/26/19 11:58 AM.
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Nice Collaboration, This reads and meters very well. Can't wait to hear it, with an Irish twist.
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Thanks again John for the read.. Regards John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Another rewrite bringing into the present tense
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I like it much better now. You've been through a few birds in the course of this, LOL, but the lark definitely seems the right choice for early morning. I love the idea of the wounds of the battlefield having healed. Not entirely sure about these lines: "Morning dew on flowers so tender But this for me is Soldiers Field" Grammatically, tender could refer to either the dew or the flowers, but neither of those can really be tender. How about... "Many the dream that met its end here This for me is Soldiers Field." For me, the least resonant part is the chorus, especially this line: "many tears will surely flow." It's maybe just me, but it seems a little cliched and straining for a rhyme. I thought of this... If this soil one day reveals the wasted lives that it conceals buried here one hundred years morning dew will mix with tears for the young men of all nations who lie in Soldiers Field Or if you wanted yet another rhyme ...for the young men who lie here in Soldiers Field I don't know the melody, so that might not work, but I thought it would be good to end the chorus on the hook itself. Sorry for all the suggestions. I got a bit carried away - which is surely a good sign as far as the song is concerned.
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Hi Gavin Lark I agree works better. Up with the Lark and all that is better and only one syllable of course. The original line was flowers so slender which had a rewrite Not truly convinced that the surely flow line is cliche but you brought it to light so that is worth a looking at I've asked Vic to pop round to look at the other suggestion Regards and thanks John
Last edited by Travis david; 11/27/19 03:19 PM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Travis (and Vic),
Really strong write . . . just begs for an old Irish melody and sound. Can't wait to hear what you two come up with.
My best to you both,
Deej
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Thanks Dave we appreciate your thumbs up Regards John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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