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Loss
by Ricki E. Bellos. 12/12/19 03:34 PM
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#1158717 - 11/19/19 07:27 PM
Roadside Rest
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,623
couchgrouch
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,623
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https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal/roadside-rest-studioRoadside RestI can see the evening shadows, of the Superstition Hills When I drive out here at twilight, in my dented coupe-Deville Park beside a nearby canyon, where blackbirds and echoes nest I can hear the children laughing, at the I-10 roadside rest
And I picture that old school bus, and the guy behind the wheel Gin and coffee in his thermos, next to broken glass and steel And a chilly breath of sadness, wells up in my aching chest When I hear the children laughing, at the I-10 roadside restThen they set that driver free, on a technicality And I waited on the courthouse steps that day Two shots from a .38, and that killer met his fate Then a jury of my peers put me away When we’d come to pick up garbage, in our orange prison vests I could hear the children laughing, at the I-10 roadside restServed my sentence nice and quiet, and I made a quick parole But despair’s a timeless prison, for an empty, tattered soul Breezes whistle ‘round their crosses, when they blow through from the west I can hear hear my daughter laughing, at her peaceful roadside rest
I can see the evening shadows, of the Superstition Hills When I drive out here at twilight, in my dented coupe-deville…©2009 Cameron Earnshaw/Robert George
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#1158742 - 11/20/19 10:17 PM
Re: Roadside Rest
[Re: couchgrouch]
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,623
couchgrouch
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,623
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Thanks guys. Eddie, I always pictured the narrator as being a guy whose actions speak louder than his words, so the semi-stoic delivery fits his character, as if Clint Eastwood were telling the story.
Japov, you have to write to the hook. That's something internet writers rarely do. I have to describe the "roadside rest", do it with details that fit the mood and foreshadow the story later on, as well as put the narrator there. Memories of the girl don't do that and would only waste precious space. For another song, another story, fine. But in this song, every idea should point to the Roadside Rest, each vs developing it further, with new info being revealed in the bridge, then out.
I'm sorry you feel the song lacks punch.
Last edited by couchgrouch; 11/20/19 10:21 PM.
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#1158764 - 11/21/19 10:40 AM
Re: Roadside Rest
[Re: couchgrouch]
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,545
Fdemetrio
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,545
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It's more of an introspective song, they can work, Nebraska is full of them.
My only quibble is that is a double hook really on par with such a haunting song?
Enjoyed the song the music fits the mood.
P.S. I dont think the song is saying there is a hero.
Last edited by Fdemetrio; 11/21/19 11:03 AM.
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#1158857 - 11/24/19 01:36 PM
Re: Roadside Rest
[Re: couchgrouch]
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,623
couchgrouch
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,623
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Thanks guys and thanks for the comment about my turntable. I'll never be on The View discussing my Grammy nom or latest best seller but I'm pretty sure I have the coolest writer's den in America.  Ps...I'm taking down my Casablanca poster and replacing it with a mural of Greta....
Last edited by couchgrouch; 12/11/19 01:38 PM.
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#1158879 - 11/24/19 09:11 PM
Re: Roadside Rest
[Re: couchgrouch]
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 54
PaulCanuck
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 54
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Wonderful story-telling here couch - this thing has pathos dripping from every bar  Good demo - nice mix - the lyrics can be heard (very important in a story song) and the arrangement is solid. No nits from me - I think it's great  Paul
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