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#1158717 - 11/19/19 07:27 PM Roadside Rest  
Joined: Dec 2000
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couchgrouch Online content
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https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal/roadside-rest-studio

Roadside Rest

I can see the evening shadows, of the Superstition Hills
When I drive out here at twilight, in my dented coupe-Deville
Park beside a nearby canyon, where blackbirds and echoes nest
I can hear the children laughing, at the I-10 roadside rest

And I picture that old school bus, and the guy behind the wheel
Gin and coffee in his thermos, next to broken glass and steel
And a chilly breath of sadness, wells up in my aching chest
When I hear the children laughing, at the I-10 roadside rest


Then they set that driver free, on a technicality
And I waited on the courthouse steps that day
Two shots from a .38, and that killer met his fate
Then a jury of my peers put me away
When we’d come to pick up garbage, in our orange prison vests
I could hear the children laughing, at the I-10 roadside rest


Served my sentence nice and quiet, and I made a quick parole
But despair’s a timeless prison, for an empty, tattered soul
Breezes whistle ‘round their crosses, when they blow through from the west
I can hear hear my daughter laughing, at her peaceful roadside rest

I can see the evening shadows, of the Superstition Hills
When I drive out here at twilight, in my dented coupe-deville…


©2009 Cameron Earnshaw/Robert George


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1158736 - 11/20/19 08:57 PM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,420
E Swartz Offline
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E Swartz  Offline
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Posts: 3,420
Ohio
Couch,

Nice. I like the tragic circumstances, and how we one can see justice feel like injustice. Music/melody very good, would have liked feeling a bit more emotion from the vocalist given the story.

Thanks for sharing,

steady-eddie

#1158740 - 11/20/19 09:55 PM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 470
JAPOV Online happy
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Great production! I think this would work better if the first verses were more about memories of the school girl and her relationship with the "hero", then the last line of V2 should be "Gin and coffee in his thermos, next to broken glass and steel".... Give it some punch.

#1158742 - 11/20/19 10:17 PM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
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couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Thanks guys. Eddie, I always pictured the narrator as being a guy whose actions speak louder than his words, so the semi-stoic delivery fits his character, as if Clint Eastwood were telling the story.

Japov, you have to write to the hook. That's something internet writers rarely do. I have to describe the "roadside rest", do it with details that fit the mood and foreshadow the story later on, as well as put the narrator there. Memories of the girl don't do that and would only waste precious space. For another song, another story, fine. But in this song, every idea should point to the Roadside Rest, each vs developing it further, with new info being revealed in the bridge, then out.

I'm sorry you feel the song lacks punch.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 11/20/19 10:21 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1158752 - 11/21/19 12:14 AM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Jun 2019
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JAPOV Online happy
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Well, ...... Respectfully grouch, I think you’re stuck on the roadside lol. Your "emotional hook" here is the REASON why daddy shot the drunk schoolbus driver, not the scene of the crime. But hey, that’s just me... another opinion in cyberspace smile

Last edited by JAPOV; 11/21/19 12:18 AM.
#1158757 - 11/21/19 08:37 AM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,622
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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No, the hook is " roadside rest", which has a double meaning. The vss and bridge support that, as they should. There's a second layer where although the father avenged his daughter's death, his still feels like he's in prison when he hears his daughter laughing at the Roadside Rest. That's the story. Opening it with memories of the daughter wouldn't support the hook. In another song, yes.

To best illustrate your point, you'd have to write a song with a
double hook and two layers and show me how you did it.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1158758 - 11/21/19 09:41 AM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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I get what JAPOV is saying, but I think it also works fine the way it is. My only quibble would be that I think a chorus would help. I could imagine people listening in their car just waiting for the melody to rise at "I-10 roadside rest" and join in on an emotional chorus. Instead, the melody falls and stops at that point, which is dramatic, but, in my opinion, an opportunity lost. Just my opinion.

#1158759 - 11/21/19 09:42 AM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
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Lol.... Now you’re making my point for me...
Hey, grouch..., I only like it because it’s you smile

#1158764 - 11/21/19 10:40 AM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Oct 2017
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Fdemetrio Offline
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Fdemetrio  Offline
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It's more of an introspective song, they can work, Nebraska is full of them.

My only quibble is that is a double hook really on par with such a haunting song?

Enjoyed the song the music fits the mood.

P.S. I dont think the song is saying there is a hero.

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 11/21/19 11:03 AM.
#1158766 - 11/21/19 11:15 AM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,622
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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There's no hero in the song, I was confused by that comment. There are many, many songs with this structure in
the country/folk tradition. Hopefully the level of detail and extra layers of this one add to the genre.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1158771 - 11/21/19 02:08 PM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,324
Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Posts: 13,324
Louisiana
love the tragedy songs,as always great vision in your words.I love the turntable in your pic as well.Mike

#1158822 - 11/23/19 08:20 AM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,519
niteshift Offline
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Sydney, Australia
Hey Robert,

Yes, beautifully written and produced, and the delivery worked well.

I would use this one for a retro film circa 1975.

cheers, niteshift

#1158832 - 11/23/19 06:06 PM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 79
John W Selleck Online content
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Posts: 79
Hi Guys,
This works very well, both the lyric and the production. I read all the comments, but I think having no chorus and the reveal near the end is very good. You hit the hook just enough times without overdoing it. It is a story song written by and performed by a storyteller.

#1158857 - 11/24/19 01:36 PM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,622
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Posts: 7,622
Thanks guys and thanks for the comment about my turntable. I'll never be on The View discussing my Grammy nom or latest best seller but I'm pretty sure I have the coolest writer's den in America. smile


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1158879 - 11/24/19 09:11 PM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 54
PaulCanuck Online content
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PaulCanuck  Online Content
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 54
Wonderful story-telling here couch - this thing has pathos dripping from every bar smile
Good demo - nice mix - the lyrics can be heard (very important in a story song) and the arrangement is solid.
No nits from me - I think it's great smile

Paul

#1158897 - 11/25/19 12:28 PM Re: Roadside Rest [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,622
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Posts: 7,622
Thanks Paul. It's long been a favorite of mine. Ten years on and I think it still holds up. smile


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love

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