11 members (Fdemetrio, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, JAPOV, bennash, couchgrouch, Bill Draper, 3 invisible),
1,219
guests, and
257
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400 |
Hi all, I know a long time and some of you have never seen one of my but I felt the need so here is fresh ink, and don't worry I will be visiting many of your lyrics and commenting if I can.
Need to Pray
I have sometimes often always wondered As I go through life from day to day If there is no joy in the hereafter Do I really ever need to pray Then I see an ant so far below An eagle riding currents in the sky A baby's face a smile has turned to golden I can see the many reasons why
Life has many turns and twists and crossroads -------}Chorus I will often think I've gone astray But if I live to never hurt another I'll find I am goin' the right way When I see the miracles around me Suddenly I have the need to pray
When I see a butterfly so free An Orca leaping high out of the sea The answer becomes so crystal clear Existing can't explain just why I'm here.
Life has many turns and twists and crossroads -------}Chorus I will often think I've gone astray But if I live to never hurt another I'll find I am goin' the right way When I see the miracles around me Suddenly I have the need to pray Yes suddenly I have the need to pray
Copyright 11/12/2019 John W Selleck BMI
Last edited by John W. Selleck; 11/18/19 06:25 AM. Reason: lyric change
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Hi John!
I have to admit, I spend more time in the MP3 forum with crits/sugs etc. I do enjoy looking at lyrics however, but have found it more difficult to critique lyrics without hearing them in a music bed. So when I read them, I look for story structure, rhyme patterns (if they are rhyme), imagined metering, and general topic interest.
I like your topic and title, yes a fairly common story expressed many times and many ways--however still sweet. I've read over the lyrics a few times and feel they will meter fairly well, but may need a few tweaks for music prosody without losing your desired affect. You have some real nice lines that I think will flow really well with music. I do think the line about the baby's smile doesn't need to end with a metaphor.......a baby's smile is one of the sweetest things you'll ever witness, just end with that statement and let that be the emphasis--re-build the phrase before that statement.
IMO, the chorus could be less about telling the story, and more about making an exclamation that promotes your title a bit more. There is no concrete rules with composition structure, and there are many lyrical styles, but I think a good formula to make ballads more interesting are to let the verses tell the story, let the chorus exclaim theme or accentuate a hook line, then bridges, if used to digress lyrically with a twist or turn or maybe even a reflective moment--which is why also the bridge music usually also digresses with a change-up from developed melody.
I just gave you a few thoughts to ponder, and by no means without hearing lyrics with music can anyone be "too critical" without hearing the two together. My suggestions are JMO as well, so use or lose. I wrote a song called "Can you catch my soul" which was a song designed to "take a longer more serious look at how rusty one's relationship with God can gradually wain." Your song has a similar message.
Nice work here!
steady-eddie
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400 |
Hi Eddie, Thanks for the visit and the thoughtful comments. It does meter well, easy to sing, Christian country, about, about 110 BPM str8 8ths. The last line first verse is to answer the 4th line. I think changing the 7th line in the chorus should help clarify it, and changing it all to first person should help. Let me know if you think it's better. I've written over 300 lyrics, have 200+ on demo but I have been away from here for a while. It amazed me how slow this has become but I understand with the business as it is today for songwriters.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400 |
Thanks Calvin, Great to see your still around too. It will probably never see music but I still love to write now and again.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi John Christian Country is a good genre for this one. Sincere thoughtful and it does sing very well The Best John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 99
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 99 |
Hi John, Sorry if I didn't catch your first name in your other posts. Thanks for the visit and the kind words. I write lots of Christian country and gospel, along with lots of different country styles, just no hip-hip or rap country. I know music evolves but I don't think country benefits from either of those. Good to see you.
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,754
Posts1,161,302
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"When will we all, as artists, creators and facilitators learn that the so-called experts in our lives are nothing more than someone who has stepped forward and called themselves an expert?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
There are no members with birthdays on this day. |
|
|
|