Who's Online Now
17 registered members (Brian Austin Whitney, John W. Selleck, Everett Adams, Little_stevie_b, couchgrouch, Calvin, Dave Rice, Guy E. Trepanier, Martin Lide, 1 invisible), and 676 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Calvin
Calvin
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Posts: 19,834
Joined: April 2002
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
URIAH KEENE( Rewrite 2)
by Travis david. 07/07/20 07:45 AM
You Shine
by John W. Selleck. 07/07/20 04:14 AM
Eternal Twilight
by John W. Selleck. 07/07/20 03:39 AM
STAN'S SONG
by Two Singers. 07/07/20 02:42 AM
Six Brown Brothers
by Calvin. 07/06/20 10:07 PM
Natural Melodies?
by John W. Selleck. 07/06/20 05:32 PM
Said and Done
by John W. Selleck. 07/06/20 05:15 PM
For My Hero John Prine
by Songbird52. 07/06/20 03:44 PM
Hi It's Glyn (glenda or glynda)
by Travis david. 07/06/20 01:58 PM
Prayer
by Tom Franz. 07/06/20 10:14 AM
White Trash Diaper Rash (video)
by Martin Lide. 07/06/20 07:58 AM
Rose. Lyric update.
by Vicarn. 07/06/20 07:14 AM
SHOWCASE: LYRICS/SONGS/ESSAYS BY GARY E. ANDREWS
by Gary E. Andrews. 07/06/20 01:57 AM
Spread Your Wings & Fly
by Tom Franz. 07/05/20 09:12 PM
The Lord Your God
by Tom Franz. 07/05/20 09:08 PM
A Professional Guitarist Struggling With Injuries
by TransformsIntoAGuita. 07/05/20 12:43 PM
A Daydream Night
by Travis david. 07/05/20 03:47 AM
Watching From The Sidelines
by Travis david. 07/05/20 03:18 AM
She's Got a Good Heart
by Travis david. 07/05/20 03:08 AM
I'm in His Light P/W
by John W. Selleck. 07/05/20 01:20 AM
The Dedicated Few - In this time of need
by Roy Cooper. 07/04/20 11:43 PM
Brighter Day
by Songbird52. 07/04/20 09:02 PM
Harrisburg?
by summeoyo. 07/04/20 02:23 PM
World of illusion
by summeoyo. 07/04/20 01:48 PM
The Last Time I Saw Lonesome Dove
by couchgrouch. 07/04/20 10:55 AM
Latter Days
by Songbird52. 07/04/20 09:27 AM
Soundclick Problem
by Marvin Adcock. 07/04/20 08:29 AM
Why is it OK
by John W. Selleck. 07/04/20 06:39 AM
Spit on Their Graves( intro added, new title too)
by John W. Selleck. 07/04/20 06:34 AM
ROSE. Vic
by Fdemetrio. 07/03/20 09:29 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,834
Travis david 11,873
Kevin Emmrich 10,652
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,625
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,845
glynda 8,677
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,909
couchgrouch 7,780
Dave Rice 7,705
Corey 7,357
Mark Kaufman 6,584
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Vicarn 6,560
ben willis 6,107
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
niteshift 5,681
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,666
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,376
Roy Cooper 4,239
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,104
nightengale 4,096
MFB III 3,926
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,814
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,580
E Swartz 3,481
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,841
MidniteBob 2,712
Nelson 2,603
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Fdemetrio 2,355
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,219
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,027
maccharles 1,988
DukeWill 1,988
floyd jane 1,985
Martin Lide 1,947
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
GocartMoz 1,552
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
Tom Franz 1,473
RogerS 1,471
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
Deej56 1,298
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Glen King 1,214
Gerry 1,210
IdeaGuy 1,209
lane1777 1,177
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,166
Diane Ewing 1,158
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
IronKnee 1,008
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
90 dB 942
Jak Kelly 912
9ne 909
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
ant 747
Andy K 746
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 734
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Irwin 666
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
Pat Hardy 637
quality 637
Moosesong 636
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
JAPOV 563
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
R&M 525
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
ckiphen 375
java 374
spidey 371
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1158538 - 11/10/19 02:22 AM RAGING STORMS  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,873
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,873
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Raging Storms
V
The years went by
and still we tried
turning over many pages.
The same sun hung in the sky
even when hope had faded
V
A bitter wind blows
'cross the path we chose
over broken glass and stone.
By your bed a withered rose
As at night we slept alone
C
From sweet dreams
to a bed of thorns
From calm waters
To a raging storm

V
Pieces of you
things we used to do
my they're a handsome pair
So It was said a time or two
could have danced with you on air
B
I studied you that last time
I could see, nothing there
And those naked walls
around that room
Where imagination wasn't spared



Music

C

Last edited by Travis david; 11/24/19 02:37 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1158545 - 11/10/19 12:10 PM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,560
Vicarn Offline
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,560
UK
Couple of suggs Travis
and I don't quite get the blooded rose line
but I can see some nice lines in there

V
The years went by
and still we tried
turning over many pages.
Like the sun still lights the sky
even when hope has faded
V
A bitter wind blows
'cross the path we chose
over broken glass and stone.
In your hair a wilted rose
for the nights we slept alone

Use or lose
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1158546 - 11/10/19 12:18 PM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,134
Gavin Sinclair Offline
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,134
Conover, North Carolina, USA
This lyric has a good feel to it, and I like Vic's suggestions. One thing that struck me, not necessarily as a problem, was that the general feel is regret, a kind of bitter wistfulness. The raging storm idea contrasts strongly with that and stands out from the rest in a way that could either be jarring or not. It would be an interesting dilemma when it comes to putting it to music - do you go with the wistful mood or the raging storm? Or both? That might be tricky because the two moods are interwoven in the chorus.

I am probably overthinking this LOL.

#1158612 - 11/14/19 05:55 AM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
John W. Selleck Online content
Top 100 Poster
John W. Selleck  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,890
NJ
Hi Travis,
Yes, some dichotomy. you could take this either way in a bridge, hopeful or accepting the sadness.I do like most of Vicarn's suggestions. I am a sap for reclaimed love so I would go with hopeful but sad works too. A chorus out would be nice too.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
http://www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
http://www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
#1158775 - 11/21/19 03:16 PM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Michael LeBlanc Offline
Top 10 Poster
Michael LeBlanc  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Louisiana
Always two sides to a story,i'd like to see her side also.Keep a writin'.Mike

#1158804 - 11/22/19 05:28 PM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,027
Marty Helly Offline
Marty Helly  Offline

Top 200 Poster

Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,027
Florence, MA, USA
Feel like the raging storm metaphor doesn't work as well as it could when used in two different contexts.
The lines go A to B, A to B, A to B then because B. So the first time you use the phrase its a destination, the second its a cause.

From sweet dreams - to - a bed of thorns
Meandering stream - to - a raging storm
Love was born - then - was torn apart
by raging storms

You could rectify this just by adding a predicate to the last line of the chorus, i.e.
From the calm to the raging storm


Marty my home

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again!
#1158842 - 11/24/19 02:39 AM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,873
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,873
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks to everyone for your ideas on this I've used ir adapted some, much oblged
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
Cloudrider, Autumn22, Scott_Smith, MusicLand, TerryM
21278 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics120,513
Posts1,133,848
Members21,278
Average Posts Daily41
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"Defeatist Pessimists and Rose Colored Glasses Optimists are lonely companions, victims even. Both ideologies imply predestined outcomes, and therefore breed inactivity in its victims. Inaction is the only sure way to lose at anything in life. All positive action guarantees at least a fighting chance." -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Joy Davis (2020), MerBoel (2020)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0