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Joined: Jun 2011
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Raging Storms V The years went by and still we tried turning over many pages. The same sun hung in the sky even when hope had faded V A bitter wind blows 'cross the path we chose over broken glass and stone. By your bed a withered rose As at night we slept alone C From sweet dreams to a bed of thorns From calm waters To a raging storm
V Pieces of you things we used to do my they're a handsome pair So It was said a time or two could have danced with you on air B I studied you that last time I could see, nothing there And those naked walls around that room Where imagination wasn't spared Music C
Last edited by Travis david; 11/24/19 02:37 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Couple of suggs Travis and I don't quite get the blooded rose line but I can see some nice lines in there
V The years went by and still we tried turning over many pages. Like the sun still lights the sky even when hope has faded V A bitter wind blows 'cross the path we chose over broken glass and stone. In your hair a wilted rose for the nights we slept alone
Use or lose Vic
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Joined: May 2017
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This lyric has a good feel to it, and I like Vic's suggestions. One thing that struck me, not necessarily as a problem, was that the general feel is regret, a kind of bitter wistfulness. The raging storm idea contrasts strongly with that and stands out from the rest in a way that could either be jarring or not. It would be an interesting dilemma when it comes to putting it to music - do you go with the wistful mood or the raging storm? Or both? That might be tricky because the two moods are interwoven in the chorus.
I am probably overthinking this LOL.
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Hi Travis, Yes, some dichotomy. you could take this either way in a bridge, hopeful or accepting the sadness.I do like most of Vicarn's suggestions. I am a sap for reclaimed love so I would go with hopeful but sad works too. A chorus out would be nice too.
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Always two sides to a story,i'd like to see her side also.Keep a writin'.Mike
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Joined: Jun 2001
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Feel like the raging storm metaphor doesn't work as well as it could when used in two different contexts. The lines go A to B, A to B, A to B then because B. So the first time you use the phrase its a destination, the second its a cause. From sweet dreams - to - a bed of thorns Meandering stream - to - a raging storm Love was born - then - was torn apart by raging storms
You could rectify this just by adding a predicate to the last line of the chorus, i.e. From the calm to the raging storm
Marty my home Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again!
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Thanks to everyone for your ideas on this I've used ir adapted some, much oblged John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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