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#1158416 - 11/05/19 03:29 PM SOLITUDE  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 82
LunaSimone Offline
Serious Contributor
LunaSimone  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 82
Nor Cal
SOLITUDE (improved)

©luna simone

v1
I am the here and now and being
Away from daydreaming I'm leaving
What's died in me is fine without grieving

v2
Cause love may not be all I need
But I felt how my smallness went to extremes
It takes a lot to learn to do the impossible
But pain is only essential to discover where losing faith gives you belief.

CHORUS
Never wanted to be wanted
Quite so much
Until I let go of my greatest fears
To become alive and free
And find the solitude in me

v3
I am the here and now and being
Away from daydreaming I'm leaving
What's died in me is fine without grieving

v4
It used to be I needed love
That dashing men were all I dreamed of
My needs became confused with wants
And singledom defined my lack of trust

CHORUS
Never wanted to be wanted
Quite so much
Until I let go of my greatest fears
To become alive and free
And find the solitude in me

CHORUS
Never wanted to be wanted
Quite so much
Until I let go of my greatest fears
To become alive and free
And find the solitude in me

I am the here and now and being
Away from daydreaming I'm leaving
What's died in me is fine without grieving

BRIDGE
No longer blind
To what Iím seeing
The truth from the lies
That keep me lost and hurting
The past is gone and
I canít change the future
So self love is my guide
And Iíll follow its leading

(instrumental break)

(rep v1)
I am the here and now and being
Away from daydreaming I'm leaving
What's died in me is fine without grieving

REP CHORUS
Never wanted to be wanted
Quite so much
Until I let go of my greatest fears
To become alive and free
And find the solitude in me

Never wanted to be wanted
Quite so much
Until I let go of my greatest fears
To become alive and free
And find the solitude in me

Never wanted to be wanted
Quite so much
Until I let go of my greatest fears
To become alive and free
And find the solitude in me

Never wanted to be wanted
Quite so much
Until I let go of my greatest fears
To become alive and free
And find the solitude in meÖ.















Last edited by LunaAesthetica; 11/05/19 04:01 PM.

Aries. INFP-T. Artist of all trades. Listener and creator of vast, unexpected musical genre writings/compositions.
Art is the journey of a free soul.
-Alev Oguz
http://soundcloud.com/lunarsimonamusic
#1158466 - 11/07/19 12:46 PM Re: SOLITUDE [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 901
9ne Online content
Top 500 Poster
9ne  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 901
N.E. of Toronto
Some nice things here. I DO think it could use some editing as it would be difficult to place a coherent melody when line lengths are different.
I get the vibe, but the chorus may be contradictory: lost your fear and want to be wanted but solitude implies being alone. I feel it needs to show a logical understandable progression from start to finish.

Best of luck!
-Mike


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1158513 - 11/09/19 11:18 AM Re: SOLITUDE [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,580
beechnut79 Offline
Top 100 Poster
beechnut79  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,580
Villa Park IL
The line about wanting dashing men really hit home for me here, and could possibly even ignite the flame to produce an answer lyric as I constantly craved the company of women through much of my life. Just recently I was saying that if I were ever to write an autobiography the title would probably be "Ladies' Man Dreams" as that was the lifestyle I often aspired to yet never came close to achieving. I am often guilty of focusing on the negative aspects of my life, which many say is not good, and that by changing your perspective, things may not look as bleak as you thought, which seems to be the ongoing message in this piece. Interestingly, my thought for today reads: do something for yourself today that lifts your spirits and brings you joy.

#1158779 - 11/21/19 07:00 PM Re: SOLITUDE [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,027
Marty Helly Offline
Marty Helly  Offline

Top 200 Poster

Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,027
Florence, MA, USA
Definitely some hooks in there worth using, but it seems like this song is built on two choruses as verse 1 is really a chorus that get repeated multiple times.

Some arrangements might justify singing the chorus 4 times at the end - have to see how that sings.

The last line of verse two has no rhythm to it to work with the rest of the lines. Could be worked out but you're definitely relying on the performance there to give it any feel.

Checked out your soundcloud channel and its mostly instrumental in varying genres. What kind of feel are you thinking of for this?

Last edited by Marty Helly; 11/21/19 07:07 PM.

Marty my home

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again!
#1158782 - 11/21/19 10:48 PM Re: SOLITUDE [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 99
John W Selleck Offline
Serious Contributor
John W Selleck  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 99
Hi Simone,
Some very good ideas in this but the flow is off for me in some lines. I am a lot about syllables and the easiest way to make a song flow is to stretch them because if you put in too many it feels like you are cramming the words together. Your solitude is being happy being by yourself, and it is true that you have to love yourself before you can love another because you have to believe yourself worthy of love. If you can find a way to bring that out in this it could be very good. I also agree that 4 chorus in a row is too many. I usually do 1, the an instrumental break, 8-16 bars, and a chorus out with a tag. It seems to work well. As with any comment, KOS!


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