I wrote this all the while thinking "I'm not going to write something cheesy".
But if you think it is cheesy, I will be happy.
Thanks for listening and any advice on how to make it cheesier

My Cheesy Song

My girl has a job in a cheese shop
We meet in a room at the back
We whisper so no-one can eavesdrop
Except for the Monterey Jack

This is my cheesy song
I swear it won't be very long
Its notes are as sharp as an old Parmesan
But I hope you can sing along

Her lips are a soft Mozzarella
Her skin is a smooth Camambert
I love when she calls on her fella
To remove Gouda chunks from her hair

This is my cheesy song
I swear it won't be very long
Its notes are as sharp as an old Parmesan
But I hope you can sing along

I am her Edam - she is my Eve
We roll in a garden of Feta and Brie
Jalapeño kisses as hot as an oven
She melts my resistance with her cheesy lovin'

And
This is my cheesy song
I swore it wouldn't be very long
But I have to go now - our pizza is done
And so is this cheesy song

Yes I have to go now - our pizza is done
And so is my cheesy
Easy
Brie-zy
And so is my cheesy song!

Hi Paul

I like this a lot, very clever lyrics..

Maybe some wine added somewhere would make it taste a tad better.. maybe not..

God Bless Roy

Hello Paul,


Nice to meet you & WELCOME to JPF.


Your song is very entertaining, thanks for sharing your talent.


Calvin

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=11440

Thanks Roy



Cheers Calvin - I'm happy to be here

Thanks for listening guys

Morning, Paul:

Glad you found us. Clever song... well performed. Send more soon. I hope you've "found a home" with us.

All the best, ----Dave

Hi Paul,

Loved this. Put a big cheesy smile on my face. Impossible to not be in a good mood after listening.

The only thing I'd consider changing would be to nix the article "the" preceding Monterrey Jack in the first verse, giving the listener a little mystery which helps make them want to "turn the page"...

--and probably the only time in music listening history a person will ask themselves, "is that a man or (the) cheese?"

When singing "brie-zee"--since it sounds just like breezy (a homophone?)-- think about truly breaking up those syllables, giving brie maybe a dotted half note and then a full stop--otherwise folks might miss that "brie" is in there. Sure, that one'll get a groan, but still....

And be aware that since you use "brie" earlier at the end of a line, that weakens the punch of the "brie" at the end..are there any other popular cheeses with a long ee sound that could work to rhyme with "eve"....? just thinking aloud..cheddar is a poor rhyming word, but cheddarly..hmmm....Lady Cheddarly.....now I'm just having fun at your expense. I apologize for that. I'll shut up now.

BTW, welcome to JPF!

Mike

Thanks Dave - looking forward to hearing more tracks on here. Looks like a thriving community




Thanks Mike - glad you liked it - some good points. I initially had "especially Monterey Jack" which would have been ambiguous too. I racked my brain for another cheese sounding like "eeee". I wanted to keep it to commonly known types though so may have boxed myself in. Good spot on brie-zee. It was a last minute add-on which I am sure can be annunciated more like "brie".

Thanks again for taking the time
Paul

This is delightful! Do you write Musical Comedy? You have a very Musical Comedy type of delivery.


Enjoyed it immensely.



Regards,


Bob

Loved it Paul. Reminds me of Roger Miller and Ray Stevens type song. Not a bad group to be thrown in.

Hi Paul,

Your name sounds familiar - think you might have been on another forum I used to be on.

Well, anyway welcome to JP folks.

Love your piano playing and vocal and your production is right on.

If you mixed this yourself, it is very good. I love humor in songs and you nailed this one.

Thanks Bob. I guess I must write musical comedy - though I never set out to.



Thank you! - I'll take that comparison any day




Hi Jane - yep - been on other forums for a while. This seems like a friendly one too Thanks for the kind remarks on my cheesy song

Ha! I loved it. And yes, I was singing along. Your voice is perfect for this kind of song and, for me, the production is spot on. Nice gentle humor.

Welcome to JPF, I'm really looking forward to hearing more.

Paul,

Killer first post! Magnetic from the start . . . pulls you right in, and then the harmonies on the chorus keep you wanting to listen. Deft hand on production on this one; nicely layered as the song progresses. Impressive write and production. (And stellar use of the spoken word to add to the tune). The harmonies on the close—sweet. Admirably done!

Oh, and welcome to JPF!

My very humble regards,

Deej

Thanks Gavin



Cheers Deej - very kind of you

Nice to meet you, Paul and welcome to JPF. This is about as cheezy as it gets! I think you've hit on all the popular types and so cleverly too, I've got nothing to add. Well done!

Ricki

Hi Paul,

These are cleverly written lyrics that go to very cheesy depths! Those near rhymes are so creatively conceived: “cheese shop/eavesdrop, cheesy song/Parmesan Mozzarella/fella...and the list goes on. Very enjoyable! Good production too.

I really enjoyed the whimsy of it all!

Kristi

Thanks for the warm welcome Ricki - nice to e-meet you too! Glad you found it cheesy. (never thought I'd say that )




Thanks Kristi - nice to hear that from an obviously accomplished lyricist

And thanks again for anyone that took the time to listen

Paul

You are a cheese Wiz, and you have captured the tangy tasty essence of dairy whey.
I am off to make a grilled cheese cause you made me hungry. Well Done Paul.

Thank you kind sir - glad you found it cheesy enough

Paul

Paul,

Again, I just came from your more recent post--you have a great art for music comedy--love this early 20th century music intermixed with Beatlesk harmonies--unique! You have some real talent for sure!

steady-eddie

couldn't find any holes in this cheesy song,love it.Mike

Thanks Eddie I guess my first two were musical comedy hehe Never set out to write that but gotta go with wherever my muse takes me. Thanks for listening and commenting



Cheers Mike - there's plenty of holes but glad they didn't jump out at you - thx for the kind words

Definitely clever and well done. The arrangement and delivery feels very Broadway to me. Nice work.

Howdy Paul,
Like Jane says, looks and sounds like you've been doing this awhile. This reads and sounds great. Tickled my funny bone. Look for a PM from me and welcome to JPF.

Brilliant !

cheers, niteshift

Hi Again Paul,
You have a PM waiting.

Nicely done Paul

Cheesy,... I don't know.

Outstanding... most definitely.

Ear candy... indeed.

Cheers David - broadway sounds good to me




Thanks John - such a warm welcome I have gotten here - appreciated!



Thanks niteshift - glad you liked it.



Thanks for the kind words Nelson!

Hope I haven't missed anyone - if so - thank you too

Paul

Totally made me blow my diet, thanks for that!

Sorry about that - thanks for listening!

A unique experience Paul! Good lyric well thought through
One for Wallace and Gromit I'm sure.
Well done
John