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#1157884 - 10/18/19 06:25 AM Fun country song hook idea  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 119
stmoeller60 Offline
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stmoeller60  Offline
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Hamburg,Hamburg,Germany
Hi folks,

as a native german, I'm not sure if it could be a hook idea for a fun country song ala "Flowers, Brad Paisley".
The lyric and music isn't ready , but the main hookline should be in the first line of the chorus " I'm serious libidinous".
The story should be about a man who is hot for his girl friend , and he tired doing and talking about reasonable rational things.
But it should make the listener smile. Should be fun. Not explecit. And it should be a typical man / woman thing. Man is hot, woman is too rational / busy / tired, yet ? But she is nice. And he is too.




Last edited by stmoeller60; 10/18/19 06:45 AM.

Cheers,
Steve Sledge

"HiFi-LoFi-NoFi it's just fine with me"

#1157890 - 10/18/19 08:47 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: stmoeller60]  
Joined: Dec 2006
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Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
This keeps it fast, short, and simple.

I'm Serious, Libidinous!

(Chorus)
I'm Serious, Libidinous!
When I'm touching you
I'm ravenous!
Let's hurry us on home!
Thank your Mom for having us! (Thank your friends for having us!)
I'm Serious, Libidinous!

(Verse I)
Don't tease me with flirtation!
Don't keep me in waiting!
I need your attention!
Oh, and did I mention?

I'm Serious, Libidinous!
When I'm touching you
I'm ravenous!
Let's hurry us on home!
Thank your Mom for having us!
I'm Serious, Libidinous!

(Verse II)
Let's lock the door in darkness!
Don't say, "Hold your horses!" (Don't be unkind and heartless)
I'm near enough to smell you!
Oh, and did I tell you?

I'm Serious, Libidinous!
When I'm touching you
I'm ravenous!
Let's hurry us on home!
Thank your Mom for having us!
I'm Serious, Libidinous!

(Bridge)
If I have to wait another moment
I may shoot into space, flying like a comet!

I'm Serious, Libidinous!
When I'm touching you
I'm ravenous!
Let's hurry us on home!
Thank your Mom for having us!
I'm Serious, Libidinous

Coda
Serious! Libidinous!
Serious! Libidinous!
Serious! Libidinous!


Last edited by Gary E. Andrews; 10/18/19 08:48 AM.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1157894 - 10/18/19 10:20 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: stmoeller60]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 119
stmoeller60 Offline
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stmoeller60  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Hamburg,Hamburg,Germany
ha ! Hold on !! Great ! But I have just made the music ready.

I just wanted to make sure here if the hook makes sense at all.

So :

Others can post their lyric proposals too.

I have sung just senseless words all the way through ( but with the hook line in the chorus )

Here's the music :

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1G3f_Thwcg_H8NU0s0iOnPFDTmMKZAxgk/view?usp=sharing

The most important thing for me is that the lyric fits like a perfect glove on the melody and is easy ! to sing.

So, post your lyric proposals here for Verse 1 and the Chorus, and if I can sing it well I get in touch with you , so you can complete it.

I will close the thread in 2 weeks, and if there is a lyric proposal that suits, I let you know.

Thanks for your proposals in advance.


Last edited by stmoeller60; 10/18/19 11:14 AM.

Cheers,
Steve Sledge

"HiFi-LoFi-NoFi it's just fine with me"

#1157898 - 10/18/19 11:44 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: stmoeller60]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,440
Gavin Sinclair Offline
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Gavin Sinclair  Offline
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Conover, North Carolina, USA
I'm not sure that it works. Grammatically, what you mean is "seriously libidinous." Of course, country and rock playfully mangles grammar all the time, but does it really work here? What do others think?

If you sing it without that extra "-ly" it will sound like either "seriously bidinous" or, as you wrote "serious libidinous." Neither make sense, strictly speaking. If you sing it with the extra "-ly" it might be more difficult to sing.

One approach that might work would be to vary the hook (I know you're not supposed to do that) with a different adverb each time.
"I'm exceedingly libidinous." "I'm mighty libidinous," etc. Not sure that would work. Just thinking out loud smile

#1157900 - 10/18/19 11:49 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2005
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stmoeller60 Offline
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stmoeller60  Offline
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Hamburg,Hamburg,Germany
I just thought it rymes so nice : I'm serious libidinous " ... because of the *ious" at the end

Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair

One approach that might work would be to vary the hook (I know you're not supposed to do that) with a different adverb each time.
"I'm exceedingly libidinous." "I'm mighty libidinous," etc. Not sure that would work. Just thinking out loud smile


I thought about this too. I guess it's a good idea !! Varying , yes !!
Or vary to : I'm looking for some tenderness" ?





Last edited by stmoeller60; 10/18/19 11:53 AM.

Cheers,
Steve Sledge

"HiFi-LoFi-NoFi it's just fine with me"

#1157916 - 10/18/19 07:31 PM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: stmoeller60]  
Joined: Apr 2006
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John Paragreen Offline
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John Paragreen  Offline
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Posts: 329
Scotland
hi, I like the idea and agree with Gavin. I'd consider switching it around to ( she's) and changing it to

She's Officious Libidinous.

I haven't heard the music but I'd go with a fun theme like

She’s officious, libidinous
Every Saturday night
Keeps me sweating buckets
Till the morning light,
Lipstick and cologne
Stockings and suspenders
She’s chief of police
I’m the dude who surrenders.

I’m not talking fairy tales
Nothing I say is fictitious
This woman of mine
She's way past fine
She's officious libidinous

could go on to makes me bark like a dog etc.
anyway just some thoughts,
all the best,john


please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide
#1157932 - 10/19/19 11:11 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: stmoeller60]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 2,958
Fdemetrio Offline
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Fdemetrio  Offline
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I suppose the hook works

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 10/29/19 09:03 AM.
#1158197 - 10/25/19 01:22 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: stmoeller60]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,915
Gary E. Andrews Offline
Gary E. Andrews  Offline

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Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
European country music is different than American country music. So the Melody and Structure might work in the European market, where it might not in the American market.
Not getting to THE Hook/title until 1:23 would be a problem, I think, in the American market, under the 'rule/tool' of, "Don't bore us! Get to the Chorus!"
This Melody sounds 'traditional', the predictable rise and fall, typical of the American market. But the word 'libidinous' would require a lot of 'support' in the Verse exposition to set it up, to define the meaning, and be comprehensible to the American market.
Are you sure it would work in the market you intend it for?

(0:10 Introductory Movement)
(Verse I)
There you, go a' smiling, like-- you don't know what it means,
When I begin to stumble, can't find my words to speak!
You don't seem to notice, the, effect you're havin' on me!
I'd best explain before you call a cop on me!

(I'd go straight to the Chorus here. This could also help get it down to two Verses, away from the 4:11 length.)
(Chorus)
I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I'm out of my everlovin' mind!
You can tell by my face I'm way out on the slip'ry e-e-edge!
I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I know it can't be all your fault!
I'm gonna need you here to talk me, in off of the ledge!

(Verse II)
I can't, take my eyes off, of-- , the way you move your mouth!
It's embarrassing that I, don't, know what you're talkin' 'bout!
Any minute now you'll ask, what I've been thinkin' about!
Honesty's my policy! I'm gonna blurt it out!

I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I'm out of my everlovin' mind!
You can tell by my face I'm way out on the slip'ry e-e-edge!
I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I know it can't be all your fault!
I'm gonna need you here to talk me, in off of the ledge!

(Bridge)
Don't get me wrong!
I'm sure I'm not dangerous!
I will be before long!
Listen to my song!

I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I'm out of my everlovin' mind!
You can tell by my face I'm way out on the slip'ry e-e-edge!
I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I know it can't be all your fault!
I'm gonna need you here to talk me, in off of the ledge!

Last edited by Gary E. Andrews; 10/31/19 05:19 PM.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1158281 - 10/28/19 04:41 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 119
stmoeller60 Offline
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stmoeller60  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 119
Hamburg,Hamburg,Germany
Originally Posted by Gary E. Andrews
European country music is different than American country music. So the Melody and Structure might work in the European market, where it might not in the American market.
Not getting to THE Hook/title until 1:23 would be a problem, I think, in the American market, under the 'rule/tool' of, "Don't bore us! Get to the Chorus!"
This Melody sounds 'traditional', the predictable rise and fall, typical of the American market. But the word 'libidinous' would require a lot of 'support' in the Verse exposition to set it up, to define the meaning, and be comprehensible to the American market.
Are you sure it would work in the market you intend it for?

(0:10 Introductory Movement)
(Verse I)
There you, go a' smiling, like-- you don't know what it means,
When I begin to stumble, can't find my words to speak!
You don't seem to notice, the effect you're havin' on me!
I'd best explain before you call a cop on me!

(I'd go straight to the Chorus here. This could also help get it down to two Verses, away from the 4:11 length.)
(Chorus)
I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I'm out of my everlovin' mind!
You can tell by my face I'm way out on the slip'ry e-e-edge!
I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I know it can't be all your fault!
I'm gonna need you here to talk me, in off of the ledge!

(Verse II)
I can't, take my eyes off, of-- , the way you move your mouth!
It's embarrassing that I, don't know what you talk about!
Any minute now you'll ask, what I've been thinkin' about!
Honesty's my policy! I'm just gonna blurt it out!

I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I'm out of my everlovin' mind!
You can tell by my face I'm way out on the slip'ry e-e-edge!
I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I know it can't be all your fault!
I'm gonna need you here to talk me, in off of the ledge!

(Bridge)
Don't get me wrong!
I'm sure I'm not dangerous!
I will be before long!
Listen to my song!

I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I'm out of my everlovin' mind!
You can tell by my face I'm way out on the slip'ry e-e-edge!
I'm Serious! Libidinou-ou-ous!
I know it can't be all your fault!
I'm gonna need you here to talk me, in off of the ledge!


Thanks very much for jumpin on my idea and your lyric. And you're right to jump in the chorus after V1 .
The only thing is that the lyric doesnt fit in the melody. Could you try to improve this ? I know it's usually a hard thing for lyric writers , but the melody needs to be kept memorable.


Cheers,
Steve Sledge

"HiFi-LoFi-NoFi it's just fine with me"

#1158291 - 10/28/19 11:13 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: stmoeller60]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,915
Gary E. Andrews Offline
Gary E. Andrews  Offline

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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,915
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
It might be easier to tweak the Melody to fit the Lyric.
If you can specify where you want a better fit I might think of something.
Setting up a Line to land on a word or words with specific accented syllables might be more difficult.
Maybe I could find the word to fit a 'DAH-duh-dah' accent and work backwards to find a Line to make that word coherent in the storyline.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1158300 - 10/28/19 12:40 PM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: stmoeller60]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 730
Steve Altonian Offline
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Steve Altonian  Offline
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Posts: 730
Los Angeles, California
How insidious


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1158313 - 10/29/19 08:37 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: Steve Altonian]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 119
stmoeller60 Offline
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stmoeller60  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 119
Hamburg,Hamburg,Germany
Originally Posted by Steve Altonian
How insidious
:-))) LOL


Cheers,
Steve Sledge

"HiFi-LoFi-NoFi it's just fine with me"

#1158314 - 10/29/19 08:43 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 119
stmoeller60 Offline
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stmoeller60  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 119
Hamburg,Hamburg,Germany
Originally Posted by Gary E. Andrews
It might be easier to tweak the Melody to fit the Lyric.
If you can specify where you want a better fit I might think of something.
Setting up a Line to land on a word or words with specific accented syllables might be more difficult.
Maybe I could find the word to fit a 'DAH-duh-dah' accent and work backwards to find a Line to make that word coherent in the storyline.


You nearly fit the words to the melody now. Thanks Gary for your proposal.


As I have introduced at the beginning of this thread I wait till end of october to collect proposals here , and come back to one whos lyric seems to work best with the music.
It would be best to have some humor in the lyric like Brad Paisley has ..

And I just need Verse 1 and Chorus 1 for a first proposal. You can PM me too, if don't want to post your proposals here in the public thread.

Keep up the good work,
Steve


Last edited by stmoeller60; 10/29/19 08:43 AM.

Cheers,
Steve Sledge

"HiFi-LoFi-NoFi it's just fine with me"

#1158383 - 11/04/19 03:31 AM Re: Fun country song hook idea [Re: stmoeller60]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 119
stmoeller60 Offline
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stmoeller60  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 119
Hamburg,Hamburg,Germany
Thanks all for your comments and contributions.

But I decided not to make this song, because of the understandable arguments against the hook line.

I come back with another idea soon for a new song :-)


Cheers
Steve


Cheers,
Steve Sledge

"HiFi-LoFi-NoFi it's just fine with me"


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