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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
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He’s Not Crying In His Beer (Neil Cotton)
Bill came to the bar to drink a stack of beers The guys raised one up all shoutin’ cheers I asked Billy how the hell ya keepin' He said not well cause my wife is leavin
But He’s not crying in his Beer He hasn’t lost all smarts He’s not crying in his Beer Tears make it too darn warm He’s not crying in his Beer Warm beer won’t fix his heart
Bill showed me her dear John good bye note He works too much which leaves her alone She saw their dog more than she did Bill It cuddles better it’s her sleeping pill.
But He’s not crying in his Beer He hasn’t lost all smarts He’s not crying in his Beer Tears make it too darn warm He’s not crying in his Beer Warm beer won’t fix his heart
Bill lost her and his best friend’s gone All that’s left is The next cold one
But He’s not crying in his Beer He hasn’t lost all smarts He’s not crying in his Beer Tears make it too darn warm He’s not crying in his Beer Warm beer won’t fix his heart
Last edited by Neil Cotton; 10/16/19 01:49 PM.
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Short and to the point. The brevity of the Bridge should work too.
He hasn't lost all smarts.
That Line seems odd. Maybe,
He hasn't lost all HIS smarts.
I saw a sign, said, "Our beer is colder than your girlfriend's heart!"
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Gary thanks 4 stopping by. As you know lines usually get better as the music is worked through. I like the "sign"
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Simplicity can be a real virtue in a Song. This Lyric gets it done quickly. It sets the scene in a Verse, gets quickly to the Chorus, advances the story in another Verse/scene, gives the Chorus again, with three 'hits' on THE Hook/title in each giving of the Chorus, uses a Bridge, a brief variation of Melody and cadence to 'turn', to break the Repetition, enabling a final giving of the Chorus, nine hits on THE Hook. You might even hit it a couple more times in a Coda/fade. It will probably sing well and be appreciated by any audience. Neil, if memory serves, you once cited a KISS motto, Keep It Simple and Singable.
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Joined: Apr 2002
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Very good start Neil! I wondered what it would sound like in first person. (I thought the second line might make a good first)
Barflies raised their glasses shouted cheers When I came to the bar in search of beers Billy asked how I was keepin' I said not well my wife is leavin
I'm not crying in my beer I just turn the other cheek I'm not crying in my beer Tears make it too damn weak I'm not crying in my beer You can't fix a heart with grief
Optional last lines: (Though I know how it may seem) (Is that so hard to believe?) (Not my style-that ain't me)
Or as your observer:
Barflies raised their glasses shouted cheers When Bill came to the bar in search of beers I asked Billy how the hell ya keepin' He said not well cause my wife is leavin
He's not crying in his beer He just turns the other cheek He's not crying in his beer Tears make it too damn weak He's not crying in his beer You can't fix a heart with grief
Optional last lines: (Is that so hard to believe?) (Though I know how it may seem) (Sometimes looks...they can deceive)
Best of luck! -Mike
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Hi again Neil, Good song. I like some of the suggestions from 9ne, I think it will help the flow a bit other that that, I like it.
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