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#1157834 - 10/16/19 10:23 AM Heís Not Crying In His Beer (Neil Cotton)  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Heís Not Crying In His Beer (Neil Cotton)

Bill came to the bar to drink a stack of beers
The guys raised one up all shoutiní cheers
I asked Billy how the hell ya keepin'
He said not well cause my wife is leavin

But
Heís not crying in his Beer
He hasnít lost all smarts
Heís not crying in his Beer
Tears make it too darn warm
Heís not crying in his Beer
Warm beer wonít fix his heart

Bill showed me her dear John good bye note
He works too much which leaves her alone
She saw their dog more than she did Bill
It cuddles better itís her sleeping pill.

But
Heís not crying in his Beer
He hasnít lost all smarts
Heís not crying in his Beer
Tears make it too darn warm
Heís not crying in his Beer
Warm beer wonít fix his heart

Bill lost her and his
best friendís gone
All thatís left is
The next cold one

But
Heís not crying in his Beer
He hasnít lost all smarts
Heís not crying in his Beer
Tears make it too darn warm
Heís not crying in his Beer
Warm beer wonít fix his heart

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 10/16/19 12:49 PM.
#1157846 - 10/16/19 08:10 PM Re: Heís Not Crying In His Beer (Neil Cotton) [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,440
Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,440
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Short and to the point. The brevity of the Bridge should work too.

He hasn't lost all smarts.

That Line seems odd. Maybe,

He hasn't lost all HIS smarts.

I saw a sign, said, "Our beer is colder than your girlfriend's heart!"


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1157847 - 10/16/19 08:13 PM Re: Heís Not Crying In His Beer (Neil Cotton) [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
Joined: Jun 2005
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Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Gary
thanks 4 stopping by.
As you know lines usually get better as the music is worked through.
I like the "sign"

#1157888 - 10/18/19 08:06 AM Re: Heís Not Crying In His Beer (Neil Cotton) [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
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Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Simplicity can be a real virtue in a Song. This Lyric gets it done quickly.
It sets the scene in a Verse,
gets quickly to the Chorus,
advances the story in another Verse/scene,
gives the Chorus again, with three 'hits' on THE Hook/title in each giving of the Chorus,
uses a Bridge, a brief variation of Melody and cadence to 'turn', to break the Repetition,
enabling a final giving of the Chorus, nine hits on THE Hook. You might even hit it a couple more times in a Coda/fade.
It will probably sing well and be appreciated by any audience. Neil, if memory serves, you once cited a KISS motto, Keep It Simple and Singable.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1157928 - 10/19/19 09:36 AM Re: Heís Not Crying In His Beer (Neil Cotton) [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 886
9ne Offline
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9ne  Offline
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Posts: 886
N.E. of Toronto
Very good start Neil! I wondered what it would sound like in first person. (I thought the second line might make a good first)

Barflies raised their glasses shouted cheers
When I came to the bar in search of beers
Billy asked how I was keepin'
I said not well my wife is leavin

I'm not crying in my beer
I just turn the other cheek
I'm not crying in my beer
Tears make it too damn weak
I'm not crying in my beer
You can't fix a heart with grief

Optional last lines:
(Though I know how it may seem)
(Is that so hard to believe?)
(Not my style-that ain't me)

Or as your observer:

Barflies raised their glasses shouted cheers
When Bill came to the bar in search of beers
I asked Billy how the hell ya keepin'
He said not well cause my wife is leavin

He's not crying in his beer
He just turns the other cheek
He's not crying in his beer
Tears make it too damn weak
He's not crying in his beer
You can't fix a heart with grief

Optional last lines:
(Is that so hard to believe?)
(Though I know how it may seem)
(Sometimes looks...they can deceive)

Best of luck!
-Mike







http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1158609 - Yesterday at 04:27 AM Re: Heís Not Crying In His Beer (Neil Cotton) [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,698
John W. Selleck Online content
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John W. Selleck  Online Content
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Posts: 3,698
NJ
Hi again Neil,
Good song. I like some of the suggestions from 9ne, I think it will help the flow a bit other that that, I like it.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
http://www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
http://www.soundclick.com/johnselleck

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