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#1157696 - 10/12/19 11:37 PM Long Way Home  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
JaneK Offline
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JaneK  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2017
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California
A new song I wrote - Americana/Country/Rock - Thanks so much JP folks for your support in my musical endeavors.

Production by Mike Zaneski
Vocals/Piano - Jane Karwoski
Vocal Harmonies - Mike Zaneski
Lyrics/Melody - Jane Karwoski


Long Way Home


Verse

Heís been traveling way too long
Driving his rig on the open road
Missing his wife and children
Talking on the phone is
Not the same as being home

Tears fill his eyes
As he drives past hills and fields
Scenes full of grass and trees
Beautiful as it seems
These things will never fill his dreams

Chorus

Itís a long way home
But itís worth the wait
To see happy faces at his front gate
Puts a smile on his ruddy face
Even though he knows
Itís a long way home

Verse

Rundown cafes and stale bread
Heís tired and he needs to be fed
Tries to sleep but the same old songs
Are going through his head

His back is sore from sleeping in his cab
Tells himself his job isnít that bad
It brings him joy when his children play with the toys
That he works so hard to give them


Chorus

Itís a long way home
But itís worth the wait
To see happy faces at his front gate
Puts a smile on his ruddy face
Even though he knows
Itís a long way home

Bridge

Now heís coming to the road
The road that leads to home
His haul is over for the week
Even though work never ends
He's grateful to be home again



Repeat chorus

Copyright 2019
Jane Karwoski
Words/Music



https://soundcloud.com/user-296863402/long-way-home-final-v11-wav

#1157698 - 10/13/19 12:17 AM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Feb 2001
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Two Singers Offline
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Northern Alabama
Hi Jane ...

Nice to "meet" you! I really enjoyed this. Nice take on the trucker with an emphasis on how it relates to his family. Very nicely done! Best to you ...

Alan

#1157704 - 10/13/19 10:19 AM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Feb 2005
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Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Texas
Hi Jane (and Mike by default):

This is such a well-done song, both lyrically and musically. It pulls at the heart-strings and most listeners can relate to the struggle so many endure, providing for their families. Enjoyed this a great deal. Best of luck with it.

----Dave

#1157723 - 10/13/19 02:54 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
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JaneK Offline
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JaneK  Offline
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California
Nice to meet you too "Two Singers". Glad you enjoyed the song. Thank you so much for listening.


Dave,

As always, thanks so much for the listen. It makes me happy that you enjoyed the song. With Mikes help, how can I go wrong!

Jane

#1157756 - 10/14/19 12:17 AM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Sep 2009
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Roy Cooper Offline
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Another beautiful song to your stable Jane.

I like it a lot and Mike did it proud as well.

You really do have a voice that works so well Jane.

God Bless to all

Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1157759 - 10/14/19 12:39 AM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,080
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Conover, North Carolina, USA
Nice treatment of a great subject. One I can relate to from an earlier period of my life. Your voice has a really honest, engaging quality about it that draws me in.

On the first listen, these lines seemed a little hurried, a lot to fit in.

It brings him joy when his children play with the toys
That he works so hard to give them

It didn't seem so pronounced the second time I listened, but I wonder if it might fit better if you just omitted the first words of that first line...

The joy when his children play with the toys
That he works so hard to give them

Just a suggestion smile

#1157768 - 10/14/19 12:52 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Nov 2011
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90 dB Offline
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90 dB  Offline
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Florida
This is great. Nice production by Mike as well.


Regards,

Bob

#1157781 - 10/14/19 05:29 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Sep 2017
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JaneK Offline
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JaneK  Offline
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California
Thank you Gavin, Roy, and 90 db (Bob) for listening and your nice words.

Thanks for the suggestion Gavin on the lyrics. Not sure I can change the lyrics now since Mike finished the production part of it already. But I will keep that in mind if I decide to make revisions in the future.

I am primarily a melody writer on piano/keyboard, lyrics don't come as easily for me as the music does.

#1157783 - 10/14/19 06:13 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 110
Guy E. Trepanier Offline
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Quebec
Nice melody with good contrast between sections.
I especially like the chorus and the outro.
All over very good.

I let it play in loop. Pleasant to hear.

Have fun!


K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple and Singable
Soundclick: Songs buy Guy E. Trepanier
#1157795 - 10/15/19 12:12 AM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,250
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Jane,

Pretty tuneósome nice detail in the lyrics that resonate. There were a couple of lines that seem to have an extra syllable or two that shifts the cadence of the lyricówhich isnít always a bad thingóbut it caught my ear here. Like the bridge a lot. Strong offeringóI enjoyed it!

Kind regards,

Deej

#1157809 - 10/15/19 01:40 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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California
AL, Dave, Roy, Gavin, Guy, Bob, and Deej,

Thanks, all..

It's really meaningful work..producer/arranging Jane's songs. Her wheelhouse and mine align quite nicely and her lyrics and singing make me feel stuff, and that really helps to create a path for me to follow..

Gavin, I did notice some wordiness in the "it brings him joy" couplet, and we're looking at that right now.

Deej, thanks as always, and we're looking at that.


Thanks again, all..

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1157810 - 10/15/19 02:21 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,860
Martin Lide Online content
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Martin Lide  Online Content
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Houston, Texas
Pretty and moving.
Sweet production.

Martin

#1157814 - 10/15/19 03:21 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Sep 2017
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JaneK Offline
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JaneK  Offline
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Posts: 230
California
Thank you Guy, Deej and Martin for listening and the nice words. I really appreciate it!

And thank you so much again Mike for your help with the production and harmonies. I cannot stop listening to the mix on this. It is unbelievable that this is my song!


As far as changing the awkward lines in the lyric - I agree they need changing:

It brings him joy when his children play with the toys
That he works so hard to give them - maybe to:

He smiles when his kids play with their toys (or I'll keep children)
That he works hard to give them - a little better

Again thanks everybody for the wonderful comments.

Jane

#1157818 - 10/15/19 06:27 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,161
lane1777 Offline
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lane1777  Offline
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Posts: 1,161
south of the mason,dixon line
Hi Jane and Mike, good song. I like the harmonies, and that guitar in this production.
Jane you do a great job singing in this and Mike is a great back-up...
thumps up on the lyric too, I think its written very well.......Lane


"Some have a need to chisel in stone, All have a need to be heard" Vincent
#1157822 - 10/15/19 08:56 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 109
PaulCanuck Offline
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Posts: 109
I love a tasty hook sandwich like this chorus smile
Well written both lyrically and musically. I like that the arrangement isn't cookie-cutter - plenty of interesting turns in the road.
I thought that maybe the first verse could be a little sparser - to give it more room to build - but that's down to taste I suppose.

Nice work you guys smile
Paul

#1157844 - 10/16/19 08:44 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
JaneK Offline
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JaneK  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
California
Hi Lane

Thank you so much for listening and the nice words about the song. Mike does vocal processing so well.

Hi Paul,

I really wanted a chorus that soared - I am so glad you liked it - thanks for the listening and the nice words.

Jane

#1157856 - 10/17/19 01:15 AM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,677
niteshift Offline
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niteshift  Offline
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Posts: 5,677
Fiji
Hey Jane,

Nice work here, I can really hear the essence of the song coming out in your vocals.

If there is room for improvement, I would look at the vocal phrasing, which in some places can sound a little rushed. The melody line is solid, but may need some variation in regard to using a lower or higher harmonic in places just to make it bite a little more.

Other than that, a solid write.

cheers, niteshift

#1157899 - 10/18/19 12:46 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
JaneK Offline
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JaneK  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
California
Hi Niteshift,

I appreciate the listen and the nice words.

I am going to change some lines in the verse where the phrasing is weak as soon as I stop coughing up a lung. Hopefully soon.

#1157985 - 10/20/19 10:16 PM Re: Long Way Home [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
California
Marty, Lane, Paul, and Niteshift..


Thanks, guys..it's a pleasure working on Jane's songs. She marries the music to the lyrics in a unique way and I find it inspiring. smile


Mike


Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 10/20/19 10:44 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)

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