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#774042 - 11/27/09 03:43 PM They’re Comin’ After Our Kids!  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
They’re Comin’ After Our Kids!

I was wonderin’ why when I was out killin time
Everything that used to be right is now wrong
If we keep it up I have no doubt
We’ll be doin’ the goose-step

Or you’ll one day find yourself gone

They’re comin’ after our kids
They’re comin’ after our kids
They want to turn them into proper little spies
Mommies and daddies have to go away for awhile

They’re coming after our kids
They’re coming after you too, so don’t feel bad
You can learn to be happy to lose
Everything you had

Gone

They want to indoctrinate
Beyond purview of honesty
It’s an inside job
They want to indoctrinate the little ones
A brand new crop of slaves…

It’s happening today

They’re comin’ after our kids
They’re comin’ after our kids
They want to turn them into proper little spies
Mommies and daddies have to go away for awhile

They’re coming after our kids
They’re coming after you too, so don’t feel bad
You can learn to be happy to lose
Everything you had

And the little ones say
In YOUR way
So…tell me about your day today
Between the hours of...oh...say six o’clock and sunrise
I need ideas for a fiction I’m writing
All the names will be changed

All the names are changed to protect the agenda

Hey Daddy; who are those men pulling up in the black sedan
With darkened windows
I’ll bet daddy knows
I’m sure daddy knows

And he knows

Were cattle hooked up to a giant milkin’ machine
Cloven creatures don’t have any ARMS, think about it...
After they suck us dry…
They’re comin’ after our kids!
They’re comin’ after our kids!
Comin’ after our kids
Comin’ after our last hope for freedom…

© JD Stenzel 2009 All Rights Reserved

Last edited by My Stunt Brain; 11/27/09 03:50 PM.

http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774045 - 11/27/09 04:05 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Posts: 7,602
I'm not sure if your intent with this is a commercial cut or more of a lyric with an artful, personal bent. either way, I don't know what it's about. for a commercial tune it'd need to have a hook and a much clearer theme. further, lines like "beyond pervue of honesty" aren't conversational and would be hard to sing. it's not really very artful, either. to be artful, I think you'd need some stronger imagery, metaphors and perhaps a creative rhyme or two.

many people post on these sites just for their internet friends...which is absolutely fine. if you want to go further and actually write either commercial tunes or memorable creative ones, you'll need to focus more on hooks, storytelling, imagery and relatable themes.

just my view...good luck with your stuff.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#774051 - 11/27/09 04:37 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
With all due respect...you are wrong on about every account but one--this is designed for an angry niche market, and I'm writing DIRECTLY to people who GET IT. I don't want conversational in this piece; I want power, and methodically forceful music (rock! with a grunge angry twist). I want to hear battle machinery at times. I want to HEAR the goose stepping as the lyrics pass by. I by god want an artist who gets this to fulfill it--not a structured enthusiast with an Armani and a Porsche!

FOR ANYONE WHO DOESN'T GET THIS LYRIC!

YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774053 - 11/27/09 04:41 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Does anyone "get" me? Can I find not even one here at JPF who "gets" me?

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774054 - 11/27/09 04:43 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
The real ones may have already been taken away. I was never here for your ideas of viability--just mine.

Peace
JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774062 - 11/27/09 05:22 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Posts: 7,602
it's not a mattter of "getting" you. the lyric is poorly written. period.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#774070 - 11/27/09 05:43 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Go f-k yourself with that bullcrap; you obviously wouldn't recognize a decent lyric if you wrote one yourself.

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774073 - 11/27/09 05:45 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
God--I beg of you...send me away--to an island AWAY from them...so at least there will be one joyous spark of reason in my own echo


Last edited by My Stunt Brain; 11/27/09 05:46 PM.

http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774085 - 11/27/09 06:28 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Posts: 7,602
dude, I could outwrite you when I was 18 years old. that's because when I was 15, someone did me the kindness of telling me I stunk. swallow your pride and think it over. otherwise in ten years you'll still be writing nonsense complaining that nobody "gets" you.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#774089 - 11/27/09 06:39 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
You write better than me smart ass? Put up or shut up/your best lyric against one of my choosing...a third party not known by either of us judging--I'll stake all I have to my name against your lyric. You'll do likewise. Blind judging; no one has heard of us, not read our work. YOU PUT YOUR F-KING MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just called you out, you sonofabitch!

DO IT!
JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774092 - 11/27/09 06:46 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Genre possibilities include:

Pop
Rock
Alternative (rock)
Country (and/or western)
Southern Rock
Gospel
Country Gospel
Hip Hop
Rap
Rhythm & Blues
Disco
Easy Listening
Blues

Brother...you come big or stay home, because I write in all those genres and more!
JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774093 - 11/27/09 06:48 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
If you're unwilling to publically do this, then I don't wanna hear another PEEP out of you. Are we clear?

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774099 - 11/27/09 06:59 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 499
goodfolks Offline
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goodfolks  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 499
california USA
Can I Play

Fields
All rights reserved

Corn fields far as the eye can see.
Hay fields high as the average knee.
Bean fields green as a bean can be.

Amazed with vast greenery.
Floating effortlessly.

Some will wonder some will wander.
Today till tomorrows yesterday.
Show us the path back to the ones.
We belong with.

Wheat fields vast as and open sea.
Rye fields ripe as the rye should be.
Straw fields gold as straw could be.

Amazed with golden scenery.
Floating effortlessly.

Some will wonder some will wander.
Today till tomorrows yesterday.
Show us the path back to the ones.
We belong with.

Some will wonder some will wander.
Today till tomorrows yesterday.
Show us the path back to the ones.
We belong with.

Back with the ones we belong with.


Scott Steven Walters

Goodfolks link below
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=817195
#774102 - 11/27/09 07:06 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: goodfolks]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Beans? Are you F-king joking me? I ask you to wager all of your earthly possessions on a lyric, and you want to use this? YES! I'm in...secure this deal via contract RIGHT NOW because I'm thinkin' your bean commercial is good...but not quite THAT good. You best rethink that'n, champ.

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774103 - 11/27/09 07:08 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
Top 500 Poster
My Stunt Brain  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Remember, hoss--this is a blind judging; no names on these lyrics. Best lyric wins all--and I mean ALL.

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774105 - 11/27/09 07:35 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
I've posted 1000s of lyrics on the Net and my rep is well established. and while I hesitate to give an obvious nutcase like yourself a link to my songs, one is provided below. along with a few lyrics. try posting at least ONE song or lyric with a hook and clearly developed theme...if you can.

If I Pen a Masterpiece

I can paint a bubbling fountain,
Mold the canyons of a mountain
With the rhythm of a simple line
Violet moons…the sun and Venus,
I have touched them with the freeness
Of a man who wanders verse and rhyme

But as yet I can’t uncover
Phrases that describe a lover
With all my tomorrows in her hand
Looking back on all I’ve written
I can find your beauty hidden
In each rhyme about forever’s plan

Someday I will write a song, for a love that will not cease
I will name it after you, if I pen a masterpiece

And when doubts have robbed my spirit
In the darkness I can hear it
Somehow when you hold me silently
And when life seems cruel and lawless
Even songs provide no solace
You can find the words to comfort me

And I’ve tried to see each daisy
Ev’ry river running lazy
In a light that’s soft and lyrical
When I feel the warmth within you
Know, my love, that I’ll continue
Trying to describe a miracle

Someday I will write a song, for a love that will not cease
I will name it after you, if I pen a masterpiece

And for a man so small
What I need most of all
Is for someone to believe in me
You’ve helped me understand
That heaven’s open hand
Blesses ev’ry sparrow…even me

Someday I will write a song, for a love that will not cease
I will name it after you, if I pen a masterpiece

© 9/17/08 Robert George

this is for spoken word...

Routine Investigation

As we stood around the grave
‘fore dirt hit the coffin lid
I pictured the past few days and what hearts kept hid
Half pint in my pocket
I’d found Snook on Hollywood pier
Washin’ dishes at the Fish Stick
Winston tucked behind his ear
With Cheatem gone he was my best informant
Although years of snitchin’ had left his conscience dormant
We stepped outside, he bummed a light
I said, “didja hear about Cheatem last night
He floated back in and snagged his pants on some pilings
Musta thought seawater was a Salty Dog
Cos that dumb bastard was smiling
Snook said, “whaddaya askin’ me for
I ain’t seen him in a week or more”
I said, “take it ez Snook
This case is 12 hours old
This is just routine…when his stone is set
This case’ll be stone cold”

Snook growled, “the last time he came in
His brains were scrambled
Belly bulgin’…skin yellow as a urine sample
Plus every Joe and his mama knows
He banged girls and ordered ‘em on the phone
Like Dominoes
Maybe after all those years of livin’ hard and liquor
A hard on was hard on his ticker
And it’s just a suggestion
But maybe he was spent, he came n went
And some gal dumped him to avoid
Lotsa fool questions”

I said, “hang on a second, I reckon you know
You lost a pile o’ dough
You got gypped when he stole your tip
On that meth sale in the valley
40 grand worth in a van outside a monster truck rally
And hell it’s just my point of view but for a dish jockey like you
That reward woulda been quite a score”

He handed back my matches
And like the wind took his ashes
It took his smoky alibi of bein’ home alone watchin’ CSI
I thanked him for his time
And asked where I might find
Mattie this time of day
Waved the smoke from my eyes and was on my way

I drove across town
Dozing at long red lights
Since my divorce, it’s been rough on the force
I ain’t been sleepin’ nights
Didn’t tell the department shrink
How I’d poured my Doris a drink
Smacked her a good one in the eye
When she told me about the other guy
How she’d left her drink there
Packed a bag cos mom’d sent busfare
Now she’s waiting tables back in Oklahoma
And I’ll bet her 36 Cs get her bigger tips
At Tony Roma’s

I ain’t slept a full night since
And my shrink is convinced I’d sleep
If I counted sheep
Took warm baths to soothe my muscles
Or did word puzzles in my bed alone
Like Jumble, anagrams or palindromes

…but fuggit…I’d stuck it out this long on brandy
And eatin’ No Doz like hard candy

Well, I found Mattie at home
Her green eyes were grave blankets
Over a bottomless abyss
All those years of hookin’ n crookin’
Treated her soul
Like a razor treats a wrist
She’d made lotsa money but paid a heavy price
For lettin’ losers wipe their loneliness
On the throw rug between her thighs

I said let’s take a ride, she had nuthin’ to hide
Told her I’d by her a Grand Slam
With an extra slab of ham at the local Denny’s
She sat there dishin’ on customer’s clothes
Dated knock-offs
Runs in the waitress’s hose
With the burning passion of a flamer judging fashion
At the Emmy’s

I said, “shweetheart, what about Cheatem”

She stuck a fork in her face pit and said
“Honey, you know him
He liked it up n durty
I’d give him what he liked for another thirty
You know what I mean
Cos he liked it stanky n bloody
Balls deep in the big muddy
Oh what a scene
He’d be groanin’ n moanin’
I’d have the tv on
With one eye on Leno or Conan
But hell…I don’t know what got him dead
But I’ll bet sleeping around
Made him that hard pine bed’
Then she wiped grease from her cheek
…and said, “hey things’ve been slow this week
I could use a ten for maxi-pads”
So I slipped her a twenty and said that was more'n plenty
plus enuff fer a taxi-cab

I had a bite to eat, called the lieu
And said I had some leads
But no solid proof
Knowing where law is concerned
Proof has little to do with the truth
He said he had the tox screen
Cheatem drank poisoned Jim Beam
But there was nothing at the scene
He suggested I invite the suspects
To the funeral today
Cos how they act might give something away
A victim goin’ in the ground
Might uncover motive buried deep down

So there we were…me, Snooker n Mattie
Grass green enough for an eternity of holes
With the devil as a caddy
It took Snook three tries to get his Winston lit
He blew smoke at the sky
Then tapped some ashes on the coffin lid
Then Mattie looked at me
And looked in the hole
Tossed an old copy of “Shaved” in Cheatem’s grave
With her in the centerfold
Then I looked at her
And thought of love n lust n sin
Then tossed that half pint of poisoned bourbon in


Well, my lieu closed the case
When I said my overtime’d been a waste
I went home and my mind slowly went morbid
I couldn’t sleep thinkin’ how life is cheap
But death is cheaper
And even I could afford it

I laid there alone and thought of palindromes
And how countin’ sheep wasn’t for my brand of man
Thought of my ex…thought of the dead
Wrote “a slut did Tulsa” on a pad by my bed
And drifted off peaceful as a lamb

©2007 Robert George

this is from last week.

Stranger In Town

It was on the night the drifter rolled in on the Amtrak
The mayor’s liquor stash was raided and his home was ransacked
The drifter's Stetson was a wicked halo in the starlight
Laid out sev’ral drunken bikers in a midnight barfight

Some folks said he looked just like a long dead local farmer
Had a boot length leather duster like a suit of armor
Secret meetings held between the mayor and the barber
‘bout the mystery drifter and resentment he might harbor

People said there’s a stranger in town
And they swore there’s danger in town
Things that happened way back when
Somehow brought him back again
There’s a stranger in town

Well, that drifter sat out by some lakeside sugar snap peas
Saw a phantom tire swingin’ like a farmer's trapeze
Daddy on some ghostly porch steps where the night was misty
Windin’ up an heirloom timepiece by a jug of whiskey

Then two hooded raiders rode in like some raging demons
Shot his daddy…lit a cross and left that young boy screamin’
30 years now and that silent drifter still remembers
Someone in a white hood liftin’ somethin’ from the embers

People said there’s a stranger in town
And they swore there’s danger in town
Things that happened way back when
Somehow brought him back again
There’s a stranger in town

Well, that barber was a damn fool and he’d get to braggin’
How he was the fire of that southern county dragon
Though they thought their color was a brand that made them brothers
Just a twist of fate’d make them turn on one another

Decades later and the land still echoed with their evil
Feeding on the townfolk’s mem’ries like a fat boll weevil
So the barber took six bullets from a target pistol
But a witness saw the mayor’s face as clear as crystal

People said there’s a stranger in town
And they swore there’s danger in town
Things that happened way back when
Somehow brought him back again
There’s a stranger in town

Rumors crept like pea vines and they all condemned the mayor
Barely found a preacher that’d share his final prayer
Justice is its most poetic when it's without rhyme or reason
And that mayor felt a poison needle in due season

And that town’s still smokin’ from the flame of racial tensions
But it’s better to just let the Good Lord have His vengeance
So that drifter sat there one night drinkin’ twelve year old scotch
By a burned out lakeside farmhouse with his father’s gold watch

People said there’s a stranger in town
And they swore there’s danger in town
Things that happened way back when
Somehow brought him back again
There’s a stranger in town

©2009 Robert George

and this is Americana from a week or two ago.

Get It Through Yer Head

Used car lot all fulla junky cars
Blackbirds perchin’ on some monkey bars
At the corner playground
Dead street fulla burger wraps and dirt
Belly strained the buttons on his shirt
Stepping off the Greyhound

Why’d he want that small town badge so bad
Windmills were the closest thing we had
To a tall skyscraper
Flashed a gold tooth grin and strapped his gun
In that Texas heat his pastry bun
Was just like flypaper

He said, “Sonny, back where I come from
We had murder in the midnight slums
By teenage intruders"
Saw the .32s there on my desk
Said a killer with a Kevlar vest
Would laugh at my peashooters

“Boy, this world is mean, there’s no in-between
Mister, one false move…you’re dead
I’ve got things to show you, I’m a bad ass so you
Better get it through yer head”

Rumors said he left his Newark job
Cos of problems with the Jersey mob
He’s a loan shark’s debtor
Useta cruise them ranch roads all alone
When he said he'd love a Tex-Mex home
I should have known better

Never liked some of the things he did
Pulled his rifle on pot smokin’ kids
On the alkali flat
He’d just laugh and say “a show of force
Is a hardened lawman’s only course”
But I didn’t buy that

O but what you sow then you shall reap
And in Texas that rule’s dug in deep
As an old mesquite root
And then late one night we got a call
He got there and turned a barroom brawl
Into a damned skeet shoot

“Boy, this world is mean, there’s no in-between
Mister, one false move…you’re dead
I’ve got things to show you, I’m a bad ass so you
Better get it through yer head”

I’d just started on a new crossword
Call came in about some gunshots heard
Past the city limits
Cattle ranch way out by Rustler Pass
Grabbed the squad car and then hit the gas
Got there in six minutes

Rancher dyin’ by his rockin' chair
Heard a shadow comin’ down the stairs
Cos them steps were squeakin’
Pulled a .32 and found my mark
Clock light on a gold tooth in the dark
Was a tiny beacon

Dead before he was aware of it
Hellbound and he hadn’t even hit
That cold hardwood floor yet
Medics found him with the jewels he stole
Wearing Kevlar with a small red hole
Shot right through his forehead

“Sir, this world is mean, there’s no in-between
Mister, one false move…you’re dead
I’ve got things to show you, I’m a bad ass so you
Better get it through yer head”

©2009 Robert George

this is commercial country, from last week.

My Father’s Desk

When my father passed away, Mama got a call one day
She went to his office and picked up his stuff
Mama never liked his job, always thought that he was robbed
He worked hard and never had much time for us

We had it bad
Sometimes it seemed she resented dad
Till she went up to my daddy’s floor
Stepped out that elevator door

Then she saw his desk there by a dusty fern
Photos of her with that crazy college perm
My old pee-wee baseball by his pencil cup
Caught it when some tall pinch-hitter popped it up
Fido’s collar in the corner by his phone
Maybe daddy’s seen him now that they’re both home
Mama knew he never got much rest
Now she saw his whole life was my father’s desk

And she had teardrops on her cheeks, thinkin’ she’d been mad for weeks
When he missed their anniversary last June
Then she opened his top drawer, found the seashell from the shore
Where they walked on their Hawaiian honeymoon

Fin’lly filled a box
With his Titans mouse pad and clock
All those mem’ries…so real and raw
Got on the elevator…closed her eyes and saw

Just a simple desk there by a dusty fern
Photos of her with that crazy college perm
My old pee-wee baseball by his pencil cup
Caught it when some tall pinch-hitter popped it up
Fido’s collar in the corner by his phone
Maybe daddy’s seen him now that they’re both home
Mama knew he never got much rest
Now she saw his whole life was my father’s desk

Never had time to share
So he brought his life there

To a salesman’s desk there by a dusty fern
Photos of Mom with that crazy college perm
My old pee-wee baseball by his pencil cup
Caught it when some tall pinch-hitter popped it up
Fido’s collar in the corner by his phone
Maybe daddy’s seen him now that they’re both home
Mama knew he never got much rest
And she saw his whole life was my father’s desk

©2009 Robert George

and here's a link to my songs.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=431939&content=music



Last edited by couchgrouch; 09/28/19 10:05 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#774106 - 11/27/09 07:43 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Put up or shut up. Just accept. Then it'll all be over smile

Waitin' on you, piehole.
JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774110 - 11/27/09 07:46 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Do you believe in your words enough that you'd stake all of your possessions against all of mine if you lose?

That's a simple question for such a grandiose writer as you like to pretend.

Offer stands!
JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774111 - 11/27/09 07:47 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
By the way--some nice work there, pilgrim smile


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774113 - 11/27/09 07:50 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Now I think we understand one another. I'm not a hobby writer, nor am I interested in writing things I don't believe in, or which bring joy to myself and/or others.

My bottom line is--obviously--I do believe in my work, more than you believe in yours. Now...can we get on with the make-up sex?

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774114 - 11/27/09 07:51 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
you can't have all my possessions and I don't want both of yours. I've gotta get back to my life now and I'd recommend you do the same.

and I think you've been mixing your meds again. you gotta read those labels, dude. fare thee well.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 11/27/09 07:52 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#774116 - 11/27/09 07:52 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Kidding about the sex--just to be clear...


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774118 - 11/27/09 07:53 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Check and CheckMATE.
JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774120 - 11/27/09 07:54 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Now we can be friends.

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774164 - 11/27/09 09:50 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,613
glynda Offline
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,613
Princeton Texas
I do have to say one thing and with all respect I do stand up and applaud couch on his writing, never have I ever seen such great work as this man has put out, i'm always amazed at the quality and cleverness he has, like I say, I stand with great pride to honor and applaud couch...thanks glyn

#774185 - 11/27/09 10:51 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: glynda]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 9,104
John Lawrence Schick Offline
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John Lawrence Schick  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 9,104
PA
Interesting concepts in both Couchgrouch and JD’s lyrics. They both display originality.

One obvious difference between the two is that Couch’s writing demonstrates more discipline. Couch pays more attention to form, meter, rhyme, etc.

JD shoots from the hip to get his message across, with little regard for the skilled “craft of writing”.

Their styles don’t compete with each other anymore than an orange competes with an apple. I’m sure there’s room for both in the music world.

Best, John smile

#774186 - 11/27/09 10:52 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: John Lawrence Schick]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 9,104
John Lawrence Schick Offline
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John Lawrence Schick  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 9,104
PA
Oh, I should add IMO.

#774194 - 11/27/09 11:02 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: John Lawrence Schick]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Posts: 7,602
thanks glynda. smile

John, there's more to it than discipline. There's very little value either creatively or commercially in the lyric posted. I don't say that to be cruel...it's just true. in terms of imagery, metaphor, storytelling and rhyme, it's not apples and oranges.

but of course, that's just my view.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#774232 - 11/27/09 11:58 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 971
Wesley Ryan Offline
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Wesley Ryan  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 971
Wichita Falls, Texas U.S.A.
Hi JD,

I think you show a lot of talent as a writer and I believe there's room for what you've done here in music at some level. But I also agree with the others that Robert shows a better grasp of the craft. I've had the privilege of reading his writes for many years now and although we aren't close by any sense of the word, I cannot help but admire his abilities as a writer. Using writing to express a singular opinion is nothing new. The difference between that and a great writer is that a great writer expresses a universal viewpoint that everyone can look at or hear and say "I get it". In many of your responses, I've noticed that you think that people don't "get you". That very statement alone is the answer to which one of you is the better writer because here's a universal fact, if most people don't get you...more than likely they're not going to get your music either because it's an extension of who you are and the way you think about things. JMO Good luck with your music though.

Best wishes,

Wes

#774236 - 11/28/09 12:12 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: Wesley Ryan]  
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,563
Kevin Emmrich Offline
Kevin Emmrich  Offline


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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,563
Crozet, VA
Wes,

You're a smart fellow.

Kevin


"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The 'hard' is what makes it great."
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @50/90 2019)
#774238 - 11/28/09 12:17 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: Kevin Emmrich]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 9,104
John Lawrence Schick Offline
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John Lawrence Schick  Offline
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Posts: 9,104
PA
Good point Wes!

John smile

#774240 - 11/28/09 12:35 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,639
Samuel Harris Offline
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Samuel Harris  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,639
Pleasant Hill, Oregon
Originally Posted by My Stunt Brain
You write better than me smart ass? Put up or shut up/your best lyric against one of my choosing...a third party not known by either of us judging--I'll stake all I have to my name against your lyric. You'll do likewise. Blind judging; no one has heard of us, not read our work. YOU PUT YOUR F-KING MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just called you out, you sonofabitch!

DO IT!
JD


Just dropped in to see what couchgrouch is up to and I found this thread. Dude, the best writer on JPF is the guy you are telling to put up or shut up. Didn't you even read or listen to his stuff before you wrote your diatribe? I am a singer songwriter and I have sung thousands of cover tunes, and there is no way I would let "They want to indoctrinate Beyond purview of honesty" pass my lips. The line sucks. Every songwriter writes terrible line sometimes. The overall work has some promise so why don't you consider that every syllable you utter may not be sterling sliver? It won't be. The problem with that line is that it isn't consistent with the rest of your lyric. It is as if this angry guy singing this song suddenly tried to impress his English teacher. It's terrible. Rewrite it and move on.

By the way, I was listening to Pearl Jam last night on Austin City Limits. I hadn't really followed their career but I liked what I was hearing musically. But I couldn't understand the words so I turned on the closed caption. I was rather shocked that the lyrics were so poorly written. The rhymes were off; the message was trite and self absorbed; the hooks were not clever etc. I guess music can touch people even if it isn't particularly well crafted as long as the emotion is expressed artistically. Not a few people on this site are shaking their heads that couchgrouch has not had a major cut yet. But the music business does not reward merit alone. Many factors must come together to make a hit and as usual, the inside track goes to the insiders. At least we know that if couchgrouch get the opening, he is ready with a huge body of work. Any hot artist who picks up his work could do several albums and never have a bad cut.
I can say this, Mr. George (couchgrouch) has written lyrics that have inspired me to write music- music that would not have materialized without the lyrics. He writes with a musician's sensibilities because he is a serious listener of music. You can't improve unless you listen. You can't listen if you are shouting. Not profound advice but it is sound.


"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
#774248 - 11/28/09 01:00 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: John Lawrence Schick]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 265
gkwaters Offline
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gkwaters  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 265
Spot on Wes.

Why is it we can not have open and honest banter back and forth without one individual telling people to go "f--k yourself", "f-k off", "piss off", etc?

I get that you might not agree with ones point of view JD but how many people are you going to verbally insult on your way to the top?

Verbally attacking anybody, from the worst writers to one of the best, is a sure fire way to alienate yourself. Respect others opinions and move on, maybe even learn something along the way.



#774258 - 11/28/09 01:31 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: gkwaters]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
I don't happen to write for (just) the simpletons; I have plenty aimed at three toothed inbreds as well.

Thanks---OFFER STANDS!

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774275 - 11/28/09 02:33 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,526
Polly Hager Offline
Helping Hand
Polly Hager  Offline
Helping Hand

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,526
Cincinnati, OH USA
Wes...EXCELLENT POST!


http://www.soundclick.com/pollyhager
http://www.facebook.com/polly.wilmot
http://www.reverbnation.com/rockcandycincy
You're supposed to be grooving as hard as you can, all of the time. - Stephen Gaskin
#774319 - 11/28/09 07:56 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: Polly Hager]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Brock Easterbrook...so...?
Am I supposed to genuflect now?

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774323 - 11/28/09 08:15 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
My Stunt Brain Offline
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My Stunt Brain  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Sioux Falls, SD
Brock

You're a predominantly country-oriented/long-winded tale kind of writer. I get that; you're a fabulous writer. Your strengths are in no way associated with the sort of Henry Rollins kind of vibe I had envisioned for this piece, and your comments (although ...couched ...so as to APPEAR informative) were thinly-veiled attempts to...as so many of YOU nutjobs enjoy doing...put me in my place.

Your arrogance is preceded only by your throngs of sycophants, who--for good reason--enjoy your work enough to choose sides against another writer of a differing bent.

instead of nurturing a mutually beneficial experience with someone who isn't even playing on the same field as you, let alone the same game--and don't care to--you've decided that JD was just the sort of soft target your little ego needs to torpedo in order for you to feel big and powerful. Bullcrap! Let the air out; you stink up the place with that garbage!

I always treat people nicely who treat me nicely.

I've earned my chops in the hells of life you can only read about in books, or from other no-cut wannabe writers thinkin' they're the dog's balls because --oh--SOMEBODY WROTE A HOOKIE THING. I've bled more songs than you--on your best day, could even hope to describe in glimpses...vague ones at that, let alone comprehend.

I would treat any one of you as a friend, if you'd just humble YOURSELVES enough to be a friend. I ask for nothing; I'm here to write. No one "puts" me in my place but God, who loves me. It's not rocket science. Be a friend. I don't need anything else, thanks. Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus. Humble to the humble. Inflexible to the arrogant.

JD


http://www.myspace.com/agiftedidiot

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=715116455

http://www.soundclick.com/jdstenzelandcowriters

mystuntbrain@gmail.com

Humilis humilibus Inflectens Arrogantibus
(Humble to the humble, Inflexible to the arrogant)

#774565 - 11/29/09 02:19 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,829
Brian Austin Whitney Offline
Brian Austin Whitney  Offline

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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,829
Indianapolis, IN USA
JD,

I gave you several chances to be a positive part of our community. You've chosen to be the opposite. Enough is enough.

Brian


Brian Austin Whitney
Founder
Just Plain Folks
jpfolkspro@aol.com
Skype: Brian Austin Whitney
Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks

"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney

"It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..."

[Linked Image]
#1157062 - 09/28/19 07:12 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
I did a search for "Routine Investigation" and this popped up. Those were the days...

Thank heavens for JPF. I'd have lost the poem without it.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1157063 - 09/28/19 10:17 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
California
Originally Posted by couchgrouch
I did a search for "Routine Investigation" and this popped up. Those were the days...

Thank heavens for JPF. I'd have lost the poem without it.


Rob,

Sometimes I just put mouth-in-pillow have to scream "WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!!!" LOL...

I mean, I've seen you make initial remarks that could be understandably irritating, LOL....

But your first post is extremely civil and actually pretty helpful!

And he definitely had a problem.

Was that a Google search you made, or a JPF one? Sometimes I have better luck with Google search.

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 09/29/19 11:42 AM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1157072 - 09/29/19 11:53 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
Mike, it was a Google search. Those are becoming less useful to me because there are a lot of couchgrouches on the Net now. Taxi and JPF searches usually don't turn up much.

If I can't find something in my home archives, Google is my best bet. That's how I found Mast in the Mist.

I don't even remember the above poster, why I critiqued his lyric or the exchange.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 09/29/19 11:54 AM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1157073 - 09/29/19 11:54 AM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
California
Rob,

An observation and a question..

Sam mentioned that your love of music informed your lyric writing. SOmething I've known about you for years, too, and basically you can feel it in the prosody..but it made me wonder and want to ask who are your literary influences? Who are the authors you've read over the years that have inspired and influenced what you are doing in your fiction works, novels, novellas?

Also..about your new stuff below your posts. It looks like your links aren't live so I realize you are still working on this, but I would aim, since you generally post twitter size comments, to keep the actual space used no more than a couple inches, if possible, or every post you ever made will look awkward, bottom heavy, IMHO. Less elegant.

And this will be even worse if you include quotes in a given post. Like a word sandwich with just a slice of meat. You can probably get links to all your books in there with a more economical "look" and I personally think that would be cooler.

Of course, if you are happy with the space used for links to your stuff, ignore my comment on that. This may be something to at least think about after book fifteen, which at your rate may only be a few years away, haha...

You didn't ask but I thought I'd offer my thoughts..

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 09/29/19 12:11 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1157074 - 09/29/19 12:11 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
Mike, thanks for the question...here's my disappointing answer. I don't have any literary influences. I love Raymond Chandler but I was already "me" before I read his books.

If you read Teenage Graceland, you know my influences...Marvel comics and old movies I watched with my parents on the Perfect 36 UHF channel in Salinas. My dad had a few boxers' biographies laying around the house, Willie Pep and Sugar Ray Robinson. I read Ray's book several
times, which gave me an overview of organized crime, as did my dad's stories of the NYC underworld. I was named after a guy who was like Joe Pesci's character in GoodFellas. The story in Teenage Graceland about him gouging out someone's eye with a church key is true.

I saw Raging Bull with older friends when I was 15 and I already knew all about Jake LaMotta. I couldn't figure out what was 60% of 70, though. I dropped out of school in the ninth grade.

I'm gonna need a tutorial on posting those links. That was the best I could do and it took a while.

Ps...Sugar Ray Robinson was the greatest boxer. Look at his record. Ali just had a big mouth.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 09/29/19 12:14 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1157075 - 09/29/19 12:17 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
Michael Zaneski Offline
Top 50 Poster
Michael Zaneski  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
California
When you said your book was mostly autobiographical, I had no idea you meant that so literally.

I figured you for pulpy/noir influences (we're all influenced by something or other), and as they go, Chandler is the best. The classiest and funniest for sure. John Schick would agree. My sister actually lived in the apartment Chandler had once lived in, in the last several years of his life, in the Wilshire area of Los Angeles, I believe.

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 09/29/19 12:23 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1157076 - 09/29/19 12:43 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
It's not mostly autobiographical, but a lot of it is. There was a story to be told about that time and place but it had no "arc".
That's where the horror/criminal element comes in. It's really hard to beat a story about teenagers investigating a mystery.
The ending of Teenage Graceland is pretty much how I moved to Arizona from Salinas.

Dude, you're like six degrees of Kevin Bacon...Daniel Lanois, Raymond Chandler!


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1157077 - 09/29/19 01:16 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
Michael Zaneski Offline
Top 50 Poster
Michael Zaneski  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
California
Sorry if the Chandler anecdote bored you.

But c'mon, the Lanois anecdote was told in private...a passing thought in a conversation about a song where you wanted a Lanois arrangment..and if you were moving out in the same month Lanois had just moved in next door to you, in the late Eighties, and you knew it but didn't attempt to meet him..and he'd turn out to be one of your main musical heroes...you might regret that and mention it in passing, especially as you age..cuz the regrets start to pile up..

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 09/29/19 01:52 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1157078 - 09/29/19 02:22 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,602
Mike, the Chandler story was awesome! So was Lanois.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1157080 - 09/29/19 03:06 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
Michael Zaneski Offline
Top 50 Poster
Michael Zaneski  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
California
oh....LOL...............having a bad day over here...sorry I misread you...

And I wished I could help you with making you links live and all that, but I'm as dumb as you on that stuff..

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1157719 - 10/13/19 01:11 PM Re: They’re Comin’ After Our Kids! [Re: My Stunt Brain]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 29
CTthomas Online content
Casual Observer
CTthomas  Online Content
Casual Observer

Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 29
Tuff thread-good posts. I see lots of experienced folks giving great advice. I think most songwriting needs rewrites and evaluations.


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