Who's Online Now
21 registered members (AntonyRobWells, CTthomas, couchgrouch, Gavin Sinclair, E Swartz, Gary E. Andrews, Dave Rice, Guy E. Trepanier, 3 invisible), and 296 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
JAPOV
JAPOV
North Alabama
Posts: 376
Joined: June 2019
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Honky Tonk Angel
by niteshift. 10/17/19 01:43 AM
I Have My Girl (C. Kiphen)
by niteshift. 10/17/19 01:32 AM
Long Way Home
by niteshift. 10/17/19 01:15 AM
South of Chicago
by niteshift. 10/17/19 12:59 AM
Life and Death Out Here In Da Sticks. ..glyn
by Moosesong. 10/16/19 10:58 PM
Chasing the wind...
by Moosesong. 10/16/19 10:47 PM
TAXI Road Rally 2018: 10 Reasons Why
by Gary E. Andrews. 10/16/19 10:35 PM
North Of Nashville
by Moosesong. 10/16/19 10:35 PM
Moscow Mitch
by Moosesong. 10/16/19 09:58 PM
Brian's FB post and surgery news
by E Swartz. 10/16/19 09:31 PM
Sitting To Strum: You're Doing It Wrong
by E Swartz. 10/16/19 09:30 PM
He’s Not Crying In His Beer (Neil Cotton)
by Neil Cotton. 10/16/19 09:13 PM
Little Lies
by Guy E. Trepanier. 10/16/19 07:00 PM
Heart Broke In LA
by Guy E. Trepanier. 10/16/19 06:50 PM
What song on JPF do you remember the most
by Fdemetrio. 10/16/19 12:35 PM
Music In Two Movies...
by John Lawrence Schick. 10/16/19 11:17 AM
Just a Dream (Dave Rice Cover)
by Dave Rice. 10/16/19 09:23 AM
Strange Cargo
by couchgrouch. 10/16/19 12:41 AM
My Cheesy Song - first post!
by PaulCanuck. 10/15/19 09:15 PM
I Give Up
by PaulCanuck. 10/15/19 09:04 PM
Sunny, With a Chance of Drinkin'
by Fdemetrio. 10/15/19 06:43 PM
SIMPLE WORDS HE’S MY SON
by CTthomas. 10/15/19 12:06 PM
Why so many one hit wonders?
by Fdemetrio. 10/15/19 11:00 AM
Copyright law
by Everett Adams. 10/15/19 07:59 AM
MusicXray
by Everett Adams. 10/15/19 07:52 AM
Just a rant...
by John Lawrence Schick. 10/15/19 07:14 AM
First Love, Last Love (Final Studio Version)
by E Swartz. 10/15/19 05:58 AM
::: KICK YOU OUT (Uke) :::
by Dave Rice. 10/14/19 10:54 PM
Spawned By The Swamp
by Calvin. 10/14/19 04:29 PM
October 13, 2019 Columbus Area
by Gary E. Andrews. 10/14/19 08:55 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,774
Travis david 11,592
Kevin Emmrich 10,554
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,586
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,844
glynda 8,613
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,907
couchgrouch 7,574
Corey 7,357
Dave Rice 7,353
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,549
Joe Wrabek 6,403
Vicarn 6,137
ben willis 6,105
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,490
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,652
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,363
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
Roy Cooper 4,118
nightengale 4,092
TamsNumber4 4,058
Caroline 3,865
MFB III 3,821
Kolstad 3,813
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,500
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
E Swartz 3,383
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,812
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,570
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,214
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,982
maccharles 1,959
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,597
Cal 1,574
Martin Lide 1,560
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,462
Tom Franz 1,455
GocartMoz 1,441
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
Fdemetrio 1,401
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,144
summeoyo 1,126
joro 1,082
lane1777 1,075
BobbyJoe 1,075
Deej56 1,058
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
9ne 882
90 dB 853
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
Andy K 744
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
Irwin 627
CG King 622
douglas 621
Pat Hardy 617
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Moosesong 597
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
R&M 492
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
JAPOV 376
java 374
spidey 371
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1156459 - 09/15/19 07:33 AM Young Woman  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
New song after a while....I'm back in producing after a slow down with computer problems, I lost some files but I managed to get some back.
Here is my last recording.
Thanks for listening


https://soundcloud.com/domenic-mercurio/young-woman


Young woman (Revised)
Mimmo Mercurio/John Scunziano

She was a young Woman...of only twenty-three...
I was married, and twice as old as she
I Drove her home, from work one night
She put her arms around me... And she held me tight

She left the city went to finish school
Then to San Francisco to try something new
I think so often of that summer night
She held me tight and kissed me...then she ran inside

Once in life, if you're one of the lucky few
Fate will step in and... True love will come to you
Seldom in life will you get a second chance
A second chance... At true romance

I did not see her for a few long years
She came back, and was happy to be here.
We talked a long time and reminisced
Parted ways without a single kiss

Life is full of twists that can't be known
Sometimes seeds of love are never sown
Planned to chat when we had some time to kill
To share a coffee, but I'm waiting still
Once in life, Once in life,
Once in life


Last edited by Mimmo; 09/24/19 09:11 AM.
#1156460 - 09/15/19 10:44 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 783
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 783
Conover, North Carolina, USA
"I was married, and twice as old as she" Seems like he made the right call in letting her go.

I don't think that you can reminisce on times you missed, in other words on things that didn't happen. I know I'm being picky, but listeners do notice these things, especially in a slow song like this one where they have plenty of time to think about the lyric as it unfolds.

Good production and you have a really good voice, which I enjoy hearing.

#1156463 - 09/15/19 12:27 PM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,592
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,592
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Good vocal and music Mimmo.
I think Gavin could have a valid point on reflection
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1156464 - 09/15/19 12:37 PM Re: Young Woman [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
"I was married, and twice as old as she" Seems like he made the right call in letting her go.

I don't think that you can reminisce on times you missed, in other words on things that didn't happen. I know I'm being picky, but listeners do notice these things, especially in a slow song like this one where they have plenty of time to think about the lyric as it unfolds.

Good production and you have a really good voice, which I enjoy hearing.

Thanks for listening and taking time to point out your thoughts on it.

It sounded good while recording it...But I see what you mean. I might have a replacement line ready.
Thanks also for your compliments on the mix and my voice.
Regards
Mimmo

#1156465 - 09/15/19 12:38 PM Re: Young Woman [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by Travis david
Good vocal and music Mimmo.
I think Gavin could have a valid point on reflection
Regards
John

Thanks John...I will look at the lyrics.
Thanks for listening
mimmo

#1156468 - 09/15/19 11:42 PM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,383
E Swartz Online content
Top 100 Poster
E Swartz  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,383
Ohio
Mimmo,

I get the theme here. But I think you need to add some passion to the lyrics and better connect the story. In this manner the reminiscing will work better IMO, and I feel the opening verse will be more believable and tragic. He's smitten, but he knows this age difference will never work, and he doesn't follow after her knowing she needs to seek her own adventure and education. He'll always love her however, and therein is the tragedy for him. I can relate to this song--many moons ago when I was in a musical production age 22 and a beautiful 17 yr old dancer from the chorus asked me for a ride home........


I'm not saying you should necessarily change your lyrics, but here is "one" idea for lyrical consideration--you might even improve or expound upon it: (Liked the song and your performance-btw)



She was a young woman...of only twenty-three...
I was married, twice as old as she
Drove her home, from work one night
She kissed me softly then she ran inside

She left the city and went to finish school
Then San Francisco to try something new
I think so often of that fateful night
watched her go, but did what was right


Once in life, if you're one of the lucky few
Fate will step in... and true love will come to you
But seldom do you get a second chance
A second chance, for true romance

I did not see her for a few long years
When she came back, I fought back tears
We reminisced on all the times we missed
Parted ways without a single kiss

Life is full of twists that can't be known
Sometimes seeds of love are never sown
We planned to chat when we had some time to kill
To share a coffee, but I'm waiting still……..

steady-eddie


#1156472 - 09/16/19 07:27 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by E Swartz
Mimmo,

I get the theme here. But I think you need to add some passion to the lyrics and better connect the story. In this manner the reminiscing will work better IMO, and I feel the opening verse will be more believable and tragic. He's smitten, but he knows this age difference will never work, and he doesn't follow after her knowing she needs to seek her own adventure and education. He'll always love her however, and therein is the tragedy for him. I can relate to this song--many moons ago when I was in a musical production age 22 and a beautiful 17 yr old dancer from the chorus asked me for a ride home........


I'm not saying you should necessarily change your lyrics, but here is "one" idea for lyrical consideration--you might even improve or expound upon it: (Liked the song and your performance-btw)



She was a young woman...of only twenty-three...
I was married, twice as old as she
Drove her home, from work one night
She kissed me softly then she ran inside

She left the city and went to finish school
Then San Francisco to try something new
I think so often of that fateful night
watched her go, but did what was right


Once in life, if you're one of the lucky few
Fate will step in... and true love will come to you
But seldom do you get a second chance
A second chance, for true romance

I did not see her for a few long years
When she came back, I fought back tears
We reminisced on all the times we missed
Parted ways without a single kiss

Life is full of twists that can't be known
Sometimes seeds of love are never sown
We planned to chat when we had some time to kill
To share a coffee, but I'm waiting still……..

steady-eddie

Hi Ed...Thanks for stopping by...and for you suggestions, I'll go back to it next week...See what I can do with it.
Regards
Mimmo

#1156473 - 09/16/19 07:27 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by Mimmo
Originally Posted by E Swartz
Mimmo,

I get the theme here. But I think you need to add some passion to the lyrics and better connect the story. In this manner the reminiscing will work better IMO, and I feel the opening verse will be more believable and tragic. He's smitten, but he knows this age difference will never work, and he doesn't follow after her knowing she needs to seek her own adventure and education. He'll always love her however, and therein is the tragedy for him. I can relate to this song--many moons ago when I was in a musical production age 22 and a beautiful 17 yr old dancer from the chorus asked me for a ride home........


I'm not saying you should necessarily change your lyrics, but here is "one" idea for lyrical consideration--you might even improve or expound upon it: (Liked the song and your performance-btw)



She was a young woman...of only twenty-three...
I was married, twice as old as she
Drove her home, from work one night
She kissed me softly then she ran inside

She left the city and went to finish school
Then San Francisco to try something new
I think so often of that fateful night
watched her go, but did what was right


Once in life, if you're one of the lucky few
Fate will step in... and true love will come to you
But seldom do you get a second chance
A second chance, for true romance

I did not see her for a few long years
When she came back, I fought back tears
We reminisced on all the times we missed
Parted ways without a single kiss

Life is full of twists that can't be known
Sometimes seeds of love are never sown
We planned to chat when we had some time to kill
To share a coffee, but I'm waiting still……..

steady-eddie

Hi Ed...Thanks for stopping by...and for you suggestions, I'll go back to it next week...See what I can do with it.
Regards
Mimmo

#1156475 - 09/16/19 07:33 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,821
MFB III Offline
Top 100 Poster
MFB III  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,821
ohio
The music sets the mood so perfectly for this lost love saga....and the lyrics tell the story quite beautifully. There are no words for such a loss but you managed to make it real in my souls. I too have suffered such a detour on love's vast pathways. We don't always get choices in love and sometimes love comes round at the wrong time and leaves us with nothing but timeless memories.

#1156488 - 09/16/19 10:18 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: MFB III]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by MFB III
The music sets the mood so perfectly for this lost love saga....and the lyrics tell the story quite beautifully. There are no words for such a loss but you managed to make it real in my souls. I too have suffered such a detour on love's vast pathways. We don't always get choices in love and sometimes love comes round at the wrong time and leaves us with nothing but timeless memories.


Thank you for your kind words...It is a touching story.
Regards
Mimmo

#1156582 - 09/19/19 07:24 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Please listen to the (Revised) mix...Thanks...I changed some lyrics
posted a new link in the main post...The vocal track has not been finalized yet.
Thanks you for listening.
Mimmo

Last edited by Mimmo; 09/19/19 07:58 AM.
#1156614 - 09/19/19 06:27 PM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 554
Steve Altonian Online content
Top 500 Poster
Steve Altonian  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 554
Los Angeles, California
Since you are still in revision mode I'm only gonna share random thoughts. No way to get a true Chorus here out of your ONCE IN LIFE ? Have you tried? That line/verse/bridge or whatever you are calling it expresses a theme for the song better than YOUNG WOMAN of course that is IMO.

I would try to write a Full Chorus and build the tune out that way. But that's just me

I'd also shorten that intro to say 8 seconds....Also see the red on the lyric below

Just a few thoughts...

Good luck with this...Sounding good

Young woman (Revised)
Mimmo Mercurio/John Scunziano

She was a young Woman...of only twenty-three...
I was married, and twice as old as she
I Drove her home, from work one night
She put her arms around me... And she held me tight

She left the city went to finish school
Then to San Francisco to try something new
I think so often of that summer night
She held me tight and kissed me...then she ran inside

Once in life, if you're one of the lucky few
Fate will step in and... True love will come to you
Seldom in life will you get a second chance
A second chance... At true romance (I would find another line instead of second chance again, you just said "a second chance". That is wasted real estate)

I did not see her for a few long years
She came back, and was happy to be here.
We talked a long time and reminisced
Parted ways without a single kiss

Life is full of twists that can't be known
Sometimes seeds of love are never sown
Planned to chat when we had some time to kill
To share a coffee, but I'm waiting still
Once in life, Once in life,
Once in life


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1156618 - 09/19/19 07:23 PM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,383
E Swartz Online content
Top 100 Poster
E Swartz  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,383
Ohio
Mimmo,

Definitely improved lyrically in my mind, as the story flows and feels more real. I also liked how you tweaked some of the notes being sang. I originally in my earlier comments started to mention the repeat about 2nd chance, but then thought given the nostalgia, I thought it was effective in this circumstance reinforcing that line. I do think from a production polishing, you could remove a little of the upper range eq--a bit to brittle IMO. Check those eq's on their individual faders, or maybe put an eq on the master fader and back off those frequencies--just be careful it doesn't affect your vox too much. I was listening through decent head phones that do boost bass and upper mids slightly for your info.

Great song Mimmo, you have a flare for romance--but being from Italy, that comes natural huh?

steady-eddie

#1156664 - 09/20/19 12:36 PM Re: Young Woman [Re: Steve Altonian]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by Steve Altonian
Since you are still in revision mode I'm only gonna share random thoughts. No way to get a true Chorus here out of your ONCE IN LIFE ? Have you tried? That line/verse/bridge or whatever you are calling it expresses a theme for the song better than YOUNG WOMAN of course that is IMO.

I would try to write a Full Chorus and build the tune out that way. But that's just me

I'd also shorten that intro to say 8 seconds....Also see the red on the lyric below

Just a few thoughts...

Good luck with this...Sounding good

Young woman (Revised)
Mimmo Mercurio/John Scunziano

She was a young Woman...of only twenty-three...
I was married, and twice as old as she
I Drove her home, from work one night
She put her arms around me... And she held me tight

She left the city went to finish school
Then to San Francisco to try something new
I think so often of that summer night
She held me tight and kissed me...then she ran inside

Once in life, if you're one of the lucky few
Fate will step in and... True love will come to you
Seldom in life will you get a second chance
A second chance... At true romance (I would find another line instead of second chance again, you just said "a second chance". That is wasted real estate)

I did not see her for a few long years
She came back, and was happy to be here.
We talked a long time and reminisced
Parted ways without a single kiss

Life is full of twists that can't be known
Sometimes seeds of love are never sown
Planned to chat when we had some time to kill
To share a coffee, but I'm waiting still
Once in life, Once in life,
Once in life
it would be hard to get any more added to the song without rebuilding the whole structure...The music track was done a wile back, no seps available unfortunately. Beleive it or not I was going to call it "Once in life" But in the end I chose "Young Woman " instead.

Thanks, Steve, for listening and for your thoughts on this.

Mimmo

#1156666 - 09/20/19 12:41 PM Re: Young Woman [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by E Swartz
Mimmo,

Definitely improved lyrically in my mind, as the story flows and feels more real. I also liked how you tweaked some of the notes being sang. I originally in my earlier comments started to mention the repeat about 2nd chance, but then thought given the nostalgia, I thought it was effective in this circumstance reinforcing that line. I do think from a production polishing, you could remove a little of the upper range eq--a bit to brittle IMO. Check those eq's on their individual faders, or maybe put an eq on the master fader and back off those frequencies--just be careful it doesn't affect your vox too much. I was listening through decent head phones that do boost bass and upper mids slightly for your info.

Great song Mimmo, you have a flare for romance--but being from Italy, that comes natural huh?

steady-eddie

Eddy:
Thanks for coming back to check it out...I also think the repeat of "second chance " sits nicely in there.
I'm still working on the final production. This a temporary mix.
Thanks for your comments .
Soon I will post a completed track.
Regards
Mimmo

#1156685 - 09/20/19 07:52 PM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,046
Michael Zaneski Offline
Top 50 Poster
Michael Zaneski  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,046
California
Hi Mimmo,

You have a beautiful voice and very good production and arranging skills.

That, said, I look forward to a song from you that gets really intimate, with a smaller overall sound and vocals closer mic'd. Maybe a fingerpicked guitar as the main instrument and not much more.

It might be partly what Eddie said in his last comments, but I think I'd have warmed to this more if you at least started with a much smaller band and then let it expand with each new section. As it is, I come away feeling like you were in competition with the music.

You have a voice not unlike Rufus Wainwright. Actually, I like your voice more, as his gets a little nasal to my ears. But check out how he arranges music around his voice. He lets his voice be the focus and the music acts to punctuate. His singing is very focused and deliberate and classy, like yours.

But these are just my feelings about this song. I do look forward to that intimate song, though, cuz I just know it will be killer. smile

Mike


Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 09/20/19 10:17 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1156716 - 09/21/19 06:56 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: Michael Zaneski]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by Michael Zaneski
Hi Mimmo,

You have a beautiful voice and very good production and arranging skills.

That, said, I look forward to a song from you that gets really intimate, with a smaller overall sound and vocals closer mic'd. Maybe a fingerpicked guitar as the main instrument and not much more.

It might be partly what Eddie said in his last comments, but I think I'd have warmed to this more if you at least started with a much smaller band and then let it expand with each new section. As it is, I come away feeling like you were in competition with the music.

You have a voice not unlike Rufus Wainwright. Actually, I like your voice more, as his gets a little nasal to my ears. But check out how he arranges music around his voice. He lets his voice be the focus and the music acts to punctuate. His singing is very focused and deliberate and classy, like yours.

But these are just my feelings about this song. I do look forward to that intimate song, though, cuz I just know it will be killer. smile

Mike

Hi Mike...Thanks for taking the time to comment.

I want to thank you also about your compliments on my voice...Coming from you it means a lot as you are, (I think) a much better singer and arranger/producer than I’ll ever be...

This song I did the writing of the lyrics, singing and the producing, I got the track almost as is. The composer for it put it on one of the collaboration sites I belong to as an instrumental...He had a guitar as a leading instrument, I replaced with my lyrics and melody and kept the lead part in the solo.

A while back I sent a completed song to a local friend of mine for his thoughts on it, we used to collaborate a long time ago before the on-line sites.
He actually suggested the same thing you did...”Writhe and produce something with only voice and guitar”.

My singing and producing abilities are much better than my guitar playing, But I guess there is no harm in trying...I have to give it some thought...See what I can come up with or find something I can work with on line.

I want to thank you so much also for what you said in the paragraph about Rufus Wainwright.

Thanks again...Have a great day
Mimmo

#1156741 - 09/21/19 03:07 PM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,046
Michael Zaneski Offline
Top 50 Poster
Michael Zaneski  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,046
California
Your welcome, Mimmo, and I realized I left out the most important comparison of you with RW. Both your voices are on the delicate side. Whereas his sister Martha can belt out a lyric like Aretha, if she chooses, Rufus, has dynamics too, but there's much more control and restraint, most of the time, with him, to my ears. I mean, yes, he can belt it out, too, but there's always a feeling of restraint or control or maybe classical training in there.

And all this plays into the idea of musical arrangements that punctuate rather than dominate. Delicate, intimate voices work best when they are allowed to draw the listener in.

With more attention on your voice, you might end up working harder to get all the little nuances just right, but the rewards would be enormous, I'd imagine.

Just my humble opinion..

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 09/21/19 04:11 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1156761 - 09/22/19 03:56 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,592
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,592
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
That voice gets better Mimmo!
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1156767 - 09/22/19 08:35 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by Travis david
That voice gets better Mimmo!
John

Thanks John...Talk soon.
Regards
Mimmo

#1156883 - 09/24/19 09:12 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Main post has been updated with latest version...i think now final!
Thanks for listening.

https://soundcloud.com/domenic-mercurio/young-woman

#1156884 - 09/24/19 10:12 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 783
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 783
Conover, North Carolina, USA
I like this for all the reasons others have mentioned. You really do have a great voice.

In my headphones, the introductory piano panned to the left sounded a little strange. When there is only one instrument playing, I expect to hear it more towards the middle. That is probably just me. Also, "once in life," although not wrong, doesn't sound very natural or idiomatic to me. "Once in a life" sounds better. Maybe someone else can chime in and agree or disagree?

#1156935 - 09/25/19 06:18 AM Re: Young Woman [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 130
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
I like this for all the reasons others have mentioned. You really do have a great voice.

In my headphones, the introductory piano panned to the left sounded a little strange. When there is only one instrument playing, I expect to hear it more towards the middle. That is probably just me. Also, "once in life," although not wrong, doesn't sound very natural or idiomatic to me. "Once in a life" sounds better. Maybe someone else can chime in and agree or disagree?

Thanks for stopping by Gavin.
The music was all done when I recorded the vocals, It's an old track and the separates where not available anymore...I normally would put an leading instrument in the center, I had no choice in this one.

The "once in life" part...I tried singing it, For me it flows a bit smoother as is. I'll check it out again in a few days...See how it goes.
Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions.
Regards
Mimmo


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
jane_song, NancyHuebner, Gareth_Glakin, PaulCanuck, MikeNez
21228 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics119,394
Posts1,125,483
Members21,228
Average Posts Daily45
Most Online1,589
Oct 4th, 2019
Just Plain Quotes
"Parents are notorious for telling you not to do something, but not telling you WHAT to do instead. So here are my thoughts. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, give it a manicure. Don't burn your bridges, go out and build more! And of course, Don't run with Scissors, use them to cut out your press clippings!" -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Barry Williams (61), jessij (39), KarenA (2019)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0