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#1154980 - 07/08/19 08:31 AM What I Have Become  
Joined: Jun 2019
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JAPOV Online happy
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Sorry, had to get this out of my system.....Itís nice n short though smile

https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13898568

Innocence is only
An Ignorant lack of humility
Arrogance is only
A disregard for integrity
Knowledge is a curse
Often mistaken for wisdom
Experience is flawed
Blind ceremonial repetition

Swim in self delusion
Ponder evolution
Suffer all to criticize
Justify demise

Hindsight for the blind
Leave the past undone
Cannot run away from
What I have become

#1155053 - 07/09/19 07:57 PM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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Dave Rice Online content
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Hi Tony:

Enjoyed what I heard. I would suggest you "flesh it out" a bit with a middle break... or a few more lines. The "bones" are there and your vocal is top notch. Don't let go of this one... you'll be glad you put in the extra time.

All the best, ----Dave

#1155058 - 07/09/19 11:21 PM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
Joined: Aug 2010
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MFB III Offline
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Excellent intro. and such a deeply sincere vocal. it makes it so believable...you make the ugly acceptable in a musical form and set the listener to listening and believing the hidden truths of it all. Nicely done.

#1155063 - 07/10/19 12:47 AM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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JAPOV Online happy
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Thanks guys! I've actually been thinking this could be an interesting prelude to something "METAL".... Any ideas?

#1155087 - 07/10/19 11:33 AM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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MFB III Offline
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Metal could work quite well...although I love your appraoch on the song posted here. I actually listened to someone preaching to the choir....and liked it.

#1155123 - 07/11/19 06:48 AM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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Neil Cotton Offline
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I like it
suggestion ....repeat the first verse and the 4 line outro

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 07/11/19 06:50 AM.
#1155218 - 07/14/19 02:40 AM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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Inspired by JaneK, Thanks Jane! smile
I hear this as a Rock/Metal continuation......


I hide behind my name, my mask is a lie
My true feelings will betray me

I'm no stranger to anonymity
Only loneliness can protect me

Safe behind all the meaningless words
Where sincerity can not be heard

Everyone is no one
My resolve is shaken
Whispers in the chaos
Apathetic haven

All I want to do is rest for a little while
Remove my mask and breathe

My greatest fear is I'll die alone
Behind a face no one can see

Hindsight for the blind
Leave the past undone
Cannot run away from
What I have become

Rough Draft: https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13898568

Last edited by JAPOV; 07/14/19 11:30 AM.
#1155269 - 07/16/19 01:54 AM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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Roy Cooper Offline
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I like this Japov.
I have to say that your rhymes are excellent.

And also I do local your vocals. I cant say anything about your song musically, because in that department I am worse that useless. I only know if I like something or not, and I do like your song

God Bless Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1155296 - 07/16/19 03:01 PM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
Joined: Jun 2019
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Thanks Roy! smile

#1155299 - 07/16/19 06:48 PM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
Joined: Sep 2017
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JaneK Offline
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California
JAPOV,

Nice to know I inspire somebody!

Hard rock with passion, very riveting!

I've always wanted to play the guitar but my hands are way too small so I stick to keys.

Jane

#1155302 - 07/16/19 10:37 PM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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JAPOV Online happy
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Thanks Jane! I'm glad youíre cool with it..... considering how plagiaristic it is lol. Youíre welcome to throw some keys and vocals at it! smile

#1155311 - 07/17/19 02:56 AM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
Joined: Jun 2011
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Travis david Offline
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Hi Tony
Loved the rolling intro,the vocal was smooth and the melody good.
I thought maybe a bit more on the lyric from my first listen.
I like it as it is musically lt wirks well
Regards
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1155349 - 07/17/19 02:25 PM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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ckiphen Offline
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- Select One - houston, texas...
Luv the lyrics. As always great music!

#1155356 - 07/17/19 04:50 PM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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Yea, about the lyrics lol...... It's kinda' funny, I realized how "preoccupied" I was when I offered JaneK a re-write of her song Safe Haven.... Strange how things work out sometimes smile

#1155362 - 07/17/19 08:55 PM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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I like the rock continuation best. Musically, it's really tight. Lyrically, it benefits from the lines...

"All I want to do is rest for a little while
Remove my mask and breathe

My greatest fear is I'll die alone
Behind a face no one can see"

...which allow us to picture a real person. The rest is so abstract that that I didn't feel any pictures forming in my brain as I listened. It's hard to picture "an ignorant lack of humility" or "arrogance" or "a disregard for integrity." Much easier to relate to someone who wants to rest or who shares his greatest fear with us - those are great lines by the way.

#1155366 - 07/17/19 09:44 PM Re: What I Have Become [Re: JAPOV]  
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JAPOV Online happy
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Thanks Gavin! Ever since INAGODADAVIDA I suppose I've just been far too introspective....... Lol smile


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