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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/04/24 12:47 PM
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Mysterious Circumstances
The uniforms had pastries and patted their paunches while he grilled the maid who found the stiff floating unconcious poor old Riff can't solve a case can't pass the Seargant's exam if he can't crack this one it's back to Bunko busting tourist scams the widow Rita stood to inherit the house on a seaside bluff but surely others had reasons to see her husband snuffed those cliffs are all scaly with smooth individuals living of fat trust funds and portfolio residuals
Riff scratched a match on new wingtips and took a lazy look around he saw a Jag covered in the garage while the maid gave Rita a rubdown but who fed ground chuck and prozac to the family border collie who was that shadow on the beach with a crate and loading dolly Rita said her and Kenny were close as Cuban eyebrows they wed after a whirlwind romance Maya Angelou wrote their vows when Kenny met Rita she was just a college tart pole dancing for panty tips turquoise earrings and a teflon heart
Kenny fell hard that weekend down in Ft. Lauderdale Rita's fake accent was foreign, she liked Chanelle and Ralph Lauren and had nipples like roofing nails but she was crude and coarse he was sweet talking and suave but soon her pink n purple bikinis all became fuscia and mauve well, it came down from the captain the election was a three-way race the DA wanted Kenny's coffin to be an open and shut case so Riff snooped around the beach hearing tales of insurance and China White Concorde shopping trips to Paris and jealous tempers like dynamite
one surfer hated the maid said she crazy, said she was Wiccan saw her dancing through a window waving incense and dead chickens the partial print on the pill jar the maid giving a Penthouse massage fresh gullshit on a car they said never leaves the garage he thought he had it figgered but one loose end still dangled who was the bloody corner of that black triangle Riff nursed a couple of drinks then drove back up that night that house crouched like a gargoyle on the bluff in the moonlight
he found a suicide note curled up by a printer it looked like she slit her wrists to free the roses of winter but something slipp'ry went by like a snake, like an eel he whirled but the last thing he heard was the squeak of dolly wheels the sea knows it won't be made an honest woman by the moon so why should she care if Rita swept her footprints from the dunes well, it didn't take as long for the rich to digest the crimes as it did for that hammerhead shark to digest poor Riff's new Florsheim's
(c)2002 Robert George
[This message has been edited by couchgrouch (edited 06-12-2002).]
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Thanks Jim. I barely remembered this one.
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This is excellent. a murder mystery condensed into a song. humorous in a very dark sort of way.
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Thanks Moose. I don't think it could be made into a song, though. The meter is too ragged.
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I agree that it would be hard to make it into a song, and not because of the meter. The problem with a lyric as dense as this is that there has to be a pay-off, a reward for the reader/listener's hard work. The ending has to be amazing to make it feel worthwhile. I can see there's a lot of cleverness, but I don't think I'd like to spend 4 minutes of my time listening to it.
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Everyone likes what they like. I don't listen to a song for the ending myself, but for the journey, the melody, arrangement, vocal and lastly, the lyric.
But if I were to hear this with a beatnik jazz arrangement and a cool spoken word delivery...I'd be shocked by it. As opposed to yet another banal love song, of which there are millions.
But everyone is different. I'm not aware of anything like this anywhere by anybody. Something like that makes me take notice.
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Japov, I appreciate the effort but you'd almost have to do this like a Tom Waits soliloquy. Even then I'm not sure it'd work.
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Ha! Well, I'm only good for the "beatnik spoken word treatment"...
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Hi Japov...I'm gonna PM you ASAP. Geneva, you liked what he did with it? I say the following believing it to be the fault of the lyric/poem...I thought it grew tedious after about 30 seconds. Were I to write it today. I would post it in the creative writing section. back in 2002, I'd have argued like William Jennings Bryan that it was a lyric, haha.
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Robert,
The beat, rhythm grew on me the longer I listened. It's not todays modern sound but it reminded me of back in the day when you just chilled and listened to long versions on albums for hours.
That's such an incredible story you tell in this song. I only wish I could learn to write like that but I can tell right now that will never happen.
As far as it being a lyric, he really puts a mood to it that seems real fitting for the length of the mystery. I thought the tone in the spoken vocal set it off.
Not a modern sound, but I do think it fit the lyric in its current form.
Geneva
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hey Couch grouch. I loved the whole concept. Your literary skills shine and the story is one that we all can relate to. Plus you already have a great Riff. Don't shove thso ne in a disty drawer. There s someone out there that can bring it to life musically.
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