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#1153876 - 06/06/19 03:47 PM Travelor  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 74
JaneK Offline
Serious Contributor
JaneK  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 74
Bakersfield, CA
THE TRAVELER


Theres the man with his coat on
Standing by the tracks
Hes ready to move on
Doesnt know if hell be back

Waiting for the day
Now its been twenty years
Since hes seen his son
He hopes hell understand
No matter what the man has done

Chorus
Hes free now
Hes a Traveler
Feels good now
To be free

Hes free now
Hes a Traveler
Feels good now
To be free

When he hops on that train
He hopes his life will change
So many years have past
Things can never be the same

Dreams may come and go
Lifes like that you know
Only time will tell
If hell have to go

Chorus
Hes free now
Hes a Traveler
Feels good now
To be free

Hes free now
Hes a Traveler
Feels good now
To be free

Bridge

He longs for the chance
To make a amends
All he can ask for now
Is to be good friends
Even if he must go
At least hell have no regrets[/align]



https://soundcloud.com/user-296863402/travelor/s-tRLiw

Hello everyone,

This is a song I wrote and recorded myself - I am new to production so I am wondering how I am doing on this. Some have suggested my vocal is not loud enough and needs compression.

Your comments would be much appreciated.
Thank you
Jane

#1153878 - 06/06/19 04:29 PM Re: Travelor [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 607
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Posts: 607
Conover, North Carolina, USA
I like the melody and the overall vibe very much. Whoever told you that about your voice not being loud enough was right. Unlike most folks here, I like to listen before reading the lyrics to experience the song as a whole. I found it pretty hard to make out the words at times. Why don't you try turning up the volume of the vocal track? Yes, compression would probably help. Your DAW probably comes with a compressor. Others here could probably give you more detailed advice on settings. If it has a "Female Vocalist" preset, that would be a good starting point smile

I was a little confused by the lyrics. He seems to be enjoying the fact that he's free, a traveler, and the word "now" suggests that he has just broken free and begun his travels, but elsewhere, I got the impression that he had been traveling for 20 years and was about to go and find his son and maybe stop traveling.

Nice song!

#1153884 - 06/06/19 06:51 PM Re: Travelor [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,497
Martin Lide Online content
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Martin Lide  Online Content
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It's a pleasant tune Jane, but I suggest approaching the vocals in a louder and more raucous manner.
"Swagger", "Swashbuckling," etc.


Martin

#1153885 - 06/06/19 07:54 PM Re: Travelor [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 74
JaneK Offline
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JaneK  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 74
Bakersfield, CA
Thank you Garvin and Martin for the listen and the feedback.

So I need to mix the vocals louder with more compression. I can do that. Martin you suggest singing it more raucous. Wow, I don't know if I have the "chops" for that but I could try.

The lyrics suggest that the man is out of prison and attempting to meet up with his son again. But, I can always change the lyrics around if they are to vague.

I really appreciate the feedback it helps very much.

Jane

#1153888 - 06/06/19 09:56 PM Re: Travelor [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,335
Gary E. Andrews Online content
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Gary E. Andrews  Online Content
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Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
The singing sounds too upbeat for the tragic father-son issue. Here are some ideas to consider.

Does that have to be in the Lyric?

To keep the upbeat 'emotion' you might make it more about the joy of being unattached, with no regrets, as said in the Bridge. Perhaps leaving behind some things he can easily part with, a job, a boss, an unfaithful love even that he's ok with leaving behind, a town where things didn't work out.

'past' should be 'passed'.

HE'S A TRAVELER (title should be the same each time, even in print.)

Theres the man with his coat on
Standing by the tracks
Hes ready to move on
Doesnt know if hell be back

(This Stanza could change to something he's glad to leave behind, no regrets. The emotionally upbeat 'free now' and feeling good about it of the Chorus could work better if there were something in this Stanza that he could be upbeat about.)
Waiting for the day
Now its been twenty years
Since hes seen his son
He hopes hell understand
No matter what the man has done
(This Stanza has five Lines. The first Stanza has four. This sets a pattern I would expect to repeat in the repeat of the Musical Movement that accompanies these words, in the words following the Chorus.)

Chorus
Hes free now
Hes a Traveler
Feels good now
To be free

Hes free now
Hes a Traveler
Feels good now
To be free

(Tinker with your Chorus and see if other arrangements of the Lines could work better. Like;)
Feels good now
To be free.
He's free now
He's A Traveler

(Tinker with these Lines, to see if a different order appeals to you. One way is to write/type them out on paper, use scissors to cut each sentence out individually, then move them physically around. It occurred to me the train would be best as the last Line. I like the 'connection' of the 'train' with the 'tracks' in Verse I. Perhaps, since 'tracks' is Verse I Line 2, 'train' should be Verse III Line 2. Or, could this be Verse II?)
When he hops on that train
He hopes his life will change
So many years have past (passed)
Things can never be the same
(Four Lines)

Dreams may come and go
Lifes like that you know
Only time will tell
If hell have to go
(Four Lines, where the second Stanza has five Lines. So, the Melody will vary. Ideally it should repeat identically, or almost identically.)

Chorus
Feels good now
To be free
Hes free now
Hes a Traveler

Feels good now
To be free
Hes free now
Hes a Traveler

Bridge (A Bridge is a 'device' to break the Repetition, usually when a third Verse Lyric has not been found to satisfactorily end the story, or the Repetition of the Musical Movements of Verse/Chorus, Verse/Chorus might risk monotony if repeated a third time without some Change of Dynamics to renew listener interest. After an Instrumental Bridge or a Lyrical Bridge, with their own variant Melody, different from that of the Verse or the Chorus, the ear welcomes back one or both those familiar Melodies, 'learned' in the Verse/Chorus, Verse/Chorus as sung before.
A Bridge should be brief, hopefully adding 'pivotal' information in the storyline. I wonder if these six Lines could be rendered down to less, four? three? two? and work. With the Change from tragic to upbeat I suggest you could write a whole new Bridge.)

He longs for the chance
To make amends
All he can ask for now
Is to be good friends
Even if he must go
At least hell have no regrets[/align]


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1153890 - 06/07/19 12:01 AM Re: Travelor [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 74
JaneK Offline
Serious Contributor
JaneK  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 74
Bakersfield, CA
Thanks for the listen and advice Gary. Lyrics - yikes I have trouble finding the right words to use - This helps me decide if I will go any further with the song.

I didn't write these lyrics for this particular tune - probably matched them up with the wrong melody.

This gives me the idea I will probably put this song on the back burner.

Jane

#1153897 - 06/07/19 08:49 AM Re: Travelor [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,859
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,859
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Good advice from Gary...
Jane, use it, don't burn it.

#1154320 - 06/19/19 05:25 AM Re: Travelor [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,512
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,512
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Some sound advice Jane, but good that you are trying out different approaches to reach your goal
Don't forget any issues can be sorted with the know how and there's some good musicians willing to help
Regards
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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