Who's Online Now
18 registered members (couchgrouch, Gavin Sinclair, Gary E. Andrews, JAPOV, glynda, maccharles, 4 invisible), and 195 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Stephen John (singch
Stephen John (singch
Trinidad & Tobago
Posts: 289
Joined: August 2007
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
by F Williams. 07/22/19 07:06 PM
Great Idea in the Netherlands...
by Gary E. Andrews. 07/22/19 06:42 PM
I Can't Forgive
by Martin Lide. 07/22/19 06:08 PM
Yesterday Movie..
by Gary E. Andrews. 07/22/19 05:34 PM
Look At the Love We're In
by Gary E. Andrews. 07/22/19 05:09 PM
I am Doing It I am Joining Taxi Any Thoughts?
by Gary E. Andrews. 07/22/19 04:46 PM
Need singer songwriters
by LunaSimone. 07/22/19 02:03 PM
by LunaSimone. 07/22/19 01:33 PM
by Marc Barnette. 07/22/19 01:07 PM
by LunaSimone. 07/22/19 01:05 PM
How Broken Hearts Can Be (Halie Loren vocal)
by Michael Zaneski. 07/22/19 12:05 PM
Pennies On His Eyes. (Kiphen & Cotton) 2 versions
by Neil Cotton. 07/22/19 09:03 AM
He's a changed man - suggestions welcome
by Roy Cooper. 07/21/19 09:09 PM
One Word
by JAPOV. 07/21/19 08:34 PM
A Part of the Plan
by Mimmo. 07/21/19 04:35 PM
Lyrics needed
by Fdemetrio. 07/21/19 03:05 PM
Love's Next Millionaire.
by JaneK. 07/21/19 11:13 AM
SOME THINGS. ( Work in progress)
by Travis david. 07/20/19 11:18 PM
I Have My Girl
by MFB III. 07/20/19 04:51 PM
I Hate A Song That Everybody Loves
by Fdemetrio. 07/20/19 03:09 PM
"First love, last love" (Work tape/track)
by Steve Altonian. 07/20/19 01:01 PM
Call On Me (Scratch Track)
by Martin Lide. 07/20/19 09:55 AM
Allergic To Work
by Neil Cotton. 07/20/19 08:13 AM
Topic removed
by Roy Cooper. 07/20/19 01:38 AM
by Steve Altonian. 07/19/19 11:46 PM
by 90 dB. 07/19/19 01:46 PM
The Man I Hide Behind
by ckiphen. 07/19/19 12:43 PM
Any thoughts on double song titles
by Roy Cooper. 07/19/19 02:21 AM
Oh, My Friend
by Gavin Sinclair. 07/18/19 11:42 AM
Why Does Love Have To Be So Hard
by nightengale. 07/18/19 06:59 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,750
Travis david 11,534
Kevin Emmrich 10,546
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,572
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,844
glynda 8,590
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,905
couchgrouch 7,530
Corey 7,357
Dave Rice 7,302
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,493
Joe Wrabek 6,403
Vicarn 6,125
ben willis 6,099
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,478
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
Neil Cotton 4,872
DonnaMarilyn 4,652
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,356
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
nightengale 4,073
Roy Cooper 4,054
TamsNumber4 4,033
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,799
MFB III 3,756
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,500
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
E Swartz 3,333
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,812
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,570
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,206
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,982
maccharles 1,948
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,647
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,596
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Martin Lide 1,506
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,453
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
GocartMoz 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Fdemetrio 1,232
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,143
summeoyo 1,121
joro 1,081
BobbyJoe 1,075
lane1777 1,065
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Deej56 1,023
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
9ne 879
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
90 dB 799
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
Andy K 740
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
quality 637
Irwin 623
CG King 622
douglas 621
Pat Hardy 614
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
Moosesong 582
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
R&M 492
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1153450 - 05/20/19 02:30 PM Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart  
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 11
Adam_of_the_Universe Offline
Casual Observer
Adam_of_the_Universe  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 11
Lawrence, Kansas
Hey folks!

I got some really great advice from the wonderful community here with my first post (thanks again!), so I thought I'd share another. This is a song that's been sitting on the shelf a while that I'm considering giving an overhaul for my next E.P. The song was recorded at home a few years ago, so from a technical standpoint, there is obvious room for improvement. The recorded performance itself will be improved with a new studio recording as well.

More than anything, I'm looking for the positive aspects I should keep and expand upon through the next revision.

Things I'm specifically curious about are:

Length - Could an improved performance/arrangement/mix justify the nearly 5 minute runtime?

Lyrics - I know this is a wordy song and the current lyrics are often a bit obtuse. But are there any lines that stand out as keepers? Or good ideas that could be expanded upon? I'm attempting to write a thoughtful song with a spiritual dimension, and I recognize this style won't be to everyone's taste.

Melody - Any highlights or places for improvement without major changes to the basic underlying harmony (chords)?

Arrangement - general thoughts on how the sound and energy moves and builds throughout


Here I stand within the flame
Without a face, without a name
Here I surrender all I've known
Surrender spirit, surrender bone
And all the shadows I have grown
Decay and bloom again

Here I sleep upon the shore
Where I've been buried many times before
In this mind I find a world ablaze
In this dream I dance, amazed
Could it be that life is just a phase
And Death an open door?

Gold heart, bleeding heart
With butterfly fingers,
I pull my pain apart

Here I beat upon my drum
Here I summon the original hum
And all the lessons I have learned
All the anguish I have earned
Still many bridges to be burned
Many rivers to become

Gold heart, bleeding heart,
With butterfly fingers,
I pull my pain apart

Here I hold my ashes high
Here I let me sorrow fly
A freedom offered to the wind
An enormous breathing in
Every universe whirling within
Every atom born divine

Gold heart, bleeding heart,
With butterfly fingers,
I pull my pain apart

Last edited by Adam_of_the_Universe; 05/20/19 02:31 PM.
#1153452 - 05/20/19 03:13 PM Re: Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,530
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,530
cochise, az, usa
Adam, again, an outstanding song. Lyric, melody, delivery...everything.

You'll probably get more specifics from others. Really well done. smile

#1153454 - 05/20/19 04:22 PM Re: Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,799
Kolstad Offline
Top 100 Poster
Kolstad  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,799
Hi Adam, I liked this a lot. The lyrics are killer!

You had me untill the section at about 2.50, where you changed the groove.

I really liked the part with:

Here I beat upon my drum
Here I summon the original hum

Where you put in the deep drum underneath. I wanted to keep hearing this throughout till the end from here, though, as it was driving the song forward, maybe with some additional humming would have been really cool.

Lyrics are great, so don't worry about length, you just need to support it throughout with adding a little to the groove so the track builds.

Very talented work man!

Buzz Tracks
Making media sweeter

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/buzztracks
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/buzztracks
#1153480 - 05/21/19 10:34 PM Re: Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,023
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,023

Lyrics are outstanding on this . . . cool vibe going on throughout—beautiful and haunting. Really impressive guitar work as well. I’d like to hear the lead vocal come forward just a tad—great job with them, but think they are hidden just a bit. No problems with the arrangement from my side—I didn’t find change in sound in the interlude troubling. One other suggestion if you recut the vocal: In the last line of the last verse “every atom born divine”, I’d go up with the vocal rather than staying down, ending on just a little higher note. Just food for thought.

Lastly, don't worry about the length on this one. As long as it's engaging, it's not a problem. This one is engaging, and so isn't. Keep it precisely as is.

Liked this a ton.

Kind regards,


#1153489 - 05/22/19 07:04 AM Re: Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,750
Calvin Offline
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,750
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Adam,

I have to agree with Kolstad about the change at the 2:50 mark, but who am I to even nit pick a song as good as this.
Lots of cool lyrics here but I especially liked this part..........

With butterfly fingers,
I pull my pain apart

A big WOW to you on what you're doing.



#1153512 - 05/24/19 08:13 PM Re: Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 43
Guy E. Trepanier Offline
Serious Contributor
Guy E. Trepanier  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 43
Well written.
Well structured.
I like that bridge.
The melody is rich and varied.

This is a First Class Song!

Have fun!

K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple and Singable
Soundclick: Songs buy Guy E. Trepanier
#1153513 - 05/24/19 10:16 PM Re: Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,506
Martin Lide Online content
Top 200 Poster
Martin Lide  Online Content
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,506
Houston, Texas
Adam....your middle and last name give away that you are contemplative. Your work makes it clear that you are a seeker.

When you write, personal goals matter. For me the song contains too many abstract metaphors. They layer over each other and never give me a clear view of what you intend to say. I'm pretty sure I get the gist.

If part of the goal was not to be perfectly clear...then it worked.

I can't comment on the music because I'm in Austin eating sushi in a noisy restaurant at the moment.

Please understand that I give you my personal opinion in a fairly raw form because I like your writing and am delighted that you post your stuff here.

#1153829 - 06/05/19 01:18 PM Re: Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 11
Adam_of_the_Universe Offline
Casual Observer
Adam_of_the_Universe  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 11
Lawrence, Kansas
Thanks so much again for the insightful comments, folks! Your feedback and encouragement have helped convince me that this song is worth reworking. I'm definitely here for honest feedback rather than praise, so never feel bad about sharing critiques that aren't 100% positive. I'm here to grow and learn from your experience and wisdom and I appreciate your generosity in sharing these greatly.

On the song:

-I probably should have remarked upon the time change (4/4 to 3/4) in the bridge in my initial post. Some of you found the shift disjointing, while others didn't seem to mind it. I'll explore creating better unity through the arrangement, but also experiment and see if keeping the original time signature throughout the song might be the wiser choice.

-I'll definitely bring the vocals forward and have a better mix overall the next time around.

-I'll look at how I can build energy and momentum in the song through a revised arrangement. Better use of percussion will be a part of that.

-I am reworking the lyrics in places to make the vision and thematic intentions of the song more clear.

Thanks again for sharing your many insights!

#1154244 - 06/17/19 07:42 AM Re: Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,534
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,534
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Outstanding song Adam.
Can't add anything other than this..Regards

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1154253 - 06/17/19 04:03 PM Re: Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,125
Vicarn Offline
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,125
Hi Adam.
As others have said, it's a good song.
For me the lyrics are wonderfully ambiguous and poetic. Reminds me a little of Dylan's work but darker.

I like the simple drum and the change of rhythm. Maybe you could stop with a faint cymbal and fade that part in.

Good stuff.


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.




#1154263 - 06/17/19 09:51 PM Re: Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart [Re: Adam_of_the_Universe]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,882
Michael Zaneski Offline
Top 50 Poster
Michael Zaneski  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,882
Hi Adam,

Beautiful song, sound, voice. Congrats and welcome to JPF.

I just read an article in Bandcamp about psychedelic folk, and this sound has all those earmarks but I enjoyed this more than most of what I heard there.

I agree with Deej; another way to get more clarity in the singing (if that's something you want to do) would be to pan the vocal reverb (through a send channel) to the sides, favoring left or right.


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.

Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
mik1953, sklove, Catfish, JAPOV, ali1019
21205 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Average Posts Daily35
Most Online1,541
Feb 21st, 2019
Just Plain Quotes
"Never apologize for your work. If it's the best you can do, there's nothing to be sorry about and if it's not, you shouldn't be exposing anyone else to it in the first place." –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Chaplain Jerry Vance (71), Filk-Ferret (66), songsculptor (73), Steve Morgan (64), Steven L. Rosenhaus (2019)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0