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#1153984 - 06/11/19 03:09 PM The Will To Stay  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,441
GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Posts: 1,441
Florida
Hello all,

Havn't had the ability to write and record much in 2019. I miss it. My first in a long while. Thx for giving it a listen and commenting if you have the chance.

The Will To Stay
Music & Lyrics by David S. Becker
(c)2019 David S. Becker Music

https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/the-will-to-stay

INTRO
VERSE 1
Her face it told a story
The lines they headed south
As she screamed out for his memory
It was pain that left her mouth

VERSE 2
It's like losing everything you love
In the instance of a fall
When it all comes crashing down on you
And your world it seems so small

CHORUS
You've got to (rise)
Leave those demons in your wake
(Fight)
It's your sanity at stake
I see the cross you bear
This life it isn't fair
The men in white walk by like they don't even have a care
This room is freezing cold
Your time is growing old
You wake, you eat, you sleep
Another memory gets sold
And time just slips away
With each and every day
I know you want to run
But you still find the will to
(Stay)

INTERLUDE
VERSE 3
Your eyes they tell a story
But the story's yet untold
As transition creeps upon you
You'll make new memories to behold

BRIDGE
Holding on
Can be so frightening
When you don't know
What's in store for you

CHORUS
(Rise)
Leave those demons in your wake
(Fight)
It's your sanity at stake
I see the cross you bear
This life it isn't fair
(Life isn't fair)
The men in white walk by like they don't even have a care
This room is freezing cold
(Your freezing cold)
Your time is growing old
You wake, you eat, you sleep
Another memory gets sold
(Life's not for sale)
And time just slips away
With each and every day
(You can't escape)
I know you want to run
But you still find the will to
(Stay)

Last edited by GocartMoz; 06/11/19 03:30 PM.
#1153986 - 06/11/19 03:15 PM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,138
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Posts: 6,138
UK
Hi Dave. Welcome back.
I like songs that can fit numerous situations. This is one.
Nice varied arrangement too.
If I had to nitpick I would say it sounds a little harsh sometimes for the subject. Maybe eq down around 4000hz could fix it.
That's being picky though.

Nice one.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1153992 - 06/11/19 11:11 PM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,383
E Swartz Offline
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Posts: 3,383
Ohio
Hi Dave,

Great to see you around. I've not been around much either or had time for recording/producing--I've written plenty, just need to get in the studio!

Hey I always like your tunes, and this one doesn't disappoint--like the groove/performance/arrangement. Strong chorus as well. We writers/composers all have sugs or spins on how we perceive what might be worth experimenting with--and there is "no" one way. I might do the repeats a bit different in the last chorus. I like the idea with the last chorus having the repeats, but I might try repeating the stronger accented statements -- "rise & fight" which are the "power" lines. I then would eliminate the repeats on "life isn't fair" & "freezing cold," then wait till "life's not for sale" & "you can't escape" and use those repeats. -- JMO and only an alternative sug--not a nit and might be worth experimenting with should you desire.

Great song and very good lyrics as well Dave--enjoyed it!

steady-eddie

#1153997 - 06/12/19 08:44 AM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
I liked the feel right off the top
Nice easy story mode with melodic variation.
Good emotion in the chorus
Over all arrangement is very well done

#1153998 - 06/12/19 09:25 AM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,405
Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
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Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Gocartmoz, here are some ideas to kick around.
A shorter Introductory Movement would work, about 10 to 14 seconds, instead of 0:27. Just enough to serve the function. For live play 0:27 is fine. For radio, shorter is better.

INTRODUCTORY MOVEMENT (0:27)
VERSE I
Her face it told a story (I'd keep 'Her' in the story. By Verse II it starts being philosophical, generic advice to the 'collective 'you'.)
The lines they headed south (Great Line!)
As she screamed out for his memory (She screams out for his memory)
It was pain that left her mouth (Great Line!)

Verse I is the Singer-Character speaking to the audience about 'Her'. By the Chorus the Singer-Character is speaking directly to 'Her', 'Your time'. You could revise Verse I to say, 'Your face, it told/tells a story, The lines are headed south, As you scream out for his memory, It's pain that leaves your mouth.)

VERSE II
It's like losing everything you love (She/You lost everything she/you loved)
In the instance of a fall (Kind of abstract.)
When it all comes crashing down on you (It all came crashing down on her/you)
And your world it seems so small (Your/Her world, it seemed so small)(Delete 'And'?)

(Being consistent with one or the other, Her versus You, could make a stronger Lyric.)

CHORUS
You've got to (rise) (She's got to rise)
Leave those demons in your wake (in her wake)
(Fight)
It's your sanity at stake (her sanity)
I see the cross you bear (she bears)
This life it isn't fair
The men in white walk by like they don't even have a care
This room is freezing cold
Your time is growing old (Her time)
You wake, you eat, you sleep (She wakes, she eats, she sleeps)
Another memory gets sold
And time just slips away (Do you need the word 'And'?)
With each and every day
I know you want to run (she wants)
But you still find the Will To (she still finds) (Do you need the word 'But'?)
(Stay)
(You're about 2 minutes in before you deliver THE Hook, the title. You only deliver it once per Chorus, so that's twice. Three is minimal to drive that home as THE Hook, the main idea of the Song. It could be repeated at the end of each Chorus, giving you four 'hits' on it, to make it more 'memorable' to listeners. That's another incentive for deleting 'But', to focus the Line on The Hook.)

INTERLUDE
VERSE III
Your eyes they tell a story (Her?)
But the story's yet untold ('the' is abstract. You can let 'her' own it with 'Your story...', or 'Her story'.)(But?)
As transition creeps upon you (her?)
You'll make new memories to behold (She'll?)

BRIDGE
Holding on
Can be so frightening
When you don't know (She doesn't know)(Direct address, "You don't know...". Delete 'When'?)
What's in store for you (What's in store for her)

CHORUS
(Rise)
Leave those demons in your wake (Singer-Character speaks directly to 'Her')('those', abstract. 'your demons', let's her 'own' them. How to adapt this Line to the 'Her' consistency?)
(Fight)
It's your sanity at stake
I see the cross you bear
This life it isn't fair
(Life isn't fair)
The men in white walk by like they don't even have a care
This room is freezing cold
(Your freezing cold) ('Your' means 'belonging to you'. 'You're' means 'You are'.)
Your time is growing old
You wake, you eat, you sleep
Another memory gets sold
(Life's not for sale)
And time just slips away (And?)
With each and every day
(You can't escape)
I know you want to run
But you still find the Will To (But?)
(Stay)

Last edited by Gary E. Andrews; 06/12/19 09:28 AM.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1153999 - 06/12/19 09:40 AM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,405
Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,405
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Being consistent with the Singer-Character telling the listener about 'Her/She'.

INTRODUCTORY MOVEMENT (0:27)
VERSE I
Her face it tells her story
The lines are headed south
She screams out for his memory
It's pain that leaves her mouth

VERSE II
She lost everything she loved
In the instance of a fall
It all came crashing down on her
Her world, it seemed so small

CHORUS
She's got to rise
Leave those demons in her wake
(Fight)
It's her sanity at stake
I see the cross she bears
This life it isn't fair
The men in white walk by like they don't even care
This room is freezing cold
Her time is growing old
She wakes, she eats, she sleeps
Another memory gets sold
Time just slips away
With each and every day
I know she wants to run
She still finds the Will To
(Stay)
She still finds the Will To
(Stay)

INTERLUDE
VERSE III
Her eyes they tell her story
Her story's yet untold
As transition creeps up on her
She'll make new memories to behold

BRIDGE
Holding on
Can be so frightening
She doesn't know
What's in store for her

CHORUS
She's got to
(Rise)
Leave those demons in her wake
(Fight)
It's her sanity at stake
I see the cross she bears
This life it isn't fair
(Life isn't fair)
The men in white walk by like they don't even care
This room is freezing cold
She's freezing cold
Her time is growing old
She wakes, She eats, She sleeps
Another memory gets sold
(Life's not for sale)
Time just slips away
With each and every day
(She can't escape)
I know she wants to run
She still finds the Will To
(Stay)
She still finds the Will To
(Stay)
She still finds the Will To
(Stay)

Last edited by Gary E. Andrews; 06/12/19 09:52 AM.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1154000 - 06/12/19 09:45 AM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,405
Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,405
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Being consistent in the Singer-Character speaking directly to 'You', the other character (Love-Interest Character?) in the storyline.

INTRODUCTORY MOVEMENT (0:27)
VERSE I
Your face it tells your story
The lines are headed south
You scream out for his memory
It's pain that leaves your mouth

VERSE II
You lost everything you loved
In the instance of a fall
It all came crashing down on you
Your world, it seemed so small

CHORUS
You've got to rise
Leave those demons in your wake
(Fight)
It's your sanity at stake
I see the cross you bear
This life it isn't fair
The men in white walk by like they don't even care
This room is freezing cold
Your time is growing old
You wake, You eat, You sleep
Another memory gets sold
Time just slips away
With each and every day
I know you want to run
You still find the Will To
(Stay)
You still find the Will To
(Stay)

INTERLUDE
VERSE III
Your eyes they tell your story
Your story's yet untold
As transition creeps up on you
You'll make new memories to behold

BRIDGE
Holding on
Can be so frightening
You don't know
What's in store for you

CHORUS
You've got to
(Rise)
Leave those demons in your wake
(Fight)
It's your sanity at stake
I see the cross you bear
This life it isn't fair
(Life isn't fair)
The men in white walk by like they don't even care
This room is freezing cold
You're freezing cold
Your time is growing old
You wake, You eat, You sleep
Another memory gets sold
(Life's not for sale)
Time just slips away
With each and every day
(You can't escape)
I know you want to run
You still find the Will To
(Stay)
You still find the Will To
(Stay)
You still find the Will To
(Stay)

Last edited by Gary E. Andrews; 06/12/19 09:53 AM.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1154012 - 06/12/19 12:39 PM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 853
90 dB Offline
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90 dB  Offline
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Posts: 853
Florida
David,


I think it's perfect. Wouldn't change a thing. Thanks for posting this.


Regards,


Bob

#1154026 - 06/12/19 07:00 PM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,048
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,048
California
Hi David,

Was that an ebow in the bridge?

Your guitars are amazing, the band and mix good.

I think this song is quite a challenge, vocally, to phrase well in the chorus (a lotta lines!!!), as I believe it works best by building intensity up to the first "you STILL find the will to stay" and then can cut back. But you start the first chorus strong (maybe too strong?) cuz by the men in white, you're backing off and building again. Just my thoughts while listening, as a singer. Second chorus feels much more even and works better for me.

Good to hear you, David. You're one of the good ones and your song is too. smile

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1154048 - 06/13/19 10:05 AM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,441
GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,441
Florida
Vic,

Thx much for the comments. They are greatly appreciated. Lyrically, this was intentionally written as somewhat vague, though it is a very personal lyric as to something I am currently dealing with. It is interesting to see the different meanings some have given to it. I will explain more in some of the following replies. Thx alway for the time listening.

Eddy,

Thx as well for giving this a spin. I certainly have missed this place. I just havn't had a whole lot of time to write and record lately. Between the day job, my cover band and some personal things going on, it has been had to fit in. BTW, all very good points. I may rethink the BV's on that final chorus.

Neil,

Thx much for the listen. I appreciate your thoughts.

Gary,

I really appreciate the lyrical input. A lot to digest for sure. One of the things I noticed is you refer to a "love interest" character in the lyric. That is an interpretation of this lyric that I hadn't anticipated. I kind of like that it has been interpreted that way, in that it is so far away from what I intended, though I dis want to keep it vague. I don't know if I should consider that a good thing or bad. In any event, this is the real story behind the song …

Nearly 3 1/2 months ago, my 85 year old mother fell in her single family home, where she resides along, after my father passed away some years back. This fall has led to a journey between hospitals and rehabs that is ongoing. I have had to find her an assisted living facility which I am in the process of, as I type. I have found one and spent yesterday moving furniture from her home to what will be her new home. She is still getting rehab and I hope to move her in shortly. She is the subject of this song (in my mind).

Anyway, thanks again for your detailed lyrical analysis. I need to consider all your thoughts for sure.

90 DB,

Thx as well for the listen. You are too kind though.

Michael,

Thanks as well for giving this a spin. You are correct. As I practiced this song before recording, I found the chorus especially difficult to sing. The second chorus was sung days after that first chorus, after I had lived with the song and practiced more and more, with an early take as opposed to expending more oxygen on the first chorus, take after take.. I probably need to revisit the first chorus. I did not use an ebow btw. That is simply my Tele and a volume pedal, and playing volume swells. The electric was my Tele Deluxe … used a tremolo effect in the chorus and a volume pedal for the swells, but otherwise clean with added reverb. The Acoustic is my Martin D-28. Thx again for the listen.

Dave

#1154111 - 06/14/19 08:14 AM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,405
Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,405
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Yes, I sensed something like that reality. I knew the Singer-Character was a 'concerned' figure, not necessarily a male-female relationship, perhaps a friend concerned about the wife or girlfriend of a friend who she had been deprived of in some tragic way. The 'love-interest' was accurate, even though I usually refer to the 'Love-Interest' Character as in a male-female relationship. Listeners don't necessarily have to know the full details or the reality that inspired the Song, as long as they 'get' some idea of a story they can care about. Keep exploring!


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1154116 - 06/14/19 09:40 AM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Gavin Sinclair Offline
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Posts: 783
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Great song. When I listened, I pictured pretty much the situation you describe. I hope your mother is making a good recovery and settles in well at her new home.

I loved the performance too. You really put it over well. It's useful to get such detailed pointers from experts like Mike and Eddie. To me, it all just sounded great. smile

When you say, "In the instance of a fall," do you mean "In the instant of a fall?" Instance didn't quite seem to make sense to me.

#1154246 - 06/17/19 10:37 AM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,441
GocartMoz Offline
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Posts: 1,441
Florida
Thanks much again Gary and Gavin for giving this a listen. It is greatly appreciated. Appreciate the comments.

Dave

#1154271 - 06/18/19 12:25 AM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,058
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,058
Dave,

Always love hearing your stuff . . . this is no exception—really nicely put together, and maybe, for me, the best production piece you’ve done. Really clean, with nice depth and complimentary harmonies. Good choices throughout on the production.

It’s strictly a personal preference, but I would have liked those first few lines of the chorus to play a bit different melodically. Maybe going up on lines 2 and 4 rather than down? Dunno. Just wanted the chorus to soar a bit more. Love the way the chorus ends, with the harmony on “Stay”—brilliant.

Really slick, Dave. I think the best I’ve heard from you. You spent time putting this together, and it totally shows. Congrats and good luck with this one.

Kind regards,

Deej

#1154319 - 06/19/19 05:18 AM Re: The Will To Stay [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,774
Calvin Offline
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,774
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Dave,


You've done a nice job on this one.
Such a sad song.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


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