JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Girl with a smile

just a small write, ran into an old flame of mine
and We had a conversation. The song is a little sparse,
but so was the talk and the little bit of psychology I tried to convey.

Mike Z always makes these songs so much more than what I hand him
so always a big thank you to Him, and his talent, and friendship. I like to share
them here before I pitch them into a file..this will be the last
song you all have to put up with from me, although I`ll stop and say hello.
Thank everyone of you for your advise, kindness and friendship on these boards.


https://soundcloud.com/user-745253707/girl-with-a-smile

Mike Z produced a second version of the song hear it :

https://soundcloud.com/michael-zaneski/girl-with-a-smile-submix-final-21-hq-mp3/s-TovqX


girl with a smile

I sat down...
next to a girl with a smile,
it took a minute or two,
till we talked, how are you..been awhile.

I see...
your twisting that ring you still wear,
You know.. remembering love so unfair,
to the heart..

chorus:
She told me
Days turned so lonely,
and then day turns into night,
the memories that you are living,
it seems like..everything is black and white...
you survive.

music bridge:
3
I sat down...
next to a girl with a smile..
I remember Her well
we were young...and in love.

Chorus:
I remember the days that turned so lonely,
and then day turned into night,
the memories that you are living,
everything is black and white..you move on....you move on.

tag:
I sat down.....next to a girl with a smile.



© Copyright 2019 Vincent. All Rights Reserved.

Lovely lyrics. Nice marriage to music.

Martin

Nice intro Lane and a sweet song with your collective talents.
Yeah nice!
Regards
Travis

Lane (and Mike),

Love the intro to this song—-just killer. And the lyrics throughout are excellent. I’m a huge fan of Mike’s work . . . but (sigh)—and it’s always a subjective thing—this arrangement does very little for me, and I think it misses the mark. Here’s why:

As I read the lyrics it seems more conversational, personal, intimate . . . this starts off so great—the feel of the intro instrumental and MIke’s voice on those first two lines. And, for me, I would have kept it that simple throughout without the added production and thick harmonies, that blurs the intimacy.

I’d love to hear a bit more of a stripped version on this song. I think it would slay. Just one amateur’s opinion, and regardless I remain humbled by both your brilliant talents.

My best to you both, and I hope you don’t mind the honesty,

Kind regards,

Deej

Thanks Martin, thanks John..

Deej,

https://soundcloud.com/michael-zaneski/girl-with-a-smile-submix-final-21-hq-mp3/s-TovqX

Thanks for offering those thoughts. Honestly, my Achilles heel is indeed, putting too much music on songs that may be begging for less. I feel like I absolutely have to at least do the work. I mean. Unless I talk about it with the client beforehand, I can't approach a song "as if" I am only gonna have 3-4 instruments, total, but at least 5-8, and then perhaps peel some things off, if need be, to get the most satisfactory results. I would feel horrible guilt and never be able to approach a song like that!

But that can create problems. You can't fall in love with a "darling" that needs to go, that needs to be out-of-the-mix. You need to stay emotionally connected to the song, though after a few days of work, it's just natural to start hearing it less emotionally and more analytically. And so sometimes I may put too much orchestration on a song!

But this is a pseudo-problem. There is very little extra work involved in creating a submix or using a submix to springboard a smaller version, an acoustic submix, etc.

And moreover, I want folks I work with to be happy and will absolutely keep at it until they are.

I emailed Lane and he's got a lot on his plate right now. He's happy with the song as it is, but left it up to me, if I wanted to create another version or not.

Deej, I do happen to agree with you somewhat, I definitely follow your train-of-thought, but moreover value your opinion, and if you could imagine it moving you more with less happening, I was willing to try that again and find a combination that felt right, and so arrived at this mix, I don't think Lane will mind me sharing.

I always try to build a solid foundation with a strong vocal track, so that the rest is always cake. Songs can always be fixed when the vocals are good but there's just too much damn music!

I got rid of the drums and the other guitars. Kept everything you thought worked through the first two lines, but held them back and added them gradually to the mix, up to the first chorus, except for the shaker which create depth in the mix, and the tenor sax (so lonely sounding!). SO it's quite a smaller sound, and I agree that it does sound more intimate this way.

So sincerely..thanks, Deej, for being honest..and see ya 'round campus..

Mike


https://soundcloud.com/michael-zaneski/girl-with-a-smile-submix-final-21-hq-mp3/s-TovqX

Mike (and Lane):

OK, so listening to the link you provided . . . well, WOW! That opening, with the guitar, is just so, so sweet. The term “killer” doesn’t do it justice. So engaging right out of the gate.

And everything after . . . for me, it’s such a huge difference. Love the restraint on the harmonies, so when they kick in, they really resonate. Like that sax coming in there as well, subtly to add nuance, not overpowering. But, Mike, your lead vocal resonates so well, and is less hidden without the harmonies . . . so much emotion. And so when the harmonies come in on “You survive” . . . really nice.

Listen, my personal tastes tend to gravitate to less is more . . . which is ironic, because lord knows I tend to overdo, overthink and over-add in everything I do, always thinking more is better. But simply love this stripped down version of this.

And, Mike, your vocal . . . when you hit that "everything" in the second chorus and go up, followed by those lovely harmonies ("your were wrong") . . . my, oh my, very sweet . . . and then you pull it back so go solo on "I sat down . . . " Excellent.

This to me is lights out better than the original. Great stuff!

Regards,

Deej

Hi guys,


Good teamwork here.
I listened to both versions and I lean toward version 2 although I really like them both.

Hope to see you back on the boards again in the future.
Have a good day.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Lane... and Mike by default:

A breathtaking lyric and melody. To my way of thinking, both versions are home-runs and should be retained for use in the appropriate venue. The fully orchestrated version for pitching and the less-is-more version for those small cafe venues where the audience is sparse but up-close.

Lane, I read your introductory note and hope you will decide to take a breather and let the great magnet called creating music draw you back in... and soon. We all need to refresh our other self from time to time but music is a love affair few of us can resist. Regardless, thanks for all you have provided us in your efforts to gain the Brass Ring. This one is ample evidence of that objective being met.

All the best to both of you, ----Dave

Hi Calvin always a good thing when you stop and comment, thank you Calvin for taking time to listen and comment.



Lane

Hi Dave, always a pleasure when you stop, thanks for the good thoughts my friend...Lane

Hi Dave,

Good to see you and thanks for the wonderful comment. Yes! Having choice is a good thing!


Mike


********************************


Hi Calvin,

I appreciate your listening (to both!) and think I prefer the second one, too.


Mike


******************************

Hi Deej,

Thanks again and I'm happy you're liking the second. I always find Lane's work disarmingly moving. That was the case here.


Mike

***************************

Such a great tune Lane. The lyrics are so intimate and heartfelt with a beautiful melody.

Mike,your vocals and production on the mix is great. I am looking forward to working with you.

I do like both versions, of course I think I like the stripped down mix better.

Jane

Thanks, Jane.

I've loved working with Lane. One of the most emotionally honest songwriters I know.

Mike