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#1154040 - 06/13/19 06:39 AM Back When We Were Green  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,073
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Eugene, Or USA
Back When We Were Green

(C) 2019 Geneva Griffin

V1
You were a godsend when I needed someone
I was at your touch when you wanted me
We'd talk forever 'bout anything beneath the sun
Let this whole world over hear everything

CH
Back when we were green
The world stood still for us
Back when we were green
We owned the universe
And owed nobody, but things change
Like the colors of my blue mood ring
Back when we were green

V2
At 17 we knew this love was ours
A dream was a wish that always comes true
We'd lie for hours beneath shinin' stars
Let the world peek in, blush at the pale moon

CH
Back when we were green
The world stood still for us
Back when we were green
We owned the universe
And owed nobody, but things change
Like the colors of my blue mood ring
Back when we were green

V3
I cried when your fam'ly took you away
It's been ages since we fell out of touch
Ran across a mem'ry from back in the day
Still fit my finger and gave me a color rush

Bridge
We were high on life
Made to grow up
Once upon a time
We could live on love

CH
Back when we were green
The world stood still for us
Back when we were green
We owned the universe
And owed nobody, but things change
Like the colors of my blue mood ring
Back when we were green

Last edited by nightengale; 06/13/19 09:59 PM.
#1154088 - 06/13/19 03:01 PM Re: Back When We Were Green [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,023
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 1,023
Geneva,

Really nice write. Some fine lines throughout—love the line “when we were green” and also running across a memory that “still fit my finger”. But plenty of others.

I wouldn’t touch much here, though might be tempted to revisit the bridge. It seems to me that forces beyond their control and their love pulled them apart. The bridge, to me at least, suggests otherwise. Is there an opportunity to say more? Not sure. And then it always depends on the melody that goes with—somethings just work with the right melody behind it.

Again, nicely done!

All the best,

Deej

#1154101 - 06/13/19 09:57 PM Re: Back When We Were Green [Re: nightengale]  
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nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,073
Eugene, Or USA
Thank you deej,
I made alotta changes to tighten it up then wondered if it made sense to anyone but me

I just went back and made a few changes rmto that bridge so far

Geneva

#1154109 - 06/14/19 06:45 AM Re: Back When We Were Green [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,534
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Posts: 11,534
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Great lyric and perhaps one many can identify with.
I like it as it is.
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1154112 - 06/14/19 08:22 AM Re: Back When We Were Green [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,872
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Posts: 4,872
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
One of your best kiddo

#1154113 - 06/14/19 08:49 AM Re: Back When We Were Green [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 615
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Posts: 615
Conover, North Carolina, USA
I like this too. I can certainly relate to it, and I think lots of people could.

#1154139 - 06/15/19 12:25 AM Re: Back When We Were Green [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,073
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,073
Eugene, Or USA
Thanks Travis,

I did try to address deej's thoughts on the bridge though it was a quickie fix I'll look at it again when I got more time

Geneva

#1154141 - 06/15/19 12:33 AM Re: Back When We Were Green [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,073
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,073
Eugene, Or USA
Thanks Neil.

Geneva

#1154142 - 06/15/19 12:35 AM Re: Back When We Were Green [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Mar 2009
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nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,073
Eugene, Or USA
Thank you Gavin,

I think we can all relate to the teen thing

Might have to be my age to relate to the mood ring and make the connection

Geneva


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