Who's Online Now
19 registered members (Gavin Sinclair, Dave Rice, couchgrouch, CTthomas, Deej56, Gary E. Andrews, AntonyRobWells, Fdemetrio, 4 invisible), and 962 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
RainyDayMan
RainyDayMan
Stratford, Australia
Posts: 187
Joined: February 2017
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Loss
by Travis david. 12/06/19 02:22 AM
Soldiers Field now musicated. Travis and Vic
by MFB III. 12/06/19 12:51 AM
Mexico
by MFB III. 12/06/19 12:44 AM
"The Gangster Trap."-by-J.A. Prod.Beat & Me!
by MFB III. 12/06/19 12:41 AM
All you get is me
by JAPOV. 12/05/19 11:35 PM
"If The Stars Can't Wait!.
by MFB III. 12/05/19 10:23 PM
Rising from the Dead (Updated)
by Deej56. 12/05/19 09:46 PM
December 1, 2019 Columbus, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews. 12/05/19 09:36 PM
THE LOST CHAD SONG
by John W Selleck. 12/05/19 08:47 PM
Uphill Both Ways
by John W Selleck. 12/05/19 08:43 PM
The cleverest JPF song (lyric wise)
by couchgrouch. 12/05/19 06:06 PM
Explodin' Jeans
by John W Selleck. 12/05/19 05:28 PM
Your Underrated Songwriters
by Fdemetrio. 12/05/19 04:37 PM
Any suggestions
by Fdemetrio. 12/05/19 04:32 PM
Christmas In Our Home Town by Lowell Gaines
by David_Pulizzi. 12/05/19 01:29 PM
Adios Amigo
by couchgrouch. 12/05/19 12:51 PM
Not Your Thing
by beechnut79. 12/05/19 11:39 AM
Becoming Drained
by beechnut79. 12/05/19 11:35 AM
Leaving Daddy
by Gavin Sinclair. 12/05/19 10:00 AM
I Am An American
by Irwin. 12/05/19 09:25 AM
::: IT'S UP TO ME (Uke) :::
by Guy E. Trepanier. 12/04/19 08:22 PM
Ordinary People (C. Kiphen)
by PaulCanuck. 12/04/19 08:07 PM
Runaway Train
by John W Selleck. 12/04/19 07:30 PM
The Christmas Bell That Wouldn't Ring
by PaulCanuck. 12/04/19 03:06 PM
An Occasional lover
by CTthomas. 12/04/19 01:23 PM
Stand
by JAPOV. 12/04/19 01:10 PM
Swing It!
by JAPOV. 12/04/19 01:07 PM
How Broken Hearts Can Be (Halie Loren vocal)
by Ricki E. Bellos. 12/04/19 10:56 AM
Brian's FB post and surgery news
by Ricki E. Bellos. 12/04/19 10:23 AM
Still getting over you
by Deej56. 12/04/19 02:29 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,789
Travis david 11,635
Kevin Emmrich 10,568
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,600
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,844
glynda 8,613
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,907
couchgrouch 7,622
Dave Rice 7,409
Corey 7,357
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,561
Joe Wrabek 6,403
Vicarn 6,182
ben willis 6,106
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
niteshift 5,519
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,652
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,363
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
Roy Cooper 4,165
nightengale 4,092
TamsNumber4 4,075
Caroline 3,865
MFB III 3,864
Kolstad 3,813
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,519
Dottie 3,427
E Swartz 3,420
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,812
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,581
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,218
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,022
DukeWill 1,987
floyd jane 1,982
maccharles 1,961
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,597
Martin Lide 1,596
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Fdemetrio 1,513
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,462
Tom Franz 1,455
GocartMoz 1,441
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,144
summeoyo 1,126
lane1777 1,118
Deej56 1,095
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
9ne 887
Drifter 886
Petra 883
90 dB 870
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
Andy K 744
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
Irwin 630
CG King 622
Pat Hardy 621
douglas 621
Mel 614
Moosesong 604
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
R&M 493
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
JAPOV 469
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1154100 - 06/13/19 05:16 PM Nervous Breakdown  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
A new song I just finished writing and recording. All suggestions and comments appreciated.

https://soundcloud.com/themysteriousbeings/nervous-breakdown



NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

Words and music by Gavin Sinclair

Will somebody show me how to have a nervous breakdown?
Somethingís got to give
I canít sleep, but Iím not even half awake now Ďní
Iím losing the will to live
I want to throw something precious, smash it on the floor
Grab a stranger and yell, ďI canít take it any more,Ē
Stand up in a crowded room and... just roar
But I donít
I wonít

Will somebody show me how to get through tomorrow?
I canít go on this way
Does somebody have a life that I can borrow
Just for a day?
Or two, or three, or four, or forever
I'm not going crazy, Iím not that clever
Just exploding under the pressure
Except I donít
I wonít

Will somebody show me how to cry a real tear
And let someone see it
How to make a minute not seem like a year
Take a feeling and free it
Watch it as it flies under dark skies
Naked as a jaybird right before your eyes
As I ask you why youíre so surprised
But I donít
I wonít

#1154104 - 06/13/19 09:22 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,420
E Swartz Offline
Top 100 Poster
E Swartz  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,420
Ohio
Well gee Gavin,

Suggestions? Okay, here are a few--use or lose: First, take deep breaths and a walk in the country each morning. Quit your job, lose the wife or girl friend, move to a totally new environment, smoke a joint, have a beer with the mates, don't play golf, read Mark Twain, never listen to the news--only watch Disney movies (except Old Yeller). Go to a few bars maybe dance a little. See if this helps!

Okay........I enjoyed your song, and it was really refreshing. I like the melodramatic humor as well. Nice melody, and great vocals, great sax, though I'd bring it a "tad" forward to closer match your lead vox--it is the vox when it's a solo. Love the ending BTW. No real nits from me today!

steady-eddie

#1154117 - 06/14/19 08:48 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
All good suggestions, Eddie LOL.

Good point about the sax. I think I need to bring it up a bit more, especially where it first comes in.

Not often I hear "great vocals," but occasionally a song just seems to fit my voice, and I found this one easy to sing.

Thanks for listening and your sage advice smile

#1154120 - 06/14/19 10:34 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 7,310
Ray E. Strode Online content
Top 30 Poster
Ray E. Strode  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2001
Posts: 7,310
Brunswick, Ga. USA
Aw, Humm,
Well you could go listen to my song, AROUND THE HORN, posted on the Web Site
http://www.geocities.ws/fiverosesmusicgroup/ I do have another song, YOU'LL GO INSANE but it isn't posted anywhere. Hey, you ask the question, somebody has the answer somewhere! Good song, good writing.

Last edited by Ray E. Strode; 06/14/19 10:34 AM.

Ray E. Strode
#1154132 - 06/14/19 03:11 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,441
GocartMoz Offline
Top 200 Poster
GocartMoz  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,441
Florida
Love the write. Very clever lyric. I also enjoyed the melody and vocal performance. I am not sure why but I did not feel the sax was the right choice for a solo in this song. For me, it didn't fit. Maybe an acoustic guitar solo, a mandolin. The sax seemed out of place imo. Just my opinion though. The song was really really well done.

Thanks for posting.

Dave

#1154135 - 06/14/19 07:15 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Thanks Dave. Interesting observation about the sax solo. I wasn't sure if it was the right way to go either. I asked the question on another forum I belong to and the responses were all in favor of it. I hadn't thought of an acoustic guitar or a mandolin. My other thought, besides sax, was a kind of dirty electric guitar.

#1154136 - 06/14/19 07:43 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,182
Vicarn Online content
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Online Content
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,182
UK
I think you should have gone with a more manic arrangement prosody wise. The treatment you use is to lame for the subject.
Your lyrics are good. Push them.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1154137 - 06/14/19 09:27 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,420
E Swartz Offline
Top 100 Poster
E Swartz  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,420
Ohio
Gavin, I came back and had another listen. I kind of agree with Dave about the sax perhaps not being the best sound for the song's vibe. I do think it can work if you include some sax answers earlier to give the sax a little presence before solo to allow it to feel more belonging. Hence afterwards maybe even a little more presence. I would look at maybe using a synth sound from a keyboard for the solo--giving the song a more abstract sound rather than the classic sax--as your lyrics in my mind are a bit expressive & exaggerated, so exaggerate with a more unique lead solo sound..........make sense?

The sax sounds good, but IMO if used, needs to be part of the mix subtly earlier to eliminate the "surprise" oh, a sax! JMO.

Again, a lot of good things going on here however!

steady-eddie

#1154150 - 06/15/19 04:55 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,636
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,636
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
not going crazy,well,depends on the weather
, got it all together
Just exploding under the pressure

Just an idea or two
Gavin, so you feel like that too!
John






Last edited by Travis david; 06/15/19 07:15 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1154156 - 06/15/19 08:52 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Vicarn]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Originally Posted by Vicarn
I think you should have gone with a more manic arrangement prosody wise. The treatment you use is to lame for the subject.
Your lyrics are good. Push them.

Vic


Thanks Vic. I totally get what you are saying about the prosody. I started out with something a little less bouncy and more manic in mind, but as I was working on it, it occurred to me that a more upbeat melody would be in keeping with the kind of guy he is. Smiling through gritted teeth, holding it together, unable to express his true feelings. That's kind of the point of "I don't, I won't." He knows he doesn't have a way to let it all out, to "take a feeling and free it." So the melody reflects the face he presents to the world while the contrasting lyrics are swirling in his head.

I'm not sure that I made the right choice. I might just have convinced myself to go in this direction because I like the tune. Having said that, I'm not sure that I have the musical chops to pull off the manic thing.

#1154159 - 06/15/19 09:03 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Thanks for taking the time to give it another listen, Eddie. I appreciate the help and suggestions. I originally had the sax in the four bars of introduction too, but took it out. Maybe I do need to look at preparing the listener for the solo by introducing it earlier. I'm a bit of a sax fan - used to get goosebumps anticipating Clarence Clemmons suddenly bursting into one of Bruce's songs. That might cloud my judgment however smile.

Great idea about the synth too. This would be a bit of a departure for me, but it might also allow me to inject a bit of the manic treatment Vic mentions.

Again, thanks for your great feedback. People have been so helpful with this song.

#1154169 - 06/15/19 10:57 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 918
L. James Tanner Offline
Top 500 Poster
L. James Tanner  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2013
Posts: 918
Indiana
Enjoyed this tune very much, clever lyrics too!

#1154179 - 06/15/19 12:19 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Originally Posted by Travis david
not going crazy,well,depends on the weather
, got it all together
Just exploding under the pressure

Just an idea or two
Gavin, so you feel like that too!
John

Ha! We all probably feel a bit like that sometimes, John. Thanks for the good suggestions. I love "depends on the weather." I will probably stick with "I'm not that clever," because the idea is that he's not smart enough to have a breakdown and let it all out. At least that's supposed to be the idea smile.

Thanks for listening, James. Glad you enjoyed it.






#1154185 - 06/15/19 03:45 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 197
JaneK Offline
Serious Contributor
JaneK  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 197
California
Gavin,

The melody is really good and the lyrics are very witty. You did a good job on the vocals too.

Yes, maybe an electric guitar solo would be a better choice for the solo part. The playing is good though, but guitar would go better with the feel of the song.

Enjoyed listening.

Jane

#1154205 - 06/16/19 09:46 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,596
Martin Lide Offline
Top 200 Poster
Martin Lide  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,596
Houston, Texas
"Does somebody have a life that I can borrow
Just for a day?"

Well written line.

Gavin,

Your band once again has lived up to it's name. I enjoyed the song and the content exploration, and at the same time...I found it creepy.
Was that a desired result? smile

It's sounds like a suicide note left by Herman's Hermits...sort of. "Mrs Brown, My life sux."


Marty

#1154219 - 06/16/19 05:44 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Thanks Martin. "A suicide note left by Herman's Hermits" - that made me laugh smile I suppose it's also kind of on the money. Someone who doesn't know how to step out from behind a cheerful facade and is actually asking for advice on how to be miserable LOL.

Creepy? No, I didn't really have that in mind.

#1154227 - 06/16/19 09:00 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
Michael Zaneski Offline
Top 50 Poster
Michael Zaneski  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,089
California
Hi Gavin,

This made me smile. On this one your singing reminds me of Noel Harrison.

Yeah, vocals are working, maybe a little rushed early on, but not for long.

Very clever and much fun.

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1154248 - 06/17/19 10:28 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Thanks for listening and commenting, Mike. I had to google Noel Harrison LOL. Don't think I'm quite in the same class!

There are a few lines early on where I have to pack in quite a lot of verbiage. I thought that was OK, as it reflected the whirling thoughts in his head, but I can also see how it would come across as a bit rushed. Certainly, you have to sing it just right or you won't fit it all in smile

Thanks again.

#1154272 - 06/17/19 11:27 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,095
Deej56 Online content
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,095
Hey, Gavin,

I like this one a lot . . . catchy. You write some really genuine, real world feel lyricsóand while you tend to undersell your vocal efforts (and you shouldn't, IMHO)óthey always fit and compliment your tunes. Which is to say, the vocal here is just fine . . . sweet. Not sure Iím in love with the choice of sax on this oneóseems a bit off the mood of the song . . . but even so, it works well enough. (And in my limited experience, I find the horns in BIAB, if that's what you are using, pull off better solos than the guitars for some reason). So donít kill yourself changing it out . . . itís good. Love that last verse, Gavin. Nice writing!

My best to you,

Deej

#1154296 - 06/18/19 12:11 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Thanks for the kind words Deej. I appreciate you listening and commenting.

Gavin

#1154316 - 06/19/19 04:03 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,789
Calvin Offline
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,789
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Gavin,


ha ha.................... nicely done.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1154317 - 06/19/19 04:04 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Vicarn]  
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 237
Cheyenne Offline
Serious Contributor
Cheyenne  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 237
Florida U.S.A.
YES have to agree with VIC needs to be more manic ?, at this time

its a bit too ,jolly --- I belive repetitive notes would suit the subject better

I hear it as a Punk Song , and given the right treatment with

the right singer it could be a hit ? But Would anyone ask

how can I have a nervous breakdown ???

Needs to be (in my humble opinion )

I think I'm heading for a Nervous Breakdown

Then you could list all the ways you and us are fed up with being

ripped off via household bills and Telephone sales , plus of course

successive governments-- That way the

public could be sympathetic to the emotion you are writing about

JUST SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

Try out my suggestions ? you have nothing to lose ?

and you always have your original to fall back on
-
I belive Hit Song are Re Written ---- not Just Written

PS
The public need to identify Why you ( The Singer) are basically Pissed of with life

GAVIN

Tell us the reasons for having a breakdown , and you need to exaggerate them

The vocals need to express someone on the verge of going mad so to speak

at this time its more like a happy birthday vocal




Last edited by Cheyenne; 06/19/19 04:20 AM.

One of the most important principles of songwriting is to remember that a good song is a partnership of many different components, all working together to produce a satisfying musical experience.

In that respect, song components are either enhancing or compromising their combined effects.
#1154331 - 06/19/19 09:59 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Thanks for the input, Cheyenne. Of course, what you are describing is not really a rewrite but a completely different song. This one is about emotional repression, the singer's inability to express his feelings. What you describe is a good old rant at familiar targets and a laundry list of grievances. That could certainly work, and it could be fun if I could find a way to steer clear of cliches, but with a completely different melody, lyrics and theme, I would call that a whole new song smile

"Would anyone ask how can I have a nervous breakdown ???" Not normally, of course, but that is kind of the point. It's supposed to be a bit unusual to pique the curiosity of the listener.

I'm beginning to think that the title is part of the problem here. People are expecting a song about having a nervous breakdown, rather than one about not being able to and kind of wishing he could. I'm thinking one little change at the end of each verse might help. Instead of...

"But I don't
I won't"

"But I don't
I can't"

or

"But I don't
I know I won't"

I think the second one is probably better as it preserves the rhyme.

Or I suppose I could insert a bridge to kind of spell it out more clearly.

#1154333 - 06/19/19 10:12 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Originally Posted by Calvin
Hello Gavin,


ha ha.................... nicely done.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


Thanks Calvin. Glad you enjoyed it.

#1154358 - 06/20/19 05:16 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 237
Cheyenne Offline
Serious Contributor
Cheyenne  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 237
Florida U.S.A.
YES describing a different approach to what you have , actually that's

often the way I write, one good idea for some thing different , often

leading into something better; not always but just maybe it would have a

wider appeal , and you always have the original to fall back on

Melody wise I may often match a new song lyric to a pretty catchy sounding melody; and

then after several playbacks improve on the original draft -, evolving all the time

sleeping on it making sure of Contrast between Verses and Chorus

and singable words Et-cetera



l

Last edited by Cheyenne; 06/20/19 05:18 AM.

One of the most important principles of songwriting is to remember that a good song is a partnership of many different components, all working together to produce a satisfying musical experience.

In that respect, song components are either enhancing or compromising their combined effects.
#1154669 - 06/28/19 10:14 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,409
Dave Rice Online content
Top 30 Poster
Dave Rice  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,409
Texas
Hi Gavin:

Sorry I'm late. Listened and enjoyed to the point of laughter (all in a good way) several days ago... but could not respond. Very clever, my friend. Keep 'em coming. ----Dave

#1154682 - 06/28/19 03:42 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Thanks for the kind words, Dave. Glad you enjoyed it.

#1154697 - 06/29/19 09:11 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 169
ckiphen Offline
Serious Contributor
ckiphen  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 169
- Select One - houston, texas...
Love the lyrics Gavin.

#1154717 - 06/29/19 04:37 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 469
JAPOV Online happy
Top 500 Poster
JAPOV  Online Happy
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 469

#1154721 - 06/29/19 05:56 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: JAPOV]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Originally Posted by JAPOV


Well, that's different. LOL. Everyone seems to see this song differently. Maybe I'm finally living up to that quote in my signature smile

#1154725 - 06/29/19 06:36 PM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 469
JAPOV Online happy
Top 500 Poster
JAPOV  Online Happy
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 469
Yea, like a clown with a cleaver.... Lol smile

#1154738 - 06/30/19 12:52 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 564
Steve Altonian Offline
Top 500 Poster
Steve Altonian  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 564
Los Angeles, California
I love this concept...Will somebody show me how to cry a real tear. nice

You can get away with this vibe of it being jovial...As others have said a more manic approach would have a different vibe...But this is also tongue in cheek kinda like sorta with the jovial feel


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1154740 - 06/30/19 01:58 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 469
JAPOV Online happy
Top 500 Poster
JAPOV  Online Happy
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 469
It would definitely make an interesting video! smile

#1154748 - 06/30/19 10:01 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 847
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Thanks for listening and commenting, Steve. Yes, that's an important line in the song.

JAPOV, are you suggesting a video with you as a clown with a cleaver? I would like to see that....I think....

#1154760 - 06/30/19 11:28 AM Re: Nervous Breakdown [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 469
JAPOV Online happy
Top 500 Poster
JAPOV  Online Happy
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 469
Anything for you Gav! I might even go topless! smile


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
ClarkFord, bethanykoubsky, David_Pulizzi, LarryMagee, wpaul2999
21237 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics119,566
Posts1,126,953
Members21,237
Average Posts Daily31
Most Online3,244
Nov 8th, 2019
Just Plain Quotes
"The commercial that says "you never get a second chance to make a first impression" may be true. Our job should be making sure that we give the person we are judging the chance to make that first impression themselves, in person, for real." ‚ÄďBrian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Dwight Williamson (68), Sue Rarick (2019)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0