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WELCOME TO MYWORLD

V
It got to not caring where she went
as long as he didn't follow
Had money saved, 'bout enough for rent
tomorrow will take care of tomorrow
V
She ran out only clutching a small bag
dress falling apart at the seams
Almost run down by a speeding cab
lit up like a frightened deer, in it's beam
B
She looked vulnerable and lonely
although I didn't like to pry
I gently spoke offered a Kleenex to dry her eyes.
She seemed to trust me,
That's when she opend up
that amazing panacea
Two hot coffee cups
C
Welcome to my world, she said
So now tell me why you're here?
It's 3am don't you have a bed?
Or it's a hobby supplying tissues
for losers tears?
Whatever your issues,
Welcome to my world
V
We talked for hours,I listened to her story
in an all night caf called Old Friends
The drink, abuse,then many 'im sorry's
that he went back on time and time again
V
Me? I've his look, that says door mat.
kinda unlucky in love I explained
She said, really sorry about that
You're a nice guy,and not all girls are the same

Music

Chorus

V
3 and 4 am passed without knowing
My where did all those hours go
Then moving on with careful sewing
two torn lives were mended,so each past wouldn't show


Chorus






---------------------------------

]WELCOME TO MYWORLD

V
She ran out clutching a small bag
dress falling apart at the seams
Almost run down by a speeding cab
lit up like a frightened deer, in it's beam

V
She didn't care where she went
as long as he didn't follow
Had money saved, 'bout enough for rent
right now couldn't worry 'bout tomorrow
B
She looked vulnerable and lonely
I didn't like to pry
Gently spoke offered a Kleenex to dry her eyes
She seemed to trust me,
and she opend up
that amazing panacea
Two hot coffee cups

V
She told me her disturbing story
in an all night caf in Smithfield
He'd drink then abuse her,then was sorry
contsant regrets excuses, won't make old wounds heal


C
Welcome to my world, she said
So now tell me why you're here?
It's 3am don't you have a bed?
Or it's a hobby supplying tissues
for losers tears?
Whatever your issues,
Welcome to my world,
V
I must have this look, that says door mat.
kinda unlucky in love I explained
She said, really sorry about that
You're a nice guy,and not all girls are the same

V
3 and 4 am passed without knowing
My where did all those hours go
Then moving on with careful sewing
two torn lives were mended,so each past wouldn't show


Chorus

Travis,

Like the hook . . . maybe a bit long getting to it in the chorus? And does the chorus work a second time around as written? Perhaps revise the second chorus so that it’s sung from his perspective, e.g., “welcome to my world, he said”. All just suggestions—use or lose as they say.

A good story here—and a nice start. Good luck with it!

Cheers,

Deej

Hi Dave
I agree on the long walk to thre chorus this does need sorting and perhaps a rethink about a final chorus as well.
It does need plenty yet.
Cheers
John

Hey, John. Yes, it probably does need work, but I think it'll be worth it. Nice story with just the right amount of sentimentality. Nice atmospherics too.

I had a bit of difficulty imagining a rough melody, as the structure is unusual. I'm not saying that's a bad thing (not at all), but you tend to see it more often when music and words are written together.

I think you're on to something here.

I'm not a huge fan of the third verse. It sounds a bit dry, like a report. How about making it a little more vivid with actual quotes. My suggestion below would mean losing the rhyme of line 2 with line 4, but to me it didn't really work anyway because the stress in Smithfield is so strongly on the first syllable. Besides, there are plenty of locations you could change it to in order to achieve a rhyme.

We talked for hours, she told me her story
in an all night caf in Smithfield
The drink, the abuse, the "I'm sorry"s
All the "it won't happen again"s.

Hi Gavin
Thanks for your help and suggestions particularly on the third verse.
Not ready yet i know but i appreciate your comments
John

Nice little story Travis although could do with trimming as it seems a bit wordy.
But then the melody could help that.
I agree with Deej on the position of the chorus.

Vic

I played around with your song yesterday, pushed something wrong on my phone and lost my post not being computer savvy and all. Actually not being phone savvy .

I think v2 needs to be v1 in the rewrite version cause it comes first and I really like the idea and will come back to this one

Geneva

Travis I like it beginning to end...superb story and some touching moments amidst her angst. Well done.

She sat there with a suitcase
dress falling apart at the seams
She didn’t care where she went
as long as he didn't plague her dreams

Crying into her purse
in a diner outside of Morrow
I offered her a coffee and said
let tomorrow care for tomorrow