Who's Online Now
26 registered members (Dave Rice, couchgrouch, Guy E. Trepanier, Fdemetrio, Brian Austin Whitney, JaneK, Deej56, Everett Adams, 10 invisible), and 322 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
niteshift
niteshift
Sydney, Australia
Posts: 5,477
Joined: December 2006
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
UNCHAINED MELODY
by John Lawrence Schick. 06/26/19 06:31 PM
JAPOV
by Dave Rice. 06/26/19 05:10 PM
I am Doing It I am Joining Taxi Any Thoughts?
by Fdemetrio. 06/26/19 05:08 PM
Chasing The Dragon
by Dave Rice. 06/26/19 04:48 PM
In My Teeth
by Dave Rice. 06/26/19 03:04 PM
GONE BY DAWN (2019)
by Michael Zaneski. 06/26/19 02:14 PM
Losing Game (revamp)
by Michael Zaneski. 06/26/19 01:57 PM
Girl with a smile
by Michael Zaneski. 06/26/19 01:38 PM
LOST MY LOVE IN LODI
by Michael Zaneski. 06/26/19 01:36 PM
The Worst Thief You'll Ever Meet.
by Dave Rice. 06/26/19 11:44 AM
The Constipation Of The United Blights Of America.
by nightengale. 06/26/19 11:24 AM
Drive America
by nightengale. 06/26/19 08:38 AM
I Got lost In Your Eyes.
by Neil Cotton. 06/26/19 08:29 AM
Practical Guidelines For Guitaring: Standing
by Martin Lide. 06/26/19 07:11 AM
Bigger Fish To Fry
by Neil Cotton. 06/25/19 11:03 PM
Mysterious Circumstances
by nightengale. 06/25/19 10:18 PM
A Sailor's Life
by 90 dB. 06/25/19 04:09 PM
Our little town. Travis & Vic
by Vicarn. 06/25/19 01:46 PM
Success in a way
by Everett Adams. 06/25/19 07:35 AM
What song or artist . . .
by maccharles. 06/25/19 12:13 AM
Why are there so many lyric-only folks?
by Fdemetrio. 06/24/19 07:02 PM
Old Story?
by JAPOV. 06/24/19 06:07 PM
50-90 Songwriting Challenge
by DonnaMarilyn. 06/24/19 10:38 AM
Ande's Lyric Writing Tips
by Cheyenne. 06/24/19 02:43 AM
When I Get To Sing
by Neil Cotton. 06/23/19 11:47 PM
Love me
by JAPOV. 06/23/19 08:16 PM
Life Can Disappoint (REVISION POSTED)
by Neil Cotton. 06/23/19 04:27 PM
Bouquets and Goodbyes
by L. James Tanner. 06/23/19 03:48 PM
JUST LIKE LOVE. DEEJ & TRAVIS
by JAPOV. 06/23/19 03:43 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,741
Travis david 11,512
Kevin Emmrich 10,545
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,572
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,844
glynda 8,590
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,903
couchgrouch 7,525
Corey 7,357
Dave Rice 7,244
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,464
Joe Wrabek 6,403
ben willis 6,099
Vicarn 6,097
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,477
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
Neil Cotton 4,819
DonnaMarilyn 4,652
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,356
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
nightengale 4,064
TamsNumber4 4,033
Roy Cooper 4,022
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,799
MFB III 3,712
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,494
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
E Swartz 3,333
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,812
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,570
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,206
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,982
maccharles 1,945
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,646
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,596
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
Martin Lide 1,478
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,453
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
GocartMoz 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
Fdemetrio 1,180
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,142
summeoyo 1,120
joro 1,081
BobbyJoe 1,075
lane1777 1,063
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Deej56 1,023
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
9ne 878
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Juan 797
90 dB 787
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
Andy K 740
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
Irwin 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
Pat Hardy 611
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
Moosesong 580
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
R&M 490
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1153670 - 05/31/19 03:38 PM I'm sorry baby''  
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 200
Dennis Wright Offline
Serious Contributor
Dennis Wright  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 200
GA, USA
Dennis Wright
Song title/ '' I'm sorry baby''
© 2019

When you said it was over and that we were through
Baby that broke my heart into
It feels like wintertime inside my soul
Everyday been a rainy day sense you been gone

I'm sorry baby for all the lies I told
I'm sorry baby for all the nights you slept alone
Please forgive me baby and come back home
I'm sorry baby for everything I done wrong

I know I haven't been the best man in this world
I told you lies and cheated on you with so many girls
But every time I see you with him it makes me cry
Cause I wish it was me in your arms holding you tonight

I'm sorry baby for all the lies I told
I'm sorry baby for all the nights you slept alone
Please forgive me baby and come back home
I'm sorry baby for everything I done wrong

I didn't realize how much I love you until you walked out of my life
Now I'm reaping what I sowed and it sure don't feel right
I admit I was wrong baby please give me another chance
And from this day I promise you I would be a better man

I will love you like a man should love a woman
I will treat you right for the rest of your life
I will cherish everyday we spend together
I will be true to you and only to you forever

#1153719 - 06/02/19 04:00 PM Re: I'm sorry baby'' [Re: Dennis Wright]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,120
summeoyo Offline
Top 500 Poster
summeoyo  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,120
Harrisburg, PA, USA
I hope you like honesty. If you are looking to write commercial lyrics, you need to ask yourself once you've done a rough draft - Who would sing this? Whoever would sing it takes the risk of being thought of as a cheater - and having the listener thinking: shut up, you got what you deserve. While this may work as a please take me back letter, this one isn't going anywhere as a commercial lyric.
As far as the writing technique goes - I personally could do without the overuse of "baby". Throw in some synonyms instead.I think you're good structurally until after the second chorus. What about using your current last four as a bridge using "wanna" instead of "will" because "will" coming from someone whose been established as a liar doesn't mean much. And although I'm not a fond of going back to a verse after a lyric bridge, you may want to use:
I didn't realize how much I love you until you walked out of my life
Now I'm reaping what I sowed and it sure don't feel right
I admit I was wrong baby please give me another chance
And from this day I promise you I would be a better man
as your last verse and follow with a final chorus. Use this lyric as an exercise in songwriting. I don't recommend putting any money into it.


Summeoyo

#1153747 - 06/03/19 06:48 PM Re: I'm sorry baby'' [Re: Dennis Wright]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 469
Steve Altonian Offline
Top 500 Poster
Steve Altonian  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 469
Los Angeles, California
I'm Sorry by John Denver is what this brings to mind...Look at that tune and see how he used abstract to tell his story.

When he says I'm sorry for the way things are in China it's like dude is saying "I'M SORRY FOR THINGS EVEN IF I DIDN"T DO IT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. Maybe a little more Show than tell?


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1153893 - 06/07/19 01:21 AM Re: I'm sorry baby'' [Re: summeoyo]  
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 200
Dennis Wright Offline
Serious Contributor
Dennis Wright  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 200
GA, USA
Thank you sir so much for your feedback! I'm currently working on revising this song lyric. I really appreciate your honesty and your sincere opinion. God bless.
Dennis,

#1153894 - 06/07/19 01:24 AM Re: I'm sorry baby'' [Re: Steve Altonian]  
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 200
Dennis Wright Offline
Serious Contributor
Dennis Wright  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 200
GA, USA
Thank you sir for your sincerity! As I mention previously. I'm currently doing some revising of this song lyric. Know that your feedback is important to me. Good are bad criticism. I really appreciate it. God bless my friend.
Dennis,


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
mik1953, sklove, Catfish, JAPOV, ali1019
21205 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics119,059
Posts1,122,249
Members21,205
Average Posts Daily35
Most Online1,541
Feb 21st, 2019
Just Plain Quotes
"Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug and if you're an artist, sometimes you're both." –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Brandy (40)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0