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#1153596 - 05/29/19 06:06 PM I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone  
Joined: May 2017
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Conover, North Carolina, USA
A new song I've been working on. All feedback and suggestions greatly appreciated.

https://soundcloud.com/themysteriousbeings/i-never-took-your-number-off-my-phone



I NEVER TOOK YOUR NUMBER OFF MY PHONE
(Words & Music by Gavin Sinclair)

I saw your sister yesterday
She said hell yes youíre doing okay
Loving every single day
Without me

Said youíre living it up in unwedded bliss
Never knew life could be as good as this
Not a single thing you miss
About me

PRE-CHORUS
Now you ask me how I have the gall
After all this time to call
Well, really, thereís no reason at all
So please, please, please ...

CHORUS
Donít get me wrong - oh no - I donít love you no more
And this song is just a way of closing the door
I guess my finger must have touched your name by mistake
While I was sitting here on my own
I never took your number off my phone

Me? Well, yes Iím doing great
Just got back from a red hot date
Thatís the only reason Iím awake so late
You know.

Well, yes, I might have had a drink or two
And yes, I might have been thinking of you
But thatís not what told my finger where
To go

PRE-CHORUS
I told you I never meant to call
And Iím not missing you at all
Donít be waiting for me to come crawling
Back to you....

CHORUS
Donít get me wrong - oh no - I donít love you no more
And this song is just a way of closing the door
I guess my finger must have touched your name by mistake
While I was sitting here on my own
I never took your number off my phone

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

CHORUS
Donít get me wrong, I know, you donít love me no more
And this song is one more thing for you to ignore
Things can never be the way that they were before
So, while Iím sitting here on my own
I should take your number off my phone

#1153602 - 05/30/19 03:00 AM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Hi Gavin
I read the lyrics usually before listening and had this as a country ballad. The lyric is good with some clever lines.
I was surprised however by the intro which to me indicated perhaps a rock song?
Then a further change of style for the vocal.
Loved the story and lyric but i think a ballad for this could work better.
JMHO of course
Regards.
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1153610 - 05/30/19 01:08 PM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Thanks Travis. That's the danger of reading the lyrics first LOL. This was always going to be a pop song for me, since it started in my mind with the poppy chorus, complete with melody. I do see what you mean, though - reading the lyrics, you could certainly expect more of a ballad. Pop lyrics are often more "throw-away" or chosen for their sound more than their meaning.

#1153612 - 05/30/19 01:14 PM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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I get that this a little bit of whimsy...half humorous and half hopeful

#1153614 - 05/30/19 02:00 PM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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I'd keep working the lyric to make it sound more real - Bob Newhart was great at making comedic phone calls where you got a vivid impression of what the other person was saying without hearing a word. His comedy was self-deprecating and hilarious, that's one way to go at this. You can't say "this song" without breaking the illusion that he really on the phone with his ex. I was a bit unclear whether he was actually speaking to someone or leaving a message. This is difficult because if it's a real conversation there is a space of time where the other person is talking. Another idea would be to start the song with her answering machine message to "please leave a message at the tone". And could end with him saying "please call me back if you' like me to take your number off my phone. I liked the way the singer sort of talked the lyric. Best of luck with it. ....Pete

#1153617 - 05/30/19 03:04 PM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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I agree with Neil that the humorous angle is obviously intended.
I think the Lyric is comedic enough to not merit the emotion of a ballad.
The 14 second Introductory Movement is just enough to serve the function.

The Rhyme-Scheme breaks out of routine Four-Line Versification, with three Perfect-Rhyme Lines and then one left Un-Rhymed, the Rhyme picked up in the fourth Line of the second Stanza and Rhymed there. This is a variation on the Nursery Rhyme style that I've advocated for that very purpose, breaking away from the routine Four-Line style. And you manage to repeat that Rhyme-Scheme in other Verses, always a challenge.

I'd like to hear other players do an 'interpretation' of the Song, variations in vocal delivery and overall arrangement. I think it could work with other tempos, a little faster, maybe a little slower, possibilities worth exploring. The light humor, I think, can work with that variable.

At 51 seconds the Change of Dynamics keeps me 'hooked' and listening. That's probably the Stanza labeled Pre-Chorus.

You get to THE Hook, the title at 1:15.

The guitar work at 2:45 is quite interesting, listenable. You label it 'Instrumental Break'. I call it an 'Instrumental Bridge' because it serves the same function as a Lyrical Bridge, breaking the Repetition at that point that would risk losing listeners if you Repeated a Verse or even the Chorus without the Bridge. After the Bridge you are 'enabled' to Repeat the Chorus and I'm (the audience) ready to hear it again.

The phrase 'on my own', is commonly used in England I think, meaning 'alone'. In the U. S. it has more of an 'independently meaning than the 'alone' concept.

As always I advocate examining the 'And', 'But' 'Cause' connector words to see if the Line can read the same without them, just to get them out of the Singer's way, unclutter the Line in the Singer's mouth.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1153630 - 05/30/19 05:58 PM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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Martin Lide Online content
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Houston, Texas
I like it Gavin.
I think that it's an odd and quirky and very individualistic expression of lost love and some conflicted emotional residue left behind.
And leaving a number on a phone is something that we have all wrestled with.
Witty. 60ish sounding with a hint of a Brit accent..to my ear

My only suggestion would be to have the vocalist sing...

"Donít get me wrong - oh no - I donít love you no mo"


Martin

#1153669 - 05/31/19 03:22 PM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Conover, North Carolina, USA
Thanks for listening and the comments and suggestions, Pete, Gary and Martin.

Pete, I remember those Newhart phone calls. Very funny. I think having to imagine the responses made them funnier. I did once end a song with a voicemail message. It worked quite well, I think - unfortunately the rest of the song was pretty terrible! As for talking the lyric, when you sing like me, talking is often the better option frown. Actually, I might have accidentally become contemporary - a lot of pop songs now seem to consist of spoken (rapped) verses and then a more melodic chorus.

Gary, I made a couple of changes based on your feedback on the lyric earlier on SJ, and I think it certainly improved it - thanks.

Martin, thanks for listening and commenting. Not sure if I could pull off "I donít love you no mo'" with my accent LOL. However, if a real singer was doing it, that might be a fun change.

#1153680 - 06/01/19 06:06 AM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Apr 2002
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hallo Gavin,


Fun and entertaining.



Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1153711 - 06/02/19 09:38 AM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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Posts: 1,169
summeoyo Offline
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Harrisburg, PA, USA
Like Travis, I read the lyric first then listened and heard a ballad. Do you think a butt dial scenario may work for a ballad and saying that you weren't thinking of that person during your red hot date?

David Burtner

#1153715 - 06/02/19 02:49 PM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
JaneK Offline
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JaneK  Offline
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California
Gavin,

I like the catchy chorus in the song and the lyrics are very clever.. I think you should keep working on this one.

Jane

#1153755 - 06/03/19 09:29 PM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Gavin,

A lot to like on this one . . . Really creative and well-written lyrics with a nice hookóitís a situation that could happen (and has to some degree) to all of us, and youíve made it both amusing, and in a way and at the same time, sad. And I love the chorus . . . very catchy.

I get what Travis is saying regarding the instrumentation on the intro . . . but I think itís OK though, particularly because for me it works really, really well in the instrumental section. So Iíd opt to stay with itófor what little thatís worth, LOL!

If I had one suggestionóand Iím not sure how to describe this, but here goesóI might try to sing a couple of lines with a little less variation in vocal toneójust slightly. You still want to keep it conversational, but maybe in a couple spots some of the dips and rises are perhaps a bit too much so, bordering on talking rather than singing? Not sure that makes sense, but some examples: then end of the second line of the first verse (ďyouíre doing okayĒ), and end of the first line of the second verse (ďhad a drink or twoĒ). Itís all personal preference, and certainly works fine just as is, so use or lose.

Really like this one, Gavin. Among my favorites from you.

My best to you,

Deej

#1153761 - 06/03/19 11:24 PM Re: I Never Took Your Number Off My Phone [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: May 2017
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Thanks for the feedback, David, Jane and Deej. It's funny - I didn't like this much at all when I got through with it, but people seem to like it, which makes me feel better about it too smile

David, your suggestion might work, but it would, of course, be a whole other song. I think maybe I made the right decision when I went with a pop treatment, especially given the importance of the catchy hook, which is where it all started in my brain. I'm not sure that I could write it as a ballad. Maybe that would need someone else.

Deej, you hit the nail on the head with funny and a little sad. That's what I was going for. I get what you are saying about the intonation. Partly that's because I can't really sing and the only way I can give interest to the vocals is by making it conversational. I aim for the tone of that guy who tells a joke and you enjoy the telling as much as the punchline. I'm not saying I get there, but I have few other arrows in my vocal quiver LOL.

Jane, thank you for listening and your kind words. I'm not sure how to continue working on it though. I have the technical know how to take it about this far. I might be able to squeeze out a few little improvements though.

Thanks again to all who commented. I had some great suggestions on this one, which I really appreciate.


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