JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum WORDWORTH'S BREATH. DEEJ TRAVIS. ( Revised)

A song that came from a visit to Grasmere in Cumbria the home of the late 19th century poet William Wordsworth.
Thanks to Deej,Dave Lekich for all his work on this.
Please have a listen to this NEW REVISED VERSION

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13878194


Wordsworth’s Breath

(V) Mist descended cold and damp through the crisp November air
as I walked over fells, ‘cross the Lakeland hills, the path we two used to share.
Then I gave out a curse as the fog grew worse, she called it Wordsworth’s breath
when we were together, but that was then, for now there’s nothing left.
So I weathered the winds and the sunless sky ’till at last I reached Grasmere,
then walked from afar to good Tweedies bar to binge on a bottomless glass of beer.

(C) God bless you Brew Brothers, I raise this drink to you.
You kept me company when others said she found someone new.
Good health to Brew Brothers, you help me dull the pain,
though I walk and I walk, over bracken, by becks,
and I talk to her just the same.
And sweeter and sweeter a voice in the mist calls me yet,
and I go deeper and deeper into Wordsworth’s breath.

(V) She wrote me saying forgive me, love, for all my wanton ways;
and if I could, she thinks we would be together ’till the end of our days.
And the pull of her words, her script’s stylish curves, gave me pause to think,
then I looked for a bin, threw that letter right in, and called to the bar for another drink.

(C) God bless you Brew Brothers, I raise this drink to you.
Pour me another, for you’ll never be untrue
Good health to Brew Brothers, you help me dull the pain,
though I walk and I walk, over bracken, by becks,
and I talk to her just the same.
And sweeter and sweeter her voice in the mist calls me yet,
and I go deeper and deeper into Wordsworth’s breath.

(B) And perhaps one day it will swallow me and I’ll wander out here endlessly . . .
And perhaps one day it will swallow me and I’ll wander out here endlessly . . .

(C) God bless you Brew Brothers, I raise this drink to you.
Here’s to old lovers, the sweethearts we once knew.
Good health to Brew Brothers, you help me dull the pain,
though I walk and I walk, over bracken, by becks,
and I talk to her just the same.
And sweeter and sweeter her voice in the mist calls me yet,
and I go deeper and deeper into Wordsworth’s breath.

© 2019 J. Vaughan/DJ Lekich

We got a message from Sophie Sweatman of SOURCE RADIO.it's veing played today which is great news.
Travis

Morning, John and Deej:

Airplay on "Source Radio" is always a good thing. I enjoyed my listen and wish you tons of success with this.

----Dave

Some good lines here you two. Maybe a trifle harsh in the musical arrangement for the lyric.

Vic

I think that it's a cool song. It's a "toast to life" song, as I hear it.
Love the words and sentiment, Travis. It's an old theme but you did it well. DJ...you've always been good and get better all the time.

I can easily understand why someone wants to play it on their station.

Good luck and enjoy.

Marty

Hi Dave,
Thanks for the listen and your support once again
Regards
John

Hi Vic
Thanks for your feedback..
Deej did the music and when i heard it i thought of Wuthering Heights. Not the Kate Bush song the book/film.
Wuthering i think is a great Yorkshire word for harsh or inclement weather which conjures up the bleakness of the fells. So i thought Deej captured that.
It's great to get other takes on it though.
I'm sure Deej will respond.
As a musician i'm sure you had something different in your head.
There's always scope for changes!
Cheers Vic
John

Hey Travis, Dave, Deej,

I listened to the song a few days ago, liked the vibe but decided to hold off my comments till I had more time to listen more closely. This time I googled Grasmere and learned a bit about the place and it's luring attraction. I enjoyed the song lyrics much more after digging a bit about Grasmere as it brought the lyrics to life for me. I think its pretty cool how you wove the famous poet into this love story! I liked the performance and folky vibe for sure--good job all!

I'm with Vic a bit, and IMO, think it is the percussion that creates a slight layer of harshness. I'd use a more crude percussion or subtle percussion arrangement with this song with no cymbal crashes--or at least EQ the cymbals to be more hollow and less prominent. However, as you stated to Vic--your same responding comment to him would also apply to me about hearing musically a different production arrangement in my head..........that was a great response John, and IMO demonstrates the real difference sometimes between "critique and suggestion." But this is a good thing, as it does give both lyricists and music composers a different vantage point to assess, compare, experiment, with their music production or verse.

I had one other idea and only for experimentation--I thought it might be cool on the last chorus to have four or five guys singing the first "three" lines of the chorus together giving it a group singing sound with no harmony--just a bunch of guys that have had a few beers! (aka Yellow Submarine ending) But only the three lines, let the lead singer sweetly take the song out. This thought IMO will give the last chorus a subtle different happier resolve to the song.

You've really had some great productions this past year, and its obvious that you work hard at your craft--good luck mate! (still have that other project we discussed that I'm excited about--when I get some time). Sadly for me, I'm lucky to produce three songs a year. This song put me in a great mood before I take off for an all day business trip! (Now I'll have to check out this Woodsworth character a bit more)!

steady-eddie

Hi Ed
Good to hear from you and like Vic 's post great to get suggestions.
I like your take too and again Dave will respond to the technical stuff which i 'm not competent at doing.
As a background Ed, Wordsworth lived and died? in Grasmere,well he's buried there anyhow.
You probably read his poetry at school?
I wondered lonely as a cloud commenced his most famous poem.
Whenever you're ready for that collaboration no rush!
Again thanks for your valuable help,listen and I look forward to reading Dave's posting
In the lyric there's a reference to a bar,restaurant called Tweedies.
I contacted the owner asking was it OK to use it's name and Sent the song .
I got a good response and was asked to come and sing it there lol
With Regards
John

Hi Martin.
Thanks for having a listen and your positive comments which are appreciated.
Regards
Travis

There might be a further version done in a few weeks.
Dave has this in mind.
Travis

Dave, Vicarn, Martin, and Eddie:

Thanks to you all for giving this one a long spin. You’ve been both delicate and supportive in your feedback, and I really appreciate it. This was a bit of a “stretch” project for me—but I liked where Travis’s lyric were going and I tried to embrace a Celtic sound.

There are competing interests in the song that I found challenging . . . First, at a fairly brisk pace it pushes five minutes (my bad, as I added a lot on length to Travis's original lyric to fit the melody I went with). Second, given its length, I thought a solo vocal throughout wouldn’t keep it interesting enough . . . so went with harmonies in the chorus that I struggled with to balance just right.

As for the “harshness,” I understand and appreciate the perspective. And I worked to make it lighter than it is, lowering the volume on the symbols and dialing back the back up vocals to make it lighter and brighter sounding. But, quite honestly, the more I played with the mix, the worse I made it. So I got it to the best place I could and decided the let it go . . . while I wasn’t thrilled with the mix, I thought regardless it was well enough along . . . but it seems not.

Space and time might give me the right perspective to revisit, but at this point I’m too close to do it any good. Time to move on to the next project. I still think it’s deserving of a better take, so when I get the space and time, I am going to give this a hopefully better go.

Eddie, just a shout out on your “experimental” idea . . . that was exactly what I was shooting for. It’s why I went for the harmonies in the chorus . . . because it was my only option. But particularly in that last chorus . . . I wanted it to feel like at that point the whole bar was singing. I just don’t have the production chops to pull that off at this point.

So, in sum, I’ll chalk this one up to a learning experience and come back better next time around.

My best to each of you,

Deej

Hi Dave. Just wondered what it would sound like if you replaced the drums with a simple tambourine/
Maybe worth a try. Or in the style of "I was so much older then" by the Travelling Wilburys.

Vic

Vic,

Could it be that simple? I was thinking there's more to it than that . . . BUT, what the heck . . . I dove back in, subbed out the drum for a tambourine, reset the lead vocal (on which I had gone a little to EQ happy in the prior version), upped the volume of the Celtic guitar just a tad, and here's the result:

Wordsworth Breath--Tambourine Anyone?

Does that make a difference? Still not ideally what I had in my head, and perhaps in need of some more fine tuning, but less harsh I hope.

I'll ask Travis to put the link in the main post above for easier reference.

Thanks a ton for the suggestion, Vic. If nothing else, it's a step in a better direction.

Cheers!

Deej

The new version of the song fully revised by Dave and replacing the initial version posted a few days ago. Please have a listen
Travis

Hi guys,


Very enjoyable all around.
Nice performance, good complex lyrics.
And I really liked the SLIGHT PAUSE right before the chorus.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Calvin,
Thanks for the listen and the thumbs up
Travis